More fic. Disclaimer: Sailormoon isn't mine. I'm not a bigwig. Well, I am, but not one of the ones that owns Sailormoon. Don't sue. ~NV22~
***
"Hey, dude!"
Evil Mastermind Guy was in his kitchen, making himself a peanut butter sandwich. He looked up to see ten Sailor Senshi, three cats, and one little pink-like girl standing in the doorway to his throne room, looking fierce and a bit jet lagged.
"We're going to chew you up and spit you out!" Mars threatened.
"Tear you to shreds!" Uranus added.
"Pummel you into a pancake!" Jupiter yelled.
Evil Mastermind Guy looked down. He was still wearing his robe. "Can you give me five minutes to get dressed?"
"Sure," Venus volunteered.
"Great," EMG said, pushing past them. "Make yourselves comfortable. Would you like a drink?"
"No thanks," they chorused, plunking down on the various overstuffed couches decorating the room. Uranus and Neptune started making out on a love seat. Pluto settled herself on the throne. "Hmm, this feels pretty good."
"Okay, I'm back," EMG said, appearing in the doorway, wearing a battle-ready outfit type thingy. "Let's get started, shall we?"
"Sounds good," Sailor Moon said. The senshi got up.
"Moon...Spiral..."
"Wait a sec," Evil Mastermind Guy said, holding up a hand. "Wrong season. Wrong attack."
Sailor Moon giggled inanely. "Whoops, guess you're right! Starlight...Honeymoon...Therapy..."
"Wait a sec," Evil Mastermind Guy said (again), holding up a hand (again). "Speeches, remember?" (Can ya tell he's not really in the mood for a battle?)
"Oops!" she giggled. "Sorry. Ahem. I'm Sailor Moon, champion of love, justice, and junk food. Dumplings and rice balls and warm chocolate fishies...these are a few of my favorite things..." she warbled.
"I'm Sailor Mercury, bubbly by powers, but not by nature. I will make you lose your way in my irritating fog!"
"I'm Sailor Mars. I can see the future, but I bet you can't. You don't have a sexy female body like mine. So there. Nyah."
"Sailor Jupiter's the name, and electrocuting ego-boosted losers like you is my game. I shall make you see the error of your ways, playing footsie under the table of evil."
"Wha?" Evil Mastermind Guy said.
"Nani?" Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Venus, Sailor Pluto, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Saturn, Sailor Neptune, Sailor Chibi Moon, Luna, Artemis, and Diana chorused.
"Nani?" Sailor Star Fighter, Sailor Star Maker, and Sailor Star Healer, who had just shown up, said.
"Chibi?" said Chibi Chibi.
"Never mind," Jupiter said. "I should stop watching The Tick."
"Gaa! Shameless plug!" (I don't really need to tell you who said that, do I?)
"I am Sailor Venus, blond and damn proud of it! These roots are real, dammit!"
"I'm Sailor Saturn. I am short, with the power to create and destroy universes at will. You might want to be afraid of me. Just maybe."
"I am Sailor Uranus! I think. Oi! The yelling, and the talking, and the...hey, nice lady! Voimen..."
"What have they done to my beloved Haruka?" Sailor Neptune demanded. "Taking her masculine lesbian-ness and turning her into Jerry Lewis...those bastards! I bet they're French." She gathered Sailor Neptune into her arms and carried her away. She paused at the doorway and turned around, smashing Uranus's head and feet into the wall at the same time. "Damn! Oh, by the way, I'm Sailor Neptune, and I use water and stuff." She turned around again, hitting Uranus's head against the doorframe once more. "Oi!" Uranus cried. "Voimen."
"Damn!" came Michiru's voice from halfway down the hall.
The senshi, cats, Chibi Chibi, and Evil Mastermind Guy turned to each other with bemused looks. "Whatever," EMG shrugged. "Let's get on with it."
"Where were we?" Sailor Moon asked.
"The little short girl," Evil Mastermind Guy replied, pointing to Sailor Saturn. She shook her head.
"I went early, remember?"
"It's my turn!" Sailor Chibi Moon piped up. The inner senshi rolled their eyes, bored and disgusted with the whole sweet-enough-to-give-you-tooth-decay act. "I'm Sailor Chibi Moon, the senshi of all that is pink and sugary! Whee!"
