The Linariad Chapter 1
Lina jumped around excitedly on the docks. Her, Gourry, Zelgadis, and
Amelia were going on a voyage to legendary isle, a place legendary for its-
"Hey, Lina?" asked her blonde partner.
"What is it, Gourry?" Lina asked impatiently, knowing that some
outrageously dumb question was about to be asked. She wasn't disappointed.
"Where are we going again?" the swordsman asked.
"IDIOT!! We've been making arrangements on going there for months now!! The
legendary Isle of Winds, supposedly populated by hundreds of powerful
sorceresses, ruled by the most powerful sorceror of all!!" Lina yelled,
strangling Gourry.
The two other members of the group stood by, watching the daily occurrance.
Amelia squealed excitedly, "Oh, Zelgadis-san, isn't this exciting! We get
to go to a legendary isle to fight for justice."
The blue chimera stood by her with his arms crossed. "Only if it contains
my cure. I wonder why Lina got sent an invitation there, though?"
"Maybe they decided that they needed a true warrior of justice!" Amelia
said excitedly.
"Or maybe they decided they wanted to have their city Dragon-Slaved," came
Zelgadis' dry response.
"Zelgadis-san! That isn't nice!"
"Accurate, though."
They returned their attention to the other members of the group, to find
that the squabble had all ready ended, and Lina was busy haggling over the
price of four boat fares with a very disreputable-looking sea captain.
"50 gold!" shouted the captain vigorously.
"Ridiculous! I'm not paying over 10!" shouted Lina, not wanting to part
with any of her stolen-
"Ahem!" said Lina.
Er, I mean fairly won from evil bandits who had no doubt stolen it, and
therefore didn't deserve to have it, of course. Now, to get back to the
original conversation...
"What do you mean?! A ride on this baby is worth at least 45!" shouted the
captain.
"10!"
"40!"
"10!"
"35!"
"10!"
The sea captain sweatdropped. "You're supposed to go up!" he said in a
harsh whisper. "To do otherwise would violate every single Law of Haggling!
Not that a flat-chested runt like-"
"Dill Brand!" snapped Lina.
The captain flew into the air, landing on the railing, half in and half out
of the boat.
"10 gold?" said Lina sweetly, leaning in close to the captain's dazed face.
"10 gold..." moaned the captain resignedly.
And our brave adventurers were off!
***********************
"Bleahhh!" said Amelia, puking her guts over the side. Unfortunately, there
was a wind, and Amelia wasn't seaworthy enough to know which side to puke
from.
"GGRRRROOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed
Amelia, disgusted. She was covered in vomit.
Zelgadis, who had been standing behind the princess, disappeared.
Presumably to clean off his clothes.
************************
Lina stared over the side. Suddenly, a huge, graceful form appeared beside
the boat. Lina stared for a second, then grabbed a sailor passing close by.
"What is that?"
"A whale, Ma'am."
"A what?" asked Lina.
"No, not a what."
CLANG! "I knew that!" shouted Lina. "Just tell me what it is!"
"Owww........" moaned the sailor. "What did you do that for...?"
"Just answer the question!" yelled a demon-head Lina.
"Y-yes ma'am. It's a whale," the sailor said, beginning to recover his
composure. "The biggest fish in the sea. Magnificent, aren't they?" said
the sailor, leaning against the railing to look at the awe-inspiring sight.
"Are they edible?" asked Lina eagerly.
"Wha-wha-wha-?!" spluttered the sailor, caught completely off guard.
"ARE THEY EDIBLE?" shouted an impatient Lina.
"Well, yeah, I suppose so," said the sailor. "Of course, no one would ever
kill one of these beautiful creatures just for-"
"FOOD!!!!" shouted a suddenly bib-wearing Lina. She rushed to the railing.
"FIREBALL!!"
A huge fireball fried the whale. As it bobbed up to the top, Lina dove in
the water, then crawled on top of the huge carcass. With a
magically-appearing fork and knife, she dug in.
"Hey, what about me?!" shouted Gourry. He dived in, and got on top of the
carcass with Lina, and, of course, a fight predictably broke out.
"Hey, it's mine!" shouted Lina with her mouth full. "I roasted it fair and
square."
"But it's too big for even you to eat alone."
"In your dreams, buster! It's mine!"
The two continued their squabbling, as the sailor gawked then quickly ran
to get the captain.
"Hey!" shouted the captain.
Lina and Gourry ignored him, busily eating the whale.
"Hey!" tried the captain.
Still they ignored him.
"Hey, you! What do you think you're doing?! It's bad luck to kill whales!
You idiots! The ocean is turned against us! She'll sink my ship! The only
way-" suddenly a crazed light came into his eyes, and he drew his sword,
"The only way to appease her is to kill the heretics! DIE!"
"Fireball," said Lina calmly, interrupting her feeding frenzy just long
enough to toast the poor captain, then turning back to her food.
"Owwwwww......" moaned the captain.
**************************
"Pirates! It's the Black Skull!!!!!!!" shouted the lookout.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!!! BLACK
SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted the crew,
running everywhere frantically.
Lina's ears perked up in the privacy of her cabin. She got up and opened
the door, and snagged the nearest panicking crewman, and said, "Hey, you.
Pirates are like sea-going bandits, right?"
"Bandits?! Bandits?! What I wouldn't give for simple bandits! These are the
worst of all pirates, the Black Skull. They're going to kill us all!!"
wailed the terrified man.
"So, they have a lot of treasure, right?"
"Um... yeah... I guess so..." said the man, surprised out of his terror.
"Goody!!!!!" Lina squealed, clapping her hands. She grabbed her compatriots
from their various activities and told them what was going on.
Amelia: Pirates are evil murderers who need to be stopped! On behalf of
Justice, we will punish them!
Zelgadis: Whatever.
Gourry: Um, Lina? What are pirates?
Lina: IDIOT!! (mass hurting scene ensues)
When she was done, all of them flew over to the pirate ship, and started
the attack.
"Fireball!!" shouted the sorceress and shamanists.
Gourry just hacked and slashed.
Three point two seconds later, they were done. The watching crewmen on
their boat held up the scores, giving them a 10, a 9.8, a 9.9, a 10, a 9.9,
and an 8.7.
"Stupid Sator judges. Always giving low scores," mutted Lina. She then
skipped happily over to the bound pirate leader. "Where's the treasure?"
"Bottom deck, second door to the left."
Lina ran down there, and grinned. "Lucky!!!!"
The 'room' had to have taken up half the deck, and it was full of gold and
jewels. Lina immediately sat down, and started filling her cape.
***************************
Suddenly, the lookout's bellow cut the air, "Land ho!"
The noise seemed to linger for a bit, then Lina smiled, and got up from
where she had been playing poker with Amelia (and cheating outrageously).
"Well, it looks like we've arrived."
"All right!" said Amelia, quickly getting up to join Lina. They went out
onto the deck, where they could see a mist-shrouded form in the distance.
"Is that...?" Amelia's voice trailed off.
"Yes..." said Lina, her voice uncharacteristically sober. "That is the
legendary Isle of Winds."