Disclaimer and stuff in the first part.
The Night Remembers - Part 5
By Jill
"That's what I'm telling you, Wesley." Cordelia kept her voice low as she
spoke with the former watcher at the other end of the line. "He came back
from patrol about an hour ago, and he barely noticed I was there. We
exchanged a few words and then he disappeared in his room."
"Why are you staying with him anyway?" Wesley asked involuntarily keeping
his voice low as well. He was alone in the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel and
except Fred, who was sleeping upstairs in one of the bedrooms he was the
only living being in this huge building. Gunn and his gang were out hunting
vampires. He had to admit that without Angel and Cordelia the place was
almost deserted.
"Because I can't stay with my parents, the apartment they live in now is too
small. There isn't a lot left after the IRS put their hands on our
property." She frowned slightly and absentmindedly inspected her
fingernails. At least she hadn't broken any so far. It was a completely
unconscious gesture, her nails weren't as important anymore as they once had
been. Working for and with Angel in L.A. had given her other priorities.
"Not that it was their property to begin with," Wesley, muttered at the
other end of the line, but she heard him.
"I know that," she couldn't help the edge in her voice although she knew he
was right. "Anyways. And there was nobody else I could stay with. I mean all
my old friends," the last word she snorted in disgust. "Not very likely.
Sure I could've lied to them, told them I was some famous actress, but one
look at my shabby clothes and they would've known." Not that she had wanted to
stay with them in the first place.
"Cordelia, Angel gave you a brand-new set of clothes," the Englishman
reminded her, not quite sure why he was talking to her at all. He sighed
inwardly. No, that wasn't true. The brunette was worried, and she was trying
to cover up her concern by talking to him.
"That was ages ago," she reminded him. "Well, months," she amended quickly,
"but with today's fashion... It's already completely out."
"I see." This time he sighed audibly, and decided to get back to the source
of her worry, "So Angel went patrolling with Buffy."
"Yeah. I have no idea what happened out there, Wesley, but something did.
Something important. All the typical brooding signs surrounded him when he
came back. And the typical Buffy-look was in his eyes. Why on earth did they
have to drag him into this?" She sat down on a sofa and bit her lower lip.
"I'm sure Mr. Giles tried to find another solution," he said gently.
"Cordelia, I don't like it either. I know how much he suffers. I'm not as
insensitive as you think I am, but we cannot forget the fact that Buffy is
the Slayer. Her health, the fact that she can't execute her duty, is of the
utmost importance. Not only to us, but to the world."
"That doesn't mean I have to like the situation," the brunette grumbled.
"Because I don't like it at all. He's going to end up a wreck, Wesley. And
after all the other stuff he recently went through." Why had it to be that
way, she asked herself? Why did Angel always have to be the one rushing to
her aid, picking up the pieces in an emergency? All she ever did was yell at
him, accuse him, or throw that sorry excuse for a boyfriend in his face.
Damn Buffy. The former cheerleader had always known the slayer wasn't good
for Angel and the current situation was no exception.
Wesley sighed again, his tired eyes darting to his watch, "Cordelia you
should try and sleep," he said gently. "We can't change the situation. All
we can do is try to be there for him. You know that."
"I know," she replied finally. "Alright, Wes. Have a good night. And thanks
for listening to my ranting."
"It was a pleasure," he said with a certain tone in his voice that made her
smile. "Good Night."
Cordelia turned off her cellular phone and closed her eyes for a moment. He
was right all they could do was trying to be there for him when he needed
them. But of course nobody said that she couldn't keep an eye on Buffy as
well. Preventing damage was always better then cleaning up afterwards.
***
Buffy sat alone in the living room of her house at the same time, staring
into the darkness. Giles had gone back to his apartment, while Tara and
Willow to the dorms and Xander had left before she came back. She hadn't
seen Dawn or Spike since their little meeting in the graveyard but her
watcher had told her that her little sister was safely asleep in her room.
So there was finally time to hang on her thoughts. A brief flash of memory.
Would it mean that there was hope for her to become herself again after
everything? She wanted her memories back, now that Angel had appeared in
Sunnydale more than ever.
She saw the pain in his eyes, the torment because he couldn't tell her all
the things she wanted to know and she cursed herself for teasing him, for
trying to get him to open up, completely oblivious what it would mean for
him to dig up things that - so it seemed - he'd rather forget.
