Disclaimer and stuff in the first part.
The Night Remembers - Part 10
By Jill
"I just don't get you." Cordelia was standing in the middle of the hall in
the mansion, her hands firmly planted at her hips, her eyes following Angel
who was pacing said hall like a caged animal.
And that was exactly the way he felt. He didn't want to talk about it. And
certainly not to Cordelia. Firstly, although he usually admired her
bluntness and her ability to put things into perspective, she was also
sometimes annoying and tactless. And secondly she knew him far too well,
wasn't easily fooled by a dark scowl or a murderous glare that would send
other people or demons running.
The problem was, she just wouldn't let it go. "What's there to understand?"
he ground out through gritted teeth. "I won't do it. Period."
She looked at him for a long moment, and folded her arms in front of her
chest, "That's just plain stupid. And you know it."
He glared at her.
She grinned, "Don't think you can scare me away with this. Next thing you're
going to show your game-face. Just go on do it. It won't bother me."
Hadn't he said it already? She was entirely too dangerous for his peace of
mind. "Cordelia," he tried his best growl, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Too bad. Because I'm enjoying this subject tremendously." She flashed him
another grin and then sat down on the sofa.
**Help** There was no way to escape. It was broad daylight and unfortunately
the mansion didn't have a direct sewer access. Finally he gave up, stopped
and turned to look at her, "What the hell do you want from me? The whole
idea is impossible. And it's far too dangerous. You know what my demon is
like, you encountered him first hand - twice, if I may remind you - and none
of those meetings was very pleasant."
"No, it wasn't," she agreed. "Although there is something to be said about
Angelus' honesty. He at least didn't lie to my about my acting skills. If it
wasn't for him, I might be still running around, hoping I'd become some
Hollywood Superstar."
"That's got nothing to do with the point here," he narrowed his eyes. "I
think you are not aware what Willow was talking about."
"I know what she was talking about. She proposed to give you a safe soul.
All glued in and tight fitting, yours forever. But of course you are too
stupid to understand what a great gift that is." Now Cordelia narrowed her
eyes, "Or is this some weird vampire-with-a-soul-punishment, you know like
other people whip themselves."
"What?"
She shrugged, "Well, you are the king of guilt. It wouldn't be very
surprising."
He counted.
Backwards from ten.
And then again.
Finally he took a deep breath, "Cordy," he began using her nickname, "I know
what possibilities this would have. But I think you never thought all this
through. On the other hand, I have."
"Angel," she stood up and moved closer to him. "I know you are afraid,
because your soul would have to be lifted. And I know that nobody knows if
that curse is going to work. But did you forget what Willow said. If the new
version, Miss Calendar's version, the non-clause one, isn't going to work,
they just use the old one again. Nothing lost. And I say it's worth a try."
"Alright. Let's say I go with your idea. Let's say I agree," he turned away
and began to pace again. "What if it won't work afterwards? I mean not only
the new version, I mean at all. Would you want to risk it? What if the soul
can't be summoned back? The result would be Angelus. Do you want that?"
"No, of course not-"
"Of course not," he echoed, stopping in front of the fireplace, facing her
again. "And problem number two, and I think none of you had even considered
it. How the hell are you planning to break the curse? Because as far as I
know there is only one way to do it. And I plainly refuse to do that."
She stared at him for a long time, and then a laugh bubbled from her throat.
The glare he sent her was murderous and she asked herself if Angelus could
look more dangerous. Nope, probably not, she decided. Still, this was Angel,
and he didn't hurt people - not as a rule, anyway. "Sorry," she apologized,
but not really meaning it.
His last statement was so ridiculous... "Sorry again, but," she shook her
head, another laugh coming from her mouth. "Angel, you've got to be kidding
me. You left her because you were afraid you couldn't keep your hands off
her. And now you *refuse* breaking the curse with her? Oh please!"
"The curse wasn't the only one reason I left," he grunt out through gritted
teeth, trying his best not strangle her. "And I am not denying that I want
her, I've always wanted her. I even admit that I love her-"
"Not that we all didn't know that already," she cut in.
