Disclaimer: Well, people, it's been great, and I can't explain how much I loved writing this series. Funny how angst is the most fun to write… maybe it's loading fictional people down all the teen angst muffins we can muster… but anyway, this series has been my masterpiece, my baby, and I've loved writing it. It seems to be working, but I need to end the series before it stops working. Thanks to everyone who's given me good reviews, and who's been reading the series, but, like Spikey in 'Useless', this fic's gotta die sometime. I don't own the WWF, or anyone in it. Smashing Pumpkins owns 'Love'.
This is Love
//To my mistakes, to my mistakes of cowardice
She shimmy shakes, the jimmy jakes of consequence
Born of the airs and dues, my airs of madness do declare
That it's ok, it's love//
"Oh, God, Spike, we've left him. He's alone. All alone down there…" Molly whispered, tears in her eyes. Never once does she say 'I've' left him. Never once does she think of the fact that I was out of his life completely until a couple of months ago. She says 'we'. That's my girl.
I nod, slowly. "Molls, you're dead." I said softly, gently.
Molly's eyes widen. It's the same innocence she always had, showing through, not the embittered mother that married Michael Cole. "Dead…" And it all comes back to her. "The car crash…" I nod once more. I'm such an idiot; how could I think she would be this happy, this pleasant, when she's just died, when her son is now an orphan?
"Spike, I… this can't…" She began, stumbling over her own words, panicked and hesitant all at once.
"Shh, Molls. He will be okay. You were okay after I was gone, weren't you?" I ask, smoothing her hair. She pulls away, suddenly angry.
"How can you say
that? How can you think that?" Her voice was shrill, and pulled at my
heart. "I cried for you every night for years. I loved you for every day after
meeting you, and I still do. Okay? I
thought I was going to die! I thought my heart was just going to break into a
thousand pieces!"
//It's what you wanted
to see, it's who you wanted to be
For what you needed to
need, she'll make it up
Love, it's who you
know//
"Oh Molly… Oh God, Molly…" She slipped
to the ground, covering her face and sobbing. I slid down next to her, wrapping
my arms around her, holding her like I would never let her go. I was surprised
when she looked up and kissed me, her lips soft and sweet as the first day I'd
ever kissed her.
"Spike, why couldn't things be like they
were? Why did this have to happen… why did you have to die… why did I have to
marry Cole… why couldn't Sammy know you…" She asked, clinging to me. I put a
finger to her lips.
"Shh, Molls. Quiet. You can't ask why
forever. I don't know. You don't know. And there's no one here who does. We'll
never know. It's no use to ask." I said, rocking back and forth, consoling her
like a father to their child.
And suddenly, holding her, recalling
our words in her head, I knew what I needed to do.
//Machine gun blues,
her vacant rush is so steel
I'm unaware, lost
inside your visions
I got mine too over, I
got mine and I got you
Cause I know you,
you're love//
I wish I could have her again. I wish I
could hold her, kiss her, keep her, hide her. I wish I could be her knight in
shining armor and defend her against the mean, mean world.
But I can't. If I did, I'd be too
selfish. She's got so many who love her, and need her… and I shouldn't be the
first at her list. I'm dead, and I should've stayed that way, out of her life.
I had to talk to her, touch her, again. I was an idiot.
I can't keep her anymore.
I can't do this to my son.
To my friends.
She's not mine anymore.
//It's what you wanted
to see, it's who you wanted to be
For what you needed to
need, she'll make it up
Love, it's who you
know//
I find myself crying. Tears, streaming out of my eyes, down onto Molly
– my Molly. She looks up at me, and a tear catches her on the cheek.
In an instant she's up, sitting in front
of me, wiping my tears away. "I'm sorry, Spike, I didn't mean to hurt you… I
don't want to make you cry… I'm so sorry."
In spite of myself, I smiled. She had no
idea. No idea at all. She didn't know the epiphany I'd just had.
"It wasn't you, Molly," I whispered through
my tears, observing her through blurry, teared eyes. "It could never be you."
//Can I look up to you
as you look down on me
Can I feel in to you
as you felt in to me
I can't help what you
see, I can't help but to be//
"Then what's wrong?" She asks, worry
still in her eyes. I force myself to smile at her.
"Close your eyes, Molls." I whisper in
her ear.
"Last time I did that, the results
weren't too favorable…" She said, smiling jokingly at me. Oh god. Why does this
have to hurt so bad?
But despite it, she closes her eyes. I
hold her face in my hands. She smiles at my touch. "You know, last time I shut
my eyes for you, you left me. Tell me it's not going to happen again?"
Tears are streaming down my face
silently, stinging me. "It won't,"
"Good –" She starts to say. I interuppt.
"You're the one who's leaving," I
finish.
Her eyes snap open and I kiss her,
deeply, fully, a better kiss than I'd ever had in my life. A kiss that could
stop the world – a kiss goodbye.
Everything happens so fast. My tears
fall, her face is shocked, and my world is shattering.
And she's gone.
//For what I needed to
need, she'll make it
Love, it's who you
know
Love, it's what you
know//
Molly awoke in a cold sweat, her face
terrified. She put a hand to her chest, attempting to steady her breathing. Please, no… She thought. Please say
no. Oh God, no.
Her thoughts chased themselves around her
mind, and thinking of it, tears began to fall down her cheeks. She sat up, and
pulled her knees to her chest. "No… please… no…" She whispered, sobbing.
"Molly?" The figure beside her asked,
sitting up. He scrambled closer to her, noticing her tears.
He wrapped his arms around her. "Oh,
Molly. Are you okay? What's wrong? What's happened?"
Molly shook her head, her throat caught
with tears, unable to speak.
"Please, Molly. Please don't cry… I can
help. Tell me what's wrong." He said. Finally Molly threw her arms around him,
sobbing into his bare shoulder.
"Oh, Spike! Spike… god…" She sobbed,
holding him tighter. Spike smoothed her hair, kissing her softly on the head.
"Tell me what's wrong, Molls. Please?"
"I had a dream, and… you were dead, and…
I…there was… it was just awful." She lay her head on his shoulder, not stopping
the tears.
"Shhh, Molly. It was a dream. I'm here,
right? We haven't been broken apart so far, have we? We've withstood the
Dudleys, and the Hollys, and Kurt Angle, and Stone Cold… nothing can stop us
now. Nothing." He said it with such conviction that Molly decided it would have
to be mad not to think of it like that. Spike knew it… why shouldn't she?
"Now lay down, and let's go back to
sleep, okay?" He said gently, laying down, Molly tightly encircled in his arms,
pressed against his chest. He kissed her, and whispered, "Goodnight, Molls,"
"Night, Spike…" And as she drifted to
sleep, she thought, I'm where I
belong. I never need to move, I'm where I belong.
//Born of the airs and dues, my airs of
madness do declare
That it's ok, it's love//