To the tune of Lady Marmalade, by… oh, hell, you
know all the people who sing it! lyrics by Arabella Black, sung by Fleur
Delacour and Hermione Granger
Hermione: Where all my soul sistahs,
Lemme hear y'all flow, sistahs,
Fleur: Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, flow…
Wait juz' one second. Dis girl is not my zister!
(From somewhere out of the recording studio) That's
just figurative! Keep singing!
Fleur: You could at least 'ave my real
zister sing wit' me!
(Again, somewhere out of the recording studio) But
then the parody wouldn't make any sense! You're singing about Ron!
Fleur: Does any-sing you crazy people write
make sense?
(Once more, somewhere from out the recording studio)
Fine! Gabrielle! GABRIELLE! Okay, let's try this again.
To the tune of Lady Marmalade, lyrics by Arabella
Black, sung by Fleur Delacour and Hermione Granger and Gabrielle Delacour.
Happy?
Hermione: Where all my soul sistahs,
Lemme hear y'all flow, sistahs!
Fleur: Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, flow
sistah, soul sistah!
Gabrielle: Hey sistah, go sistah, soul sistah!
Hermione: Lady-
Pansy Parkinson: Um… can I be in this, too?
(You know where the freakin'
voice is coming from, don't pretend like you don't) Grrrr… Why do you want to be in this?
Pansy: Only because it's
my favorite-est song in the whole wide world!
Aargh! Okay, okay, you
can be in this. You'll be L'il Kim.
Hermione: I'm L'il Kim!
Well, now you're Pink.
Not much difference, except less leather.
Hermione: I like leather! Me and Ron have matching leather bik- oh,
umm… never mind.
Okay… from the top-
Harry: I wasn't told we
needed tops to be in this!
AAAARRRGGHH! Harry! Why
the hell are you here? And… Oh, dear God, get your shirt back on!
Harry: Because I want to
sing with you guys! I am also here because I'd like to tell the world that I am
in love Ronald Weasley. And he loves me! Anybody got a problem with that?!
Ooooh-kay. Yeah. Uh, no,
no one has a problem with that, Harry.
Hermione: I do! Ron loves
me, stupid head. And I
wanted to be L'il Kim!!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!
See, Harry, I'd love to
let you sing with us about your love to Ron. But the thing is, we have four
people, and they're not exactly Julie Andrews themselves, and your voice is
horrible, and the adding of it would just make for more of a cacophony than
this already is.
Harry: (crosses arms and
looks up haughtily) Well, I don't care. Make a space for me.
But-
Harry: Upp-bup-bup.
But we can't just-
Harry: Talk to the hand.
Fine! Fine, fine, fine,
fine, FINE! Urgh… (rolls eyes) Leos. Okay, here is the marquee, and if I have
to change it one more time, I'm going to whack somebody. Got it? Good.
To the tune of Lady
Marmalade, lyrics by Arabella Black, sung by Hermione Granger and Fleur Delacour and
Gabrielle Delacour and
Pansy Parkinson and
Harry Potter.
Pansy: (sticks her tongue
out to Hermione before singing)
Hey, now…
Pansy: Where all my soul
sistahs?
Hermione: (growls)
Pansy: Lemme hear y'all
flow sistahs!
Fleur and Gabrielle: Hey,
sistah, go sistah, soul sistah, flow sistah, hey sistah, go sistah, flow
sistah!
Fleur: He met all of us
through Harry's point of view,
Most people think for
Herm he's sweet,
But he said, "A Firebolt,
oh, whoa!
Can I give it a go?"
oh-oh-oh
Fleur: Giuchie, giuchie,
ah, yah, da da
Hermione: That doesn't
make any sense.
Fleur: Giuchie, giuchie,
ah, yah, here
Mocha Chocolate-a, yah,
yah,
Hermione: What, is that
how you like your coffee?
Shut up! I'll whack you!
Fleur: Can you pass the
marmala-ah-de!
Hermione, Pansy, Fleur,
Gabrielle, and Harry: Voulez vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron!
Harry: Oh, yeah, Ron,
would you?
I'll whack you, I swear
to God, French-y!
Hermione, Pansy, Fleur,
Gabrielle, and Harry: Voulez vous coucher avec moi!
Hermione: He was in a
snow fight while I freshened up,
Used up all that hair
potion of mine!
But my bushy hair was
sleek, he started fancying me, ye-
Harry: Yeah, and then you
had a row and he went to find solace in me!
Hermione: Shut up, Scarface!
I-WILL-WHACK-YOU!!!