"... But that's the point here. Buffy's got amnesia. She doesn't remember
the times we had together. Plus we were separated for two years. She's had
other men... She even had a real relationship. I know it's over, and she
can't even remember Riley... But the point is, she can't make such a
decision. Not as long as the amnesia is firmly in place."
Angel took a deep, unnecessary breath at the end of his speech and his gaze
stayed on Cordelia. She would get it now. And let it go.
"Still..."
Or not. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
The brunette tapped her forefinger against her chin and then tilted her
head. He was the most thickheaded, stubborn person she'd ever met. Not
counting herself, of course. A little smile tugged at her lips. No, arguing
with him wouldn't lead anywhere. There had to be a more intelligent, subtle
approach and she would be damned if she wouldn't find it.
"I still think this is the best news since Wesley found the true meaning of
Shanshu," she said, slowly walking towards the kitchen. "But have it your
way. It's your life after all."
Angel raised a brow and stared at the spot where she'd been standing a
second ago. She'd given in, at least for now. It should make him feel
better. He just won an argument with Cordelia. But had he really?
***
"Duck."
Angel obeyed the shout and the vampire exploded above his head.
"That's number six tonight," Buffy was breathing heard, but grinning at him,
crossbow firmly in her hand and once he stood up again, was directly pointed
at his heart. "They're getting cockier."
"Yeah," he raised a brow at her, and then gave her a pointed glance. With an
apologetic look she lowered her weapon. "Thanks," he said with a wry grin.
"I don't like it."
"That I was pointing at your heart with a pointy object?" she joked but
already knowing he hadn't referred to that.
"When I came to Sunnydale Giles told me the number of vampires were
increasing, but it's just past ten p.m. and we've already killed six of
them." He bent down to regain the stake that had fallen from his hand in the
battle.
"It's funny to see a stake in your hand," she joked. "It's so... small,
compared to your mighty fighting axe."
"Yeah, it is-" He stopped mid sentence and stared at her. She had never seen
him with an axe except... No. That was impossible. This was absolutely
impossible. "How-," his voice cracked and he had to clear his throat, "How
do you know I have a fighting axe?" he whispered.
Buffy shrugged, "Haven't you?" she was busy getting the dust from her
clothes, then with a grimace gave it up to look at him, and the moment she
did she froze. There was such agony in his eyes, and it literally took her
breath away. "Angel?" she whispered, stepping closer, but afraid to reach
out.
Angel always seemed so strong, like a rock to lean on, absolutely
indestructible, but at the moment it seemed as if the lightest touch would
crack him. It might sound crazy, but right now he looked absolutely fragile.
"Angel?" she tried again. "Are you alright?"
"I... Sorry, what?" he whispered, not quite feeling as if his body belonged
to him. He was breathing heavily, his eyes were dazed and he blinked several
times, but still he wasn't able to focus. After a few seconds however he
managed to swallow and then slowly his eyes came to rest on her. "How do you
know I have a fighting axe?" he asked again, his voice steadier now.
"I... uh... I think I remembered you having one," she replied hesitantly,
"There is a picture in my head of you carrying one," she frowned slightly,
"in a sewer? It's not really clear and just a picture, but you do have a
fighting axe, right? Oh please say you have, that would mean I've got
another piece of memory back."
"Yes... yes, I have one," he said with a nod. She saw him with an axe in a
sewer. Christ! What was happening here? She was remembering something that
never really happened? Would she remember the rest of it? **God, please,
spare her that.**
"Oh good," she smiled. "That's great you know," she began to babble, eager
to share the other flashback with him. "I had another piece of memory today.
You were in it, and Spike, and a girl. Giles said it was Drusilla."
Still feeling a bit unsteady, Angel forced himself to focus on her,
"Really?" he asked weakly.
"Yep," she nodded, her ponytail bobbing up and down.