"Born under the guidance of the distant planet Pluto, I am the senshi of revolution, Sailor Pluto!"
"Sorry, Setsuna-san," Mars said, shaking her head. "That's too normal to be a speech. When did you lay off the booze?"
Sailor Pluto scowled. "Ever since Haruka-chan and Michiru-chan ushered me off to rehab, the bastards. Ahem." She struck a pose. "I am Sailor Pluto, still the world's foremost authority on martinis! I will punish you in the name of all cocktails and drinks with those little umbrella thingies in them!"
"Better!" Mars said with a nod.
"Thank you."
"Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
"And Sailor Star Maker!"
"Stage on!"
"Not you guys again," Evil Mastermind Guy sighed.
"What's wrong with us?" Star Fighter demanded.
"Nothing really. You just irritate me, that's all."
"Oh."
"Chibi chibi chibi chibi! Chibi, chibi chibi chibi, chibi chibi, chibi chibi, chibi chibi. Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi! Chibi chibi chibi, tsuki ni kawatte! Chibi chibi chibi, oshioki yo!"
"Why is she here?" Sailor Moon said, walking around. "Huh? We don't need her! She doesn't advance the plot!"
"We don't have a plot!" Mercury whispered.
"We never did," Mars added.
"Just get rid of her, okay?" Sailor Moon asked.
"Fire Soul," Mars said halfheartedly, and Chibi Chibi was destroyed.
"We should celebrate," Sailor Moon said, and everyone agreed, even the author. Since the segment was going on too long to begin with, she cut to the party.
***
Hot dance party music stuff was playing, and the senshi, EMG, the Starlights, and the cats were grooving. Sailor Moon got up in the DJ booth and took over, spinning the records with surprising skill. "Got two turntables and a microphone!" she yelled, turning up the volume.
Sailor Mars got up on a table. "Say ho!"
"Say ho!" the partygoers repeated obediantly.
"Say ho ho!" she shouted.
"Say ho ho!" they chorused.
"Say ho ho ho!"
"Say ho!"
The beat changed and they got back to grooving. Sailor Mars frowned. "That was only one ho."
"Who you callin' a ho?" Jupiter demanded, and a chase ensued. Sailor Mercury got in the middle of the throng and started rapping. "Kick it, Moon Mama!" she cried, and Sailor Moon did that funny eh-eh thing with the records.
"Mosh pit!" Evil Mastermind Guy yelled, and they started thrashing around. Sailor Star Fighter snuck up to the DJ booth and tried to hit on Sailor Moon, but she screamed at this sudden show of creepiness and started running after Sailor Jupiter, screaming like a banshee and waving her arms. Jupiter got way freaked and started running too. Jupiter was chasing Mars. Sailor Moon was 'chasing' Jupiter. Star Fighter was chasing Moon. And Sailor Star Healer and Sailor Star Maker were chasing Sailor Star Fighter, trying to hold her back. Saturn, Mercury, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Venus, Chibi Moon, Pluto, Luna, Artemis, Diana, and Evil Mastermind Guy watched with mild interest.
"Let's go, homie-Gs!" Mercury yelled.
"Conga line!" Venus yelled, and immediately Jupiter latched to Mars, Moon to Jupiter, Star Fighter to Moon, Star Maker to Star Fighter, Star Maker to Star Healer, Venus (quite jubilantly) to Star Maker, Mercury to Venus, Saturn to Mercury, Chibi Moon to Saturn, Pluto to Chibi Moon, Neptune to Pluto, Uranus to Neptune, and Evil Mastermind Guy to Neptune (not that you really cared about any of that). Luna jumped onto Sailor Moon's shoulder and Diana onto Chibi Moon's shoulder. Artemis jumped onto Venus's head (it was big and full of air; he thought it would make a good pillow), but she was gyrating so much that he was flung to the other end of the room. No one noticed his absence, least of all Minako.
"Do a little dance," Minako sang, since the author liked funky disco music. "Make a little love. Get down tonight. Get down tonight."
Hmm...not very interesting anymore, is it? Wasn't there a battle supposed to be going on or something...
