Guilt
and Obsession
When they came
downstairs several hours later Jessie was gasping with laughter. Jonny was looking at her in disgust. "It's not that funny!"
"Yes, it is,"
she gasped. "If you could have seen
your face . . . "
"It hurt!"
She tried
valiantly to control her laughter. "Oh
. . . oh, I'm sorry. It's just that . .
. . " and she burst out in new gales of laughter. Both parents looked at them questioningly.
Benton said,
"We could always use a good laugh . . . "
"The babies
kicked him this morning . . . " Jessie gasped.
"It's not that
funny!" he repeated.
Race grinned
at him, chuckling. "Got you where it
counted, did they?"
His father
laughed. "It's one of the hazards they
never warn you about. I lost count of
the number of times you nailed me."
"Jessie had a
kick like a Missouri mule!"
Jonny looked
somewhat mollified. "I thought it was
just me . . . "
Race
laughed. "God, no. It comes with the territory. Are you managing all right, sweetheart?"
Jessie grinned
at him from the counter where she was reaching for a cereal box on the top
shelf. "It seems like a longer and
longer reach. Pretty soon I'm going to
have to start using a step ladder."
"Don't you
dare!" "Over my dead body!" "Good Lord, just ask when you need
something." was the violent response.
Jessie turned
to see the three men facing her, outraged expressions on their faces. She put her hands on her hips and glared at
them. "I'm pregnant . . . not
disabled!" They dithered over her
continuously and the bigger she grew the more they fussed. She had never been tiny, but she had
been slender. At almost seven months
she felt like a beached whale. She was
forever running into things or knocking things off. And she couldn't drive any more. To be able to get behind the wheel she had to put the seat back so far
she couldn't reach the brake or gas pedals. They even had to get her a special chair in school because she didn't
fit in the standard ones any more. It
was so frustrating. Her only
consolation was that she was a long way from the worst in that regard among the
pregnant girls in her school.
And there were
a lot of things she simply kept to herself because she knew that if they knew
they would be basket cases. She was
carrying these children almost directly out in front of her. If you looked at her from the back you could
hardly tell she was pregnant. The
result of this was that her back hurt most of the time. She had talked with Dr. Mason about it and
she assured her it was normal. She had
finally resorted to a belly brace. It
supported the children and shifted a lot of the weight off over her back. She hated the thing . . . it was so ugly . .
. but it did help. She had also not
told them that the last doctor's exam had shown her to be anemic. The further along in the pregnancy she had
gotten the less appetite she had. Dr.
Mason said that part of it was due to pressure against her internal
systems. At any rate, she had trouble
eating at times and the end result was that the babies were leaching the needed
vitamins and minerals out of her body rather than getting it from the food she
ate. The doctor had lectured her about
eating properly, but there were times when she simply couldn't.
She finally
managed to retrieve the cereal box and make her breakfast. As she sank into the chair they all looked
at her suspiciously.
"Are you all
right?" her father asked. She heard
that question so often there were times she thought she was going to scream.
"Sure. Why shouldn't I be?" He looked decidedly unhappy, but let it
go. She got about half way through her
cereal before she simply couldn't stomach any more of it. She finally pushed it away and got up to get
some milk. She'd grown to despise milk
but they insisted that she had to drink at least four glasses a day. She could usually get them down if the held
her breath and swallowed it all at once.
As she crossed
to the refrigerator she idly looked out the kitchen window toward the
lighthouse . . . and saw three strange men in battle fatigues crossing the yard
at a run. All three had automatic
weapons. "What the . . . DADDY! Intruders!" she screamed as she dropped like
a stone to the floor. A blast of
weapons fire shattered the window where she had been standing just seconds
before. The world seemed to explode
around her. There was a hail of weapons
fire that riddled the back wall of the house. Her father hit the floor and jackknifed out the door, returning seconds
later with a weapon of his own. This
one was a hand-held version of the sonic blaster they kept mounted in the Quest
chopper. At the same time Benton spun out
of the room and managed to access the security monitors. Surveillance showed a small army invading
the Compound from all sides. It also
located the leaders of the invasion . . . Jeremiah Surd's former henchmen,
Julia and Lorenzo.
Jonny grabbed
at her frantically from his prone position on the floor, dragging her across
the tile. She crawled as best she could
in the direction he was trying to shove her, not entirely sure what he had in
mind. Suddenly she realized he was
dragging her toward the walk-in pantry. She balked, hissing at him "Wait a minute . . . "
"Get in
there! It's the safest place in this
room right now."