**Has she cut her hair?** "You've cut your hair." **God, Angel, shoot
yourself. She tells you about regaining her memory and you're talking about
her hair. This is getting to you.**
"Yeah," she grinned. "It's about time you noticed. It's because of the
flashback I had," she explained, "I saw myself in it. I had shorter hair and
I thought it looked much better," she reached for her ponytail. "Do you
like?"
"Looks nice," he commented, but wasn't really interested in her hair. He was
still too busy digesting the part where she'd remembered him in a sewer
tunnel with an axe. This wasn't possible. But here it was, she had regained
a glimpse of memory of the forgotten day. His stomach twisted. **Focus,
Angel, focus.** "So you," he had to clear his throat again, "had another
memory-flash?"
"Uh-huh," she nodded. "As I said, you, Spike, Drusilla and I in a church.
You were badly burned and had blisters on your chest."
"Oh," he replied, "That was when Spike kidnapped me to heal Drusilla."
She did a double take, "He WHAT? This... this... vampire," she shouted, "Oh
I'm SO going to stake him."
Angel managed a small grin at her outburst, "Hey, I'm still alive. Drusilla
was severely ill; I think she would've died, so Spike did everything to save
her. I know you probably won't understand that, but I can somehow relate to
him. She was the woman he loved, and he would do everything for her."
"Still," she grumbled, then decided to change the subject, her voice getting
low, "I remembered something else."
"You did?"
"Yeah. And it's a first actually. I remembered feeling something. I felt,"
now she stopped and looked at him, "I felt love. I could clearly remember
how much I loved you."
"Buffy-"
"No," she held up a hand. "Don't be alarmed. I already told you I
understood. I know it can never be."
**It could. It could. You're just too much of a coward to risk it.**
**It's too dangerous. And she still hasn't got all the facts.**
**As I said. You are a coward.**
**She remembers she loved me. She probably thinks she loves me now, but
that's not really her.**
**No? Who is it then? Because she looks like Buffy to me.**
"Angel?"
The vampire snapped out of his daze and looked at her, "I'm sorry. I'm
glad... of course... I mean, that you had another flash of memory."
"Angel, are you alright?" she reached out and touched his arm. **God, I want
to kiss him. Hold him. Make the pain in his eyes go away.**
He shook his head, "Yes. Sorry. It seems I'm not concentrating tonight. And
yes, I know you didn't want to bring up painful memories. It isn't really
painful," he managed to smile, "it's more... bittersweet. That's what I like
to think about it."
"Really?" her voice was like that of a little girl. "I'm glad." **Better
change the subject now.** "Uh... Did I tell you that Giles wanted to see us
after patrol?" she asked, began to walk again, purposely staring straight
ahead.
"You did," he replied, falling in pace beside her.
"He said it was important, but he didn't tell me what it was about." **Just
keep talking. Keep his mind off those memories.**
"That's okay, I'm sure we're going to find out soon." **No, this isn't going
to work.** "Buffy," he grabbed her arm and forced her to stop. "You don't
need to avoid mentioning those flashbacks to me. I'm glad you trust me
enough to share them with me."
"Of course I trust you," she seemed offended. "Angel, I have a feeling as if
I've known you all my life. I trust you. Period."
((There's someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had.
It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.))
**God, I want to kiss you.** "That's-" he cleared his throat again. "I
mean..." involuntarily he stepped closer.
**No.**
**Shut up.**
"Yes," she whispered, stepping closer as well. "What do you mean?"
"I..." and then all rational thinking flew right out of the window. Angel
was beyond that when his lips almost automatically found hers, his arms
wrapped around her and hers flew around his neck. Their bodies were seeking
contact. Closer. And closer.
Lips searching, tongues dueling, hands touching, they were like starved
children in front of a table with food.
Light exploded in Buffy's head, images shot through her mind, while she felt
Angel's body next to hers. A first kiss in a dark room. Another one with his
game-face on. Angel leaning on her. Angel kissing her on his bed. Angel
making love to her. Angel. Angel. Angel.
When air finally became an issue for her and their lips parted, Buffy was
breathing heavily. Tears were standing in her eyes and there was only one
thought in her mind. "Angel," she touched his cheek. "Angel. I love you."