Riley. Her boyfriend Riley. Her boyfriend for over a year, Angel had told
her. She was twenty, soon to be twenty-one. Her dating days couldn't be that
many and being with someone for over a year had to mean something, right?
Why then did his name mean nothing to her? Wasn't one meant to remember
those who one loved? Then she was also sure she loved Dawn too, and her friends. Yet, all of them had been lost to her, had disappeared in some endless black hole, that was meant to be filled with pictures, faces or names.
But there was plain nothing.
Well, almost nothing. There was that brief flashback. Actually, the whole
scene had been about Angel, but of course, she recognized him immediately
and so her whole focus had shifted towards the other person she saw although
he hadn't been more than a supporting player.
And that had been her boyfriend, Riley. She turned his name back and forth
in her mind, but nothing came. With Angel, there had been a flutter. She
clearly remembered something stirring, and with Riley, there was plain
nothing.
She would've liked to explain it to the vampire that the man in the
flashback meant nothing to her, not now anyway, but after he walked away
from her, he didn't said another word. They had killed three vampires in
silence. Afterwards he saw her home and said goodbye with a curt nod in
front of her door. The only words that were spoken were over his shoulder
that he'd be back for another training shortly after sundown.
Buffy leaned her head back and with a heavy sigh closed her eyes. God, she
wanted to remember, she desperately wanted to understand what had happened
between her and Angel. She wanted to be able to understand that pain in his
dark orbs, wanted to understand why he was evading her questions.
A noise behind her startled her and abruptly her head jerked around, her
eyes falling on the inevitable clouds of smoke that seemed to accompany him
everywhere. "Spike," she acknowledged his presence, and then turned away
from him. She didn't want to talk to him, and didn't want to hear his
smart-ass remarks. She wanted to be alone and think. **Preferably of a dark,
tall and incredibly attractive vampire.** But then, Spike was his
grand-childe, wasn't he. "What do you want?" she asked almost involuntarily.
"All on your own, Slayer?" His voice was surprisingly without the usual
cockiness.
"Do you see anybody else?"
"No," he shook his head and blew some more smoke in the air, then walked
over to sit on the loveseat in the corner where she could see him from the
corner of her eye. "Thinking about anything special?" He paused, then added,
"Or someone?"
"If I did," she replied, "why do you think I would talk to you?"
He shrugged, "Don't know. It's the Poof again, isn't it?" It wasn't really a
question.
"'The Poof'?"
"Yeah," his voice held a trace of impatience, "Angel. My bloody darned
grand-sire. The Poof. You're thinking about him." When she didn't reply, he
went on. "You have that certain look in your eyes. Like that night when..."
he suddenly stopped and his voice trailed off, but her eyes perked up.
"Like when?, what" she asked.
He drew from his cigarette again, "A long time ago," he said evasively.
"Just know that we met each other before I had that stupid chip in my head."
"I had a flashback today," she said after a moment. "Angel was in it, and
Riley."
She heard him laugh beside her and turned around to fully look at him.
However, it was dark and she couldn't recognize more than his shadow and the
flashing of his cigarette from time to time. "And did you tell my grand-sire
about it?" he asked.
She could hear in his voice that he thought it would be funny if she had and
suddenly wished she hadn't. It was clear as day that there was no love
between Angel and Spike and somehow she had the feeling that the bleached
blond vampire would enjoy any form of torture he'd be able to inflict on his
grand-sire. Still she said, "Yes. I did. I didn't recognize Riley. I still
don't," she added hastily. "He was just a face in my mind and Angel helped
to put a name to it."
She wanted to slap him when she heard him laugh. "I assume, Angel was really
happy to hear you remembered soldier boy."
"I told you," she insisted, "I didn't really remember him. He was just...
there."
"Yeah, yeah, you told me," he snickered, "Still I would've liked to have
seen his face." Not that Spike felt much better. She'd seen Angel and Riley
in a flashback. She hadn't seen him. That said everything, didn't it?
"Can you tell me about Riley?" she asked after a while. "I know he was my
boyfriend. Angel told me that much. I know his name and his face, but it
doesn't mean anything to me. I'd like to know about him though."
