As My Heart Remembers
By: Syntyche
Part Two
What a day
What a day to take to
A wild child
Qui-Gon finally moved his hands from his Padawan's after Obi-Wan's trembling had subsided somewhat.
"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan murmured, and Qui-Gon was unsurprised to see a sheen of tears in his eyes.
"Oh, Padawan," he said softly, drawing him into a comforting embrace like he had when Obi-Wan was a small boy. Obi-Wan didn't say anything else; he leant his head on Qui-Gon's shoulder and the Jedi Master stroked his arm soothingly. Gently, Qui-Gon eased back into the bond, adding another memory....
*
Qui-Gon pressed the door chime hesitantly. He thought perhaps he was intruding by arriving a little early to continue with Obi-Wan's training, but he wryly admitted to himself that meal preparation simply wasn't as easy as it was made out to be. His appreciation for Obi-Wan's culinary skills had increased after the young Jedi had moved out of their shared quarters.
Kitchen, Obi-Wan called out shortly, and Qui-Gon ducked into the small room, immediately breaking into a grin at the sight that greeted him. Obi-Wan was rapidly chopping vegetables into small piles, which he intermittently dumped into a sizzling pan on the stovetop. Like Jhesana, he still wore his morning robe, and his hair definitely looked slept on: flat on one side and sticking out on the other. Jhesana offered Qui-Gon a greeting as she sensed his entrance, but didn't draw away from the batter she was stirring. Qui-Gon watched as she pulled a piece of fruit from the basket on the table and lobbed it toward Obi-Wan; his Padawan reached up and caught it as it sailed toward him, and it immediately went under the whacking of the knife without Obi-Wan even breaking stride.
Morning, Master. Though he couldn't see Obi-Wan's face, Qui-Gon knew Obi-Wan was grinning. You're early. Would you like some breakfast?
Er … that would be most … appreciated, Padawan, Qui-Gon replied, somewhat sheepishly but readily taking the seat at the table that Obi-Wan gestured to with a flick of his hand.
What would you like, Master Jinn? Jhesana inquired, scooping up Obi-Wan's newly-created pile of chopped fruit and sprinkling it into the pancakes on the griddle. We have pancakes and omelet. Some of each, perhaps? With tea?
Qui-Gon's stomach rumbled with the anticipation of someone who had existed on dry cereal and soup for too long. That would be wonderful, Jhesana. Thank you. He sat quietly and watched them work together in perfect harmony. Jhesana's arm slid around Obi-Wan's waist briefly as he flipped pancakes and he flashed her a sweet smile.
He was not wearing the same sweet smile a week later when he showed up late one night at Qui-Gon's door with a pillow tucked under his arm. Qui-Gon grinned.
Women, huh? he guessed, eyebrow raised.
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. Women!
*
Once, in the care of morning
In the air was all belonging
Once, when that day was dawning
I was with you
From somewhere deep inside himself, Obi-Wan managed a laugh, but it ended on a hopeless note and he burrowed deeper into the safety of Qui-Gon's arms, trying to prevent the tears from sliding down his face. Qui-Gon hugged him tighter, murmuring indistinct words of comfort to reassure his Padawan that he was with him.
*
Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan!! Jhesana's voice was brimming with excitement and she nearly pounced on him when he returned to their apartment, exhausted but invigorated by his increasing success in sparring with his Master. He caught her easily, though his sore arms protested and he set her down gently.
What?
Come here, She was tugging him in the direction of the couch. I want to show you what I learned today.
Obi-Wan sat and pulled her into his lap, eager to hear what she had to say. Through a lot of string-pulling and arm-twisting on Qui-Gon's part, they had managed to procure the services of a Master who specialized in blind Force-sensitives. She would be teaching at the Temple for the next semester, and Jhesana had been thrilled to have the opportunity to train with her. Well?
Close your eyes, Jhesana instructed. Obi-Wan obeyed compliantly, but one eye squinted open reflexively as he watched her. Now picture yourself in your mind.
Obi-Wan frowned, but did so. He could sense Jhesana feeling cautiously along the edge of their bond. What are you doing?