... to be continued
The Night Remembers - Part 10
By Jill
"I just don't get you." Cordelia was standing in the middle of the hall in
the mansion, her hands firmly planted at her hips, her eyes following Angel
who was pacing said hall like a caged animal.
And that was exactly the way he felt. He didn't want to talk about it. And
certainly not to Cordelia. Firstly, although he usually admired her
bluntness and her ability to put things into perspective, she was also
sometimes annoying and tactless. And secondly she knew him far too well,
wasn't easily fooled by a dark scowl or a murderous glare that would send
other people or demons running.
The problem was, she just wouldn't let it go. "What's there to understand?"
he ground out through gritted teeth. "I won't do it. Period."
She looked at him for a long moment, and folded her arms in front of her
chest, "That's just plain stupid. And you know it."
He glared at her.
She grinned, "Don't think you can scare me away with this. Next thing you're
going to show your game-face. Just go on do it. It won't bother me."
Hadn't he said it already? She was entirely too dangerous for his peace of
mind. "Cordelia," he tried his best growl, "I don't want to talk about it."
"Too bad. Because I'm enjoying this subject tremendously." She flashed him
another grin and then sat down on the sofa.
**Help** There was no way to escape. It was broad daylight and unfortunately
the mansion didn't have a direct sewer access. Finally he gave up, stopped
and turned to look at her, "What the hell do you want from me? The whole
idea is impossible. And it's far too dangerous. You know what my demon is
like, you encountered him first hand - twice, if I may remind you - and none
of those meetings was very pleasant."
"No, it wasn't," she agreed. "Although there is something to be said about
Angelus' honesty. He at least didn't lie to my about my acting skills. If it
wasn't for him, I might be still running around, hoping I'd become some
Hollywood Superstar."
"That's got nothing to do with the point here," he narrowed his eyes. "I
think you are not aware what Willow was talking about."
"I know what she was talking about. She proposed to give you a safe soul.
All glued in and tight fitting, yours forever. But of course you are too
stupid to understand what a great gift that is." Now Cordelia narrowed her
eyes, "Or is this some weird vampire-with-a-soul-punishment, you know like
other people whip themselves."
"What?"
She shrugged, "Well, you are the king of guilt. It wouldn't be very
surprising."
He counted.
Backwards from ten.
And then again.
Finally he took a deep breath, "Cordy," he began using her nickname, "I know
what possibilities this would have. But I think you never thought all this
through. On the other hand, I have."
"Angel," she stood up and moved closer to him. "I know you are afraid,
because your soul would have to be lifted. And I know that nobody knows if
that curse is going to work. But did you forget what Willow said. If the new
version, Miss Calendar's version, the non-clause one, isn't going to work,
they just use the old one again. Nothing lost. And I say it's worth a try."
"Alright. Let's say I go with your idea. Let's say I agree," he turned away
and began to pace again. "What if it won't work afterwards? I mean not only
the new version, I mean at all. Would you want to risk it? What if the soul
can't be summoned back? The result would be Angelus. Do you want that?"
"No, of course not-"
"Of course not," he echoed, stopping in front of the fireplace, facing her
again. "And problem number two, and I think none of you had even considered
it. How the hell are you planning to break the curse? Because as far as I
know there is only one way to do it. And I plainly refuse to do that."
She stared at him for a long time, and then a laugh bubbled from her throat.
The glare he sent her was murderous and she asked herself if Angelus could
look more dangerous. Nope, probably not, she decided. Still, this was Angel,
and he didn't hurt people - not as a rule, anyway. "Sorry," she apologized,
but not really meaning it.
His last statement was so ridiculous... "Sorry again, but," she shook her
head, another laugh coming from her mouth. "Angel, you've got to be kidding
me. You left her because you were afraid you couldn't keep your hands off
her. And now you *refuse* breaking the curse with her? Oh please!"
"The curse wasn't the only one reason I left," he grunt out through gritted
teeth, trying his best not strangle her. "And I am not denying that I want
her, I've always wanted her. I even admit that I love her-"
"Not that we all didn't know that already," she cut in.