"I won't be
shut up . . . "
"Don't argue
with me! You're too clumsy to be of any
help and you have other things to be concerned about. Just keep our kids safe!" With that he shoved her inside and slammed the door. She heard another burst of weapons fire tear
through the kitchen followed rapidly by the sound of a loud explosion somewhere
nearby. The wall on her right shook
violently and several cans of vegetables fell off the shelf. One of them smacked her solidly on the
collarbone and pain shot through her right shoulder. Through the walls she could hear shouting and the sounds of
fighting. She crowded to the back of
the pantry and huddled down as securely as she could. She hated this . . .
In the main
part of the house, a group of the intruders had managed to get inside through
the shattered windows in the family room. Benton was still working frantically at the computer in an attempt to
bring the secondary security defense systems on line. He wasn't sure what they had done to the primaries, but the
secondary systems were new and completely independent of the other system. He had installed them shortly after they
realized that Jessie was pregnant. Benton had always thought that Julia posed more of a threat than Race
gave her credit for and he had wanted to be sure they had a failsafe. They were latent systems, designed to be
dormant and hidden until called up by an operator or until the primaries had
been down for a specified period of time. As a precaution he had set them up on a completely independent computer
system. Good thing, too, he was
thinking. They took the other
systems out by cutting the com lines between the power grid and the Quest
mainframe. It had given them a
short window of opportunity to penetrate far enough in to take the primary
system down before the backups could kick in. THAT he would have to fix.
He suddenly
heard a sound and looked up just as a woman in battle fatigues and dark glasses
trained her weapon on him, ready to fire. Out of nowhere, his son appeared. The sound of bones breaking was clearly audible as Jonny kicked upward
with all the force he could muster. He
caught the woman in the center of her forearm and both arm bones snapped. The gun went flying. Benton hit the enter key and dropped to the
floor, praying the new systems worked. They had been tested, but never under "battle" conditions. He saw Jonny kick his opponent solidly
again, this time in the temple. The
woman fell hard to the floor and lay still. Jonny pounced on the gun and whirled, bringing it to bear on the doorway
across the room. Both of them could
hear the sound of a struggle just out of sight in the next room. In the distance they heard a new sound . . .
a high whining tone, followed by a sharp popping sound and a small
explosion. Screams could be heard
clearly.
Suddenly, two
forms erupted through the open door. Locked together in a death grip, the two men fought silently. Race and Lorenzo. They struggled, evenly matched, for several seconds. An abrupt movement by Race caused Lorenzo to
loosen his grip. Race took advantage of
the opportunity and flipped him. Lorenzo landed several feet away. He rolled quickly coming back to his feet. He pulled a knife and turned to face Race Bannon again, a snarl
on his face. The emotions that filled
the room in that instant were easy to read. There was fear and anger and bloodlust and smug satisfaction. But cutting through it all came another
emotion so strong it froze everyone where they stood. In the sudden silence, they all heard the distinct sound of a
breech of a gun being pulled back and the chamber being primed. All eyes turned and saw Jonny Quest standing
there with a gun. His eyes were a hard,
icy blue that seemed freeze Lorenzo where he stood. And his face held an emotion none of his family had ever seen
before . . . pure, uncontrolled hatred. He raised the gun and said softly, "Goodbye, Lorenzo . . . " The man had
just enough time to register the inevitability of his own death before Jonny
pulled the trigger. He was dead before
he hit the floor.
There was an
instant of silence as they all stared at each other. Abruptly the silence was cut by something completely different .
. . . the shrill sound of Jessie screaming.
Jessie heard
the secondary security systems go active. The distinctive hum of the firing laser guns and the explosions caused
as the beams hit solid objects could be heard from all directions. She grinned as she rose and moved toward the
door. YES . . . the system worked! She had helped Dr. Quest install it. She had been a little surprised when he
showed her the schematics. He was
rarely a violent man. He usually
preferred solutions that would not cause bloodshed. This system did not fit in that category. She had asked him about it very
hesitantly. He had been quiet for a
long time. Finally, he said that he
hoped it would never have to be used. That it was a backup system only. But that if things ever got bad enough to require its use, he wanted to
be sure it would protect his family. Her grin faded slowly as she really considered that statement for the
first time. These last several months
had been really hard and brought a lot of changes. To all of them. Sometimes
she forgot that what had happened had affected her and Jonny's dads as much at
it had effected she and Jonny. It
occurred to her suddenly that maybe Dr. Quest and her dad might benefit from
some counseling, too.
