The Night Remembers - Part 46
Buffy hated hospitals. She wasn't even really sure why sometimes, but at
moments like this the dislike hit her full force. It wasn't just the
antiseptic smell or the bright light in the hallways, or the white clothed
people running around. It was the atmosphere and the fact that each time she
came here it wasn't good. Now, with her memory returned in full, she
remembered the times when she and Dawn had feared for their mother's life
during the time of her brain tumor.
Involuntarily she shivered in Angel's arms. Immediately his concerned eyes
were on her face. "What?" he asked in a whisper, pulling her closer.
"Nothing," she replied and snuggled in his chest. It was so good to have him
near in a moment like this. Sitting in his lap in the waiting area,
surrounded by their friends. Who would've thought that so many people would
wait for news about Faith's health? Who would've thought that Buffy would
care at all?
It wasn't difficult to find the answer to that. Actually, it was quite
simple. Extreme situations changed things very quickly. They'd been thrown
together in a life and death situation and that made you forget the not so
important details and concentrate on the important ones. Like the fact that
they both were slayers, that they both risked their hides to save the world
night after night, and that nobody had asked them if they wanted to do it.
They'd been chosen, without an escape route.
Once Buffy had been angry, even bitter, about her fate. She wasn't anymore.
She had accepted it. She now even embraced it. She was a slayer, it was part
of her, and it was something that made her Buffy, the woman in love with a
vampire. A woman said vampire loved back. She thought about the way his eyes
would look at her, with that special combination of love and admiration that
made her feel so desired and accepted. He never asked, never judged, he
simply took her the way she was. He loved her.
To think she would've missed this if she'd stayed the shallow girl that once
had walked through the halls of Hemery. She didn't even want to think about
it. Love means risks, her mother had once said to her, and if loving Angel
and being loved by him meant risking her life night after night, she still
felt she got a good deal.
Buffy also thought about her friends. Raising her head from Angel's
shoulder, she looked at them. They could have a normal life and yet they
chose to fight with her and Angel, for the good cause. They stuck to her,
had never left her, and had always supported her. Would she have ever found
them without the slaying, she wondered. Or would she have been too
superficial to see their real value? And Giles, who was more her father than
her real one, she never would've met him.
Her thoughts drifting back to Faith, she suddenly understood how the
brunette slayer must have felt coming to Sunnydale and seeing Buffy. Seeing
that the blond had everything, Faith so desperately wanted. Friends, a
family, and a devoted boyfriend, even though their relationship had been
more than just strained at that time.
Faith must have felt like the outsider, the one who was damned to watch the
perfect life she'd never have. The brunette slayer had no experience in
making friends. Her life had been difficult and not overflowing with love.
Faith had never talked much about it, but from the bits Buffy had heard here
and there, she didn't envy the other woman's life.
Yes, she was seeing the things much clearer now, Buffy resumed. Angel had
been the only one to believe in Faith's chance for redemption. He couldn't
give up on her because giving her up would've meant giving up on himself
too. And although he was depressed so often, hated the fact that once a
demon wrecked havoc in his body, was haunted by the images of his past, deep
inside he still believed in his own humanity, the humanity of his soul that
put him above all the real vampires, those who murdered without conscience.
Which brought her back to Spike. The blond vampire had left the waiting area
to have a smoke or so he'd told the others. Buffy didn't believe him. Now
that she remembered she knew that he was different. He wasn't just the usual
vampire. Oh, Buffy didn't delude herself. Spike was evil, he had no soul,
and he would probably try to kill each one of them if he could, still he was
different.
Vampires didn't love, weren't able to feel true affection, Giles had once
told her and yet Buffy had seen Spike care for Drusilla, she had also seen
the way he had cared for Dawn, looked out for her, and, although she
shuddered at the thought, she'd seen the affection in his eyes towards
herself. As twisted as it might be, she would never be able to forget
certain events or the talks she had had with him. Angel certainly would
think she'd gone mad, but hadn't he himself accepted Spike's help for the
last days? Had trusted him up to a certain point? And Angel knew the blond
vampire better than anyone else.
