Notes: You'll have to excuse the beginning of this; I was in a particularly strange mood when I was writing it. Well that and I also just happened to be watching the movie Ghost. –blush- I've also discovered that I like throwing in random lyrics, so I did it again. "Nobody Loved You" is a Manic Street Preacher song (duh…you could've guessed that by now). And "I'm Henry the Eighth" is a song by Herman's Hermits (don't look at me like that, it's a good song). And I don't know if they have Geico or Secret in Japan, but they do in this story. I might also mention that we're nearing the end of "Untouched and Alive", just a couple more chapters. In fact, this is the last chapter to be named after an MSP song. –sniff- Anyway, I'll shut up now. Enjoy.
* * * * *
What's your story baby
No control of what I am saying
* * * * *
"I'm Henry the Eighth, I am. Henry the Eighth, I am, I am. I got married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before. And every one was a Henry, Henry. She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam, no Sam. I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry. Henry the Eighth, I am. Second verse…"
"No offense, Daisuke, but I don't think that you singing 'Henry the Eighth' is doing my brother any good."
"Oh please, Takeru. The world would be a better place if I could sing 'Henry the Eighth' to everyone in it."
"But…"
"Let him sing, Takeru. Maybe his horrendous voice will wake Yamato."
"Thank you, Ms. Takaishi. Now as I was saying…second verse, same as the first. I'm…"
Dear God, I have died and gone to hell. And this is what the rest of eternity will be like for me, listening to this pathetic excuse for music and not being able to intervene and set it right. What did I do to deserve this?
"Have mercy on my soul."
The sound stops. I've been saved.
"I think he just said something."
"Yamato? Yamato, can you hear me? It's your mother. Wake up, sweetheart."
Talk about déjà vu. Oh wait…I remember…hospital. Now I suppose that she wants me to say "Mom?" in sickly voice like I did last time. Nope, not going to do that this time. Instead I decide to open my eyes first. I'm greeted by a pair staring right back at me.
Except these sure aren't my mother's.
"Morning, Blue Eyes." A gentle hand reaches out to hesitantly touch my hair, an offense that normally would have been punishable by death. "Welcome back."
I manage something of a smile. "Hi, Dai." I attempt to move my hand so that I'm touching his. The only thing I manage is a twitch in one of my fingers. "Why…"
"Yamato!"
Oh…mom…forgot that she was even here.
"Um, it's okay. I'm all right," I stutter, struggling to wriggle out of her grasp.
But she ignores me, hugs me even tighter, and starts to sob. "Yamato, you're alive! They didn't think you'd ever wake up, you've been out so long. And you lost so much blood, and they…" Suddenly with a wail she buries her face in my hair.
Takeru chooses this moment to make himself known, pulling her gently off of me. "Mom, stop it. Mom, please get off. I think you're making him uncomfortable."
Soft choking sounds erupt from her throat as my mother falls into the nearest chair and continues to weep. I start to move closer to her but stop as a wave of dizziness hits.
Daisuke is by my side in a second. "Whoa, don't do that." He puts an arm around my shoulder to steady me, which seems very strange. Trying to steady a sitting person, that is. "Strength is not something that you've got a lot of right now, so do yourself a favor and don't move unless you have to."
I nod slightly and glance at my mother, who has finally managed to calm herself and is now staring worriedly at me. "What happened?"
The three exchange a look that reminds me of the look parents might get when their child asks where babies come from.
"What do you mean?"
I roll my eyes. "I mean, like, what did the doctors say? Was I electrocuted? How badly is my arm scarred? Why can't I move my arm? Will I ever be able to move it again?"
My mom sighs deeply before answering. "Like I said before, none of us were really sure if you'd ever wake up. You've been out for over a day, and I guess that's really unusual. Your arm…is pretty bad. Fate was on your side though; you weren't electrocuted, although you do have a few minor burns from sparks or something. But…you lost a lot of blood. So many blood vessels were damaged, and there was glass stuck in it. It took the doctors hours to get all of it out. I…a few of your friends are out in the cafeteria. They won't let them in here though. Only family members right now, but maybe now that…"
I interrupt. "Family only? Then, no offense, but how in the hell is Daisuke in here?"
Takeru grins brightly at the now red Dai. "He threw a huge fit in the middle of the waiting room, so they let him come just to shut him up. You should have seen it. It was hilarious. He actually threatened a nurse."
"I didn't threaten her." He's turning even redder.
"Oh no." My brother rolls his eyes. "You just told her that you'd shove a can of Lysol up her ass if she didn't let you see Yamato."
