Hermione Tries to Register for Real Classes
The next morning Hermione was awakened very early the next morning by a rooster crowing. The rooster, however, did not make a happy cock-a-doodle-doo sound like stories always say they do. Instead it sounded like a cat was being drowned and yowling at top volume. In any case, it was not a pleasant way to wake up. Moments later MaryPeggySueLynn came in to wake Hermione up. "Oh good Lizzy, I'm glad you're awake," she said. "We have to be outside waiting for the bus by 6:45," she explained.
"Really?" Hermione asked in surprise. "What time does your school start?"
"At 8:15," MaryPeggySueLynn replied. "But it's an awfully long bus ride. It would be longer if Junior, that's our bus driver, hadn't disabled the governor."
Hermione was horrified. "He did what?" she nearly screamed.
"Oh, no. Not the Governor person, the governor on a school bus is a device that keeps it from going faster than 45 miles an hour." Hermione was used to the metric system, and wasn't exactly sure how fast 45 m/h was, but she realized that this was not a safe situation. "So, get dressed, and then come on out and have breakfast," MaryPeggySueLynn directed.
It took Hermione a few moments to decide what to wear, because she was so used to wearing a black robe, just like everyone else at Hogwarts. And before Hogwarts she had gone to a private school where uniforms were required. Hoping to blend in with the other students she finally decided on a pair of faded blue jeans and a plain blue t-shirt. At breakfast neither MaryPeggySueLynn nor BillyBobbyGeorgieBoy made any comments about what she was wearing so she assumed that she had succeeded. At breakfast she was served a white porridge-type thing. It didn't have much flavor, but at least it was edible.
"Oh, you don't eat grits like that!" MaryPeggySueLynn laughed. "Here, put on some butter," she said scooping a large amount onto Hermione's plate, "And then mix in some sugar," she explained piling a large amount of sugar onto the buttery grits. Stirring the sugar in to the grits with mounting dread, Hermione pondered why anyone would name a food "grits". To her surprise it wasn't as horrible as she had expected, although it was quite unusual and not especially pleasant either. She managed to eat at least half of it.
(Author's note, I don't know if people do that anywhere else (I assume they must) but the first time (actually the only time) I saw this happen it shocked me. Maybe I'm easily shocked, but doesn't that sound gross to you?)
"You get to register for classes this morning," MaryPeggySueLynn reminded her as they ate. "What classes do you want to take?"
"I'm not sure," Hermione confessed. "What do you recommend?"
"Well, all the classes are boring, obviously," MaryPeggySueLynn began, and Hermione felt her heart sinking further. "Of course I'll go with you to help register, I'll try to help you get into the easiest classes possible."
"But I don't want to be in easy classes!" Hermione finally shrieked in outrage. "The whole reason I came here was to learn!" The whole table became deathly silent, everyone's eyes were focused on Hermione.
"Whut dew yew meen, yew wunt to lern?" Mr. Smith thundered. "That ain't natural! I've never herd of nuthin so…so…so…" Mr. Smith's small vocabulary seemed unable to come up with a fitting word. "wrong," he finally concluded.
Hermione looked down at the table, at Hogwarts she was always outspoken, no matter WHAT anyone thought. But in a strange country, with a strange family, where she was supposed to be adapting to their customs, she didn't feel the same. Taking another bite of her grits she resolved to keep more of her opinions to herself.
"Now darling," Mrs. Smith began sweetly "I'm sure Lizzy doesn't mean that. She's probably just having a difficult time adjusting from England," She said England as if it were a very bad thing she didn't like to think of. "She's probably so nervous that she doesn't realize what she's saying. Really James, we must make allowances." Hermione pressed her lips together very hard, and bit down on the quite savagely to keep from saying anything. Soon after they finished eating, the three children headed down the dirt road to the bus stop.
It was the first time that Hermione had ever ridden on a bus, and she did not find the experience pleasant at all. The bus driver, Junior was not at all what Hermione had expected. He was a tiny shriveled old man with long gray hair in a ratty ponytail. His face was a mass of thick leathery wrinkles, and he talked out of the side of his mouth with such an accent that Hermione couldn't understand a word he said. Riding on a bus, she discovered, was similar to riding a hippogriff, except worse. The bus lurched up and down, and also swayed side to side as it tore down the windy mountain roads. It was not at all a pleasant feeling that was compounded by the smell of the bus. It seemed to be a mixture of overheated rubber, rotten fruit and dirty socks.
Hermione was quite relieved a little over an hour later when they arrived at the school. MaryPeggySueLynn lead her directly to the assistant principal's office. After being introduced, the three sat down to figure out Hermione's schedule.
"Now I've already received a transcript from your school in England, and I've registered you for your academic classes. You will have honors chemistry first period, and Pre-calculus fourth period, now we just need to pick out two electives for you." The principal began.
"You're takin' smart classes?" MaryPeggySueLynn gasp. Hermione smiled apologetically.
"Her academic classes are not up for discussion, at the moment! Electives are," MaryPeggySueLynn was interrupted coldly by the principal. Hermione realized suddenly that by being exceptionally smart, and making high scores she would probably be improving the school's record drastically.
"Would you be interested in taking any Family and Consumer Sciences classes?" the principal asked.
"What is that?" Hermione asked, quite puzzled.
"It's the politically correct name for Home Economics."
Isn't home economics politically correct enough? Hermione wondered silently. "And what are home economics?" she asked.
"Well, cooking, child development, sewing, interior decorating, fashion design, it covers many topics," the principal explained.
"Yes, that might be interesting," she agreed. "Cooking might be nice," she added, thinking maybe she could learn to prepare herself some edible food.
"Alright, we'll put you down for foods and nutrition," the principal agreed. "And what about child development? Would you like to take that class too?"
"Ok," Hermione agreed, mainly because she couldn't think of any other classes she might like to take.
(Ok, I know these aren't Hermione type classes, but I took both of these, mainly to fill spaces in my schedule, and I want desperately to make fun of them)
A/NOk, Hermione is J.K.Rowlings, the rednecks own themselves. I'm really short on time, so that's it.