I'm back! Okay, well, I wasn't really gone. But that's the way you like it, right?
Anyway, I'd like to accept this on behalf of the Academy...I'd like to thank all of my (five) fans, and that one chick at my friend's pool party two years ago who told me I looked like Cindy Crawford, when I don't. But thanks, I think. I'd also like to thank that guy at the bookstore in the mall who hits on me everytime I buy something...yeah, he's like in his thirties, but still, it's appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon. I don't own any of Tenchi. I don't own Arnold Schwarzenegger or Ross Perot. Not that I want to.
I also don't own Richard Simmons, Steven Tyler, Ricky Martin, or Britney Spears. You have no idea how much pride I have in saying that.
Any of the characters I don't own are being used for my own wacky exploits, and the original plan was to return them in good condition, but I was thinking that maybe Richard Simmons could be my new maid. And according to my friend Andrew, Ricky Martin is the deadliest man in America (or wherever he comes from). So I might keep those two for myself. But you never heard it from me.
Please R/R! You've been so good to me so far, and I don't deserve it.
I wuv you! ^.^v NeoVenus22 [NeoVenus22@yahoo.com]
***
The next segment. The toughest foe yet. The strength of Ah-nold Schwarzenegger combined with the brain of Ross Perot. "Ooh..." Sailor Venus said. "Muscles."
"Ripply..." Jupiter said, drooling on the front of her fuku.
"I'm Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
"Sailor Star Maker!"
"Stage on!"
"What the hell does that mean?" Ah-nold Perot asked.
"We don't know," Star Fighter admitted. "But it sounds cool, doesn't it?"
"No," Ah-nold, Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Venus, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Mars, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Saturn, Sailor Neptune, and Sailor Pluto chorused.
"Chibi," Chibi Chibi said.
"Shut UP!" Sailor Moon yelled, covering her ears with her hands. "Someone make her stop!"
"Why do that when we can make speeches instead?" Mercury suggested logically. To be honest, she didn't really know how to dispose of the little Chib-ster. Too bad, huh?
"Yea!" the senshi cheered, jumping for joy. "Speeches!"
"I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice, with really cool hair! I bet you want the number of my stylist, don't you? Well, you're not getting it!"
"I am Sailor Mercury! I read books and do math problems. For fun! I will bore you to moondust!"
"I'm Sailor Mars! I go to Catholic school, and I'm Shinto! My grandfather is a pervert! That was a bunch of information you didn't need! And I'm NOT a pyro!"
"I'm Sailor Venus! I have unnaturally large breasts for your average high-schooler, and you're sort of hot!"
"I'm Sailor Jupiter! You look like Sempai! I wish!"
"I fight for love! And I fight for justice! I am SAILOR URANUS! In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!" Uranus shouted, striking the standard Sailor Moon pose thingy.
"Um, no?" Sailor Moon said. "Those are so totally my lines, Uranus, and you know it."
"You are just so high school," Uranus said.
"You are just so DiC Sailor Moon," Sailor Moon said.
"Moving on," Neptune said. "I am Sailor Neptune, senshi of the seven seas! Arrgh, mateys! I'm going to make ye walk the plank, ye landlubber!"
"I am Sailor Pluto, hammered senshi of space, time, and 27 different drinks involving vodka!" She took a quick swig of something alcoholic. "Iw wiw puish oo ii the nae uh Pu-wo!" she slurred.
"Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi, chibi chibi? Chibi chibi! Chibi, chibi chibi, chibi chibi chibi chibi. Chibi chibi chibi!" Chibi Chibi said. Have you ever hated the word chibi so much before?
"SHUT UP!!" Sailor Moon yelled at the top of her lungs, knocking everyone over with the sound waves.
"My ears!" Ah-nold wailed, holding his big ears.
"You are such a loser, Odango Atama," Uranus said.
"You are so gay, Uranus," Sailor Moon snapped.
"Yeah, well, my boobs are bigger!"
"I don't think so! I had the biggest boobs a fourteen-year-old's ever possessed at the beginning of the series!"