"That's not threatening her. That's promising her. Both you and I know that she would have liked it if I followed through with my threat."
"I thought it was a promise."
Daisuke opens his mouth but doesn't respond for a second. "Shut up."
I laugh weakly and lean back, feeling Dai's arm that I completely forgot was there. He starts to pull it back, obviously forgetting about it too, but I push back even more, making it impossible for him to move it.
Takeru clears his throat, getting all of our attention. "I'm kinda hungry, so I think I'm gonna join everyone else in the cafeteria. Anyone else want to come?"
Daisuke shakes his head and Mom nods before standing from the chair. "I could use some food. Want us to bring you back anything?"
"No, that's okay."
And with a half wave from her and a sly wink from my brother, they're gone. Almost immediately, Dai's arm gently pulls me closer to him. I exhale loudly and place my head on his shoulder.
"Are you all right? Gods, I have been so worried about you. When you called me, I just about had a heart attack. I nearly strangled my mom because she was driving too slowly. I kept thinking, 'He's bleeding. He could die. And if he does it'll be all my fault.' And then you nearly did. Oh, don't ever do that to me again." For the first time, I notice how horrible he sounds and realize that he probably didn't get any sleep last night.
"I'm fine," I assure him, once again trying to move my arm. "It hurts a little, but I think I'll live."
"Good." The hospital bed shifts under me as he slides on it, taking care not to harm me.
You know, there's this very thin line between friendship and beyond. And a few days ago I thought that maybe we crossed it. But right now, with me snuggled up next to him in a bed, there is no doubt in my mind that we did.
To tell you the truth, I really don't give a damn.
"Where's my dad?" Now where did that come from? No, strike that question. Sometimes I really don't want to know where my thoughts come from.
He tenses. "I don't know. I don't care. Where ever he is, he won't be there for long."
"You told them." It's a statement, not a question.
"Yes." Pause. "You mad?"
"No. If I were you and you were me, I'd do the same thing." I sigh into his shirt. "What happened when you told them?"
Daisuke's other arm finds its way to my bandaged (and probably stitched) one. "The doctors blinked. Your mom cried. Takeru clenched his fists, and I think steam started coming out of his ears. He's in for it whenever we get our hands on him."
"We?" I crane my neck slightly so that I can see him.
His fingers trail mildly across mine. "Yeah. I think I'd like a piece of your dad for myself. Smash his arm through a TV. Show him exactly what it feels like." He pulls away to glance down at me. "Your eyes are sparkling again."
I smile genuinely and snuggle back to my original position. "What's going to happen now?"
"I don't know, Blue Eyes. I really don't know. But I can tell you this; you're safe now. No one can hurt you anymore. I'll make sure of it."
* * * * *
Winter leaves still make me believe
No vendettas, just a cherry blossom tree
* * * * *
"Geico, a fifteen minute call could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance."
My brother frowns at the television. "I swear, if they show one more car insurance commercial I'm going to snap. I don't even understand half of them. I mean, 'the aroma therapy for your wallet'? How can a company do that?"
"Take, stop picking apart the commercials. They want to put an imprint of a gecko on your brain, so that when you think of cars you automatically think of Geico. Then you'll spend fifteen minutes to give them a call."
"And I'm picking them apart?" He snorts. "Besides, what does aroma therapy have to do with anything?"
"It's a metaphor. Seriously, squirt, I thought you were smarter than this."
"I refuse to use my knowledge on a stupid car insurance company with geckos and aroma therapy."
I roll my eyes. "Good. Now stop talking about it."
Takeru shrugs and continues to watch the endless commercials.
"Yamato?" He asks after a minute or so. "Is it true?"
"What? That it's 'strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman'? How the hell should I know? I don't use Secret."
He sighs exasperatingly. "No, not the commercial. Daisuke said that Dad…" he trails off, gesturing at my arm. "It's true, isn't it?"
I lower my gaze. "Yes, it is."
"Why didn't you tell anyone? Dammit, we could've helped you. Maybe then you wouldn't be lying here right now. How can…"
"I don't want to talk about it."
There's no response for a long while. And when I look up, I see him grinding his teeth and staring blankly into space. When he finally speaks, it's in a low, dangerous voice.
"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to gut him and hang him by his own intestines."
"Fine. Just make sure you let Dai have his arm. I believe that he said he wanted to shove it into a TV."
Takeru gazes at me, studying me. "He knew. He knew all along, didn't he? That's why he was always making those weird comments about your wrist or your lip. He was trying to get us to see what he did."