Fleur: Giuchie, Giuchie,
a-yah, da da
Giuchie, giuchie, a-yah
here!
Mocha Chocolate-a yah,
yah
Hermione: Can you pass
the mar-ma-laaaa-de!
Hermione, Pansy, Fleur,
Gabrielle, and Harry: Voulez vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron?
Voulez vous coucher-
Sirius Black: (doesn't
get to say anything as he is interrupted by Harry)
Harry: Argh! (points at
Sirius) Sirius Black!
Sirius Black: (rolls
eyes) Hey, Arabella, I just wanted to-
(WHACK)
Remus Lupin: Omygod! You
killed Kenny!
I whacked Kenny!
Remus Lupin: No, you
whacked Sirius. You killed
Kenny! Twelve years ago! You think I've forgotten?! You should have known that
if Kenny didn't kill you, I would. Good bye.
I'm dazed and confused
and whack-ful.
Remus: (tearful) Sirius…
he just… HE JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU IF YOU HAD A DANISH HE COULD EAT!!!
Who is he, Jasper Johns?
Stealing my Danishes. I don't have to give him scraps of food if I don't want
to!
Remus: Humph! (Turns on
his heal)
Harry: (looking down at
the whacked Sirius) Stupid outlaw. Killed my parents… ate my Danish…
Pansy: IT'S TIME FOR MY
SOLO!!! LOOKATMELOOKATME LOOK-AT-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Pansy: He can't come
through with the money, his pop's poor as rags,
House-elves let him have
that cake, straight at the gate,
His skin's iridescent and
when he sleeps he snores,
He can't go summer
spending when he has to do chores
Fleur: Has to do chores
Pansy: Disagree? How
could you, you git? Oh, I'm sorry.
But in
Harry Potter you must not be very far-y!
His
velvet dress robes are as second-hand as his clothes
For all
his muscle work in detention, it shows
Gabrielle: Hey, sistah, go sistah, he ain't got no dough, sistah!
Pansy:
He's better then Malfoy, that pain in the-
Hey!
Pansy:
Ron's the very meaning of the perfect date,
Gabrielle: Well, I suppose, if you wanna giuchie, giuchie ah-yah
Mocha
Chocolate-ah
Harry:
And I do.
Pansy:
Can you pass the marma-lade?
Hermione: One more time, my toast ain't sweet enough!
Get
that bread out of your mouth, Herm!
Harry, Pansy, Fleur, Gabrielle, and Hermione:
Pass the marmalade! Pass the marmalade!
Harry:
Hey! Hey! Haaaaaaaaaaa-ay-ay-ay!
Harry:
Touch of my cloak, feelin' silky smooth!
Pansy:
That has nothing to do with Ron Weas-lay,
Harry:
Helped me make the three-headed beast decide
To stop
roaring until we were inside,
The
third…floor…corridor!
Hermione: Now, at his home, the gnomes will survive,
And
he's sleepin' the gray Burrow life, all right
But
when you, go off to sleep,
You
know for who he's sweet, yeah,
Harry:
Third…floor…corridor!!!!
(Arabella puts head in hands and shakes at the stupidity of it all.)
Pansy,
Harry, Hermione, Fleur, and Gabrielle: Giuchie, giuchie a ya, da da! (da-de-ah-ah-ah)
Giuchie, giuchie a yah here (HERE!)
Mocha
Chocolate-a yah, yah, (yeah-a-a)
Can you
pass the marmalade!!!
Voulez
vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron!
Voulez
vous coucher avec moi! (Harry: All my sistahs, yeah!)
Voulez
vous coucher avec moi, oh, Ron!
Voulez
vous coucher avec moi, (Pansy: C'mon, uh!)
……………
Hermione: Arabella! That's your cue!
(looks
up from her hands) Wha'…? Oh, oh, right.
(half-assed and not singing) Christina…
Harry:
She means Harry! O-waaaaeeeee-ah-ah-uh!
(still
half-assed and not singing) Pink…
Hermione: Hermione! Pass the, mar-ma-lade!
(half-assed and not singing again) L'il Kim…
Pansy:
Grrr…
(once
more, half-assed and not singing) Mya…
Gabrielle
and Fleur: Sacre blu!
Moulin
Rouge!
(Now it
is everybody else's turn to put their head in their hands)
All: Can
you pass the marmalade?! Yessssss-ah!
A/N:
OMG. That is possibly the worst parody I ever wrote. Unless you count the
Country Grammar
one with
Lee Jordan… (shudder) I'd flame it, too. Just review it, please?!?!