Spike sighed, and then crushed his cigarette on an empty plate. "There isn't
a lot to tell. You were together, still can't figure out me why. Maybe there
was more to him than met the eye, although I severely doubt it." He stood up
and walked over to the door. "I didn't like him. Actually, I wanted to rip
his brains out, but thanks to him and his friends I couldn't."
"You didn't like him, huh?" She didn't turn towards him. "But then you don't
seem to like many people, do you."
He stared at her profile in the darkness, his eyesight was good enough to
see every detail, and glad she couldn't see him the same way. Then he
swallowed hard and blinked, hating the fact that he fell for her. "Yeah," he
said quietly, already walking towards the stairs to the basement, "Not many
people."
***
Angel was tossing and turning in his bed at the mansion trying to find sleep
where there was none. He couldn't get her out of his head, and couldn't stop
thinking about what had happened on patrol.
He knew he was crazy for behaving that way, for feeling hurt that she
remembered Riley in her first flashback. Dawn had said Buffy hadn't been in
love with Riley. Then why then would she remember him of all people? Well
it's only natural, a voice in his head whispered, he was her boyfriend for
quite some time. She was close to him, very close.
There mere thought about that closeness had Angel involuntarily balling his
fists. There were suddenly pictures in his head about Riley and Buffy.
Naked. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind from the disturbing
images. He couldn't think about it or he'd go insane. He knew that they'd
had a sexual relationship, so why was it throwing him that way all of a
sudden.
Liar, the little voice said again. Think about a certain talk at the police
department. It threw you then as well.
Groaning he ran a hand over his face. He was so damned tired, but there was
no way he'd be sleeping. So, he might as well get up and have some blood. He
had forgotten about food before. He stood up, pulled his sweat-pants up, and
then quietly made his way towards the kitchen, crossing the hall in the
process. He started when suddenly a female voice said.
"Can't sleep either, huh?"
He stopped in his tracks and then slowly turned toward the brunette who sat
in complete darkness. At least it was dark for her, although he could see
her just fine. "Cordelia," there was concern in his voice and she had to
smile at that. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," she assured him quickly. "I was just thinking that's all."
"Thinking?" he tilted his head and then walked over to her, sitting down
beside her on the sofa. "About what?"
"Many things," she said evasively.
"You don't need to worry, Cordelia," he reached out and took her hand. "I'm
alright." When he heard her laugh incredulously, he said, "Buffy had a
flashback today. About Riley." Well, actually it had been about Riley and
he, but at the moment only the commando was important.
"Oh," her voice was small and he felt her squeezing his hand. "I'm sorry."
"There is no need to be. I'm behaving ridiculously, that's all. I have
absolutely no business to feel that way. I left her, I told her she should
find someone who could give her all the things I couldn't. She only did what
I told her to do."
"But that doesn't mean, you feel good that she did," she replied gently.
A short, unhappy laugh sounded through the hall, then he said, "No, it
doesn't. When she told me she'd seen Riley in a flashback, it was as if my
heart was ripped out of my chest. Do you know what I mean?"
He was surprised, when she answered, "Yeah, I do." Noticing his surprise,
she added, "I once came into a room where my so called boyfriend was kissing
another girl. So, yeah, I know."
Now it was his turn to squeeze her hand. "And then Spike was there. He
followed us or rather her, around. And there is an expression in his eyes,
I'm not quite sure, but I don't like the way he looks at her. He's always
been obsessed with slayers, and I don't want him to develop any kind of
twisted feelings for her."
"How do you know they are twisted?"
"Because I know him. Because I remember his face when he killed a slayer
hundred years ago. Because without that chip, he wouldn't give a damn about
Buffy all he would think about was the best way to rip her heart out and
stomp on it," he shot back. Then added a bit sheepishly, "Sorry. I didn't
want to throw that at you."
"Hey, that's what friends are for," she smiled and leaned her head at his
shoulder for a moment. "Just don't let all this get to you too much," she
pleaded.
He was quiet for a moment, and then he stood up and walked towards the
kitchen. But he stopped half-way and turned back to her, "The problem is,
when it comes to Buffy, I don't have a choice."
"Yeah, I know," Cordelia, whispered into the darkness after he'd disappeared
in the kitchen. "That's what love does to you."
