Notes: Ladies and gentlemen, we have now officially established a future couple (if you have not guessed it by now, then I pity you. How on earth do you get through in this life?). And a warning for this chapter: this chapter actually has bits and pieces that may be considered…fluffy. –audience gasps- Yes, Kris has left the building.
And BTW, the lyrics for "You're Tender and You're Tired" by the Manic Street Preachers is used in this chapter. Of course, the original song is very repetitive and I took out most of that stuff. Reading the same line 40 times gets annoying. Anyway without further ado, here's chapter 11 (the longest chapter yet). Enjoy.
* * * * *
"You don't have to stay, you know. It's already 8, and my dad won't be home any time soon."
Brown eyes blink at me. "It's all right. I told my parents that I was leaving here at 9, and that's when I'm going to leave." Daisuke turns back to the television for a second. "And there's nothing you can say that is going to change my mind."
"What makes you think I'm going to try? I just thought your parents might be worried. To be perfectly honest, I like having you here."
"You do?"
"Yeah. Hell, you can take my brother's place if you want." And the strange part is that it's true. Don't get me wrong, I love Takeru. But these days, I'd much rather have Dai's company than his.
He smiles shyly. "I don't think he'd like that very much."
I shrug and start to idly pick at my nails. He probably wouldn't be too happy if I told him that I'd rather have Daisuke here than him. Not that I blame him. If I were him, I'd pitch a fit.
"Speaking of your brother, can I ask you a question?"
I nod and motion for him to ask away.
Daisuke swallows and moves so that he's sitting perfectly straight. "When your brother asked me if I could come over here today, I asked him why he didn't call Taichi. After all, you two are best friends and I know he had nothing to do today. But Takeru said that he didn't want that 'useless, self-absorbed jerk anywhere near my brother'."
Useless, self-absorbed jerk? I grown inwardly and tell him to continue.
"So I asked Tai about it after school today. He said that Takeru was just protecting you. What is he talking about? Are you and Tai in some sort of fight or something?"
I let out the breath I had been holding. Now how should I explain this? "A fight? Well, sort of. Remember that soccer game that he wanted to meet me after? Well…it wasn't exactly the greatest experience of my life. We both did some things that we shouldn't have done, said some things that shouldn't have been said. I told Takeru about it, and he got all protective. Taichi and I are fine now; we talked things over at the hospital. But I think my brother will forever hold a grudge against him."
He stares at me completely emotionless. "That soccer game? Wasn't that the night before you tried to kill yourself? What did he say to you? Was that why you did it?"
"No," I say immediately shaking my head. "It was just…I tried to talk to him that day at school and he just…" I can't find the words to communicate what I'm trying to say. "Okay, so maybe it was part of the reason. Sort of like the last straw, you know. The weight just got to be too heavy and the bridge broke, if you'll excuse my horrid metaphors."
Concern flashes across his face. "What you mean 'the last straw'? What happened before it?"
I frown, realizing a bit late that I said too much. "What didn't happen? The divorce, the fighting, the list can go on and on."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No, I don't."
"All right. But if you ever need to, I'm here." Dai scoot a little closer to me, and puts his arm around my shoulder.
"I know you are," I reply, placing my head against his shoulder. I feel him sigh into my hair as he leans his head against mine.
We stay like that for a while, locked in an overly friendly embrace. I should move, push myself away from him. But I really don't want to. This feels so comforting, so…
The front door swishes open. With a quiet yelp, I leap away from Daisuke to the opposite side of the couch. He's home early. Please do not let him have seen us.
My father shuts the door behind him and starts to make his way to the bedroom. He pauses in front of the sofa to glare pointedly at me for a second before moving his gaze to Dai, who scowls right back at him.
"Bad day?" I ask, trying to do something that will stop this vicious staring contest. I can only imagine what Daisuke is thinking right now.
His reply is a mere grunt. Then with a final look at me, he continues walking to his room. The door slams shut.
The room is quiet for a long while. I stare expectantly at my goggled companion, waiting for him to say something. But he's still glowering at the space where my dear father once stood.
"Dai?" I ask, finally getting tired of the silence.
His expression softens almost automatically as he turns to me. "If you want, you can spend the night at my house. My parents won't mind."
I force a laugh. "And get molested by your sister? I think not." He looks away, obviously not amused. "If you're worried because of him, then don't be. Every once and a while, he has a really bad day at work and he's in a horrible mood for the rest of the night. It's no big deal."
His mouth opens, as if he's going to say something, before thinking better of it and closing it. "I'd better be getting home." He starts to get up.
In a quick movement I grab his arm and sit him back down. "No, don't do that. It's only 8:30; you've still got another 30 minutes before you have to leave. So stay…please."
Daisuke smiles slightly and pulls me back into the position I was in before my dad barged in. "All right, Blue Eyes. I'll stay, but only because you said 'please'."