Suddenly the
door to the pantry was jerked open and a figure appeared in the entry. Jessie froze, the sudden fear taking her
breath away. Julia. Jessie reacted without thinking. She snatched the first thing that came to
hand and hurled it at the woman. Julia
threw up an arm to deflect the can of creamed corn that came straight at her
face. The second can struck her wrist
with violent force. The gun fell from
her numbed fingers. With a shriek she
leaped at Jessie before she could throw anything else. Jessie dodged desperately and Julie sailed
past her. She had to get out of
here! But Julia was too quick. She reached out and grabbed at Jessie again,
catching her shirt. She yanked hard and
Jess stumbled backward, grabbing frantically at a shelf to maintain her
balance. If she went down, she was
dead. In her current state she was too
awkward to get up quickly.
Desperately,
she tried to reason with the woman, "Julia, the defense systems have kicked
in. Your men are being systematically picked
off. If you keep this up my dad will
kill you!"
The woman
stared at her in hatred. "Your father! He murdered Jeremiah. And I'm going to make him pay for that
one. Killing him is too good. He's going to suffer for it." A wicked, long-bladed knife suddenly
appeared in her hand. "And it's going
to start with his grandkids!"
She raised the
knife and leaped at Jessie. Jessie
heard the sound of a single gunshot reverberating through the house as she
screamed wildly and turned in a desperate effort to protect her extended
belly. Clinging to one of the storage
shelves she kicked out with one leg and caught Julia in the thigh. She felt a burning stab of pain in her shoulder
and arm. A sudden hot, wetness ran
across her hand. She heard her father's
voice screaming her name. With an oath,
Julia ran out the door and leaped through the shattered kitchen window, rolling
to her feet as she hit the ground. As
she staggered to the pantry door, Race appeared in the doorway. He spotted Julia running frantically across
the lawn in a wild, zigzagging pattern in an effort to avoid the laser
shots. He crossed to the window and,
just as he was about to go through it, Benton Quest appeared in the doorway.
"No,
don't! The security systems will fire
against you. Let her go. If the laser guns don't get her, we'll start
searching again."
Jonny appeared
behind his father and shoved him aside to get into the room. He crossed to the pantry swiftly, the fear
clear on his face. "Jess . . . ?" As she reached out to him she felt that
sharp stab of pain in her shoulder and arm again and, abruptly, she felt
lightheaded.
Jonny had gone
white and his voice was hoarse as he exclaimed, "Jesus! Jessie . . . . " She looked down to see her hand and arm covered in blood. Her
vision began to go black on the edges and the exclamations of her father and
Dr. Quest seemed very far away. She
stared numbly as the blood dripped from her outstretched fingers. Her last conscious thought as her knees
buckled and she felt Jonny's arms close around her was to wonder how anemic she
would be now.
"I don't care,
Race. We have to find her. We can't sit back and let her try this
again. She might have better luck next
time. She came damned close to killing
her this time!"
Jessie felt
like she was struggling to make her way up out of a dense fog. But her brain
was like mush and she was barely awake. "She was trying to kill the kids, not me." The words came out slightly slurred. She wasn't even sure she'd said them out loud. But evidently she had because it drew an
immediate response. All three men
rushed to her side.
Jonny leaned
over the bed, shushing her and stroking her hair. "Shhhh. You're supposed
to be sleeping. You need to rest."
She struggled
desperately, trying to focus on her surroundings. "Jonny, the babies . . . "
"Are
fine. She got you in the shoulder with
the knife. Lots of blood but only minor
damage. You're going to be fine. Now go back to sleep."
"She wanted to
kill them . . . " She could feel tears
running down her face.
From a
distance she heard her father's voice. "Well, she didn't succeed and she won't get another chance. Go back to sleep, Poncheta. You're all safe now."
"Where am
I? Why can't I seem to think?" In sudden fear, she tried to sit up. "Jonny, no one gave me anything, did
they?!"
Jonny sat on
the bed quickly and put his arms around her. He pressed her gently back into a prone position again and wiped her
face softly with his hand. "No, no one
gave you anything. Your body's simply
trying to tell you it needs rest. Please, sweetheart, just relax and let yourself sleep. You're in our bed, you're safe, the babies
are fine, it's Okay. Shhhhh." He bent over her and held her gently and she
finally quit fighting and allowed herself to sink back into sleep.
After a while
Jonny released her carefully and rose from the bed. She didn't stir. He waved
at the other two men and they silently moved out of the room. Jonny pulled the door shut behind them and
stared hard at Race. His voice was soft
and cold and he said, "I want her
found, Race. I don't care what it
takes. Bait her. Lure her out into the open. I don't care how you do it, but smoke her
out and let's put an end to this. Jessie's too vulnerable right now and I won't have her being a target
any longer."