With a little sigh she pulled from Angel's embrace and stood. Seeing him
looking up at her, she gave him a gentle kiss and smiled, "I need to go to
the bathroom." She didn't want him or her friends asking questions, she
thought, making her way down the hallway towards the emergency stairs that
led to the roof. Reaching it, she could already smell the cigarette Spike
was smoking and opening the door she saw him sitting, his legs crossed, the
moon shining on his pale face. He didn't turn, but she could see he'd
already heard her.
"Already had enough of your pet vampire?" he asked blowing out the smoke,
holding the cigarette between thumb and first finger.
"Just thought I'd find out where you'd be gone," she replied, closed the door and
leaned against it. "My first guess was right." She paused for a moment, then
added, "I remember, you know."
One of his eyebrows quirked, still he didn't look at her, "And? Decided that
my kiss was more exciting than Angel's and want some more?"
"Hardly," she said taking a deep breath of clear night air, "Faith is still
in surgery, they haven't told us anything."
He shrugged, but Buffy could see the tension in his shoulders, "What do I
care?" he asked, taking another draw from his cigarette. "She's just another
slayer chick."
"Yeah," she nodded, then walked over and sat down beside him, "One you slept
with."
He shrugged again, "She wasn't the first woman I had. In 200 years you
collect quite a number."
"I can imagine," she replied dryly, thinking about Drusilla and the fact
that he'd been with her for almost all his vampire existence, "So it was
nothing special."
"Damn right," he said firmly, snipping his cigarette away, "it was just
sex." He smirked, "You should know all about it, after all you did it for a
while too."
Buffy cringed at his words, her thoughts traveling to Riley and Parker, yes
she knew all about the difference between love and sex. "Well," she began
changing the subject, "it wasn't the reason I came anyway. I just wanted to
say thanks."
"Thanks?" his eyebrows rose and for the first time he looked at her.
"For taking care of Dawn. And for helping Angel and I tonight. You didn't
have to."
"I thought the vampires down there wouldn't care for one with a chip," he
replied evasively.
"I see," Buffy nodded again, then rose with a sigh and walked towards the
door, "Well, thanks nonetheless. You're a great help. Not that I like you
now, of course."
He grinned, "Of course not."
She grinned too, "As I said, thanks."
"Yeah, yeah."
Opening the door, she paused again, and looked at him, "And Spike. Be nice
to her, she looks tough, but she isn't. Not really." With this she left the
roof and smiled when she heard him yelling.
"Now, wait a minute. Slayer, will you wait? I do not care for that slayer
chick. I don't. Do you understand? I'm a vampire. Vampires don't care for
slayers. Only some very pitiful, soulful individuals, but I'm still bad..."
his voice faded when she walked down the steps, but her smile didn't.
****
"So the hellmouth might be closed forever?" Wesley asked looking at Angel
who was leaning against the wall, rubbing his tired eyes. He could feel the
sunrise, it was only an hour away and his whole being was crying out for
sleep.
"Who knows?" the vampire turned his gaze at Giles who stood with them. The
two watchers and Angel had left the waiting area for a private discussion.
"We'll have to research it," Giles said thoughtfully, "but it's possible.
You said the pull was gone?"
"Yes," Angel confirmed. "It's not just less, it's completely gone. And it
was very strong before. Spike felt it too. Well, all vampires and demons
felt it I suppose. And now there's nothing. It was very strange standing
there, without the evil energy humming through the air."
"Just think about the consequences," Wesley said, suddenly excited. "The
hellmouth in Sunnydale gone. That would mean," he looked at Giles, "that
Buffy's work isn't needed anymore."
"Not here, no," Giles agreed, "but there are enough other places that can
use a slayer."
At his words Angel's head jerked around, "What do you mean?" he asked. "You
would send her somewhere else? Far away?" Could it be? Could he lose Buffy
due to her calling? Could they send her away and he had to stay, bound to
L.A., due to the PTB? No. Angel refused to believe it, the thought was too
painful.
