"I don't care what you say, Tongari. It still doesn't make sense."
With a sigh, Vash tore his eyes away from the horizon and glanced at the dark-haired priest. His expression was gentle, but stubborn, a crumpled cigarette dangling between his lips. It saddened the blond to see how jaded his lover was.
Wolfwood noticed the sudden weariness on his face, "Come on, Vash you can't expect us to agree on everything."
He chuckled, "We don't agree on anything, Wolfwood."
"Vash..."
"There doesn't need to be a sacrifice. There never needs to be one. It's possible to save everyone-"
"Danmit, Vash, that's not true! Just because you will it-"
"I know it's true!" Vash shouted in response, "I've spent my life making sure there doesn't need to be one."
"But Vash," the priest answered in a much softer voice, "Don't you see? You've simply succeeded in making yourself the sacrifice."
Vash simply stared for a moment, taken aback by the pity and tenderness in Wolfwood's eyes. It wasn't an expression he was used to seeing on his face. He moved closer to him, longing to embrace him, but Wolfwood looked away, shutting him out. Ever since they'd found each other again after their forced separation, Wolfwood had maintained a distance Vash was unaccustomed to. That first night in the desert together, Vash had managed to break down his defenses for a while, but the coldness between them had reappeared with the dawn.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" Wolfwood responded quietly.
"For whatever I did to make you shut me out."
"Vash..."
"Is it... Is it because of what I am?" Vash whispered in a trembling voice.
A rough hand tenderly stroked his smooth face, "You haven't done anything wrong, ever, in your entire life. No matter what, you've done what you've thought is the right thing. You've never compromised yourself. Not like I have," he added under his breath.
"Then why..."
Wolfwood stood, pulling away from Vash's touch. His aquamarine eyes trailed after him longingly.
"Damnit, Tongari, it's just better this way. It's easier for both of us. In the long run, it'll hurt less."
Hugging his knees to his chest, Vash struggled to keep the tears in his eyes from falling down cheeks. He was ending it, he was denying their love, he was saying the things Vash had come to fear in the past few days.
"We have to end it. The other night never should have happened. I was just too weak to stop it," the priest said in a ragged voice.
"Stop it, please," Vash said, crying softly, "Don't tell me this is easier, don't tell me we have to do this. Don't try to justify what you're doing."
Wolfwood wiped at his eyes, surprised at how hard it was to get the words out, considering all the pain he'd already been through because of the Humanoid Typhoon. He'd planned what he'd say for years, searching for Vash desperately, yet he'd been unable to force himself until now. Remembering all the sacrifices Vash had already had to make in his life made it a little easier to hurt himself in order to prevent an even worse betrayal later on.
"Please, trust me. I'm doing this for you..."
"That's bullshit," His trembling voice was full of anger, "How can you say that? How can you come back into my life after disappearing for years, make me realize how much I still love you, and then tell me you're breaking my heart for my sake?"
Wolfwood turned around, gazing at Vash with shiny eyes, "How can you still love me? After I left you with no explanation? I don't deserve forgiveness and you know it."
"How long have you been searching for me?"
He sighed, stared at the suns as they began to set, "Since Augusta."
Vash only glared at him in silence, tears streaming down his face.
"I still love you," he whispered, the words slipping out despite his efforts.
"Then you're a coward, Nicholas."
"I know, Tongari. I know that."
Their eyes locked, as they tended to do, gray struggling against aquamarine, each lost in a haze of pain. Wolfwood barely managed to break the connection. He forced himself to walk away into the encroaching twilight. Vash's sobs followed him.
"Damn you!" he screamed, his voice cracking, as the love of his life walked away. He couldn't seem to force his legs to move.
Wolfwood felt the tears stream down his face as though they were falling from someone else's eyes. He was too intent on placing one foot in front of another to realize how jagged his breathing had become. It was quite possibly the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, to shatter two hearts, one belonging to the purest, most genuinely good soul he'd ever met in his life.
He suddenly heard footsteps behind him. Some small part of him was relieved.
