We'll pray//
She returned to
her room, sitting on the bed. There was no way she was going to go back to
sleep right now, but she didn't know what else to do.
And so she sat
in the dark, staring into space and thinking.
//Please, I know it's hard to believe
To see a perfect forest
Through so many splintered trees
You and me
And these shadows keep on changing//
"You don't need
to lie awake like this," The voice said from behind her. "I died along time
ago. It's time to let me go now."
"You've been
saying that for years. Since before Sammy was born. And I haven't listened
yet." Molly said, turning to face Spike.
Spike shrugged.
"Well, I'm hoping you'll give in if I keep talking about this." He sat down
next to her on the bed. The two were silent a minute. "You should let me
go," He said finally.
Molly sighed,
laying back on the bed. "Spike, I'm not going to. You know that. You wouldn't
if it was me, would you?" She asked, exasperated.
"No, I wouldn't,
and that's the problem. I want you to move on. I'm dead, for God's sake!
You're the only one keeping me here, you know." Spike lay down next to her.
"So? That's even
more reason for me not to let you go." Molly insisted.
"It's not that
simple and you know it," Spike said firmly.
//And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated//
"I know, I know.
But can't we pretend, even if it's for one night, that it is that
simple? That none of this had to happen? That none of this did?" Molly pleaded.
"You know we
can't," Spike said gently. "Molly, you do know, even when you can't see me, or
hear me, or talk to me, I'm here? Even when you can't feel me?"
"Yes. You've
told me over and over. But I don't care. I want you to be here. You
always tell me that you stay on Earth, even in death, to watch over me and
Sammy, because you love me, and you love him, even if he never knew you. You
tell me that you loved me so much, that I loved you, that our connection is so
strong that even death can't keep us apart." Molly said. "So why can't you just
let it be like that and stay with us?"
"Because, Molls,
I'm not real. Not in the sense you think of real, anyway. I'm only real because
you want me to be." Spike replied, still speaking gently.
"That doesn't
make sense!" Molly said, frustrated.
"Neither does
me laying on your bed four years, eight months, and one week after my death."
Spike replied tartly.
Molly had
nothing to say to that.
//I'm haunted
By the promises I've made
And others I have broken
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head//
They lay in
silence for a few minutes. Then, Molly broke it, not being able to know that
she was so far, and yet, so close, to Spike. She needed to hear his voice.
"Sammy jumped
through the living room table, you know." She said. "He just jumped off of the
top of the sofa, and curled up, and powerbombed himself through the table. I'm
surprised he can actually break it in half. He's only sixty pounds, you know."
"I know," Spike
said. "I was watching. I laughed at it; he reminds me of… well, me… and a
little of Buh Buh, but not quite as harsh."
"He's getting
more and more Dudley – like every day," She said. Somehow, for some reason, it
made her feel like he might want to stay, he might want to see Sammy every day,
if he knew how much they had in common. Like father like son, after all.
"I know," Spike
said simply.
//Hallways... always//
"Do you love
Cole?" Spike asked. Molly swallowed. She didn't know how to answer.
"I don't know,"
She answered truthfully. "I … I'm grateful to him, and I think he's wonderful…
Sammy really loves him. But me… I just don't know."
"You should. You
need to love someone." Spike said quietly, looking at her. Molly suddenly felt
very angry. She jumped off the bed, almost shouting.
"I'm in love
with you! You! I've loved you since before you died! Even after! You're
the one who holds my heart, no one else! And there isn't anything that can
change that, no one who can take my heart back for me, even though sometimes I
wish there was!" There were tears in Molly's eyes, and she instantly dropped
her voice, not wanting to wake Sammy. "I love you, Spike. I love you. And I
miss you."
Spike stood,
encircling her with his arms. Molly, for the first time in so long, felt safe.
She felt like Sammy would have his father, and like she would have her love
back… and then she remembered it all, and that things were not okay.