"Oh, yeah?" Uranus challenged. "Bring it on!"
"Hai, bring it on!" Ah-nold said, his eyes popping out of his head. Sailor Uranus and Sailor Moon sweatdropped. "Hmm...forgot we had an audience," Sailor Moon said. "We'll continue this later."
"Well, probably not," Uranus pointed out.
"True," Sailor Moon agreed. "This is a useless conver-sation used only as a detour for the author in the hopes that no one will realize she forgot how to write battle scenes."
"I HAVE FORGOTTEN NOTHING!" the author thundered. "I believe more in useless dialogue! Who do you think writes all of your speeches?"
"Oh, no wonder they suck," Mars commented.
The author, too pissed off to realize she was probably breaking cardinal fanfic writer rules, killed off the senshi of fire on the spot. And lemme tell ya, it felt good.
"Hold it!" Evil Mastermind Guy (remember him?) yelled. "You can't kill off the senshi! I don't care if you're the author! I'm the only one who can do that!"
Many Mars fans sent angry flames. (Tee hee. Flames. Get it?)
"Okay, okay," the author said with a sigh. "Geez, ya kill one freakin' Sailor Senshi and suddenly everyone's on your ass. What's with these people? The villians kill them off in long, drawn-out, painful deaths, and does anyone really care? No! And besides, it's not like there aren't a million more senshi anyway! All those Mars fans can just love...I dunno, Galaxia or whatever!"
More flames.
"Dammit! Fine! I'll bring back your stupid little bitch pyro senshi, okay? Just get outta my face!" And with a non-existant poof!, Sailor Mars was back.
"Jeez, what was that?" Neptune said.
"Must be that time of month," Uranus whispered.
"Remind me not to piss her off," Jupiter added.
"I'M NOT A PYRO!" Mars screamed.
"Um, could we get back to the battle?" Luna pleaded. "Please? Senshi? Author-sama? Anyone? I can't defeat him by myself, you know..."
Fade to blackness. Ya know why? 'Cause I feel like it! I'm the author, I can do whatever I want! I'm the narrator, so called because I do the narrative of the story! I advance the plot! Surf's up, space ponies! I'm making gravy without the lumps!
***
The next day, or some random time in the nearby future. Maybe next week. Whatever. Battle was over, senshi won. Ah-nold Perot was defeated, and Duhite went to his room to cry. He really like the big-eared terminator. (Who didn't? He should have had better lines. Well, he should have had some lines.)
"I'm sorry, Mom!" Duhite wailed, burying his pimply face in his hands. "I guess I'm just not cut out for this evil super-villian thing after all. I tried Mom, really I did!"
***
"Dang, Duhite failed again," Evil Mastermind Guy said.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Washu said.
EMG facevaulted. "Tenchi's Washu?"
"Something like that."
"What are you doing here?"
"Plugging Tenchi, of course!" She ran up to the edge of the reader's computer and shook the screen a few times. "Watch my show!!!" And she was gone.
"Oh, I hate shameless plugs," EMG said.
***
After a brief conversation between the author and Evil Mastermind Guy, and a quick check of the Evil Dude Villian Guy Bylaws, it was decided that Duhite would get one last chance, his final battle with the senshi. He would either get defeated or have Evil Mastermind guy kill him. Hmm. Tough choice.
Duhite, the little loser, cried when he heard this. He didn't want to die. So, in an attempt to be out of character, Evil Mastermind Guy said that if Duhite lost but the senshi didn't kill him, he could return to his job and Burger Bob's. Personally, I would rather face death.
"Sailor senshi," he called out into his really large microphone thingy, which not only projected his voice but his blemished image over the cities of Minato-ku and Tokyo. "I throw to you a challenge: a final battle between you and I. Winner takes all."
"Takes all what?" Usagi asked.
"Good question. And how are you talking to me? So many unanswered questions, so little time. Anyway, meet me in the park at midnight so we can battle...to the death. Mwa ha ha ha ha!"
"That's a stupid little laugh," Haruka pointed out.
