Title: Animus
Name: Jules
E-mail: angel_cordy@hotmail.com
Rating:PG-15 maybe sometimes higher
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own any of the characters, no matter how much I WISH I did. They belong to the idiot Joss and the WB, though Joss is a revered God. Any other characters, I created, like Derek.
Classification:(romance, friendship, little-angst)
Summary: Cordelia gets engaged to a Warlock, who has made her Immortal like himself, who's a bit jealous of how much Cordelia tends to compare him to Angel . . . ok, REALLY jealous. Anyway, he's a drunk, and he's abusive (can we tell where this leads) Angel finds Cordy, saves her from him, they start to realize they like each other a lot more then they first thought . . .
Status: Unfinished
Animus
By Jules
Chapter 1
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Author's notes: This story takes place AFTER Doyle died.
More notes: Pretend the whole Shanshu episode didn't happen . . . . Actually, scratch that, just pretend Angel wouldn't ever become alive. And that Angel managed to stop the ceremony and Darla wasn't re-created. Otherwise, everything else happened.
Um, Spike got the chip taken out of his head, after vowing to his new fiancée, Faith, that he wouldn't hurt anyone good anymore, and that she had his permission to stake him if he did. Mostly they did it so Xander would be too afraid to tease Spike anymore.
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She curled up in a ball in the back of the closet, he still hadn't found her. She prayed he wouldn't find her. Why had she ever gotten involved with a warlock? Sure, he'd given her immortality with a spell of his, so she'd always be young and beautiful, but he was a monster. Why had she left his safety? After working with him for over a year, she'd met a young, handsome warlock, and fallen in love, leaving their happy fold. Derek had convinced her to stop working there when they'd gotten engaged. She didn't see them much anymore, only every now and then, when he bothered to call her after taking down the information she'd gotten in a vision when she called them in to him, between saving the world.
And it wasn't that she didn't love Derek, she did . . . she thought . . . it was just that, he hit her. And not just little slaps or something, this was not even makeup will cover that black eye types of beatings.
She sat there in the dark silence, listening to Derek stomp around furiously about outside the door, then the apartment door slammed closed, she was lucky, he went to the bar for booze.
She breathed a sigh of relief, trembling. She tried to stand up, her shoulder was killing her, and her lip was split. As for the rest of the damage, she was too tired to even care. Back in Sunnydale she'd been seen, people noticed when she wasn't around, and what she looked like. Now, she was just one of millions in LA, with no one really looking out for her. That's what Derek had been for, and it had been so nice at first. But she deserved this, it was her atonement for all the bad things she'd done.
She stumbled to the bed, barely making it. She gently laid herself down, 'Please, let me atone for my sins soon, before it kills me . . .' then Cordelia Chase let the darkness that had been wanting to swallow her for hours, fall over her.
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There was a lull in the hotel where Angel Investigations resided. Everything was silent. It had been so quiet around since Cordelia had left.
Angel missed her, her idiotic comments, her fashion 'critiques', her insults. Angel missed her little reminder of Sunnydale, of Doyle, she had made the office a home. He missed looking at her, her little jokes, her smile, and 'innocent' looks. It was funny how you never really appreciated someone until they were gone, he thought he'd learned that when Doyle died, but with Cordelia, it was feeling ten times worse.
Angel for once couldn't take the silence anymore, so he decided to go out for a drink. Who knew, maybe he'd find some innocent person to save while he was out.
** One hour later **
Angel sat on a stool, nursing his beer, looking at the drunken customers in the bar. They'd all come to forget all their troubles of the day, and try to drink away their loneliness, just like him. Only problem was, he might have been Irish, but he wasn't much of a drinker, at least not of this crap.
Angel was very surprised when a familiar, obviously drunken, figure sat down next to him.
"Whisky sour . . . and make it a double." The deep voice ordered.
"Hello Derek." Angel coolly greeted.
"Well, if it isn't the perfect little Angel." (Imagine Derek speaking drunkeniese.)
Angel cringed at the foul-smelling breath of a very inebriated warlock, "Where's Cordelia?"
"You mean my betrothed? Oh she's at home probably. All she does is talk. Everyday it's 'Angel this', 'Angel that', and 'No, Angel said that blah blah blah' or 'Angel does it differently'. What a bitch. I never realized how annoying one woman could be until she moved in. But she makes up for it in the sack . . .(hiccup). She'll learn soon enough though, I'll teach her how a real woman treats her husband."
Angel could feel Angelus inside of him getting really pissed off, and he was agreeing with him. He yanked Derek close to his face, "Don't you ever talk about Cordelia that way. She deserves your respect and you are scum compared to her." Then he threw the worthless piece of trash on the floor. Angel felt sick to his stomach, the way Derek had been talking . . . teaching Cordelia how to . . . Angel threw a $20 on the bar then ran out of the club, but not before telling Derek, "If you ever come near Cordelia again I'll rip your head off."
Angel pounded on the door of Derek and Cordelia's apartment, there wasn't an answer.
