Heyza, my legions of fans! (And anyone who happened to stumble upon this sad excuse for a fanfic while they were half-emerged in the refrigerator looking for leftover coldcuts.) Chapter 7 now. When I first wrote this, back in the day, I just wrote it as this continuous, neverending thing, so forgive me if things don't make sense from segment to segment.
Sailormoon isn't mine. If it was, I'd be really, really, really rich right now and wouldn't waste my time talking to you.
I wuv you! ^.^v NeoVenus22
***
"Diana?"
"Nani?"
"I'm bored."
"Why would that be, Small Lady?"
"Here I am in this boring place, with no one to talk to."
"And what do I look like? Dog food?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
***
"Okay, there are many myths to be solved here," Usagi said. "Who the hell is Chibi Chibi, and why is she so damned annoying?" She looked at Minako.
"What are you looking at me for?" Minako asked. "I'm not psychic."
Usagi looked at Rei.
"What are you looking at me for?" Rei said. "I'm not psy--er, yes I am. I am psychic. Let's see..." She held her index fingers to her temples and made a stupid face. "Ohhmm..." She began to rock her head back and forth, and then started banging it up and down. "I'm picking up something..."
"Looks to me like she's picking up a Lump Buzzcut song," Makoto said, and the others looked at her blankly. "It's an American band..." she explained. "I was trying to be funny."
"Trying is right," Ami remarked.
"Uh...I think it's Limp Bizkit, not Lump Buzzcut, anyway," Minako said.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Whatever," Makoto said. "They're both stupid names, so I don't care."
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Ohhmm..." Rei said, still rocking. She stopped suddenly and looked up. She seemed dizzy. "What the hell was I meditating for, anyway?"
"You mean you don't know?" Makoto said.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Totally slipped my mind," Rei admitted. "I got to thinking about...whatever it was, and then...I just kinda faded out... Why the hell is the author using so many ellipses? They make me dizzy."
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"You were trying to find out the answer to Usagi's question about Chibi Chibi," Ami said.
"I think there were two," Minako offered.
"Yeah, 'who the hell is she' and 'why is she so damned annoying', those were the questions," Makoto said.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Well, I can only answer one," Rei said. "I'm tired and I'm not getting paid. So, what's it gonna be?"
"Who the hell is she," Ami said.
"No, the why is she so damned annoying," Minako argued.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Mako-chan, tiebreaker?" Rei said, holding her head in one hand. She had a migraine from all the yelling and stuff.
"Definitely the annoying thing. She's so...pink and...sugary. It kinda pisses me off, ya know?"
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"All too well," Rei agreed.
"But, Mako-chan...I thought pink was one of your favorite colors!" Minako said. "And I thought that you liked sugary stuff!"
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Dude, you have got to stop going to Sailor Moon sites on the Web. Those things aren't all right, got it? I mean, seriously. You don't play that much volleyball, and when was the last time out of Sailor V and maybe a few instances in the manga that you came across the police?"
"Good point," Minako said.
"Okay," Rei said. "The annoying question it is. Ohhmm..."
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked. "Why am I so damned hungry?"
***
Timothy --er, that is...Duhite-- was in his lair, concocting potions and crap. Well, 'lair' is a bit strong a word. 'Cubicle', perhaps. Yeah, that oughta do it. Anyway, he was mixing together some celebrity DNA to create more evil youmas to destroy the Power Rangers. Wait a minute, that's another series entirely. Well...we could have them make a guest appearance, but...not for a while. 'Kay? Good. Where were we, then? Oh, Duhite mixing celebrity DNA to create youmas to destroy the Sailor Senshi. Let's look in, shall we?
"Dude, I need someone strong and someone...someone smart," Duhite muttered. "Arnold Schwarzenegger and Einstein? No, he's dead. Um, Bill Clinton? No, not scary enough. How about..." he snapped his fingers. "Got it! Ross Perot. They'll never see that one coming!" Duhite laughed devilishly (since he was only a rookie and can't do evil laughter yet, the loser). "Mwah ha ha. It's brilliant. Ah-nold and Mr. Perot. How evil."
***
Another pointless meeting at Hikawa Jinja. Arguing, and lots of it. In attendance were Haruka, Michiru, Usagi, Rei (no duh), Ami, Minako, Makoto, Hotaru, and a sleepy Setsuna. Chibi-Usa and her cat were still stuck in dump-land. Luna and Artemis were whooping it up in Usagi's bedroom, as she was not there.
"Chibi!"
Oh, yeah. Chibi Chibi was there too. Go figure.
"Look, this kid has got to go," Usagi said. "I'll even take Chibi-Usa in her place. Can we make an exchange? Setsuna-sama?"
"Hey, I'm not in charge here," Setsuna groaned from Rei's couch. "Stop yelling. Chibi Chibi ain't going anywhere, and neither am I," she warbled.
"These hangovers get worse every time," Haruka remarked.