I shake my head and turn away. "He knew something was wrong. He just didn't know what. Until a few days ago, that is. Right before he kissed me, that's what we were talking about. He told me that he knew and that he thought I should tell someone."
"And you ignored him?"
"I told you that I don't want to talk about it."
His eyes narrow, obviously not enthused with my silence. "This conversation is not over." Suddenly a smile breaks out, although I can see that it's fake. "Speaking of Daisuke, how are you two doing? Can I collect my money yet?"
I laugh despite myself. "No, not yet."
"Have you considered dating him any more?"
"Yeah, I have. And I decided that…"
A knock at the door interrupts me. "Yama? It's Taichi. Can I come in?"
I glance at Takeru, notice the sour expression, and consider telling Tai to buzz off. Of course he's entered before I can reply to his request.
"Tai," my brother starts, turning to face the older boy, "do you realize that you have just interrupted a brother to brother bonding moment?"
He glares at him. "No, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware. Can I ask that you continue it some other time? I want to talk to Yamato."
I decide to jump in. "I don't want to talk to you right now, Taichi. So save yourself a lot of trouble just leave now, okay?"
"I can't do that. I want to talk to you, and I'm not leaving until I do." He pulls up a chair and plops down in it, all without breaking eye contact. "Now, are you going to listen to me or am I going to have to force you?"
I growl and shake my head. I might as well hear what the jerk has to say. It's not like I have much of a choice.
Takeru frowns and moves to leave. "I'll leave you two alone."
"No, that's all right. I kind of want you to hear what I say." Taichi pauses, waiting for the two of us to get situated so that he can begin. "First of all, can I have permission to kill your father?"
My brother grumbles. "Get in line."
He shifts his gaze to Takeru before returning it to me. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell anyone?"
I don't respond, just stare at my lap.
"I already tried. He won't talk about it."
"Fine. Then I'll skip straight to the second thing I wanted to say." He takes a deep breath. "Yamato, I love you."
I jerk my head up. "Excuse me?" I had to have misheard that.
"I said that I love you."
I snicker a little darkly. "You're a little late for that."
His eyes roll dramatically. "No, not that way. I love you as a friend, as a brother. Although I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been acting like either these days. But…I realized that I never actually told you that I did. I just thought that I'd tell you now, so you know. Because I do, you know. You're the best friend I've ever had, and I love you for it."
I glance at Takeru, who's staring at Tai expressionless, before telling him to continue.
"I asked Hikari where you were because you haven't been at school, and all. And she said, 'Oh, he's in the hospital. His dad has been abusing him. Didn't you know?' And I had to tell her that no, I didn't know." He pauses to take a deep breath. "I broke up with Sora today."
Both of us gasped loudly.
"Yeah, I know. I told her that I was going to visit you this afternoon, which was breaking one of our dates, and she screamed. So I told her that you were my best friend, no matter what happened, and that if she couldn't understand that then we were through."
"I'm sorry…"
"Don't be. Smartest thing I think I've ever done. I'm sorry though, for being an asshole to you the other day. Hanging up on you was a horrible thing to do, and I regret doing it now."
I blink, feeling the tears well up in my eyes. "It's okay. I understand."
"No. No, you don't. I don't even understand, so how can you?" He forces a laugh. "What did you want to say to me? Before I hung up?"
I sit myself up on the bed and wince as I do so. Every single part of my body hurts in some way, shape, or form. "I'm not really sure. I just needed to say something. I think I wanted some sort of closure."
"Tell me about it."
"About what?"
"You, me, us."
"I hated you a long time ago. You made my heart pound in my ears and my stomach tie up in knots, and I hated you for making me feel like that. Then one day, I just happened to look at you at the right moment and everything clicked. And I just realized that I loved you, pure and simple. Everything you did seemed beautiful to me. When you walked into a room, I could practically feel it. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. And while I liked to entertain myself with little dreams of you and me getting married someday, I knew that there was no way that you'd ever feel that way about me. And that hurt more than you will ever realize.
"Then I saw that you were falling for Sora. And while it did sting a little, it really wasn't that bad. Because you seemed happy around her, and if you were happy then I was happy. And then…I don't know what happened. I guess I couldn't keep it up anymore. I kissed you, and you freaked. And then you weren't happy anymore, so I wasn't happy anymore.
"And now, to hear that you and her broke up, I feel horrible. Because in some way, it's my fault. And I know that you're going to tell me that it isn't, but it is. I was the one who caused the problem. I was the one who fell in love with you. And I want to apologize for causing that problem. Not for falling in love with you though, never for doing that. I refuse to apologize for that."
Tai grins. "I don't want you to."