"No," Giles put a hand on the vampire's arm. "I don't believe she would be
sent away. But she could move," he tilted his head, "let's say to L.A. for
example."
Angel's eyes widened, "You mean...?" his voice was suddenly breathless, his
mind already running wild with the possibilities.
"Yes. Of course it's her choice, but it's a safe bet what her choice would
be, don't you think?" Now the watcher smiled.
"Does he think what?" Buffy came to stand beside the three men, her eyebrows
raised, she was looking at them quizzically.
Giles exchanged a glance with Wesley and getting the message the younger man
began to move towards the waiting area, "Oh nothing. Just that if the
hellmouth's really closed and it pretty much looks like it. It would mean
you could move. Away from Sunnydale, you know." Reaching out he patted
Buffy's shoulder and with a last look at Angel he left the two lovers alone.
Buffy watched him leave, her eyes wide, and then she turned her head and
looked at Angel. He wasn't quite sure what he saw in her eyes, but the last
he wanted was for her to feel forced. "Buffy, it's up to you. You don't need
to decide now... or ever. You can stay where-"
"Is it true?" she interrupted him, her eyes intense.
"It looks like it. Of course we aren't hundred percent sure, but-"
"The hellmouth is closed and I could leave Sunnydale?"
"Yeah," he confirmed holding her gaze. He still hadn't a clue what was going
on behind that nice forehead of hers and he felt himself trembling.
"So I could just travel the world? Be a normal woman?"
He felt his heart shatter at the thought of parting from her, but if that
was what she wanted, "Yes, you could see all the wonderful places and
wonders of this world," he told her.
Could she love him more, Buffy wondered. There he stood, desperately trying
to hide the pain in his eyes and a wave of love swept over her. With a
muffled sound she threw her arms around his neck, "You stupid vampire," she
whispered against his throat. "Where would I want to go but L.A.? If you
want me there, that is." She sniffled, tears already falling on his cool
skin.
"Buffy," he pulled her closer. "If I want you? God, Buffy. There's nothing I
want more."
"Nothing?" she asked and slightly pulled back. "Not even your humanity?"
He reached out, his fingertips stroking her cheek, his eyes resting lovingly
on her face, "Not even that."
"Yeah, I know," she replied thinking about his sacrifice, the one she hadn't
been allowed to remember for so long.
"I love you," he told her.
"I love you too. So very much."
"We should go back to the others. Faith's surgery should soon be over." She
nodded and he took her hand in his, pulling her with him. Before they were
about to enter the waiting area, he stopped, "How's Spike?"
She smiled at him, "So you knew, huh? He's Spike. He tries to make me
believe he doesn't care."
Angel nodded thoughtfully, "I don't know what to think of it," he said
frowning. "It's... I don't know."
"Yeah," she agreed. "I know what you mean. But they're adults. We can't live
their lives. They have to do that on their own. We can only be there for
them."
"True," he pulled her to him again, "She has to go back to jail anyway.
Maybe it's for the best."
"Yeah, maybe. But I think-" Buffy stopped when she saw the doctor coming
towards them, his coat drained with sweat from long hours of work.
He looked around, "Who's here for Faith?" he asked.
"We all are," Giles replied, coming to stand in front of him. "How is she?"
The doctor took a deep breath, "She's a very strong woman," he said, "She
suffered three broken ribs and a punctured lung. Lost a lot of blood, but
she's going to make it," now he smiled at the relief on the faces of those who
had been waiting for hours. "We moved her to the ICU. But tomorrow we'll move her
to a normal room and then you'll be able to see her. And now, if you excuse me,
I'm tired. I worked the whole night and if I may say so, you all look as if
you could use some sleep aswell."
"Yes, thank you," Giles nodded gratefully, then turned towards the others,
"He's right, we all need sleep. And Angel and Spike need to get shelter very
soon," he added looking at the blond vampire who had been coming to stand
behind his grand-sire. "We can see her tomorrow. Let's go home now."
