Note: This is the sequel to 'And I Cry', third in the LFW series. It's set eight months after AIC. Oh, and for my purposes: Micheal Cole is not married, got it? Song is 'I Died For You' by Iced Earth (Thanks, Ocy!)
"Life is eternal and love is immortal and death is only a horizon… and what is a horizon, save the limit of our sight?" – Anonymous
Let Me Go//I can't believe this now
This isn't what I planned
I lived and died and now
I just can't understand//
Molly sat at the window, her hands on her swollen belly, sleepless again late at night. It was snowing outside, and the window was cold to touch. She loved the winter, and always had. She remembered when she was younger, how she had loved the snow, and going out as early as possible to play in it. The morning sun had made it feel so pure and so at odds at the same time, heat and cold. It was an oxymoron, early morning snow.
Now, she just wanted to sit and watch it fall. It was almost funny. She'd grown up so much recently… so much she was almost a different person. She wasn't nearly as happy and cheerful as she used to be. She was much more quiet, and sad. And without Spike, she just felt empty.
He'd filled her, he'd loved her, he'd made everything perfect and good in her world. And now, with him gone, gone for what seemed like forever… she wasn't enjoying life at all.
//With all the love I feel
I could never leave her
No matter what the cost
My soul's the price to see her//
She felt cheated. She felt like she should have had so much more time with him… and if she turned the time she wanted with Spike into money, she would want to be a billionaire. It just wasn't fair.
She let the tears fall as she stared out the window at the snow, and idly wondered if it was so cold that if she stood outdoors, her tears would freeze.
"What an odd thought," She said aloud, resting her hand on her belly again. "Don't you think that's odd?" She murmured, looking down at her stomach. She'd begun to talk to the baby growing inside her… after all, it wouldn't be too much longer now.
And she did have an ulterior motive. This baby was one of the few things she had left of Spike, and even though it was unborn, she couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, in some odd way, she was speaking to Spike.
//Oh how I love you
The pain won't go away
Oh when I need you
You're always so far away//
Spike stood behind her, his hands resting on her stomach, his head resting on hers. "Molly, oh Molly. I can hear you. I can always hear you." He whispered.
She sighed and looked back to the window. Spike saw the tears glistening on her cheeks, and he gently wiped them away with the back of his hand.
"You know, Molls," He said softly. "Someday, you're going to be with me again. You don't have to cry. You don't have to miss me. I'm always near you, I'm always right by you. And you'll be with me in time…" He promised. The thing that hurt him most about being dead was that none of his old friends, his lover, his family… anyone… could hear him. He was all alone, wandering the world.
And he was loathe to admit that he was looking forward to the day when Molly was by his side once again, the day when he wouldn't walk alone anymore.
///I cry for you
Leaving myself to blame
I died for you
I gave up everything//
Molly had to admit that she had considered taking her own life once or twice. But she always thought of the people she did have to live for, and how she didn't want to hurt them the way she was hurt by Spike's death. And then, she'd think of the unborn baby, and how she couldn't let it die without ever being born, or never get the chance to have a mother.
But how many people did she really have? She had her baby… she liked to think she still had Spike. She had Tazz, as a great friend, and she had Michael Cole.
Michael. She sighed thinking of him. She cared about him a lot – but as a friend. Her heart would always belong to Spike. And Michael loved her. Really loved her. They had grown much closer over the past few months after Spike's death, and now… they were dating.
//The pain was just too much
When I finally saw her
She's happy and in love
In love with my best friend//
That was the thing that Molly most regretted right now, but she just didn't have the energy to stop the relationship. And Michael was content just to be near her – he didn't push her into anything at all, and that was what scared her.
She knew Michael understood that she still loved Spike. But he was content with that. He truly understood. He knew she couldn't give up what she had for Spike… and she knew that somewhere, deep in his being, he was hoping that she would let her feelings for Spike go… he was gone, after all.
She had to appreciate everything Michael was doing for her… but she just didn't know how to let him go and make him understand that she was Spike's girl…and she would always be Spike's girl. Death couldn't change that. Nothing could change that.
//What makes it hurt so bad
Is that I love them both
And they will never know
For love I sold my soul//
Spike couldn't stand seeing her so unhappy. He knew Molly was dissatisfied with her relationship with Michael. He had no idea how to show her that she didn't need to stop the world for him. He was dead; so what? He was dealing with it. She needed to get her life back. She needed a father for their baby. And Michael seemed like a better guy than most.
"Stay with him, Molls. Love him. I'm gone… I'll see you again someday. But for now… for now… stay with him." He whispered to her. "Go on with your life, Molls." And even though it pained him, he forced himself to say the next words. "Forget about me. Make Michael the father of our baby…" Spike couldn't help adding, "Even if he's really a Dudley."
Spike smiled. Wouldn't Molly be surprised if her baby turned out to have an odd obsession with tables? His smile faded away as he realized, no, she probably wouldn't.
//Oh how I love you
The pain won't go away
Oh when I need you
You're always so far away//
Molly leaned her head against the cool windowpane, enjoying the coolness against her forehead. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her stomach.
She barely moved, but for breathing. Sometimes, when she held very, very still, she thought she could almost hear Spike's voice.
It was a feeling that always, always made her cry, something she did much too often now.
//I cry for you
Leaving myself to blame
I died for you
I gave up everything//
Spike wished he could hold her forever like this, even if she didn't know he was there, and even if she couldn't feel his arms around her. He was still protecting her, wasn't he? Like a real guardian angel.
He didn't want to see her cry so much… she didn't deserve to cry anymore. But now that he was dead, there was almost nothing that he could do for her anymore.
This was where Michael came in. Spike knew for a fact, from a very reliable source, that neither Molly nor their child would last very long without anyone to support them, emotionally and physically. Molly needed to lower her shields, to let Michael into her heart and allow herself to love him as much as he loved her.
"You need him, Molly. It hurts me to know you're letting me go, but you need him." Spike whispered, leaning his head against her, smelling her hair. He found himself repeating that old cliché: "If you love something, let it go." He paused a moment before continuing. "You don't know how much I love you still."
There were tears that she couldn't see in his eyes, ones she couldn't feel when they fell onto her hair, as he said the next words. "I love you, Molly. Please let me let you go."