I'm going to see you, she smiled. Now hush so I can concentrate.
Obi-Wan was proud of her efforts and carefully let his shields fall away, leaving his mind open to her. He felt her breath catch and squeezed her hand.
Obi-Wan, Jhesana whispered, I see you. I see you!! Her fingers came up to trace his face gently and he leaned into her touch, thrilled with her joy and her newfound ability. He would call Qui-Gon and thank him first thing. You match your soul, Jhesana said softly, her fingers coming to rest on his jawline.
What? Obi-Wan asked curiously.
You're beautiful, she answered with a quiet smile. Like your soul.
Obi-Wan would have been embarrassed if he weren't so inexplicably touched. Well, I'm not really that good-looking. I embellished it a bit. I'm really only 5'2" and that's not my real hair, he teased. Ow!! He protested when she yanked on his braid.
Feels pretty real to me, flyboy, Jhesana grinned. You're such a liar.
Hey, lie, a Jedi does not, he retorted. Tell the truth, we do … from a certain point of view.
Jhesana grew serious. Obi-Wan … am I beautiful?
In reply, Obi-Wan summoned up a memory he kept secreted in his heart, an image of Jhesana on their wedding day, clad in a simple white dress with her auburn hair twisted into a long plait that reached her waist. A smile spread across Jhesana's face as she saw herself in her husband's mind.
Mrs. Kenobi, he said mock-solemnly, I think you're even more beautiful than I am!!
Jhesana giggled and poked his bicep and Obi-Wan, knowing from experience what she would go for next, immediately captured her hand before it could make the slide to the sensitive skin of his ribcage. He was immensely grateful she didn't have mastery of the Force-tickling trick Qui-Gon liked to employ on troublesome apprentices.
Her fingers curled around his, rubbing the ring on his left hand. Obi-Wan … what is the color of my eyes called? she asked carefully.
Turquoise. His own fingers came up to brush her closed eyelids gently.
And what about yours?
Obi-Wan thought a moment. Sort of a bluish-greeny-grey, I think …
*
How far we are from morning,
How far are we
And the stars shining through the darkness
Falling in the air
Qui-Gon remembered when the call came. He remembered feeling Obi-Wan's wash of shock and horror over their bond and feeling the need to move heaven and earth if he must to reach his Padawan.
Obi-Wan and Jhesana had had three short months together after their four month courtship. Seven months to live and learn and love when they should have had the rest of their lives. It was one of the few times Qui-Gon had felt like screaming at the Living Force.
He remembered Obi-Wan's white face, the slackness of his fingers as Qui-Gon grasped them gently to pull him from the room where they had laid Jhesana. He guided an unresisting Obi-Wan down into a chair where the young man simply sat, unspeaking and staring into the distance. Qui-Gon sat with him, determined that if all Obi-Wan wanted to do was sit and stare, he would stay with him, as his Master, and as his friend.
Obi-Wan pulled away slowly, twisting the simple wedding band off his finger. He started to place it on the modest stone that marked Jhesana's grave, but his hand stilled over the marker. Carefully, he secured the ring in his tunic. He wasn't surprised that he was crying, but it didn't seem to make what had happened any more real. Jhesana was gone, but his heart couldn't comprehend it.
"I was blessed to have had her," he said quietly, sitting back on his knees. His voice caught, and Qui-Gon could see his shoulders shaking.
"Yes, Obi-Wan. You were. And she was blessed to have you for the time she was given."
Obi-Wan gave him a drawn smile over his shoulder, and Qui-Gon sensed the unspoken request in his Padawan's eyes. He squeezed Obi-Wan's arm one last time before rising. "Let me know when you're ready to leave, Padawan."
Qui-Gon cast a final look at the freshly-dug grave and turned away from the young man kneeling beside it. As he moved away, he heard Obi-Wan speaking again, whispering of his love for her, and just before he was out of earshot, Qui-Gon caught the faint strains of Obi-Wan singing softly. He knew enough of his Padawan's native language to translate the foreign words:
Once, as the night was leaving
Into us our dreams were weaving
Once, all dreams were worth keeping
I was with you
Once, when our hearts were singing,
I was with you
end.