//I'll always love you
I'll always need you
I'll always want you
And I will always miss you//
"I love you too,
Molls, you know that? That's why I died; I loved you and I didn't want you to
get hurt. Do you understand that? I would rather let myself be beaten to death
with a steel chair than see you be hurt by it!" Spike whispered. "You don't
know how much I wish I could be back. I miss you! And there was so much I
wanted to do. I wanted to say so much that I never got to say. To you, to my
brothers, to Jericho, to everyone. I wanted a chance to get to know my son, the
one I didn't know was even going to born then. I wanted to be able to live a
full life, and to wrestle. I wanted to win the WWF title. I wanted to put Kurt
Angle through a table. But now I can't do any of it. I can't do anything at
all. All because I'm dead." There was more emotion in Spike's voice than
she'd ever heard before.
//Come here
No I won't say please
One more look at the ghost
Before I'm gonna make it leave//
"My own son
doesn't even know that I ever existed, and the woman I love can't be with me –
again, because I'm dead – she has to be with a decent guy, I'll admit, but one
who isn't me. I'll never get to grow old with you, or to get revenge on Stone
Cold, or talk to my brothers, or kiss you again, or put Kurt Angle through a
table, or ANYTHING, ever again, though… because I died to save you." He
finished.
Molly's tears
fell harder. He'd died for her – he'd given up all his life and his hope, for
her.
Spike's face
softened instantly. He lifted her chin gently up towards him. "Molly, I love
you. I did it because I love you. I still do, and I always will. I'm going to
be with you again someday, so long as you let me keep your heart." He
whispered.
"You can have
it," Molly said, smiling gently through her tears. "Someday I will see you
again. And someday Sammy will know you."
Behind his
eyes, Molly could see something fade in his eyes. And she knew. No, they would
never be together again. Sammy would never know him. He would be gone, and
then… that was all. He would be in a world of dirt, and worms, and wooden
coffins. Not the world of happiness and heart and life that she was in.
"I'm going to
leave tonight," Spike whispered.
"You're not
coming back, are you?" Molly asked softly.
//Come here
I've got the pieces here
Time to gather up the splinters
Build a casket for my tears//
Spike shook his
head mutely.
Molly's tears
began anew. This was the last time she would ever see him… she was never going
to see him, or hear his voice, or kiss him, or anything, ever again.
But to her
surprise, he smiled and shook his head. "No, no, Molls. Don't do that." He
wiped her tears away, brushing fingertips across her soft skin. "Don't cry for
me, Molly. You're the only one I'll ever really love… that I ever have really
loved. I never will stop loving you, remember that. I don't want our goodbye to
be sad… it's the last time we'll see each other… it needs to be happy, to be
good in our memories. How can we live otherwise?" He asked quietly. Molly
nodded sadly.
//I'm haunted
(By the lives that I have loved)
I'm haunted
(By the promises I've made)
I'm haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echoes there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune//
"Now give me a
kiss," Spike said, almost jovially. Molly didn't understand… until, again, she
looked into his eyes. Those greenish orbs held the most sorrow Molly had ever
seen. This was hurting Spike. Not only her sadness, but… not seeing her, it was
hurting him… and if he wasn't already dead, it would be killing him.
When Molly hesitated, Spike looked a little
less sure of himself, but he leaned forward until they were virtually nose to
nose. "I will always love you, and nothing's going to stop that. Look after
Sammy." And then he kissed her.
The world felt
like it stood still. Molly felt weak in the knees, and her heart felt like it
was going to break, and at the same time, burst. She was here, in Spike's arms,
kissing him… nothing was wrong, everything would be okay, and they would be
together forever…
And then he was gone.
She would have
given anything to get him back. She didn't understand. One minute she was
kissing him, the next he was gone… "Spike?" She whispered.
Molly sank to
her knees, crying. "Spike," She called softly, wanting him to be here, wanting
him to be with her…
But he couldn't hear her.
He was gone.
"Spike…"
//I'll always love you
I'll always need you
I'll always want you
And I will always miss you//