Prankster War

by Admiral Albia

The Marauders vs. The Weasley Twins. What more need be said? A sequel to Live Free or Die, can be read as a standalone. PG-13 for swearing.

4. Potions (Wednesday)

Prankster War
By Admiral Albia

In which the Weasley twins greatly annoy Snape, Harry fights Malfoy, and dear old Draco develops a crush...

Disclaimer; I do not own the Marauders, the Weasley twins, or any friends, family and enemies thereof. I do, however, own Bria, Tkaa, Binary, Milton, Aelops and Otto... oh, and the recipe for invisible chalk ;-). Mr William Shakespeare owns (owned?) the quotations the Weasley twins use here. Many thanks to my new beta-reader, Caitlin Black =D

Chapter Four; Potions (Wednesday)
"How's it doing?"
"Nearly there..."
"What're you doing?" Ron asked as he and Harry popped their heads round the changing room door. George raised his eyebrows.
"No Hermione?"
"Nah, she's just discovered that Harry's mum shares her love of libraries... what are you doing?"
"Making... something. Any more, Fred?"
"Nope, sorry. This seems to be about the lot." Fred put down his quill and sighed. "What did the other lot get? I heard about Divination."
"Three tens."
"Damn, we're gonna have to be good..."
"This is gonna be good." George took the cauldron he'd been stirring off the fire and peered into it. "Please, Lord, don't let me have mucked this up..."
"...again..." Fred added. George made a face at his twin.
"I'd like to see you try... hey! I've done it!" The potion was silvery-white, the same colour as Harry's Invisibility Cloak.
"Weird." Ron stared at the surface, his face reflected in the liquid. "What is it?"
"Invisibility Potion." That explained it, Harry thought. "Now buzz off, we want to try it..."
"Aren't you going to tell us what you're planning?" Ron asked, surprised.
"Nah - it's going to be during one of your classes, we felt like teaching that git Malfoy a lesson while we're at it."
"Fine. C'mon, Harry, let's go find Hermione."