I sigh and move a little closer to him, ignoring the fact that I'm getting a little too cozy for a normal straight guy. But that doesn't really matter to me anymore. Nothing really matters that much anymore. After all I've lost my best friend, attempted to destroy myself, hurt my brother, disgraced my family, and made my father hate me.
A choked sob finds it way out of my throat, and I bury my face into Dai's shirt in an attempt to muffle the sounds. Oh great, I'm crying again.
A gentle hand begins to stroke my hair. "It'll be okay, Blue Eyes. We'll get through this."
If I could speak at this moment, I'd ask him how. Because sometimes, Dai, I really wonder about that.
* * * * *
I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was at some lake with Taichi. I had my head in his lap and he was messing with my hair lovingly.
I moved to that I was looking up at him. "I love you, you know."
He merely smiled at me before leaning down and kissing me. And it was a beautiful kiss, full of love and passion. I sat up and put one leg on each side of him so that we were closer together.
Tai's lips left mine and moved down to my neck. "I love you too, Blue Eyes."
Within a second I threw myself off of his lap and into the grass. He was looking at me with a hurt expression that broke my heart. I opened my mouth to speak but suddenly he disappeared, leaving me alone and completely confused.
And that was when I woke up. I've tried to decipher it. After all, it must have some meaning otherwise I wouldn't have had it. But I can't find one. Tai called me 'Blue Eyes'. Only Daisuke calls me that. So why would he? It makes no sense.
"What do you think, Yama?" Why does everyone always have to interrupt my thoughts?
"Um…I agree with you," I tell Taichi, who's staring intently at me.
"You agree with me? And what do you agree with me on?"
I falter. Okay, he caught me. "Fine, I have no idea what you're talking about. Happy?"
He looks satisfied. "Yes I am."
Koushiro leans against the lunch table. "So what were you thinking about? You were just gazing off into midair."
I shrug. "Nothing much. Just random stuff. You know me."
Tai grins. "Yeah, I do. Unfortunately." He moves to put a friendly arm around my shoulder. Of course, the moment hesitation doesn't go unnoticed by me and, by Koushiro's cringe, anyone else.
With a growl I jerk his arm away and shift away from him.
"What is this? Treat Tai like crap day?" You know, I honestly wonder if he realizes what he's doing that makes me so angry.
Sora gives him a curious look. "What do you mean? Who else treated you like crap?" I caught the glare she sent me as she said this. Yeah sure, hate me because your boyfriend's a jerk.
"Oh, Daisuke isn't exactly happy with me for some reason. He's been giving me the cold shoulder for a day or so now. Then this morning when I tried to confront him about, he told me to go to hell."
Koushiro raises an eyebrow. "He said that?"
"Yeah, those exact words. He said, "Taichi, go to hell.'"
Dai actually said that to him? Somehow the idea of him telling off his idol is completely inconceivable to me, as it obviously is to them too.
"Do have any idea why?"
"Not a clue. I can't think of anything I said that would've pissed him off." Tai shrugs. "Ah well, probably his hormones acting up or something, some sort of a male PMS. Kinda reminds me of you, Yama."
I opt to ignore him. Normally I would have come up with a witty response, but today I just don't feel like it.
"Are you feeling all right?"
I glance back over at the bush head. His eyes are opened wide and his bottom lip is sticking out just a little bit, giving him the appearance of a puppy. "Yeah," I answer with the most convincing smile I can offer. "Just tired, I guess."
Sora, obviously feeling threatened, decides to chime in. "So Tai, as I was saying before I was interrupted…" Another fixed glance at me. Great, just what I need – a jealous girlfriend.
Can my life get any better?
* * * * *
I'm late. I'm so very late. He said be home by 7, and it's 7:31 right now. He's going to kill me, break my nose or my ribs. How am I ever going to explain that? Got in a fight with a rabid rock? Fell off a bridge?
"Ishida Yamato, untouched and alive." For good measure, you know. I've already established that little prayer does nothing except making me feel better. And that's exactly why I still say it.
The guitar in my hands seems to get heavier and heavier by the second. Oh why on earth did we have to practice that one song twice? We all know it by heart already. And now I'm late.
The door to my apartment is staring at me. It might as well be the gates of hell, I swear. I reach out, turn the knob, and slink inside.
To my surprise it's completely silent. "Hello?" I ask, getting a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Ishida Yamato," I mumble quietly, "untouched and alive." One more time won't kill anyone.
"Untouched and alive?"
My guitar crashes on the floor as I scream and jump about two feet in the air. "Daisuke…"
He laughs loudly. "I'm sorry, Blue Eyes. That was mean, wasn't it? Are you all right? I didn't mean to scare you. I came by to see you, but your dad said you were at band practice. He had to leave, but he told me to wait here."
I move my hand to my chest and attempt to catch my breath. "He left?" My eyes close as I will my heart to beat slower.
"Yeah, said he had to work or something. He'll be out late. He didn't look too happy either. Another bad day perhaps?" He's mocking me. I don't have to see him to know that. "Are you okay?"