... to be continued
Buffy hated hospitals. She wasn't even really sure why sometimes, but at
moments like this the dislike hit her full force. It wasn't just the
antiseptic smell or the bright light in the hallways, or the white clothed
people running around. It was the atmosphere and the fact that each time she
came here it wasn't good. Now, with her memory returned in full, she
remembered the times when she and Dawn had feared for their mother's life
during the time of her brain tumor.
Involuntarily she shivered in Angel's arms. Immediately his concerned eyes
were on her face. "What?" he asked in a whisper, pulling her closer.
"Nothing," she replied and snuggled in his chest. It was so good to have him
near in a moment like this. Sitting in his lap in the waiting area,
surrounded by their friends. Who would've thought that so many people would
wait for news about Faith's health? Who would've thought that Buffy would
care at all?
It wasn't difficult to find the answer to that. Actually, it was quite
simple. Extreme situations changed things very quickly. They'd been thrown
together in a life and death situation and that made you forget the not so
important details and concentrate on the important ones. Like the fact that
they both were slayers, that they both risked their hides to save the world
night after night, and that nobody had asked them if they wanted to do it.
They'd been chosen, without an escape route.
Once Buffy had been angry, even bitter, about her fate. She wasn't anymore.
She had accepted it. She now even embraced it. She was a slayer, it was part
of her, and it was something that made her Buffy, the woman in love with a
vampire. A woman said vampire loved back. She thought about the way his eyes
would look at her, with that special combination of love and admiration that
made her feel so desired and accepted. He never asked, never judged, he
simply took her the way she was. He loved her.
To think she would've missed this if she'd stayed the shallow girl that once
had walked through the halls of Hemery. She didn't even want to think about
it. Love means risks, her mother had once said to her, and if loving Angel
and being loved by him meant risking her life night after night, she still
felt she got a good deal.
Buffy also thought about her friends. Raising her head from Angel's
shoulder, she looked at them. They could have a normal life and yet they
chose to fight with her and Angel, for the good cause. They stuck to her,
had never left her, and had always supported her. Would she have ever found
them without the slaying, she wondered. Or would she have been too
superficial to see their real value? And Giles, who was more her father than
her real one, she never would've met him.
Her thoughts drifting back to Faith, she suddenly understood how the
brunette slayer must have felt coming to Sunnydale and seeing Buffy. Seeing
that the blond had everything, Faith so desperately wanted. Friends, a
family, and a devoted boyfriend, even though their relationship had been
more than just strained at that time.
Faith must have felt like the outsider, the one who was damned to watch the
perfect life she'd never have. The brunette slayer had no experience in
making friends. Her life had been difficult and not overflowing with love.
Faith had never talked much about it, but from the bits Buffy had heard here
and there, she didn't envy the other woman's life.
Yes, she was seeing the things much clearer now, Buffy resumed. Angel had
been the only one to believe in Faith's chance for redemption. He couldn't
give up on her because giving her up would've meant giving up on himself
too. And although he was depressed so often, hated the fact that once a
demon wrecked havoc in his body, was haunted by the images of his past, deep
inside he still believed in his own humanity, the humanity of his soul that
put him above all the real vampires, those who murdered without conscience.
Which brought her back to Spike. The blond vampire had left the waiting area
to have a smoke or so he'd told the others. Buffy didn't believe him. Now
that she remembered she knew that he was different. He wasn't just the usual
vampire. Oh, Buffy didn't delude herself. Spike was evil, he had no soul,
and he would probably try to kill each one of them if he could, still he was
different.
Vampires didn't love, weren't able to feel true affection, Giles had once
told her and yet Buffy had seen Spike care for Drusilla, she had also seen
the way he had cared for Dawn, looked out for her, and, although she
shuddered at the thought, she'd seen the affection in his eyes towards
herself. As twisted as it might be, she would never be able to forget
certain events or the talks she had had with him. Angel certainly would
think she'd gone mad, but hadn't he himself accepted Spike's help for the
last days? Had trusted him up to a certain point? And Angel knew the blond
vampire better than anyone else.