"Shut up!" Duhite wailed.
***FIN***
Anyway, I'd like to accept this on behalf of the Academy...I'd like to thank all of my (five) fans, and that one chick at my friend's pool party two years ago who told me I looked like Cindy Crawford, when I don't. But thanks, I think. I'd also like to thank that guy at the bookstore in the mall who hits on me everytime I buy something...yeah, he's like in his thirties, but still, it's appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailormoon. I don't own any of Tenchi. I don't own Arnold Schwarzenegger or Ross Perot. Not that I want to.
I also don't own Richard Simmons, Steven Tyler, Ricky Martin, or Britney Spears. You have no idea how much pride I have in saying that.
Any of the characters I don't own are being used for my own wacky exploits, and the original plan was to return them in good condition, but I was thinking that maybe Richard Simmons could be my new maid. And according to my friend Andrew, Ricky Martin is the deadliest man in America (or wherever he comes from). So I might keep those two for myself. But you never heard it from me.
Please R/R! You've been so good to me so far, and I don't deserve it.
I wuv you! ^.^v NeoVenus22 [NeoVenus22@yahoo.com]
***
The next segment. The toughest foe yet. The strength of Ah-nold Schwarzenegger combined with the brain of Ross Perot. "Ooh..." Sailor Venus said. "Muscles."
"Ripply..." Jupiter said, drooling on the front of her fuku.
"I'm Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
"Sailor Star Maker!"
"Stage on!"
"What the hell does that mean?" Ah-nold Perot asked.
"We don't know," Star Fighter admitted. "But it sounds cool, doesn't it?"
"No," Ah-nold, Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Venus, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Mars, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Saturn, Sailor Neptune, and Sailor Pluto chorused.
"Chibi," Chibi Chibi said.
"Shut UP!" Sailor Moon yelled, covering her ears with her hands. "Someone make her stop!"
"Why do that when we can make speeches instead?" Mercury suggested logically. To be honest, she didn't really know how to dispose of the little Chib-ster. Too bad, huh?
"Yea!" the senshi cheered, jumping for joy. "Speeches!"
"I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice, with really cool hair! I bet you want the number of my stylist, don't you? Well, you're not getting it!"
"I am Sailor Mercury! I read books and do math problems. For fun! I will bore you to moondust!"
"I'm Sailor Mars! I go to Catholic school, and I'm Shinto! My grandfather is a pervert! That was a bunch of information you didn't need! And I'm NOT a pyro!"
"I'm Sailor Venus! I have unnaturally large breasts for your average high-schooler, and you're sort of hot!"
"I'm Sailor Jupiter! You look like Sempai! I wish!"
"I fight for love! And I fight for justice! I am SAILOR URANUS! In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!" Uranus shouted, striking the standard Sailor Moon pose thingy.
"Um, no?" Sailor Moon said. "Those are so totally my lines, Uranus, and you know it."
"You are just so high school," Uranus said.
"You are just so DiC Sailor Moon," Sailor Moon said.
"Moving on," Neptune said. "I am Sailor Neptune, senshi of the seven seas! Arrgh, mateys! I'm going to make ye walk the plank, ye landlubber!"
"I am Sailor Pluto, hammered senshi of space, time, and 27 different drinks involving vodka!" She took a quick swig of something alcoholic. "Iw wiw puish oo ii the nae uh Pu-wo!" she slurred.
"Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi, chibi chibi? Chibi chibi! Chibi, chibi chibi, chibi chibi chibi chibi. Chibi chibi chibi!" Chibi Chibi said. Have you ever hated the word chibi so much before?
"SHUT UP!!" Sailor Moon yelled at the top of her lungs, knocking everyone over with the sound waves.
"My ears!" Ah-nold wailed, holding his big ears.
"You are such a loser, Odango Atama," Uranus said.
"You are so gay, Uranus," Sailor Moon snapped.
"Yeah, well, my boobs are bigger!"
"I don't think so! I had the biggest boobs a fourteen-year-old's ever possessed at the beginning of the series!"
"Oh, yeah?" Uranus challenged. "Bring it on!"