... to be continued
The Night Remembers - Part 5
By Jill
"That's what I'm telling you, Wesley." Cordelia kept her voice low as she
spoke with the former watcher at the other end of the line. "He came back
from patrol about an hour ago, and he barely noticed I was there. We
exchanged a few words and then he disappeared in his room."
"Why are you staying with him anyway?" Wesley asked involuntarily keeping
his voice low as well. He was alone in the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel and
except Fred, who was sleeping upstairs in one of the bedrooms he was the
only living being in this huge building. Gunn and his gang were out hunting
vampires. He had to admit that without Angel and Cordelia the place was
almost deserted.
"Because I can't stay with my parents, the apartment they live in now is too
small. There isn't a lot left after the IRS put their hands on our
property." She frowned slightly and absentmindedly inspected her
fingernails. At least she hadn't broken any so far. It was a completely
unconscious gesture, her nails weren't as important anymore as they once had
been. Working for and with Angel in L.A. had given her other priorities.
"Not that it was their property to begin with," Wesley, muttered at the
other end of the line, but she heard him.
"I know that," she couldn't help the edge in her voice although she knew he
was right. "Anyways. And there was nobody else I could stay with. I mean all
my old friends," the last word she snorted in disgust. "Not very likely.
Sure I could've lied to them, told them I was some famous actress, but one
look at my shabby clothes and they would've known." Not that she had wanted to
stay with them in the first place.
"Cordelia, Angel gave you a brand-new set of clothes," the Englishman
reminded her, not quite sure why he was talking to her at all. He sighed
inwardly. No, that wasn't true. The brunette was worried, and she was trying
to cover up her concern by talking to him.
"That was ages ago," she reminded him. "Well, months," she amended quickly,
"but with today's fashion... It's already completely out."
"I see." This time he sighed audibly, and decided to get back to the source
of her worry, "So Angel went patrolling with Buffy."
"Yeah. I have no idea what happened out there, Wesley, but something did.
Something important. All the typical brooding signs surrounded him when he
came back. And the typical Buffy-look was in his eyes. Why on earth did they
have to drag him into this?" She sat down on a sofa and bit her lower lip.
"I'm sure Mr. Giles tried to find another solution," he said gently.
"Cordelia, I don't like it either. I know how much he suffers. I'm not as
insensitive as you think I am, but we cannot forget the fact that Buffy is
the Slayer. Her health, the fact that she can't execute her duty, is of the
utmost importance. Not only to us, but to the world."
"That doesn't mean I have to like the situation," the brunette grumbled.
"Because I don't like it at all. He's going to end up a wreck, Wesley. And
after all the other stuff he recently went through." Why had it to be that
way, she asked herself? Why did Angel always have to be the one rushing to
her aid, picking up the pieces in an emergency? All she ever did was yell at
him, accuse him, or throw that sorry excuse for a boyfriend in his face.
Damn Buffy. The former cheerleader had always known the slayer wasn't good
for Angel and the current situation was no exception.
Wesley sighed again, his tired eyes darting to his watch, "Cordelia you
should try and sleep," he said gently. "We can't change the situation. All
we can do is try to be there for him. You know that."
"I know," she replied finally. "Alright, Wes. Have a good night. And thanks
for listening to my ranting."
"It was a pleasure," he said with a certain tone in his voice that made her
smile. "Good Night."
Cordelia turned off her cellular phone and closed her eyes for a moment. He
was right all they could do was trying to be there for him when he needed
them. But of course nobody said that she couldn't keep an eye on Buffy as
well. Preventing damage was always better then cleaning up afterwards.
***
Buffy sat alone in the living room of her house at the same time, staring
into the darkness. Giles had gone back to his apartment, while Tara and
Willow to the dorms and Xander had left before she came back. She hadn't
seen Dawn or Spike since their little meeting in the graveyard but her
watcher had told her that her little sister was safely asleep in her room.
So there was finally time to hang on her thoughts. A brief flash of memory.
Would it mean that there was hope for her to become herself again after
everything? She wanted her memories back, now that Angel had appeared in
Sunnydale more than ever.
She saw the pain in his eyes, the torment because he couldn't tell her all
the things she wanted to know and she cursed herself for teasing him, for
trying to get him to open up, completely oblivious what it would mean for
him to dig up things that - so it seemed - he'd rather forget.
