The Night Remembers - Part 46
Faith wasn't so sure anymore if being injured was a bad thing. True, there
was the pain and the embarrassing fact that she'd fainted, in front of Buffy
of all people, even if the other slayer hadn't been able to see it. But
she'd woken up this morning finding flowers at her bed with a little card
wishing her to 'get well soon.' There hadn't been any signature but she had
a very good feeling who'd sent them and the fact made her smile.
And then the moment the doctor had given permission for visitors to see her.
The flow hadn't stopped. At noon Faith had the feeling she had suddenly
transformed into some sort of queen. She couldn't remember ever having
been the center of so much attention, and although she knew it was due to
her injury she thoroughly enjoyed it. Even Giles had been there, brought a
book, and it was even a nice one, a Stephen King-novel, not one of those
stiff old British books she expected. Okay, so Faith had seen the movie
already, but it was the thought that counted, she decided.
After that she'd fallen asleep, exhausted, but happy and woke slowly when
she heard a cautious knock on the door and then a blond head appeared, "Hi,
Faith," Buffy greeted her sister slayer and send the brunette a smile. "How
do you feel?"
"Better," Faith replied, not quite so sure how to take this visitor. Sure,
Buffy had been with her down in the cellar, as Xander had told her, and
she'd been nice and forgiving, but the brunette had been injured then, so
there was no way knowing if Buffy had just been nice due to circumstances.
"How's Angel?"
"He's fine. Sleeping," Buffy's smile widened into grin at that. "Sunshine
makes him sleepy."
"Yeah," the brunette agreed thinking about Spike who hadn't been very sleepy
the last day they'd spent together. Her eyes flickered to the flowers at her
nightstand for a second, then back to the blond, "Thanks... uh... for
coming. And for... uh ... keeping up with me last night."
"Hey," the other slayer tried to sound light, "that's what slayers are there
for. They stick together through life and death."
"Yeah," Faith replied trying a laugh of her own. It was more like a
strangled sound and she frowned, "To say sorry doesn't really cover it, I
suppose," she said finally, looking at her hands that were playing with the
sheet.
"Sorry for what?" Buffy was honestly puzzled.
"For everything," the brunette burst out, "You know, trying to kill Angel...
twice," she frowned again, "actually it was three times."
The blond's head jerked up, "Three?"
"Uh... yeah," Faith admitted on a short laugh, "When I came to L.A. I...
well, some lawyers hired me to kill him. And I... agreed... kind of."
"Oh."
"Uh-huh. And then for stealing your body, sleeping with your boyfriend...
God," the brunette ran a hand through her hair and blinked sudden tears
away, "Thinking back, I can't understand why you're talking to me at all. In
your place I would've forgotten you down there."
Buffy tilted her head, looked at the other woman for a long moment. Then she
said, "No you wouldn't have."
"No probably not," Faith agreed. "But I was horrible. How could he still
believe in me?" she asked out of the blue.
"Because he understands," the blond smiled, "Plus he has this idea that
everyone deserves second, third, fourth or whatever chances, that it's never
to late to change and search for redemption. It's just the way he is."
"I guess," the brunette replied. Then she swallowed and took a deep breath,
"I want to apologize. For what I did. Of course I know it's not enough, but
it's all I can do and maybe one day you'll believe I really want to change."
The words had been spoken in a rush and now that they were out, Faith stared
at her hands again, that were clenching and unclenching rhythmically.
"I already know," Buffy said quietly and when the other woman stared at her,
she smiled, "Angel told me all about you. About his visits at the jail,
about your talks, about the day I came to L.A. and did things without really
understanding what was happening."
"You had every right to," Faith tried her lips for the hint of a smile.
"After all that happened. I had just stolen your body and... Riley..." she
trailed off, again ashamed.
"Riley," Buffy said the name on a heavy sigh. "Another problem I have to
deal with," she murmured more to herself, thinking about the commando whose
visit she and Angel were expecting for the evening. "You know," she looked
at Faith again, "I was angry then. With you, but also with him and all my
friends for not knowing it wasn't me. I mean, that you were not..." she
grimaced at her own choice of words, "well, you get the point.