"... But that's the point here. Buffy's got amnesia. She doesn't remember
the times we had together. Plus we were separated for two years. She's had
other men... She even had a real relationship. I know it's over, and she
can't even remember Riley... But the point is, she can't make such a
decision. Not as long as the amnesia is firmly in place."
Angel took a deep, unnecessary breath at the end of his speech and his gaze
stayed on Cordelia. She would get it now. And let it go.
"Still..."
Or not. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
The brunette tapped her forefinger against her chin and then tilted her
head. He was the most thickheaded, stubborn person she'd ever met. Not
counting herself, of course. A little smile tugged at her lips. No, arguing
with him wouldn't lead anywhere. There had to be a more intelligent, subtle
approach and she would be damned if she wouldn't find it.
"I still think this is the best news since Wesley found the true meaning of
Shanshu," she said, slowly walking towards the kitchen. "But have it your
way. It's your life after all."
Angel raised a brow and stared at the spot where she'd been standing a
second ago. She'd given in, at least for now. It should make him feel
better. He just won an argument with Cordelia. But had he really?
***
"Duck."
Angel obeyed the shout and the vampire exploded above his head.
"That's number six tonight," Buffy was breathing heard, but grinning at him,
crossbow firmly in her hand and once he stood up again, was directly pointed
at his heart. "They're getting cockier."
"Yeah," he raised a brow at her, and then gave her a pointed glance. With an
apologetic look she lowered her weapon. "Thanks," he said with a wry grin.
"I don't like it."
"That I was pointing at your heart with a pointy object?" she joked but
already knowing he hadn't referred to that.
"When I came to Sunnydale Giles told me the number of vampires were
increasing, but it's just past ten p.m. and we've already killed six of
them." He bent down to regain the stake that had fallen from his hand in the
battle.
"It's funny to see a stake in your hand," she joked. "It's so... small,
compared to your mighty fighting axe."
"Yeah, it is-" He stopped mid sentence and stared at her. She had never seen
him with an axe except... No. That was impossible. This was absolutely
impossible. "How-," his voice cracked and he had to clear his throat, "How
do you know I have a fighting axe?" he whispered.
Buffy shrugged, "Haven't you?" she was busy getting the dust from her
clothes, then with a grimace gave it up to look at him, and the moment she
did she froze. There was such agony in his eyes, and it literally took her
breath away. "Angel?" she whispered, stepping closer, but afraid to reach
out.
Angel always seemed so strong, like a rock to lean on, absolutely
indestructible, but at the moment it seemed as if the lightest touch would
crack him. It might sound crazy, but right now he looked absolutely fragile.
"Angel?" she tried again. "Are you alright?"
"I... Sorry, what?" he whispered, not quite feeling as if his body belonged
to him. He was breathing heavily, his eyes were dazed and he blinked several
times, but still he wasn't able to focus. After a few seconds however he
managed to swallow and then slowly his eyes came to rest on her. "How do you
know I have a fighting axe?" he asked again, his voice steadier now.
"I... uh... I think I remembered you having one," she replied hesitantly,
"There is a picture in my head of you carrying one," she frowned slightly,
"in a sewer? It's not really clear and just a picture, but you do have a
fighting axe, right? Oh please say you have, that would mean I've got
another piece of memory back."
"Yes... yes, I have one," he said with a nod. She saw him with an axe in a
sewer. Christ! What was happening here? She was remembering something that
never really happened? Would she remember the rest of it? **God, please,
spare her that.**
"Oh good," she smiled. "That's great you know," she began to babble, eager
to share the other flashback with him. "I had another piece of memory today.
You were in it, and Spike, and a girl. Giles said it was Drusilla."
Still feeling a bit unsteady, Angel forced himself to focus on her,
"Really?" he asked weakly.
"Yep," she nodded, her ponytail bobbing up and down.
**Has she cut her hair?** "You've cut your hair." **God, Angel, shoot
yourself. She tells you about regaining her memory and you're talking about
her hair. This is getting to you.**
"Yeah," she grinned. "It's about time you noticed. It's because of the
flashback I had," she explained, "I saw myself in it. I had shorter hair and
I thought it looked much better," she reached for her ponytail. "Do you
like?"