"Cordelia! Open up! It's me, Angel."
Nothing.
Angel forced the door open with his vampire strength, "Cordelia?! Where are you?"
~*~
In a haze, Cordelia heard a banging. She fought to regain consciousness.
"Angel" she whispered, hearing him call her name.
~*~
Angel heard her with his sensitive hearing. And rushed into the bedroom, horrified at what he saw.
"Oh my . . . Cordelia"
"Please, don't let him hit me again." Cordelia looked up at him with her unswollen eye.
"I won't, I promise . . . can you walk?"
"I don't think so . . ." she told him weakly.
"I'll comeback for your things later, I promise." Angel told her, scooping her up into his arms.
Cordelia whimpered, then passed out.
`
Angel lay Cordelia down onto his bed gingerly, "How could I let this happen?"
Gently he removed her clothes, so as to get a better look at her injuries. Her face was pretty bad, a split lip, a black eye, and a bruise on her cheek. Her shoulder looked to be dislocated, so he had to pop it back in place, mercifully, she was unconscious, but it would kill when she woke up. On her upper arms were marks where he'd obviously squeezed her very tightly, same with on her wrists, some fingerprints older then others. Lucky, the rest of her seemed to be pretty much unmarred. He dressed her in one of his shirts, which was ridiculously big on her, then covered her up. Finally, he sat down in the chair next to his bed, and watched her sleep.
The first thing Cordelia was aware of was the pain . . . she hadn't felt such pain since, since Xander. Then she remembered Derek hitting her, again . . . stumbling to the closet, then nothing. She realized that something felt different though, the shirt she wore wasn't her own, a man's, and it wasn't her and Derek's bed. It was soft. Cautiously she opened up her eye, to look right into Angel's worried guilty ones. She was in Angel's bed.
"You're awake." He states relieved.
"How did I get here?" Cordelia croaks.
"You don't remember?"
Cordelia manages to shake her head no.
"I found you, in your apartment . . . did Derek do that to you?"
"He was just trying to teach me . . ."
"What are you talking about?" Angel sits up strait shocked, "Do you think you deserved that?"
Tears start falling down her face, "I'm a bad person . . . I have to atone for what I've done. All the people I've hurt, lives I've ruined. Xander and Willow, Daddy lost all his money, living in that rat trap, Doyle . . . Doyle dying." She gasps for air, curling up into a little ball, "I thought my punishment was finally over after Doyle died. I thought I could finally be happy, that I did deserve good things. But I had more to atone for, that's why he hits me."
"No." Angel exclaims harshly, "You've never done anything bad enough to deserve that. To deserve any of that." He carefully takes Cordelia into his arms, holding her, "You don't deserve this, you don't have anything to atone for."
Angel leaned against the headboard, holding her sobbing form close to him, careful not to further injure her arm.
"Then why did all this happen to me?"
"I don't know Delia, I don't know."
Cordelia sniffed, "Angel, what's the point of immortality if you don't want to live? Because I don't want to feel this pain anymore."
Angel could tell she wasn't talking about her shoulder, the bruises, or the visions, "What do you mean?"
"I'm so alone." She whispered to him, "And my heart hurts so much. I don't think my parents ever once said 'I love you' to me, not even as a child. So I became hard, the Ice Queen. Xander was the first one who ever really cared. I let my defenses down for him, and the rest of them, only to get impaled, through the stomach literally, through the heart figuratively. I'd given up everything I had held dear to for him, then he, they, betrayed me . . . and it hurt Angel, it really hurt. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest; the spike impaling my stomach had nothing on it. I couldn't let them get close again, so I became the Ice Queen again. I was empty inside, and then the rest of my world just came crashing down around me. It turns out my father hadn't been paying his taxes, for a really long time. We lost everything. I got kicked out of my home; I had to get a job. My entire life was gone, poof, it had just disappeared, anything that was familiar and comforting was gone. After I graduated, I sold what was left of my belongings and moved to LA, where I was supposed to be discovered, making it big, and really rich again."
Cordelia laughed harshly, "Instead I had a crappy hell hole apartment, and I, Cordelia Chase, was stealing food from parties, so as not to starve to death. Then I thought things were starting to go the way it was supposed to, some guy was offering to help me, well of course he turns out to be a vampire who was after my blood! You give me a job; things start getting better. I get a great apartment, which came with a phantom roommate, but it was big, beautiful, and rent controlled! Doyle and I finally connect then he dies after kissing me for the first time. In that kiss was the power of his visions from the PTB, which are scary, and they are really painful. I met a likable guy, who seems to understand; I wake up eight months fuckin' pregnant with seven demons. I start to trust guys again, I meet a really nice guy, sure he's a warlock, but I love him. We move in together, get engaged he gets a little controlling and he starts drinking. He makes me quit working for my best friend, gives me immortality so we can be together forever in exchange. Then one night he gets totally sloshed and he slapped me . . . he said he felt so bad for it the next day, even gave me a watch from Tiffany's to make up for it. So I forgave him. The next week, he was smashed again, and I slapped him when he called me a whore. He backhanded me slamming me into a wall and I cracked a few ribs; that's how I got my tennis bracelet. He apologized and convinced me it was for my own good, I had to learn how to be a proper wife for him. Warlocks' wives don't talk back and they never ever hit their husbands."