"Yeah," the brunette nodded. "You thought they had to know it wasn't really
you in your body. But Buffy, they're just human."
"I guess," the blond slayer frowned, "But you see, Tara knew. She knew
without even really knowing me. Willow's a witch too," she raised her
shoulders in a helpless gesture. "And Riley. He didn't have a clue. I mean,
we both," he felt herself blush, "Riley and I, we did it quite often. But
then he slept with you in my body and couldn't feel the change. It hurt, but
not the way you think. It hurt because I couldn't deny that he wasn't Angel
or at least as good as him. I had to stop lying to myself. And it's quite an
awakening, I can tell you, after you've lived in denial for so long."
Faith said nothing, just looked at her, so Buffy went on, "Then I went to
L.A., and there you were, in Angel's arms and his shirt was only
half-buttoned, and something inside of me just snapped," she smiled
sheepishly, "They all had let me down, and now Angel was doing the same,
then even refused to know me at the precinct. Only after I had left L.A.,
yelled at him and thrown Riley in his face, I realized he'd done it to
protect me." She ran a hand through her hair and laughed harshly, "I screwed
up badly Faith. It wasn't just you."
"But I was the motor of all this."
"You think?" Buffy looked doubtful. "No, I don't believe it. You just opened
something that had been locked up deep inside of me. Anyways. After this,
although I defended Riley against Angel when he came to Sunnydale, our
relationship was strained. Riley's and mine I mean. Still I deluded myself
in denial for a while, but I should've known, should've seen that it was
wrong in the first place. I feel so bad about it," she admitted finally,
looking at Faith.
It was strange to sit in her hospital room and talk to her like to a friend.
But there was a closeness between them, that had always been there,
developed through sharing the same fate, the same calling, through sharing
similar experiences, through sharing facing death each night. Closeness
they'd let slip away once, but that both wanted back.
"Angel wouldn't hold it against you," Faith replied after a moment.
"I know," Buffy said softly. "He won't. But that doesn't change the fact
that I feel bad about it. Not because of him but because of me and for
Riley's sake. I lied to myself, I lied to myself for so long, Faith. And
Riley got caught in it. He loved me. He truly loved me, at least the way he
knows to love, and he got nothing back. Just a shell to have sex with," she
finished brutally and frowned.
"I didn't get the impression he minded sleeping with you," the brunette said
dryly.
Buffy gasped in surprise at the other woman's words, then slowly nodded, "No, he
didn't. And he wasn't a bad lover," she admitted.
"Oh well, depends on the experience I assume," Faith shot back and grinned.
In response the blond gasped again, "Faith," she said truly shocked. Then
suddenly giggled, "Well I said he wasn't bad, I never said he was good," she
amended. "Angel on the other hand..." she trailed off, her eyes glazing over
dreamily.
"If Spike's skill is any indication I can't blame you for preferring Angel
to any other," the brunette remarked, still grinning.
"Oh God," Buffy shook her head, and then burst out laughing. "I can't
believe we're talking about our boyfriend's sex-skills."
Faith sobered instantly, "Spike isn't my boyfriend. He was just..."
"Yeah, yeah," the blond gestured dismissively, "I know. Just casual sex.
That's what he said too. Come again."
"He is a vampire, B.!"
"And? Angel's a vampire."
"With a soul."
Buffy shrugged, "Details, details," then grinned again, "I got to know him
quite well, you know," she said, sobering as well, "He isn't like other
vampires. Sure, he's evil and it's only the chip, but I think he's able to
love - in a twisted sort of way of course."
In response Faith quirked a brow, "You think?" she asked, her eyes again
darting to the flowers.
"Uh-huh," the blond reached out and put a hand over the other woman's.
"Maybe we could start again," she said suddenly, "Leave the past behind us."
"Oh no," Faith blinked sudden tears away, "now you managed to overwhelm me.
God, I hate being emotional," she laughed shakily, but turned her hand and
entwined her fingers with Buffy's. "I would like that very much," she said
and the two slayer's eyes met. "Very much."
... to be continued