Riley. Her boyfriend Riley. Her boyfriend for over a year, Angel had told
her. She was twenty, soon to be twenty-one. Her dating days couldn't be that
many and being with someone for over a year had to mean something, right?
Why then did his name mean nothing to her? Wasn't one meant to remember
those who one loved? Then she was also sure she loved Dawn too, and her friends. Yet, all of them had been lost to her, had disappeared in some endless black hole, that was meant to be filled with pictures, faces or names.
But there was plain nothing.
Well, almost nothing. There was that brief flashback. Actually, the whole
scene had been about Angel, but of course, she recognized him immediately
and so her whole focus had shifted towards the other person she saw although
he hadn't been more than a supporting player.
And that had been her boyfriend, Riley. She turned his name back and forth
in her mind, but nothing came. With Angel, there had been a flutter. She
clearly remembered something stirring, and with Riley, there was plain
nothing.
She would've liked to explain it to the vampire that the man in the
flashback meant nothing to her, not now anyway, but after he walked away
from her, he didn't said another word. They had killed three vampires in
silence. Afterwards he saw her home and said goodbye with a curt nod in
front of her door. The only words that were spoken were over his shoulder
that he'd be back for another training shortly after sundown.
Buffy leaned her head back and with a heavy sigh closed her eyes. God, she
wanted to remember, she desperately wanted to understand what had happened
between her and Angel. She wanted to be able to understand that pain in his
dark orbs, wanted to understand why he was evading her questions.
A noise behind her startled her and abruptly her head jerked around, her
eyes falling on the inevitable clouds of smoke that seemed to accompany him
everywhere. "Spike," she acknowledged his presence, and then turned away
from him. She didn't want to talk to him, and didn't want to hear his
smart-ass remarks. She wanted to be alone and think. **Preferably of a dark,
tall and incredibly attractive vampire.** But then, Spike was his
grand-childe, wasn't he. "What do you want?" she asked almost involuntarily.
"All on your own, Slayer?" His voice was surprisingly without the usual
cockiness.
"Do you see anybody else?"
"No," he shook his head and blew some more smoke in the air, then walked
over to sit on the loveseat in the corner where she could see him from the
corner of her eye. "Thinking about anything special?" He paused, then added,
"Or someone?"
"If I did," she replied, "why do you think I would talk to you?"
He shrugged, "Don't know. It's the Poof again, isn't it?" It wasn't really a
question.
"'The Poof'?"
"Yeah," his voice held a trace of impatience, "Angel. My bloody darned
grand-sire. The Poof. You're thinking about him." When she didn't reply, he
went on. "You have that certain look in your eyes. Like that night when..."
he suddenly stopped and his voice trailed off, but her eyes perked up.
"Like when?, what" she asked.
He drew from his cigarette again, "A long time ago," he said evasively.
"Just know that we met each other before I had that stupid chip in my head."
"I had a flashback today," she said after a moment. "Angel was in it, and
Riley."
She heard him laugh beside her and turned around to fully look at him.
However, it was dark and she couldn't recognize more than his shadow and the
flashing of his cigarette from time to time. "And did you tell my grand-sire
about it?" he asked.
She could hear in his voice that he thought it would be funny if she had and
suddenly wished she hadn't. It was clear as day that there was no love
between Angel and Spike and somehow she had the feeling that the bleached
blond vampire would enjoy any form of torture he'd be able to inflict on his
grand-sire. Still she said, "Yes. I did. I didn't recognize Riley. I still
don't," she added hastily. "He was just a face in my mind and Angel helped
to put a name to it."
She wanted to slap him when she heard him laugh. "I assume, Angel was really
happy to hear you remembered soldier boy."
"I told you," she insisted, "I didn't really remember him. He was just...
there."
"Yeah, yeah, you told me," he snickered, "Still I would've liked to have
seen his face." Not that Spike felt much better. She'd seen Angel and Riley
in a flashback. She hadn't seen him. That said everything, didn't it?
"Can you tell me about Riley?" she asked after a while. "I know he was my
boyfriend. Angel told me that much. I know his name and his face, but it
doesn't mean anything to me. I'd like to know about him though."