Vash tackled him to the ground, the weight of his body achingly familiar, "I'm not letting you do this..."
Their teardrops mixed together on Wolfwood's face, "You don't have a choice."
Vash pressed his lips against the other man's mouth, felt him moan as he struggled to keep from responding. Wolfwood pulled him back by his hair, wincing as he felt the blond cry out in pain.
"Stop it, Vash. I can't," he growled. He pushed the other man aside roughly, tossing him into the sand. He lie where he'd fallen, sobbing openly. Next to him, the priest cried quietly as the stars came out. They remained motionless until three moons filled the sky, one scarred and crimson.
"Vash.." he said softly.
"Why, Nicholas? What's the real reason?" Vash whimpered beside him.
He struggled to his feet and put an arm around his friend, "You don't understand now, but you will someday, I promise."
Vash curled into him, pressing his face against his chest, "I don't care about some distant future, Wolfwood. I can't think that far ahead; I might not be alive to see it. All I know is that right now, you make me happy, happier then I thought I could ever be again, and I know I make you feel the same way. Can't..." the sobs that had tapered off began anew, "How can you just turn that off? I can't just stop being in love..."
The priest felt his heart sinking, leaving an empty hollow of pain in its place, "I'm sorry, Vash. You don't know how much this hurts me."
"I don't know?" Vash cried, striking Wolfwood's chest, "If it hurts you so much, then don't do it."
He stared down at him, at his pale, delicate skin and limp yellow hair. Vash seemed preternaturally beautiful, the closest to an angel Wolfwood suspected he'd ever see. Liquid eyes opened to meet his once again. They pleaded shamelessly. Wolfwood wasn't accustomed to such vulnerability in anyone; it was one of the things he loved about Vash.
Without warning, Wolfwood found himself hopelessly tangled in Vash's arms, kissing him desperately. He cursed himself for giving in so easily.
"I'll break your heart someday," Wolfwood panted once they had separated enough to give Vash enough room to unbutton his suit and slip it from his shoulders.
"I guess I'll just have to wait until then," he responded before trailing his mouth over Wolfwood's neck.
With a sigh, Vash tore his eyes away from the horizon and glanced at the dark-haired priest. His expression was gentle, but stubborn, a crumpled cigarette dangling between his lips. It saddened the blond to see how jaded his lover was.
Wolfwood noticed the sudden weariness on his face, "Come on, Vash you can't expect us to agree on everything."
He chuckled, "We don't agree on anything, Wolfwood."
"Vash..."
"There doesn't need to be a sacrifice. There never needs to be one. It's possible to save everyone-"
"Danmit, Vash, that's not true! Just because you will it-"
"I know it's true!" Vash shouted in response, "I've spent my life making sure there doesn't need to be one."
"But Vash," the priest answered in a much softer voice, "Don't you see? You've simply succeeded in making yourself the sacrifice."
Vash simply stared for a moment, taken aback by the pity and tenderness in Wolfwood's eyes. It wasn't an expression he was used to seeing on his face. He moved closer to him, longing to embrace him, but Wolfwood looked away, shutting him out. Ever since they'd found each other again after their forced separation, Wolfwood had maintained a distance Vash was unaccustomed to. That first night in the desert together, Vash had managed to break down his defenses for a while, but the coldness between them had reappeared with the dawn.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" Wolfwood responded quietly.
"For whatever I did to make you shut me out."
"Vash..."
"Is it... Is it because of what I am?" Vash whispered in a trembling voice.
A rough hand tenderly stroked his smooth face, "You haven't done anything wrong, ever, in your entire life. No matter what, you've done what you've thought is the right thing. You've never compromised yourself. Not like I have," he added under his breath.
"Then why..."
Wolfwood stood, pulling away from Vash's touch. His aquamarine eyes trailed after him longingly.
"Damnit, Tongari, it's just better this way. It's easier for both of us. In the long run, it'll hurt less."
Hugging his knees to his chest, Vash struggled to keep the tears in his eyes from falling down cheeks. He was ending it, he was denying their love, he was saying the things Vash had come to fear in the past few days.