"Bite me, Haruka," Setsuna retorted from under a pillow.
"Ooh, I'm shaking. I'm so scared!" Haruka taunted.
"I'm warning you..." Setsuna said. "If I wasn't so goddamn hungover..."
"Yeah? Come and get me! We'll see who's a better senshi!"
"My bets are on Haruka-san," Minako said.
"Hey, I think that Setsuna-san is going to transform and wallop Haruka's booty into dust," Makoto said.
Minako giggled. "You said booty!"
Rei took off her hat and started collecting bets.
"This is not happening," Ami groaned, shaking her head.
"Ahem," Luna said. "I thought we were discussing the new youmas...?"
"Where'd you come from?" Minako asked.
"My ass," Rei said. "Hey, Setsuna-san," she added in a stage whisper. "Can you do me a favor and bomb in the fourth round?"
"New youmas?" Luna tried again.
"What about them?" Ami said, not paying attention.
"We were discussing them."
"Were we?" Usagi asked.
"Nope," Michiru said, buffing her nails.
"Come on!" Haruka yelled. "Bring it on! Come on, Setsuna!"
"Don't make me get all time warp-y on your ass," Setsuna snapped from under the pillow. Irritated, she threw it off and got up. There were HUGE bags under her eyes.
"Did you hear that?"
"Nani?" the senshi chorused.
"Du-uh," Setsuna drawled. "The scream."
"Uh, iie," Usagi said with a sweatdrop.
"Is it cause for alarm?" Rei asked.
"It's possible," Luna said sarcastically.
"When did she show up?" Hotaru asked, coming out of her trance.
"Like we know," Minako said.
"Minna!" Artemis commanded in that fearless-leader cat voice of his. (I'm sorry, is my sarcasm showing?)
"Henshin yo!" Luna finished, since she gets all the good lines.
"When did he show up?" Hotaru complained.
"I've been here longer than Luna," Artemis said.
"Ara. I didn't notice," Hotaru said, dismissing it.
"Sigh. No one ever notices me," Artemis whined.
"I said, henshin yo!" Luna yelled.
"What'll you do if we don't?" Haruka asked.
"Fury Swipes!" an unfamiliar voice broke in. A small cat jumped into the scene.
"Who are you?" Michiru asked.
"Me-owth!" Meowth said, and brandished a set of claws, as did Artemis and Luna. Haruka backed away.
"Got it. Minna, henshin yo! Uranus Planet Power, make UP!"
"Neptune Planet Power, make UP!"
"Hold on here, people," Rei said. "Let's just cut to the next segment, okay? We've already wasted plenty of time talking here."
***FIN***
Sailormoon isn't mine. If it was, I'd be really, really, really rich right now and wouldn't waste my time talking to you.
I wuv you! ^.^v NeoVenus22
***
"Diana?"
"Nani?"
"I'm bored."
"Why would that be, Small Lady?"
"Here I am in this boring place, with no one to talk to."
"And what do I look like? Dog food?"
"Do you really want me to answer that?"
***
"Okay, there are many myths to be solved here," Usagi said. "Who the hell is Chibi Chibi, and why is she so damned annoying?" She looked at Minako.
"What are you looking at me for?" Minako asked. "I'm not psychic."
Usagi looked at Rei.
"What are you looking at me for?" Rei said. "I'm not psy--er, yes I am. I am psychic. Let's see..." She held her index fingers to her temples and made a stupid face. "Ohhmm..." She began to rock her head back and forth, and then started banging it up and down. "I'm picking up something..."
"Looks to me like she's picking up a Lump Buzzcut song," Makoto said, and the others looked at her blankly. "It's an American band..." she explained. "I was trying to be funny."
"Trying is right," Ami remarked.
"Uh...I think it's Limp Bizkit, not Lump Buzzcut, anyway," Minako said.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Whatever," Makoto said. "They're both stupid names, so I don't care."
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Ohhmm..." Rei said, still rocking. She stopped suddenly and looked up. She seemed dizzy. "What the hell was I meditating for, anyway?"
"You mean you don't know?" Makoto said.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Totally slipped my mind," Rei admitted. "I got to thinking about...whatever it was, and then...I just kinda faded out... Why the hell is the author using so many ellipses? They make me dizzy."
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"You were trying to find out the answer to Usagi's question about Chibi Chibi," Ami said.
"I think there were two," Minako offered.
"Yeah, 'who the hell is she' and 'why is she so damned annoying', those were the questions," Makoto said.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Well, I can only answer one," Rei said. "I'm tired and I'm not getting paid. So, what's it gonna be?"
"Who the hell is she," Ami said.
"No, the why is she so damned annoying," Minako argued.
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Mako-chan, tiebreaker?" Rei said, holding her head in one hand. She had a migraine from all the yelling and stuff.
"Definitely the annoying thing. She's so...pink and...sugary. It kinda pisses me off, ya know?"
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"All too well," Rei agreed.
