I lay still, allowing my mind to slowly swim to
consciousness; trying to remember where I was and what I was doing there.
And then Jesse moved in my arms, her
hair brushing my face gently with the movement. Suddenly I was fully awake, aware of the dull headache throbbing
behind my temples, aware of the fact that Jesse was lying in my arms, her bare
skin warm and thrilling against my own. At first I couldn't remember why, holding my breath so as not to wake
her in case she would be as shocked as I, and then I remembered—remembered the
café, the wine…catching her as she jumped from the ladies' room window and
taking her back to the motel, both of us full of wine and passion.
I had thought I was too trashed to
remember, but it all returned to me in a rush, and unlike most drunken
memories, it was thrilling and wonderful. My only regret was the fact that it had happened because we were both
heady with the wine we had drunk, and not because we had both decided it was
time. I had told myself not to get
carried away; I never would have wanted to take advantage of Jesse. But after the first drink…neither of us
seemed able to stop, the wine loosening the tense mood we had both been
in. I hardly recalled ordering the
second bottle.
But I remembered everything. I wondered if it really had been more than
just the wine.
I watched Jesse as she slept, the
pale sunlight streaming through the ragged curtains casting an angelic glow on
her soft bare shoulders, which rose and fell gently with every breath. There was still a light trace of her perfume
on her skin, alluring even in the aftermath of everything that had taken place
in the last day, and I nuzzled her neck softly, breathing deeply of the scent
and kissing her sweet skin tenderly. She stirred again in her sleep, moaning lightly as if she enjoyed my
touch. I was no longer afraid of her
waking, although I could watch her sleep for hours, covering her satin-soft
skin with tender kisses and letting my imagination run wild with the movement
of her perfect curves under the thin sheets. I just wanted to share this moment with her, a moment of realization.
The realization that the night
before had not all been in a drunken passion.
Suddenly, I wanted her to wake. I wanted her awake so that I could tell her
how much I loved her. Tell her how much
she meant to me, how the touch of her skin, her lips, her hair, the smell of
her perfume, everything about her sent me into waves of ecstasy. How much I wanted her to be mine, and stay
mine…forever.
Finally she stirred once again,
waking this time and stretching lithely in my arms. I watched her nervously, afraid of her reaction, almost expecting
her to hit me with fierce rage for taking advantage of her.
Suddenly she stiffened, rigid with
sudden shock, and I realized she was fully awake, as I had become only a few
minutes ago. I almost pulled away from
her, for fear of frightening her, but decided against it, simply leaving my
arms around her and hoping she would understand.
"Jesse…" I whispered softly, my
heart sinking at the possibility that she remembered nothing of the night
before, or that even if she had it had meant nothing to her.
"I'm so sorry."
She immediately relaxed again, her
face still turned away from me so that I could not see her expression.
"Hmm, for what?" came her drowsy
reply, though I was sure she knew what I was referring to.
I took a deep breath. "For last night. The wine…the motel…this…"
I saw her smile, or rather, felt
it. She snuggled closer, sighing deeply
as if she were in heaven.
"Don't be…" she murmured softly,
pulling my hand to her lips and kissing my fingers tenderly.
My heart soared. Did
this mean that…?
"You're not…mad?" I ventured,
feeling a hopeful thrill run through me. She finally turned in my grasp, looking up at me with her deep
expressive blue eyes so full of intense love that I lost myself to their depths
all over again.
"James…I've loved you far longer
than I can remember," she replied softly, her eyes searching mine as if reading
a wonderful book, full of emotions unexplainable in their intensity. "Last night was like a dream to me…"
I gazed back at her, finally
allowing my love and longing to spill before her with my eyes. All this time, all this longing and
watching, and the very thing I desired most in the world desired me with equal
intensity.
Closing my eyes, I kissed her lips
tenderly. "Jesse, do you know how long
I've longed to hear you say that?"
She laughed lightly, mingled with
joyful tears, and wrapped her arms around me tightly; resting her head on my
chest lovingly, holding on with an intensity like she would never let go. I embraced her back, the both of us falling
back to sleep like that, knowing the other was there and would always be there.
"Jesse…" I murmured, just before
sleep reclaimed me. "I love you, too."
* * *