"Looks nice," he commented, but wasn't really interested in her hair. He was
still too busy digesting the part where she'd remembered him in a sewer
tunnel with an axe. This wasn't possible. But here it was, she had regained
a glimpse of memory of the forgotten day. His stomach twisted. **Focus,
Angel, focus.** "So you," he had to clear his throat again, "had another
memory-flash?"
"Uh-huh," she nodded. "As I said, you, Spike, Drusilla and I in a church.
You were badly burned and had blisters on your chest."
"Oh," he replied, "That was when Spike kidnapped me to heal Drusilla."
She did a double take, "He WHAT? This... this... vampire," she shouted, "Oh
I'm SO going to stake him."
Angel managed a small grin at her outburst, "Hey, I'm still alive. Drusilla
was severely ill; I think she would've died, so Spike did everything to save
her. I know you probably won't understand that, but I can somehow relate to
him. She was the woman he loved, and he would do everything for her."
"Still," she grumbled, then decided to change the subject, her voice getting
low, "I remembered something else."
"You did?"
"Yeah. And it's a first actually. I remembered feeling something. I felt,"
now she stopped and looked at him, "I felt love. I could clearly remember
how much I loved you."
"Buffy-"
"No," she held up a hand. "Don't be alarmed. I already told you I
understood. I know it can never be."
**It could. It could. You're just too much of a coward to risk it.**
**It's too dangerous. And she still hasn't got all the facts.**
**As I said. You are a coward.**
**She remembers she loved me. She probably thinks she loves me now, but
that's not really her.**
**No? Who is it then? Because she looks like Buffy to me.**
"Angel?"
The vampire snapped out of his daze and looked at her, "I'm sorry. I'm
glad... of course... I mean, that you had another flash of memory."
"Angel, are you alright?" she reached out and touched his arm. **God, I want
to kiss him. Hold him. Make the pain in his eyes go away.**
He shook his head, "Yes. Sorry. It seems I'm not concentrating tonight. And
yes, I know you didn't want to bring up painful memories. It isn't really
painful," he managed to smile, "it's more... bittersweet. That's what I like
to think about it."
"Really?" her voice was like that of a little girl. "I'm glad." **Better
change the subject now.** "Uh... Did I tell you that Giles wanted to see us
after patrol?" she asked, began to walk again, purposely staring straight
ahead.
"You did," he replied, falling in pace beside her.
"He said it was important, but he didn't tell me what it was about." **Just
keep talking. Keep his mind off those memories.**
"That's okay, I'm sure we're going to find out soon." **No, this isn't going
to work.** "Buffy," he grabbed her arm and forced her to stop. "You don't
need to avoid mentioning those flashbacks to me. I'm glad you trust me
enough to share them with me."
"Of course I trust you," she seemed offended. "Angel, I have a feeling as if
I've known you all my life. I trust you. Period."
((There's someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had.
It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.))
**God, I want to kiss you.** "That's-" he cleared his throat again. "I
mean..." involuntarily he stepped closer.
**No.**
**Shut up.**
"Yes," she whispered, stepping closer as well. "What do you mean?"
"I..." and then all rational thinking flew right out of the window. Angel
was beyond that when his lips almost automatically found hers, his arms
wrapped around her and hers flew around his neck. Their bodies were seeking
contact. Closer. And closer.
Lips searching, tongues dueling, hands touching, they were like starved
children in front of a table with food.
Light exploded in Buffy's head, images shot through her mind, while she felt
Angel's body next to hers. A first kiss in a dark room. Another one with his
game-face on. Angel leaning on her. Angel kissing her on his bed. Angel
making love to her. Angel. Angel. Angel.
When air finally became an issue for her and their lips parted, Buffy was
breathing heavily. Tears were standing in her eyes and there was only one
thought in her mind. "Angel," she touched his cheek. "Angel. I love you."
... to be continued