"We have to end it. The other night never should have happened. I was just too weak to stop it," the priest said in a ragged voice.
"Stop it, please," Vash said, crying softly, "Don't tell me this is easier, don't tell me we have to do this. Don't try to justify what you're doing."
Wolfwood wiped at his eyes, surprised at how hard it was to get the words out, considering all the pain he'd already been through because of the Humanoid Typhoon. He'd planned what he'd say for years, searching for Vash desperately, yet he'd been unable to force himself until now. Remembering all the sacrifices Vash had already had to make in his life made it a little easier to hurt himself in order to prevent an even worse betrayal later on.
"Please, trust me. I'm doing this for you..."
"That's bullshit," His trembling voice was full of anger, "How can you say that? How can you come back into my life after disappearing for years, make me realize how much I still love you, and then tell me you're breaking my heart for my sake?"
Wolfwood turned around, gazing at Vash with shiny eyes, "How can you still love me? After I left you with no explanation? I don't deserve forgiveness and you know it."
"How long have you been searching for me?"
He sighed, stared at the suns as they began to set, "Since Augusta."
Vash only glared at him in silence, tears streaming down his face.
"I still love you," he whispered, the words slipping out despite his efforts.
"Then you're a coward, Nicholas."
"I know, Tongari. I know that."
Their eyes locked, as they tended to do, gray struggling against aquamarine, each lost in a haze of pain. Wolfwood barely managed to break the connection. He forced himself to walk away into the encroaching twilight. Vash's sobs followed him.
"Damn you!" he screamed, his voice cracking, as the love of his life walked away. He couldn't seem to force his legs to move.
Wolfwood felt the tears stream down his face as though they were falling from someone else's eyes. He was too intent on placing one foot in front of another to realize how jagged his breathing had become. It was quite possibly the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, to shatter two hearts, one belonging to the purest, most genuinely good soul he'd ever met in his life.
He suddenly heard footsteps behind him. Some small part of him was relieved.
Vash tackled him to the ground, the weight of his body achingly familiar, "I'm not letting you do this..."
Their teardrops mixed together on Wolfwood's face, "You don't have a choice."
Vash pressed his lips against the other man's mouth, felt him moan as he struggled to keep from responding. Wolfwood pulled him back by his hair, wincing as he felt the blond cry out in pain.
"Stop it, Vash. I can't," he growled. He pushed the other man aside roughly, tossing him into the sand. He lie where he'd fallen, sobbing openly. Next to him, the priest cried quietly as the stars came out. They remained motionless until three moons filled the sky, one scarred and crimson.
"Vash.." he said softly.
"Why, Nicholas? What's the real reason?" Vash whimpered beside him.
He struggled to his feet and put an arm around his friend, "You don't understand now, but you will someday, I promise."
Vash curled into him, pressing his face against his chest, "I don't care about some distant future, Wolfwood. I can't think that far ahead; I might not be alive to see it. All I know is that right now, you make me happy, happier then I thought I could ever be again, and I know I make you feel the same way. Can't..." the sobs that had tapered off began anew, "How can you just turn that off? I can't just stop being in love..."
The priest felt his heart sinking, leaving an empty hollow of pain in its place, "I'm sorry, Vash. You don't know how much this hurts me."
"I don't know?" Vash cried, striking Wolfwood's chest, "If it hurts you so much, then don't do it."
He stared down at him, at his pale, delicate skin and limp yellow hair. Vash seemed preternaturally beautiful, the closest to an angel Wolfwood suspected he'd ever see. Liquid eyes opened to meet his once again. They pleaded shamelessly. Wolfwood wasn't accustomed to such vulnerability in anyone; it was one of the things he loved about Vash.
Without warning, Wolfwood found himself hopelessly tangled in Vash's arms, kissing him desperately. He cursed himself for giving in so easily.
"I'll break your heart someday," Wolfwood panted once they had separated enough to give Vash enough room to unbutton his suit and slip it from his shoulders.
"I guess I'll just have to wait until then," he responded before trailing his mouth over Wolfwood's neck.