"But, Mako-chan...I thought pink was one of your favorite colors!" Minako said. "And I thought that you liked sugary stuff!"
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked.
"Dude, you have got to stop going to Sailor Moon sites on the Web. Those things aren't all right, got it? I mean, seriously. You don't play that much volleyball, and when was the last time out of Sailor V and maybe a few instances in the manga that you came across the police?"
"Good point," Minako said.
"Okay," Rei said. "The annoying question it is. Ohhmm..."
"Biscuit?" Usagi asked. "Why am I so damned hungry?"
***
Timothy --er, that is...Duhite-- was in his lair, concocting potions and crap. Well, 'lair' is a bit strong a word. 'Cubicle', perhaps. Yeah, that oughta do it. Anyway, he was mixing together some celebrity DNA to create more evil youmas to destroy the Power Rangers. Wait a minute, that's another series entirely. Well...we could have them make a guest appearance, but...not for a while. 'Kay? Good. Where were we, then? Oh, Duhite mixing celebrity DNA to create youmas to destroy the Sailor Senshi. Let's look in, shall we?
"Dude, I need someone strong and someone...someone smart," Duhite muttered. "Arnold Schwarzenegger and Einstein? No, he's dead. Um, Bill Clinton? No, not scary enough. How about..." he snapped his fingers. "Got it! Ross Perot. They'll never see that one coming!" Duhite laughed devilishly (since he was only a rookie and can't do evil laughter yet, the loser). "Mwah ha ha. It's brilliant. Ah-nold and Mr. Perot. How evil."
***
Another pointless meeting at Hikawa Jinja. Arguing, and lots of it. In attendance were Haruka, Michiru, Usagi, Rei (no duh), Ami, Minako, Makoto, Hotaru, and a sleepy Setsuna. Chibi-Usa and her cat were still stuck in dump-land. Luna and Artemis were whooping it up in Usagi's bedroom, as she was not there.
"Chibi!"
Oh, yeah. Chibi Chibi was there too. Go figure.
"Look, this kid has got to go," Usagi said. "I'll even take Chibi-Usa in her place. Can we make an exchange? Setsuna-sama?"
"Hey, I'm not in charge here," Setsuna groaned from Rei's couch. "Stop yelling. Chibi Chibi ain't going anywhere, and neither am I," she warbled.
"These hangovers get worse every time," Haruka remarked.
"Bite me, Haruka," Setsuna retorted from under a pillow.
"Ooh, I'm shaking. I'm so scared!" Haruka taunted.
"I'm warning you..." Setsuna said. "If I wasn't so goddamn hungover..."
"Yeah? Come and get me! We'll see who's a better senshi!"
"My bets are on Haruka-san," Minako said.
"Hey, I think that Setsuna-san is going to transform and wallop Haruka's booty into dust," Makoto said.
Minako giggled. "You said booty!"
Rei took off her hat and started collecting bets.
"This is not happening," Ami groaned, shaking her head.
"Ahem," Luna said. "I thought we were discussing the new youmas...?"
"Where'd you come from?" Minako asked.
"My ass," Rei said. "Hey, Setsuna-san," she added in a stage whisper. "Can you do me a favor and bomb in the fourth round?"
"New youmas?" Luna tried again.
"What about them?" Ami said, not paying attention.
"We were discussing them."
"Were we?" Usagi asked.
"Nope," Michiru said, buffing her nails.
"Come on!" Haruka yelled. "Bring it on! Come on, Setsuna!"
"Don't make me get all time warp-y on your ass," Setsuna snapped from under the pillow. Irritated, she threw it off and got up. There were HUGE bags under her eyes.
"Did you hear that?"
"Nani?" the senshi chorused.
"Du-uh," Setsuna drawled. "The scream."
"Uh, iie," Usagi said with a sweatdrop.
"Is it cause for alarm?" Rei asked.
"It's possible," Luna said sarcastically.
"When did she show up?" Hotaru asked, coming out of her trance.
"Like we know," Minako said.
"Minna!" Artemis commanded in that fearless-leader cat voice of his. (I'm sorry, is my sarcasm showing?)
"Henshin yo!" Luna finished, since she gets all the good lines.
"When did he show up?" Hotaru complained.
"I've been here longer than Luna," Artemis said.
"Ara. I didn't notice," Hotaru said, dismissing it.
"Sigh. No one ever notices me," Artemis whined.
"I said, henshin yo!" Luna yelled.
"What'll you do if we don't?" Haruka asked.
"Fury Swipes!" an unfamiliar voice broke in. A small cat jumped into the scene.
"Who are you?" Michiru asked.
"Me-owth!" Meowth said, and brandished a set of claws, as did Artemis and Luna. Haruka backed away.
"Got it. Minna, henshin yo! Uranus Planet Power, make UP!"
"Neptune Planet Power, make UP!"
"Hold on here, people," Rei said. "Let's just cut to the next segment, okay? We've already wasted plenty of time talking here."
***FIN***