***FIN***
***
"Hey, dude!"
Evil Mastermind Guy was in his kitchen, making himself a peanut butter sandwich. He looked up to see ten Sailor Senshi, three cats, and one little pink-like girl standing in the doorway to his throne room, looking fierce and a bit jet lagged.
"We're going to chew you up and spit you out!" Mars threatened.
"Tear you to shreds!" Uranus added.
"Pummel you into a pancake!" Jupiter yelled.
Evil Mastermind Guy looked down. He was still wearing his robe. "Can you give me five minutes to get dressed?"
"Sure," Venus volunteered.
"Great," EMG said, pushing past them. "Make yourselves comfortable. Would you like a drink?"
"No thanks," they chorused, plunking down on the various overstuffed couches decorating the room. Uranus and Neptune started making out on a love seat. Pluto settled herself on the throne. "Hmm, this feels pretty good."
"Okay, I'm back," EMG said, appearing in the doorway, wearing a battle-ready outfit type thingy. "Let's get started, shall we?"
"Sounds good," Sailor Moon said. The senshi got up.
"Moon...Spiral..."
"Wait a sec," Evil Mastermind Guy said, holding up a hand. "Wrong season. Wrong attack."
Sailor Moon giggled inanely. "Whoops, guess you're right! Starlight...Honeymoon...Therapy..."
"Wait a sec," Evil Mastermind Guy said (again), holding up a hand (again). "Speeches, remember?" (Can ya tell he's not really in the mood for a battle?)
"Oops!" she giggled. "Sorry. Ahem. I'm Sailor Moon, champion of love, justice, and junk food. Dumplings and rice balls and warm chocolate fishies...these are a few of my favorite things..." she warbled.
"I'm Sailor Mercury, bubbly by powers, but not by nature. I will make you lose your way in my irritating fog!"
"I'm Sailor Mars. I can see the future, but I bet you can't. You don't have a sexy female body like mine. So there. Nyah."
"Sailor Jupiter's the name, and electrocuting ego-boosted losers like you is my game. I shall make you see the error of your ways, playing footsie under the table of evil."
"Wha?" Evil Mastermind Guy said.
"Nani?" Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Venus, Sailor Pluto, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Saturn, Sailor Neptune, Sailor Chibi Moon, Luna, Artemis, and Diana chorused.
"Nani?" Sailor Star Fighter, Sailor Star Maker, and Sailor Star Healer, who had just shown up, said.
"Chibi?" said Chibi Chibi.
"Never mind," Jupiter said. "I should stop watching The Tick."
"Gaa! Shameless plug!" (I don't really need to tell you who said that, do I?)
"I am Sailor Venus, blond and damn proud of it! These roots are real, dammit!"
"I'm Sailor Saturn. I am short, with the power to create and destroy universes at will. You might want to be afraid of me. Just maybe."
"I am Sailor Uranus! I think. Oi! The yelling, and the talking, and the...hey, nice lady! Voimen..."
"What have they done to my beloved Haruka?" Sailor Neptune demanded. "Taking her masculine lesbian-ness and turning her into Jerry Lewis...those bastards! I bet they're French." She gathered Sailor Neptune into her arms and carried her away. She paused at the doorway and turned around, smashing Uranus's head and feet into the wall at the same time. "Damn! Oh, by the way, I'm Sailor Neptune, and I use water and stuff." She turned around again, hitting Uranus's head against the doorframe once more. "Oi!" Uranus cried. "Voimen."
"Damn!" came Michiru's voice from halfway down the hall.
The senshi, cats, Chibi Chibi, and Evil Mastermind Guy turned to each other with bemused looks. "Whatever," EMG shrugged. "Let's get on with it."
"Where were we?" Sailor Moon asked.
"The little short girl," Evil Mastermind Guy replied, pointing to Sailor Saturn. She shook her head.
"I went early, remember?"
"It's my turn!" Sailor Chibi Moon piped up. The inner senshi rolled their eyes, bored and disgusted with the whole sweet-enough-to-give-you-tooth-decay act. "I'm Sailor Chibi Moon, the senshi of all that is pink and sugary! Whee!"