Cordelia explained, her voice cracking, "He got drunk more and more, and much angrier. After a few weeks, he didn't even apologize for when he would grab me so hard it left fingerprint bruises."
Angel had stayed silent the whole time, holding her tightly to him, his own tears streaming down his face, "I am so sorry I never noticed. It's all my fault."
"No, it's not . . . Angel, when will it stop? I just want the bad things to stop." She sobbed in to his chest.
"Shhh, I know Delia, I know." Angel mummers words of comfort into her hair long into the night, until she finally falls into a deep, dreamless, sleep the arms of her best friend and protector, Angel, tightly around her.
Angel too fell asleep, lulled by the sounds of her breathing, and the sweet scent of her filling all his senses.
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** Many hours later **
Derek was sleeping, sprawled out on the bed, right where he'd flopped down and passed out hours before.
Angel and Wesley entered the apartment, not bothering to knock.
Angel could heart snoring in the bedroom, and a rare evil smile graced his lips. He was going to listen to Angelus this time, well with in reason. He wasn't going to cut off his fingers, or rip out his intestines and leave Derek for the cockroaches, or stake him through each of his hands, feet, and gag him . . .
'Maybe I'll let Spike come to LA and play with him for a bit now that he's gotten the chip out . . .' Angel cocked his head at the last one, 'Hmmm, perhaps I should put a call into that boy . . .'
But he'd have to settle for just scaring the guy so much that he was afraid to come near Cordelia again, and get all of Cordelia's things . . . for now.
Angel and Wesley went about the business of emptying the apartment of Cordelia's things quickly and quietly.
Then both stood at the foot of Derek's bed. Their stances fixed, hand together in front, much like the bodyguards who protected the president, but they weren't here to protect this scumbag.
Derek wasn't in so much of a drunken stupor that he couldn't sense the vampire's presence. Eventually he opened his eyes to the fuzzy view of two very grim faces.
They all stood in silence for a moment, starring at each other.
Until Wesley spoke in his cultured voice, "Good evening Derek. I do hope you realized you brought what's about to happen upon yourself . . ."
~*~
Cordelia sat on a couch in the lobby of the hotel wearing Angel's shirt, wrapped in a blanket, shaking.
She had the radio on, because she couldn't stand the silence, . . . But the song that began to play made her regret that action.
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Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be?
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Roll to me
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The song prompted her do just that, she looked at her life, what it had become, and caused her shake harder as she reflected on the last few years.
Angel came in and heard the song too. He couldn't help but notice how it seemed to be singing about him and Cordelia . . . that was when he heard the rapid heartbeat and saw the shaking, huddled figure on the couch. He hurried over and took the young, now timid, woman in his arms.
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Look into your heart pretty baby
Is it aching with some nameless need?
Is there something wrong
And you can't put your finger on it?
Right, then roll to me
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Angel's heart ached. He'd wanted to protect her from everything, and now it seemed as if he'd failed . . . he'd failed his Cordelia.
Cordelia drew strength from the refuge of his embrace. Her heartbeat slowed and her trembling subsided. Silently she leaned against her protector, exhausted, but yet still terrified he'd disappear.
Angel could sense her fear, but knew it wasn't because she was afraid of him, it was being drawn from something else.
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And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don't try to deny it pretty baby
You've been down so long you can hardly see
When the engine's stalled and it won't stop raining
It's the right time to roll to me
Roll to me
Roll to me
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Angel picked Cordelia up, noticing for the first time how she barely weighted anything. She'd definitely lost weight, which had definitely been something she hadn't needed to do. He didn't mention it, but just carried her upstairs, back into his room.
Angel laid her on his bed, and covered her once more.
"You need to rest Cordy."
He started to turn, but she grabbed his hand with her uninjured arm.
"Please, lay down with me." She begged in a trembling voice.
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And I don't think I have ever seen
A soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be
there
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Angel couldn't say no to Cordelia, it was too hard after seeing her spirit so shattered. He lay down next to her and she immediately curled up at his side, trusting him completely.
Angel hesitated for a second, then began stroking her hair. Soon she fell asleep. Angel watched her take every tortured breath, sometimes whimpering in her sleep. At that moment, Angel vowed never to let anything hurt her again, ever. For the rest of their immortal lives, he'd protect her. From pain, sadness, and evil as much as he could . . . if she'd let him.
And that's when it hit him, he loved her. He loved Cordelia Regan Chase with all his heart.
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So,
Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me
The right time to roll to me . . . oooh
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I give credit where credit is due, the song used in this fic is 'Roll to Me' by Del Amitri.
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