Boys Don't Cry
Chapter 5
All I Ever Really Wanted
"Serena? Oh no!" Her pulse quickening, she felt the back of her head and gasped – instead of close cropped, gelled back hair, two odangos graced the top of her head. She lifted the collar of her shirt and looked under, and just as she was almost certain that –
"Don't do that!" exclaimed Darien.
"Gomen, I didn't know I had an audience," Serena snapped, pulling up her collar. "What are you doing watching me peek under my own shirt anyways?"
"Actually, that's my shirt," said Darien. "And those are my boxers, in case you were curious."
Wondering what the hell he was going on about, Serena pushed the blanket off her body so she could see for herself. Sure enough, she was wearing an oversized sweatshirt and polka-dotted boxer shorts. She noted that she felt a little freer up top and…uh-oh…
Serena thought back to yesterday morning, then it hit her. She had forgotten to put on underwear before she used the Luna Pen. She immediately crossed her arms over her chest in a belated attempt at modesty. Blushing furiously, she opened her mouth, and then closed it again, looking like a fish out of water. It was very hard to yell at someone who had seen her in her birthday suit.
"So I was –"
"Completely naked."
"Oh…MAN!" she moaned. "So you saw…everything?"
"Yeah, and it was VERY hard to keep the 5th period English lit class out of the room, believe me."
"Geez, I had no idea you had a class full of hentais," Serena said.
"Well, we ARE guys, Serena. Besides, I'm not the only one who has seen a naked member of the opposite sex! I mean…you…and me…we…went to the…BATHROOM together! We even shared a gym locker, for chrissake! How much time did YOU spend ogling my…member?"
"Oh, come on, Darien. Don't flatter yourself," shot back Serena. "You know me."
He took a fancy pen out of his pocket and ran his finger along the sides. "Is this what you used to deceive me? I have to admit, Serena, you had me fooled pretty well." When she didn't respond, he continued. "I've seen some pretty good tricks, but you sure as hell take the cake. Did you even think of your family? Of Rini? Or even the Scouts?"
"Stop it, Darien," said Serena, looking him straight in the eye. It took all of her strength not to break down and cry, and even more not to bolt out the door. "I…had my reasons. Hurting you had nothing to do with it."
"Then…what did you want, Serena?" Darien asked, his voice dangerously low.
"I wanted to be near you. I wanted to see your smile, to hear you laugh, even if it wasn't at me. I wanted…you, Darien. Even if we can't be together as soul mates, I…didn't want you to hate me, like you do now. I just wanted to know…why."
"And do you now?" he asked, taking two steps closer.
Sadly, Serena shook her head. "No."
He took the poem he had given her alter ego the previous day out of his pocket.
"Darien, what are you doing? This is no time for poetry."
"Read it," he whispered.
She smoothed the creases out of the page, and then held it to the morning light.
Boys Don't Cry
By Darien Shields
I show a solitary image,
The mask of the twilight hero,
A hero must keep his chin up,
His head held high,
Deny the reason he wants to die,
Why he buries his feelings deep inside,
Because everyone knows that
Boys don't cry.
You can punch me in the gut,
You can bring me to my knees,
You can prick me 'till I bleed,
Steal my breath so I can't breathe.
Go ahead and try,
You won't hear so much as a sigh,
Rules passed down from our fathers tell us
Boys don't cry.
It haunts my nights,
Broken dreams and broken crystal,
Shatter in the eardrums of my mind.
Every night, I see her die,
And I have failed to protect her,
My love, my life,
I have failed her again.
I wake up, drowning in my sweat,
But I choke back my tears,
Because boys don't cry.
As I watch my heart get broken,
See her face,
Wish I had spoken,
Words I can't quite seem to say,
No matter where I go today,
What I do, or how I stray,
I must keep this secret 'till I die,
Even though I am dead inside,
Because I was told that
Boys don't cry.
Oceans are wet,
Beaches are dry,
Children dream,
Lovers sigh,
There is a hidden truth
I can no longer deny,
Age old sayings,
Are nothing but lies,
For my heart knows that
Boys do cry.
Serena took a few moments to let the impact of the words wear down. "Wow," she finally said. "So…the guy in the poem…that's you, right?"
"Right."
"But what about the dream? 'Broken glass and broken crystal?' You had 'failed to protect her again?' What does that mean?"
"I…have been having bad dreams, Serena. But they weren't just dreams. They felt almost like-"
"Visions?"
"Yeah. And there was this voice…it said I had to stay away from you, or else…I'd lose you, Serena."
So that was it. All this time, he had been trying to protect her. "Why couldn't we have faced it together?"
"Because you would have died."
"Don't you get it, Darien?" she said, finally allowing the tears to flow. "Without you, I might as well be dead. Who cares about bad dreams...about the past…about the future?" She took his hands, and pulled them to her shoulders.
"All I know is right now, and right now, I only want to be with you." She dragged his unresisting face towards her lips.
"Serena, no," he said, his lips brushing hers, awakening long suppressed desires. "We can't…I can't…do thi-."
His protests were silenced as she gave him quick peck on the lips. "Something to remember me by, my love," Serena said. She drew her head back and ducked out, silently exiting the apartment.
Stunned, Darien licked his lips, tasting the flavor that was distinctly Serena. He felt a narrow rivulet roll down his cheek. He sopped it up with his index finger and put it on his tongue. It was salty, like a teardrop…
It only took him two seconds to make up his mind, but by the time he reached the elevator, Serena was already gone.