/\/\/\ But Hermione - and Lily - weren't in the library; nor were they in the common room, nor were they anywhere else Harry and Ron could think of. In desperation, they tried Marauder HQ, despite the fact that they'd already been sent away twice from there. Lily was in there, having quite an animated conversation with Myrtle to their surprise, but no Hermione. Eventually, Harry and Ron gave up and assumed she'd come to Potions, which ws their next lesson; and turn up she did, though without any books or even her wand.
"Hermione, have you gone mad?" Ron asked, eyeing her bagless shoulders quizzically. She grinned.
"No, I've just taken a tip from Harry's mum. Look." She reached into her right sleeve, and pulled out her copy of Magical Drafts and Potions. "Spelled sleeves," she said happily, correctly reading their stunned faces, "so I can carry anything I need without having to lug a bag around..."
"Because obviously you're too good to carry things like the rest of us, you filthy little Mudblood," a familiar drawl said behind them; Malfoy had arrived. Harry grabbed the back of Ron's robes instinctively as they both whipped round. Somebody else, however, growled; it wasn't anyone they could see, but that meant very little in the school these days.
"You know, Malfoy," Hermione said thoughtfully, staring at a space just above his head, "it's a strange thing, but I've been reading the Prophet over the holidays, and from what I can tell most of the people in Azkaban are pure-blood, which means that, overall, we're much nicer than you." She smiled mistily, and Harry suddenly saw what she was looking at; Hermione wasn't just gazing into space, she was looking at Fred and George Weasley, who had slipped up behind the group and were now opening bottles containing their Invisibility Potion; they looked just as angry as Ron. The growl came again, though it sounded a little less angry this time.
"They're in Azkaban because they're sensible enough to want scum like you cleaned off the face of this planet," Malfoy retorted; then, he nodded at Harry. "Scum like his mother too; that Pettigrew was quite right, in my opinion -" and suddenly it was Ron's turn to grab Harry's robes, and from behind Malfoy the Invisibility Cloak finally dropped, revealing Remus hanging grimly onto both of his friends at once... Malfoy, who hadn't yet discovered about Harry's parents, gawped at the sudden sight of two Potters trying to get close enough to murder him...
"Is there a problem?" a soft voice asked, despite all evidence. Malfoy turned...
... and his jaw dropped. James relaxed suddenly, leaving Remus free to use both hands on Sirius. Lily sighed.
"Is there a problem? Ah, James, there you are. Alyssa's owl just came through, she'll be up here tomorrow."
"Right," James mumbled. Then he perked up suddenly. "What about the others?"
"Joyce nearly had a heart attack when I photocalled but said yes, and so did Mark... I said I'd explain tomorrow."
"Right..." Malfoy was still staring at Lily.
"What's going on?" A curt voice asked from behind them all - Snape had arrived. "Come on, move in, don't just stand there gawking..."
"Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock," a vaguely familiar voice said suddenly from the door as Snape moved to the front of the room; he glared around, but nobody had spoken.
Ron, however, was grinning as he unpacked his ingredients. When Harry asked him in a whisper what was so funny, he grinned even wider and muttered, "It's Fred." Unfortunately, Snape saw his lips moving.
"Talking in class, Weasley? Ten points from Gryffindor."
"There's a stewed phrase indeed!" said a voice which Harry now recognized as George's. Snape glared round once more.
"Thou hast no speculation in those eyes, which thou dost glare with," Fred's disembodied voice called across the classroom. Hermione giggled, causing Snape to take another five points from Gryffindor and George to repeat his earlier phrase.
"Everyone settle down!" Snape said angrily, as even the Slytherins began to smile. Snape began to explain the lesson.
"...After you have done this, you will tip your powdered beetle eyes into your cauldrons-"
"Will you credit this base drudge's words, that speaks he knows not what?" George's voice rang out once more. Snape began to go red with anger.
"I can hardly forbear hurling things at him," Fred agreed.
"To be so odd and from all fashions cannot be commendable."
"Were't not for laughing I should pity him." Snape had almost had enough.
"Be quiet," he ordered
"I will do nothing at thy bidding," George said from somewhere near Malfoy, "make thy requests to thy friend." Malfoy was suddenly dragged by invisible, but strong, hands to the front of the room. Hermione was grinning once more.
"What?" Harry and Ron asked her in undertones.
"They're quotes from Shakespeare... I've never heard them used so well before, not even at my old school..." Hermione began to laugh again. "We used to have this game in English, where you had to insult each other using Shakespearean insults only. But this is the best ever..."
"Ten points from Gryffindor, Granger," Snape said; he was now angrier than they'd ever seen him.
"Goodly Lord, what a wit-snapper you are!" Fred cried.
"SHUT UP!" Snape had now completely lost his cool.
"That's somewhat madly spoken."
"Can I endure to hear this arrogance? And from this fellow?"
"Be quiet, Weasleys," Snape ordered; he seemed to be past anger now, and he had evidently worked out who was insulting him so eloquently. "Or I shall take fifty points from Gryffindor for each of you!" As a matter of fact, none of the Gryffindors in the room cared; they were having too much fun.
"I find the ass in compound with the major part of your syllables," George said merrily.
"If the others be brain'd like you, the state totters," Fred added.
"One hundred points from Gryffindor," Snape said softly, eyes glinting.
"Such a want-wit!" George deplored him.
"Thou dost talk nothing to me," Fred told Snape, "you whoreson, beetle-headed, flap-eared knave!" The Gryffindors gave up all pretence and began to laugh.
"Get out," Snape said suddenly, softly, dangerously. "Get out. Both of you. Wherever you are. NOW!"
"Mend my company, take away thyself."
"You tread upon my patience," Fred added. "Thy brains are useless, boil'd within thy skull." Footsteps echoed across the floor, and the door opened, revealing the Marauders and Lily, who had been listening intently and who were all chuckling merrily.
"Hell is empty, and all the devils are here," Lily said with a grin, her wave taking in herself, the Marauders, the space where everyone assumed the Weasley twins were, and most of the classroom.
"He's more, had I more name for badness," George said; and the door closed, leaving the class in peace. This was not necessarily a good thing, with Snape in his current mood; at least with Fred and George in the room he'd had a channel for all the anger. The class resumed, though it was now too late to begin making anything; they would have to sit and listen to Snape for the rest of the lesson.
Snape droned on... and on... and... BOOM! A sudden explosion made them all jump (and wake up); then they realised it was, not one big explosion, but hundreds of little ones, all at once; this was confirmed by the sudden smell of Dungbombs and a series of pops, cracks and whistles as Dr Filibuster's Amazing No-Heat, Wet-Start Fireworks went off in all corners of the room. Snape picked up his wand A/n; He must have one, right?> to remove the remains of the Dungbombs and fireworks from the room; it hissed violently and changed into a three-foot-long rubber snake, and just as he found his real wand the bell rang. /\/\/\ "Did they go off?" Fred asked eagerly as the Gryffindors piled out of the room, eager to leave Snape to his own fury. The twins were visible once more, wearing identical, evil grins on their faces.
"Yeah, it was hilarious! How'd you make them go off?"
"Set spells," James guessed. They nodded.
"We set the spells to drop the Dungbombs and wet the fireworks," George said, still grinning. "Beat that if you can!"
"We probably can't," James said despondently. Then he perked up. "But I bet we can beat you at Quidditch!"
"There's three of you, and two of us," Fred pointed out. James shook his head.
"I don't mean that. We've contacted our old Gryffindor Quidditch team - so it'd be the old one versus the current one. We contacted your old Keeper, he's coming back... and Dumbledore says tomorrow's OK." Harry and the twins stared at each other.
"OK," Fred said at last, "But we need to train."
"Fine by me," said a voice behind them. They turned round, surprised.
"Oliver! You're back!"
"`Course I am, I wasn't going to leave you lot standing. Get the team together, and be out on the pitch in half an hour." /\/\/
A/n; Don't flame me, this is the beginning of a Marauder trick =) Hope you liked it, review please! I had to bring Wood back `cause I've had to make up the other team's Seeker, Keeper and third Chaser and I'm all out of names... =P
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