"I'll live. Just don't ever do that again. I don't take too well to being frightened."
"I noticed." Dai grabs my guitar from the floor and starts to take it back to my room, or at least I think that's where he's going. "You never answered my question."
I take that as my cue to follow him. "Which one was that?"
"Untouched and alive? That's what you said, wasn't it? What is it?" He lays the case down on the floor and sits on my bed.
I decide to join him. "I got it from I book that I read a long time ago."
His head cocks to one side. "It sounded like a prayer."
"Yeah, sort of. I guess." This really isn't what I want to discuss with him.
"Which book?"
I shake my head. "I'm sure you didn't come here to talk about the books I read. So what do you want?"
Hurt flashes briefly in his eyes, but he quickly covers it. "I brought another song."
This perks me up. "Really? You're gonna let me read it?"
Daisuke rolls his eyes and grins. "No, I just thought I'd tell you about it."
"Funny boy. Now, come on. Let me see it."
He mockingly sighs before handing me another rumpled piece of paper. I smile despite myself and start to read it.
You're so fragile tonight
Been up hurting all night
It's not trivial like they think
Yes you're desperate and you're hurt
Thought about it so many times
Too afraid to open your eyes
To see the sadness that's inside
Just sit back in and stop time
You're tender and you're tired
You can't be bothered to decide
Whether you live or die
Or just forget about your life
But it's too late to be real
No time to be strong enough
Just time to leave it all behind
Memory has become pain
Rebuild the void with flowers
Sad eyed destruction, build around sand and sea
Yes you can build yourself around
Build yourself around me, yourself around me
You're tender and you're tired
You can't be bothered to decide
Whether you live or die
Or just forget about your life
Drift away and die
Never say goodbye
"You like it?" he asks.
"Yeah, I do. It's beautiful." A sad smile finds its way on my face. This song hits a little close to home.
"It's about you, you know."
I snap my head up to look at him. "It is?" Well that explains it.
"Yeah. You're an excellent muse, you know."
I'm speechless. I don't think anyone has written a song about me or at least not that I know of. "When did you write this?"
"Yesterday. I went to the library, got a book, and had a bolt of inspiration."
I giggle insanely for a minute. Dai in a library? Too funny. "You went to the library? Which book did you get?"
Daisuke grins mischievously, and I realize that I've fallen into one of his traps. "Oh, just this book on child abuse. It looked interesting. It's about this boy whose father beats him."
I simply stare at him. If I was merely speechless before then I must be entirely mute now. "Oh." Somehow that's the most intelligent thing I can form now. There's no doubt in my mind right now that he knows.
"Look, let's just drop all the pretense, get everything out in the open." He scoots closer. "I never believed your little 'slammed my wrist in a car' story in the first place. But I thought that you did that to yourself. Wrist-banging, you know. I saw a TV program once about it. And especially after you slit your wrists. I got all these magazines with articles about shit like that. I was totally set to help you get through it. But then I saw your lip. God, how could I have been so stupid. You're not hurting yourself. Someone else is. Then your father came home…"
"Okay, that's it." I have to get out of here. I start to rise from the bed, but Dai grabs my still tender wrist, sending a jolt of pain up my arm. I hiss and he loosens his grip.
"All you have to do is say it, Blue Eyes. Then we'll tell someone, Takeru or your mom or maybe even Tai. And we'll get you out of here and away from him."
"You have no idea what you're talking about." I pull my arm back and glower at him. "Get out, Dai."
He's worried. It shows all over his face. "Fine, we don't have to tell anyone. But just…"
"I said get out." I'm not budging.
He looks frantic now. "Just talk to me, okay? That's all I want. I just want to help you. That's all, to help you."
"Then go."
Dai stares at me with a strange glint in his eye. He takes a deep breath before continuing more calmly. "Fine, I'll go. But I'm not forgetting this conversation, and it is most certainly not over."
I have to look away from him, overcome with this strange urge to embrace him. "Just go, Dai."
He turns on his heel and walks out of my room with me trailing behind. "You don't hate me, do you?" He asks, turning back to pout at me.
"No." It's a simple response, but said warmly so he knows that I don't. I decide that he can let himself out and begin to make my way to the bathroom.
"Blue Eyes?"
"Hmm?" I twist back around.
"Promise me that you'll call me sometime and talk to me."
I sigh, wanting to say 'no'. But that pout, how can I? "I promise."
"Okay." His hand cups my cheek softly as he brushes his lips across mine in a short but tender kiss, something I don't think I've ever felt before. "Bye, Blue Eyes." And with that he walks out the door, leaving me alone with my muddled thoughts.
"Bye, Dai," I whisper even though I know he can't hear me. And temporarily forgetting about my anger with the boy for the time being I wrap my arms around myself, happily embracing the warm feeling that's starting to spread through my body.
Maybe life will be all right after all. Hmm…
Eat that, Yagami. Eat that.