"I'm
trying! But she's found somewhere to go
to ground, and we haven't been able to locate it. She's completely disappeared again, just like she did after Surd
died. It's like she vanishes from the
face of the earth."
Jonny Quest
stared back at the two older men. He
might as well have been carved from stone. "I don't want excuses. I want
her found . . . and I want her dead." With that he opened the door again, stepped inside, and closed it
softly in their faces.
"I don't know
him anymore, Race. I'm just sick. What he did this morning . . . it was cold
blooded murder . . . " The two men sat
in an isolated pool of light in one corner of the family room. Darkness had fallen and the night was
quiet. Most of the loose debris had
been disposed of and the broken windows had been boarded up. Neither man had seen Jonny or Jessie since
their conversation with Jonny earlier that morning in the hall. Benton had gone up to check on them around
mid-afternoon but no one had answered his soft knock and when he tried the door
he had found it locked.
Race closed
his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He suddenly looked old. Finally,
he shook his head and sighed, "It
wasn't murder, Benton. At least not in
my book. An execution, maybe; but not
murder. He's 17 years old, both his
mind and body have been violated, he's been forced to do something his very makeup
would never have permitted him to even consider, and now he's saddled with all
the responsibilities of an adult including the eminent arrival of
twins. No matter how much counseling
he's gone through, in his own mind he still considers himself responsible for
this mess. Jessie has told me that whenever
they argue about anything at some point it always comes back to this being his fault."
Both men were
quiet for a time. Finally, Benton
asked, "And Jessie? Does Jessie
consider it his fault? Is that why
she's refusing to marry him?"
"I don't
know. I don't think she does. And I do know that she loves him intensely
and won't permit anyone to blame him for anything. Dr. Mason told me at one point that she was astonished at how
fiercely protective she is of him. She
wouldn't tolerate anyone saying anything bad about him in any of the
sessions. And as far as their getting
married . . . that subject is completely off limits. I don't dare even bring it up. I've tried only once since he told me to
drop it . . . with Jessie. She closed
up on me so fast . . . and later that day Jonny came up to me, told me coldly that
he thought he had told me that subject was closed, and with no warning knocked
me out cold. One punch. I was out for a good ten minutes. He never mentioned it again. And neither have I."
"That's what I
mean. He never used to be violent . . .
"
"You know the
old saying 'violence begets violence'? Well, I think maybe that's what's happened here. In a way, I almost wish he could remember
the incident. I think it would be
easier to put it behind him if he had some memory of it happening. But all he has are words . . . Jessie's
words . . . and Jessie's perceptions . . . from right after it happened when
the wounds were all fresh and she had no idea what was going on. She was so hurt and so violated . . . . I
can't even begin to image what it says. I wish to God Hadji hadn't given him that journal. Did you ever see it?"
Benton shook
his head. "No. Hadji would never give it to me. And I couldn't bring myself to ask Jonny for
it."
"I've never
seen it either. And neither has Dr.
Mason or the counselor. I asked
specifically. But I'd be willing to
stake my life that he's still got it someplace. And I'd also bet he still reads it. You can almost tell when he's had it out. There's a look about him . . . You told me once that all the things I said
to him would never make a difference . . . that his own demons would be bad
enough. I don't think either of us knew
how prophetic you were being."
The silence in
the room lengthened. Finally, Benton
asked, "So what are we going to do?"
"The only thing
we can do . . . find Julia and put an end to this. She's his last ghost. We
can only hope that when she's out of the picture he can finally let it all go
and really begin to heal."
From the
darkness on the extreme edge of the room a shadow slipped silently away. Jonny Quest had heard enough. He would wait for Race to find her. And when he did . . .
Jessie sat
huddled in the rocking chair in their new apartment watching Jonny shove a
spare set of jeans and a t-shirt into a duffle bag. A couple of pair of underwear, some socks, a flashlight and a
small electronic notepad followed. He
shoved his passport into his jacket pocket, checked to be sure he had his
wallet and keys, and zipped the bag closed. Then he looked up at her. She
looked so defenseless to him. Every
time he thought of Julia's attack on her that sense of helpless fury
encompassed him again. He had to stop
this!