Spike sighed, and then crushed his cigarette on an empty plate. "There isn't
a lot to tell. You were together, still can't figure out me why. Maybe there
was more to him than met the eye, although I severely doubt it." He stood up
and walked over to the door. "I didn't like him. Actually, I wanted to rip
his brains out, but thanks to him and his friends I couldn't."
"You didn't like him, huh?" She didn't turn towards him. "But then you don't
seem to like many people, do you."
He stared at her profile in the darkness, his eyesight was good enough to
see every detail, and glad she couldn't see him the same way. Then he
swallowed hard and blinked, hating the fact that he fell for her. "Yeah," he
said quietly, already walking towards the stairs to the basement, "Not many
people."
***
Angel was tossing and turning in his bed at the mansion trying to find sleep
where there was none. He couldn't get her out of his head, and couldn't stop
thinking about what had happened on patrol.
He knew he was crazy for behaving that way, for feeling hurt that she
remembered Riley in her first flashback. Dawn had said Buffy hadn't been in
love with Riley. Then why then would she remember him of all people? Well
it's only natural, a voice in his head whispered, he was her boyfriend for
quite some time. She was close to him, very close.
There mere thought about that closeness had Angel involuntarily balling his
fists. There were suddenly pictures in his head about Riley and Buffy.
Naked. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind from the disturbing
images. He couldn't think about it or he'd go insane. He knew that they'd
had a sexual relationship, so why was it throwing him that way all of a
sudden.
Liar, the little voice said again. Think about a certain talk at the police
department. It threw you then as well.
Groaning he ran a hand over his face. He was so damned tired, but there was
no way he'd be sleeping. So, he might as well get up and have some blood. He
had forgotten about food before. He stood up, pulled his sweat-pants up, and
then quietly made his way towards the kitchen, crossing the hall in the
process. He started when suddenly a female voice said.
"Can't sleep either, huh?"
He stopped in his tracks and then slowly turned toward the brunette who sat
in complete darkness. At least it was dark for her, although he could see
her just fine. "Cordelia," there was concern in his voice and she had to
smile at that. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," she assured him quickly. "I was just thinking that's all."
"Thinking?" he tilted his head and then walked over to her, sitting down
beside her on the sofa. "About what?"
"Many things," she said evasively.
"You don't need to worry, Cordelia," he reached out and took her hand. "I'm
alright." When he heard her laugh incredulously, he said, "Buffy had a
flashback today. About Riley." Well, actually it had been about Riley and
he, but at the moment only the commando was important.
"Oh," her voice was small and he felt her squeezing his hand. "I'm sorry."
"There is no need to be. I'm behaving ridiculously, that's all. I have
absolutely no business to feel that way. I left her, I told her she should
find someone who could give her all the things I couldn't. She only did what
I told her to do."
"But that doesn't mean, you feel good that she did," she replied gently.
A short, unhappy laugh sounded through the hall, then he said, "No, it
doesn't. When she told me she'd seen Riley in a flashback, it was as if my
heart was ripped out of my chest. Do you know what I mean?"
He was surprised, when she answered, "Yeah, I do." Noticing his surprise,
she added, "I once came into a room where my so called boyfriend was kissing
another girl. So, yeah, I know."
Now it was his turn to squeeze her hand. "And then Spike was there. He
followed us or rather her, around. And there is an expression in his eyes,
I'm not quite sure, but I don't like the way he looks at her. He's always
been obsessed with slayers, and I don't want him to develop any kind of
twisted feelings for her."
"How do you know they are twisted?"
"Because I know him. Because I remember his face when he killed a slayer
hundred years ago. Because without that chip, he wouldn't give a damn about
Buffy all he would think about was the best way to rip her heart out and
stomp on it," he shot back. Then added a bit sheepishly, "Sorry. I didn't
want to throw that at you."
"Hey, that's what friends are for," she smiled and leaned her head at his
shoulder for a moment. "Just don't let all this get to you too much," she
pleaded.
He was quiet for a moment, and then he stood up and walked towards the
kitchen. But he stopped half-way and turned back to her, "The problem is,
when it comes to Buffy, I don't have a choice."
"Yeah, I know," Cordelia, whispered into the darkness after he'd disappeared
in the kitchen. "That's what love does to you."
... to be continued