"Hai, bring it on!" Ah-nold said, his eyes popping out of his head. Sailor Uranus and Sailor Moon sweatdropped. "Hmm...forgot we had an audience," Sailor Moon said. "We'll continue this later."
"Well, probably not," Uranus pointed out.
"True," Sailor Moon agreed. "This is a useless conver-sation used only as a detour for the author in the hopes that no one will realize she forgot how to write battle scenes."
"I HAVE FORGOTTEN NOTHING!" the author thundered. "I believe more in useless dialogue! Who do you think writes all of your speeches?"
"Oh, no wonder they suck," Mars commented.
The author, too pissed off to realize she was probably breaking cardinal fanfic writer rules, killed off the senshi of fire on the spot. And lemme tell ya, it felt good.
"Hold it!" Evil Mastermind Guy (remember him?) yelled. "You can't kill off the senshi! I don't care if you're the author! I'm the only one who can do that!"
Many Mars fans sent angry flames. (Tee hee. Flames. Get it?)
"Okay, okay," the author said with a sigh. "Geez, ya kill one freakin' Sailor Senshi and suddenly everyone's on your ass. What's with these people? The villians kill them off in long, drawn-out, painful deaths, and does anyone really care? No! And besides, it's not like there aren't a million more senshi anyway! All those Mars fans can just love...I dunno, Galaxia or whatever!"
More flames.
"Dammit! Fine! I'll bring back your stupid little bitch pyro senshi, okay? Just get outta my face!" And with a non-existant poof!, Sailor Mars was back.
"Jeez, what was that?" Neptune said.
"Must be that time of month," Uranus whispered.
"Remind me not to piss her off," Jupiter added.
"I'M NOT A PYRO!" Mars screamed.
"Um, could we get back to the battle?" Luna pleaded. "Please? Senshi? Author-sama? Anyone? I can't defeat him by myself, you know..."
Fade to blackness. Ya know why? 'Cause I feel like it! I'm the author, I can do whatever I want! I'm the narrator, so called because I do the narrative of the story! I advance the plot! Surf's up, space ponies! I'm making gravy without the lumps!
***
The next day, or some random time in the nearby future. Maybe next week. Whatever. Battle was over, senshi won. Ah-nold Perot was defeated, and Duhite went to his room to cry. He really like the big-eared terminator. (Who didn't? He should have had better lines. Well, he should have had some lines.)
"I'm sorry, Mom!" Duhite wailed, burying his pimply face in his hands. "I guess I'm just not cut out for this evil super-villian thing after all. I tried Mom, really I did!"
***
"Dang, Duhite failed again," Evil Mastermind Guy said.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Washu said.
EMG facevaulted. "Tenchi's Washu?"
"Something like that."
"What are you doing here?"
"Plugging Tenchi, of course!" She ran up to the edge of the reader's computer and shook the screen a few times. "Watch my show!!!" And she was gone.
"Oh, I hate shameless plugs," EMG said.
***
After a brief conversation between the author and Evil Mastermind Guy, and a quick check of the Evil Dude Villian Guy Bylaws, it was decided that Duhite would get one last chance, his final battle with the senshi. He would either get defeated or have Evil Mastermind guy kill him. Hmm. Tough choice.
Duhite, the little loser, cried when he heard this. He didn't want to die. So, in an attempt to be out of character, Evil Mastermind Guy said that if Duhite lost but the senshi didn't kill him, he could return to his job and Burger Bob's. Personally, I would rather face death.
"Sailor senshi," he called out into his really large microphone thingy, which not only projected his voice but his blemished image over the cities of Minato-ku and Tokyo. "I throw to you a challenge: a final battle between you and I. Winner takes all."
"Takes all what?" Usagi asked.
"Good question. And how are you talking to me? So many unanswered questions, so little time. Anyway, meet me in the park at midnight so we can battle...to the death. Mwa ha ha ha ha!"
"That's a stupid little laugh," Haruka pointed out.
"Shut up!" Duhite wailed.
***FIN***