She didn't
want him to go . . . he knew that. He
could read it in her face, in her movements, and in the desperate way she clung
to him when he held her. And, truth be
told, he didn't really want to go. He
could have gone to Race and told him he thought he should stay here until after
the twins were born. Race would have
agreed with relief and gone after Julia on his own. But he couldn't do that. Because regardless of what anyone said or thought, he knew in his
own mind that this whole mess was his fault. It didn't matter what Surd had done to him. He should have been able to stop himself from doing what he had done
to Jessie.
Race had been
right about one thing. He still had
Jessie's journal. And he still read
it. In trying to protect him she had
permitted herself to talk to no one, so she had poured it all out in that
journal. Descriptions of what he had done
to her physically, how painful it had been, how she had screamed, begging him
to stop. And how she had felt later . .
. the degradation, the humiliation, the guilt that she had somehow done
something to provoke it. It was all
there. And Race was right about another
thing, too. He couldn't get past
this. He had really tried. But no amount of counseling seemed to help. Every time he thought he was beginning to
accept what he had done, the memory of those words came back to him. He despised himself. It was like an obsession . . . this need to
eliminate any of those people responsible for setting up the situation. He didn't know if it would help in the end. He just knew he had to do it . . . if for no
other reason than as some kind of peace offering to Jessie for what he had
done.
He picked up
the duffle bag and set it by the door. Then he walked over to her chair and knelt beside her. With a gentle hand, he stroked her bowed
head. "I have to go, love. Promise me you'll take care of yourself until
I get back?"
Her voice,
little more than a whisper, was choked with tears as she said, "Please, Jonny,
I don't want you to go. Please, please
don't leave me . . . "
"I have to,
Jessie. You know that. This can't go on."
"Then let my
Dad take care of it. He has lots of
friends that can help him. You don't
have to go along."
"Yes, I
do. I started this . . . I have to
finish it."
She finally
looked at him. Her tears fell like rain
and the ache in his chest as he looked at her was almost unbearable. He had grown to love her so much these last
several months . . .
"This isn't
your fault . . . " she whispered to him for about the thousandth time.
"It doesn't
matter whose fault it is. It has to
end. I can't let you be a target any
more. Or our kids. What kind of a father would I be if I let
this continue?" He reached out and
rubbed her swollen stomach gently. One
of the twins responded by shifting under his hand. "I'll be back. I promise
you that. I won't leave you alone with
this." He rose to his feet and reached
a hand down to her. She took it and he
raised her to her feet. He drew her
into his arms and held her tightly, feeling the shudders caused by her sobs
under his hands and the uneasy shifting of their children against his belly. Finally he led her to their bed and made her
lay down. He pulled a blanket up over
her and then leaned down and kissed her gently.
"I want you to
rest. Dr. Mason says you should be
napping in the afternoons. I'll be back
just as soon as I can." He stroked her stomach again. "You take care of Rachel and Roger. And especially yourself." He rose quickly and strode to the door. He picked up the duffle bag and left. The sounds of her sobs echoed in his head for a long time afterward.
Jonny came down
the stairs and crossed to the family room. Race and his father were waiting for him.
Jonny simply
said, "I'm all set." Then he turned to
his father. "She's upstairs lying
down. Take care of her for me, Dad. I . . . . " but at that point he couldn't go
on.
His father
placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard. "I will."
Race said
briskly, "I've called in some favors and you've got relatively heavy security
all around the Compound. You shouldn't
see much sign of them. They've been
instructed to stay low-profile, keep the perimeter safe and insure the house
stays secure. I talked with Jessie and
she's agreed to stay here while we're gone . . . no more going into school. She'll do all her work from on-line." There was a trace of humor in his voice as
he said, "She says she's having trouble fitting into any chairs the
school can provide now, anyway." He
took a deep breath. "I don't know how
long this will take, Benton. The lead
we finally have is pretty slim and we'll probably have to chase it. It could take a couple weeks."
"Will you keep
in contact?"
Slowly, Race
shook his head. "I don't think it's
wise. If I were Julia, I'd be
monitoring communications with the Compound. It won't take her long to realize that Jonny and I have disappeared from
here. And she'll know that the only
thing that would take us away right now is pursuit of her. I want us to disappear from her sights as
thoroughly as she disappeared from ours. It will make her jumpy."
Benton Quest
looked at his son. "Jessie will want
you here when the children are born."
"I know," he
responded. "And I'll do everything I
can to be here. I want to see my son
and daughter born. But we still have
eight weeks before she's due and I want this finished. She's not going to get another chance at
them."
Race
sighed. "Come on, Jonny, we'd better
go."
Benton said
steadily, "Take care of yourselves. And
get back here as soon as you can." Both
men nodded and, in silence, they left.