*(( sorry if this is SOOO bad!! It's my first Inu-Yasha fic and I was in sort of a depressing mood…I tried my best but I'm just a newbie at fanfiction writing!! Sorry if the characters are out of control..well anyway on with my bad bad story!! ^_^ oh and no matter how much I wish I owned these wonderful character..i..don't..^_~ they belong to the truly talented Rumiko takahashi (I'm a little suck up aint I?? : P ) well anyway on with the story…))*
Broken thoughts
Kagome looked down at the knife in her hand. She just stared at it, as if it was her heart itself. Broken but still there. She let out a silent sob and ran her finger along the surface of it. She had never thought she'd be here, at this barrier. This invisible barrier that she had made herself, silently put up during her time in the feudal period. She knew now that she loved him, that she had since she'd first broken the spell cast by the love of his life, the one girl he couldn't live without, Kikyou. Kagome shuddered at the thought.
"The one and only girl he loves." She said it again just to let it sink in once more. She didn't know how many times she had thought it, she had known if for as long as she had been here, but she couldn't make herself believe it.
*HE LOVES HER* her mind yelled at her again, for even thinking that he could love her, Kagome. More silent tears ran down her face as she sank to her knees. Holding the knife up to the sun it gleamed almost mocking her in the sunlight. She knew this was weak, that she shouldn't do this, but at this moment, this one moment in her life, she finally gave up. Gave up on her life, gave up on her love, and most importantly gave up on Inu-Yasha. She shivered quickly and brushed away the few remaining tears. This wasn't as hard as she thought it would be.
But then again she had always planned on saying goodbye first. This had been a last minute decision, to do it now. The mission was finally over, Naraku was dead and the jewel was complete. She had been battling within herself for over half a year now, about whether to stay or go. Whether to live in her world, where she had her family and friends and a boy who cared for her, or to go, and live in a foreign world, with the man she loved, and watch him from afar.
She had been deciding whether she could stand it or not. She loved him too much to never see him again, but it hurt. It hurt more then anything had ever before. More then any broken bones, or harsh words. Unrequited love was worse then any feeling, worse then loss, then pain, then fear. For it was all of those combined. This mass of hurt was shoved down her throat every damn day, every single time she saw him, every word he said to her he was hurting her worse. She wanted to stay with him, to have his arms be around her, to kiss him and tell him how much she loved him, but she couldn't. She knew it was pathetic but the pain of rejection would kill her on it's own, and so she was ending it now, as simple as that. Ending everyone's pain. Inu-Yasha wouldn't have to feel pity for her; he could just live his life in peace with…Kikyou. Her friends would find a new Kagome, and so would Hojo. And her family…suddenly a pang of guilt crept up her spine. She knew that if she faced them in person she would never be able do this and she need to be able to. She needed to be able to rid herself of this world, so that…so that he could be happy. She set down the knife quickly and grabbed a piece of paper off her desk. She wrote her final goodbye, and in a matter of moments she was done, done with her letter, her life and her love. She read over it one more time just to make sure she had said the right things and set it neatly on her desk.
She raised the knife once more, and almost did it. Almost ended it all. A last minute thought had saved her; she HAD to say goodbye. It wasn't a matter of would she be able to do it anymore; she just had to say goodbye to him. She squeezed her eyes shut, cutting off the flow of tears, and quickly scooped up her knife and letter. She raced outside to the mini shrine and threw open the door. Kagome flew to the edge of the well. She was about to climb in when suddenly she took a step back.
" No I'm going to do this!" She knew that if she saw him she would collapse. She silently kneeled and started to whisper her last words to unhearing ears.
"Inu-Yasha…I..I know I love you now, there's so many times I should have told you..but..i know you love kikyou and I can't stand to be hurt anymore. I'm leaving now; you won't be able to find me here, or in the feudal period. So…this is goodbye…I'll never forget you, and..I hope you're…happy." Kagome started to sob silently and with newfound resolution grasped the handle of her knife. She pulled it up only to find another hand holding her arm back.
"Kagome.." Inu-Yasha started, quickly taking the knife from her hand he set it down out of her reach. "Kagome..I..I can't let you do this.." Kagome's hope that he might love her fluttered quickly away from where it had just formed, her head fell as more tears sprang from her eyes. Now she wanted to more then ever, she wanted to be done with this crap. "Plus you've got it all wrong.." Kagome closed her eyes, willing this to end, that these words didn't have to come. "I..would never be happy without you around." He said echoing the opposite of what she was waiting to here. She looked up slowly, and saw the blush that had formed on his cheeks. He smiled boyishly at her, and brushed away a few tears from her face. "I should have said this early..so that you wouldn't have been drawn to do..this, but my pride…I'm so sorry…" He said, his voice drawing to a whisper. "I'm so sorry that I caused you to almost…to almost…kill yourself. I always thought I was protecting you, that nothing could ever hurt you as long as I was around, but I see now, in truth, that I was the only one who hurt you all along. I want to make it up to you…is there anything I can do?" His pride long gone, he looked into her eyes, willing that just once, just once in this moment, they could be together.
"You could leave and let me do what should be done" Kagome echoed silently. He couldn't say it! He didn't love her! "Just let me die!" She screamed her voice hoarse.
"NO! I WONT! That's the one thing I will not, and will never let you do! I..l.dammit I love you to much!" Kagome stared at him, her face caught in a moment of shock. "Is it really that surprising?" he said softly, pulled her closer to him. She glanced at the floor, at anywhere but his eyes. A slight frown drew to his face, and he turned her head so that he could see her eyes, and so that she could see his soul, and tell he was saying the truth. What he saw there was surprising, it was a look of over painful sadness, and lost love, it was the look of someone who had no one in the world. "Dammit don't look at me like that!" He cried, shaking her slightly. "You have me..you always will" With that he brought his lips down on hers, softly at first then more intense. She just sat there, tears leaking out of her eyes as she pushed him away slowly. Hurt shone in his eyes as he looked down at her.
"Don't pity me." She said simply "Go back to Kikyou, leave me alone." Kagome turned her head away from him, he should just leave, she had already crossed over the barrier, and she was ready to die. "Don't say these things to me just because I look like her.." Inu-Yasha fought back the urge to slap her.
"Kagome, maybe you look like her, and so what if you're her reincarnation, since you've come I have never ever thought of you as Kikyou, you're always Kagome in my eyes, and you always will be. She was my past…and if you'll let me, I want to make you my future…" A blush crept over her features as she heard his confession. These were the words that crept into her heart and let her come back to the world, let her want to live again.
"I..love you so much!" she cried, wrapping her arms around his neck she started sobbing into his shoulder. She gasped when she felt a few tears land on her head and looked up and saw him crying. He didn't bother to brush them away and instead he took the opportunity to grab her and kiss her gently. She tensed for a moment but then let herself relax into his arms. She found they fit her perfectly and now she was ready, ready to face whatever happened to come her way. She was ready to live her life, and she was ready for the future.