With a little sigh she pulled from Angel's embrace and stood. Seeing him
looking up at her, she gave him a gentle kiss and smiled, "I need to go to
the bathroom." She didn't want him or her friends asking questions, she
thought, making her way down the hallway towards the emergency stairs that
led to the roof. Reaching it, she could already smell the cigarette Spike
was smoking and opening the door she saw him sitting, his legs crossed, the
moon shining on his pale face. He didn't turn, but she could see he'd
already heard her.
"Already had enough of your pet vampire?" he asked blowing out the smoke,
holding the cigarette between thumb and first finger.
"Just thought I'd find out where you'd be gone," she replied, closed the door and
leaned against it. "My first guess was right." She paused for a moment, then
added, "I remember, you know."
One of his eyebrows quirked, still he didn't look at her, "And? Decided that
my kiss was more exciting than Angel's and want some more?"
"Hardly," she said taking a deep breath of clear night air, "Faith is still
in surgery, they haven't told us anything."
He shrugged, but Buffy could see the tension in his shoulders, "What do I
care?" he asked, taking another draw from his cigarette. "She's just another
slayer chick."
"Yeah," she nodded, then walked over and sat down beside him, "One you slept
with."
He shrugged again, "She wasn't the first woman I had. In 200 years you
collect quite a number."
"I can imagine," she replied dryly, thinking about Drusilla and the fact
that he'd been with her for almost all his vampire existence, "So it was
nothing special."
"Damn right," he said firmly, snipping his cigarette away, "it was just
sex." He smirked, "You should know all about it, after all you did it for a
while too."
Buffy cringed at his words, her thoughts traveling to Riley and Parker, yes
she knew all about the difference between love and sex. "Well," she began
changing the subject, "it wasn't the reason I came anyway. I just wanted to
say thanks."
"Thanks?" his eyebrows rose and for the first time he looked at her.
"For taking care of Dawn. And for helping Angel and I tonight. You didn't
have to."
"I thought the vampires down there wouldn't care for one with a chip," he
replied evasively.
"I see," Buffy nodded again, then rose with a sigh and walked towards the
door, "Well, thanks nonetheless. You're a great help. Not that I like you
now, of course."
He grinned, "Of course not."
She grinned too, "As I said, thanks."
"Yeah, yeah."
Opening the door, she paused again, and looked at him, "And Spike. Be nice
to her, she looks tough, but she isn't. Not really." With this she left the
roof and smiled when she heard him yelling.
"Now, wait a minute. Slayer, will you wait? I do not care for that slayer
chick. I don't. Do you understand? I'm a vampire. Vampires don't care for
slayers. Only some very pitiful, soulful individuals, but I'm still bad..."
his voice faded when she walked down the steps, but her smile didn't.
****
"So the hellmouth might be closed forever?" Wesley asked looking at Angel
who was leaning against the wall, rubbing his tired eyes. He could feel the
sunrise, it was only an hour away and his whole being was crying out for
sleep.
"Who knows?" the vampire turned his gaze at Giles who stood with them. The
two watchers and Angel had left the waiting area for a private discussion.
"We'll have to research it," Giles said thoughtfully, "but it's possible.
You said the pull was gone?"
"Yes," Angel confirmed. "It's not just less, it's completely gone. And it
was very strong before. Spike felt it too. Well, all vampires and demons
felt it I suppose. And now there's nothing. It was very strange standing
there, without the evil energy humming through the air."
"Just think about the consequences," Wesley said, suddenly excited. "The
hellmouth in Sunnydale gone. That would mean," he looked at Giles, "that
Buffy's work isn't needed anymore."
"Not here, no," Giles agreed, "but there are enough other places that can
use a slayer."
At his words Angel's head jerked around, "What do you mean?" he asked. "You
would send her somewhere else? Far away?" Could it be? Could he lose Buffy
due to her calling? Could they send her away and he had to stay, bound to
L.A., due to the PTB? No. Angel refused to believe it, the thought was too
painful.