"Good." I wipe the tears from my eyes and my cheeks. Strange, I hardly even knew that I was crying. "Anything else you want to know?"
"Yeah. I want to know what you're thinking right now."
I shrug and answer simply. "I'm thinking that I hate crying. What are you thinking?"
He gives me a sad smile. "I'm thinking that for the very first time in my life, I really wish that I liked guys. Because if I did, I'd be the luckiest man alive right now."
"Yes, you would," I agree. "But then again, you still are one of the luckiest men alive. Because you've had the privilege of having the sexiest man in the universe lusting after you."
"Egomaniac." He laughs, and it's still music to my ears, a different type of music than before though. "You know if you ever want to talk about something, I'm here."
I can't stop the groan that comes out of my mouth. "Yes Tai, I'm well aware."
"Good. And if I'm not around then Dai will definitely be." A Cheshire cat grin.
"Thank you, Tai. I'll keep that in mind."
"Are you two done?"
Both of us jump. I'd forgotten that Takeru was here.
"Yeah, I think we are."
"So I can turn the volume up again? Cool." He smirks at us before grabbing the remote and fiddling with the controls. "And before you ask, Taichi, no you are not off my hate list. Although you have moved up a few notches."
His jaw drops. "How did you…?"
"I'm psychic. Now shut up and let me watch my show."
And so all three of us turn our attention to the television screen, which is currently on a commercial.
"…I am a gecko, not to be confused with Geico which could save you hundreds on car insurance. So stop calling me. Geico, a fifteen minute call could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance."
Nothing in this world could have stopped my laughter.
* * * * *
What would I give
Just for one if your smiles
* * * * *
I've discovered something in the two days I've stayed in the hospital this time. Hospitals really aren't so bad if you're admitted for abuse. Doctors and nurses don't fuss over you as much, which seems backwards somehow. And they shove painkillers down my throat instead of tranquilizers in my arm, although the result is the same; either way I still feel drugged.
I haven't heard much about my father. Every one refuses to talk about him. Although I have a feeling he's in deep shit, as is expected.
"You're not listening to me, are you?"
I give Dai an annoyed look. "Of course I am. At soccer practice you and Ken were on separate teams, and your team beat him. I heard every word of it."
He blinks at me. "How on earth did you hear that? You were a million miles away."
"I'm really good."
Dai has practically attached himself to my bed. The nurse has actually gotten used to coming into the room and seeing the two of us snuggled up in an interesting position, much like the one we're in now. He's curled up on my left side, his head next to mine, with a leg draped over me.
I'm not entirely sure what to think about it. On one side, I love it. It's a closeness that I've never felt before and it's comforting. But on the other side, it scares me. Closeness scares me. It always has.
Then of course there are the bags under his eyes, which I have a strong suspicion have something to do with me.
"Hey Dai?"
"Hmm?"
"It's 6:21. You have to get going pretty soon."
He mumbles something and shifts his weight so that he's no longer laying on me.
You'll never know until you ask… "Oh and by the way, have you been sleeping all right lately? Because you don't exactly look like you have."
He pulls away and sits up on my bed, his hair mussed and his eyes distant. "Oh don't worry, Blue Eyes. I've just had a bunch of stuff to do, that's all."
"Stuff? Does this 'stuff' have anything to do with me?" The direct approach always works well.
"Yes."
My jaw drops. Okay, so I expected him to deny it. "What exactly are you doing?"
He shrugs, getting off my bed and walking over to his backpack. "Just a little research."
"Research on what?"
"Child abuse and stuff like that. See." Daisuke lifts his bag up and turns it over, dumping out a large stack of magazines. "Most of them are psychology magazines, and all of them are pretty interesting. Wanna borrow a few of them?"
I shake my head, obviously more than a little shocked. "No, that's all right." I scan over them with my eyes since my arm still isn't functioning properly. One particular one catches my eye. "Dai, that one's not in Japanese."
"Yeah, I know. It's French. That's what I spent last night doing, translating it. Do you know how different French and Japanese are? It was four pages long, took me forever. But I got it done." Another shrug and then he starts to put them back in his backpack.
"You translated four pages of French for me?"
He smiles and suddenly I can see how exhausted he really is. "Yeah, I did."
"Why?" My voice cracks slightly, and I feel a little childish for asking.
"Why?" he repeats. "You really want to know why?" The bag is slung over his shoulders as he starts out the door. Then suddenly he turns back, almost as an afterthought. "Because I think I'm falling in love with you."
* * * * *
Cherry blossom tree –
But at least you are free
Nobody loved you –
Like me
* * * * *