"Born under the guidance of the distant planet Pluto, I am the senshi of revolution, Sailor Pluto!"
"Sorry, Setsuna-san," Mars said, shaking her head. "That's too normal to be a speech. When did you lay off the booze?"
Sailor Pluto scowled. "Ever since Haruka-chan and Michiru-chan ushered me off to rehab, the bastards. Ahem." She struck a pose. "I am Sailor Pluto, still the world's foremost authority on martinis! I will punish you in the name of all cocktails and drinks with those little umbrella thingies in them!"
"Better!" Mars said with a nod.
"Thank you."
"Sailor Star Fighter!"
"Sailor Star Healer!"
"And Sailor Star Maker!"
"Stage on!"
"Not you guys again," Evil Mastermind Guy sighed.
"What's wrong with us?" Star Fighter demanded.
"Nothing really. You just irritate me, that's all."
"Oh."
"Chibi chibi chibi chibi! Chibi, chibi chibi chibi, chibi chibi, chibi chibi, chibi chibi. Chibi! Chibi chibi chibi! Chibi chibi chibi, tsuki ni kawatte! Chibi chibi chibi, oshioki yo!"
"Why is she here?" Sailor Moon said, walking around. "Huh? We don't need her! She doesn't advance the plot!"
"We don't have a plot!" Mercury whispered.
"We never did," Mars added.
"Just get rid of her, okay?" Sailor Moon asked.
"Fire Soul," Mars said halfheartedly, and Chibi Chibi was destroyed.
"We should celebrate," Sailor Moon said, and everyone agreed, even the author. Since the segment was going on too long to begin with, she cut to the party.
***
Hot dance party music stuff was playing, and the senshi, EMG, the Starlights, and the cats were grooving. Sailor Moon got up in the DJ booth and took over, spinning the records with surprising skill. "Got two turntables and a microphone!" she yelled, turning up the volume.
Sailor Mars got up on a table. "Say ho!"
"Say ho!" the partygoers repeated obediantly.
"Say ho ho!" she shouted.
"Say ho ho!" they chorused.
"Say ho ho ho!"
"Say ho!"
The beat changed and they got back to grooving. Sailor Mars frowned. "That was only one ho."
"Who you callin' a ho?" Jupiter demanded, and a chase ensued. Sailor Mercury got in the middle of the throng and started rapping. "Kick it, Moon Mama!" she cried, and Sailor Moon did that funny eh-eh thing with the records.
"Mosh pit!" Evil Mastermind Guy yelled, and they started thrashing around. Sailor Star Fighter snuck up to the DJ booth and tried to hit on Sailor Moon, but she screamed at this sudden show of creepiness and started running after Sailor Jupiter, screaming like a banshee and waving her arms. Jupiter got way freaked and started running too. Jupiter was chasing Mars. Sailor Moon was 'chasing' Jupiter. Star Fighter was chasing Moon. And Sailor Star Healer and Sailor Star Maker were chasing Sailor Star Fighter, trying to hold her back. Saturn, Mercury, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Venus, Chibi Moon, Pluto, Luna, Artemis, Diana, and Evil Mastermind Guy watched with mild interest.
"Let's go, homie-Gs!" Mercury yelled.
"Conga line!" Venus yelled, and immediately Jupiter latched to Mars, Moon to Jupiter, Star Fighter to Moon, Star Maker to Star Fighter, Star Maker to Star Healer, Venus (quite jubilantly) to Star Maker, Mercury to Venus, Saturn to Mercury, Chibi Moon to Saturn, Pluto to Chibi Moon, Neptune to Pluto, Uranus to Neptune, and Evil Mastermind Guy to Neptune (not that you really cared about any of that). Luna jumped onto Sailor Moon's shoulder and Diana onto Chibi Moon's shoulder. Artemis jumped onto Venus's head (it was big and full of air; he thought it would make a good pillow), but she was gyrating so much that he was flung to the other end of the room. No one noticed his absence, least of all Minako.
"Do a little dance," Minako sang, since the author liked funky disco music. "Make a little love. Get down tonight. Get down tonight."
Hmm...not very interesting anymore, is it? Wasn't there a battle supposed to be going on or something...
***FIN***