"No," Giles put a hand on the vampire's arm. "I don't believe she would be
sent away. But she could move," he tilted his head, "let's say to L.A. for
example."
Angel's eyes widened, "You mean...?" his voice was suddenly breathless, his
mind already running wild with the possibilities.
"Yes. Of course it's her choice, but it's a safe bet what her choice would
be, don't you think?" Now the watcher smiled.
"Does he think what?" Buffy came to stand beside the three men, her eyebrows
raised, she was looking at them quizzically.
Giles exchanged a glance with Wesley and getting the message the younger man
began to move towards the waiting area, "Oh nothing. Just that if the
hellmouth's really closed and it pretty much looks like it. It would mean
you could move. Away from Sunnydale, you know." Reaching out he patted
Buffy's shoulder and with a last look at Angel he left the two lovers alone.
Buffy watched him leave, her eyes wide, and then she turned her head and
looked at Angel. He wasn't quite sure what he saw in her eyes, but the last
he wanted was for her to feel forced. "Buffy, it's up to you. You don't need
to decide now... or ever. You can stay where-"
"Is it true?" she interrupted him, her eyes intense.
"It looks like it. Of course we aren't hundred percent sure, but-"
"The hellmouth is closed and I could leave Sunnydale?"
"Yeah," he confirmed holding her gaze. He still hadn't a clue what was going
on behind that nice forehead of hers and he felt himself trembling.
"So I could just travel the world? Be a normal woman?"
He felt his heart shatter at the thought of parting from her, but if that
was what she wanted, "Yes, you could see all the wonderful places and
wonders of this world," he told her.
Could she love him more, Buffy wondered. There he stood, desperately trying
to hide the pain in his eyes and a wave of love swept over her. With a
muffled sound she threw her arms around his neck, "You stupid vampire," she
whispered against his throat. "Where would I want to go but L.A.? If you
want me there, that is." She sniffled, tears already falling on his cool
skin.
"Buffy," he pulled her closer. "If I want you? God, Buffy. There's nothing I
want more."
"Nothing?" she asked and slightly pulled back. "Not even your humanity?"
He reached out, his fingertips stroking her cheek, his eyes resting lovingly
on her face, "Not even that."
"Yeah, I know," she replied thinking about his sacrifice, the one she hadn't
been allowed to remember for so long.
"I love you," he told her.
"I love you too. So very much."
"We should go back to the others. Faith's surgery should soon be over." She
nodded and he took her hand in his, pulling her with him. Before they were
about to enter the waiting area, he stopped, "How's Spike?"
She smiled at him, "So you knew, huh? He's Spike. He tries to make me
believe he doesn't care."
Angel nodded thoughtfully, "I don't know what to think of it," he said
frowning. "It's... I don't know."
"Yeah," she agreed. "I know what you mean. But they're adults. We can't live
their lives. They have to do that on their own. We can only be there for
them."
"True," he pulled her to him again, "She has to go back to jail anyway.
Maybe it's for the best."
"Yeah, maybe. But I think-" Buffy stopped when she saw the doctor coming
towards them, his coat drained with sweat from long hours of work.
He looked around, "Who's here for Faith?" he asked.
"We all are," Giles replied, coming to stand in front of him. "How is she?"
The doctor took a deep breath, "She's a very strong woman," he said, "She
suffered three broken ribs and a punctured lung. Lost a lot of blood, but
she's going to make it," now he smiled at the relief on the faces of those who
had been waiting for hours. "We moved her to the ICU. But tomorrow we'll move her
to a normal room and then you'll be able to see her. And now, if you excuse me,
I'm tired. I worked the whole night and if I may say so, you all look as if
you could use some sleep aswell."
"Yes, thank you," Giles nodded gratefully, then turned towards the others,
"He's right, we all need sleep. And Angel and Spike need to get shelter very
soon," he added looking at the blond vampire who had been coming to stand
behind his grand-sire. "We can see her tomorrow. Let's go home now."
... to be continued