AUTHOR'S NOTE: None of the characters are mine... well, except the doctors, but they don't really have any character developement, so you can use them if you want. All other characters belong to Marvel and KidsWB and all those other fantastic people. I'm not in the best or most creative of moods right now, and this is NOT the best time of the month, so my A/N is very boring. Um... MAJOR angst warning. Rated PG13 for language and some sensitive subject matter. This story's sad, and it's my first finished chapter fic, and the first chapter fic I've ever worked on that doesn't star original characters. Aren't I great? Comments can be sent to gypsyj14@hotmail.com. I'm trying to get revenge on a friend right now, so PLEASE flame a LOT and send them to gypsygal14@yahoo.com. Thanx, enjoy the story, and tell me if it sucks too badly!/p
PART THREE
Promise Me
"Kurt, may I speak with you a moment?"
"Sure, Professor." Kurt stepped into the large office. "Vhat's up?" Xavier steepled his fingers, as if searching for the right thing to say.
"Kurt, I think it's obvious that you've been having emotional problems. The doctor gave me these," he held up a small brown bottle for Kurt to see, "and said to take two at every meal." Kurt watched him emotionlessly, waiting for him to continue. The Professor cleared his throat. "He also suggested that you get help. He gave me the number for a highly recommended psychiatrist, and--"
"No offense, Professor, but I don't want to tell some stranger about all my problems." Xavier nodded.
"I could ask Scott to talk to you, or perhaps Jean or--"
"I have to deal with Scott and Jean every day. I don't vant them thinking of me differently because of the stuff I tell them." Xavier's brow furrowed, and he held his chin between his thumb and forefinger.
"You don't want to talk about it with a stranger, and you don't want to talk about it with someone you know. Well, I'm sorry, Kurt, but that doesn't leave very many options." Kurt continued to stare at him blanky. The Professor sighed slightly. "I can't force you to get help, Kurt, but--"
"I don't need help, Professor!" Kurt said exhassperatedly. "I did it, I got better, I sorted it all out, and I'm okay now."
"I understand you're going through a difficult time, Kurt--"
"No, Professor," he said, shaking his head, "you don't understand. And I don't know if that's a bad thing, or a good thing." Kurt teleported back to his room without another word.
**********
Dear Whoever Reads This,
If I'm not dead, don't read any further. This is supposed to be my suicide note, not my reveal-all-my-secrets-while-I'm-still-alive-to-embarass-me note. There are just a coupla things I wanna say before I go. I wanna apologize to everyone for being an obnoxious blue twerp, and for scaring you, and for not taking anything seriously, and for the numerous other problems I've caused that I can't think of right now. Whoever's reading this, tell Scott that I stole his keys once and took a spin in his car and accidentally scratched the door panel. Tell the Professor thank you for letting me stay here and feeding me and trying to help. Tell Jean thanks for encouraging me all the time. Tell Evan that he's the best friend I've ever had. Tell Logan thanks for giving me lessons in self-defense and manners. Tell Ororo that she's probably one of the coolest, most understanding adults I've ever met. Tell Rogue that she'll find out about her real past someday, even if I have to come back from the dead to help her. Tell my guardians in Germany that I love them. Tell my real parents, whoever they may be, that I'm sorry. Tell Kitty... God, I have so much to tell her. Tell her I care about her, a LOT, and not just as a friend or a brother or something. I doubt that it's as big as love, but I know it's beyond just thinking she's cute. Tell her that for me. But not if I'm still alive. If I'm still alive, fuck you because you shouldn't be reading this.
You know, people are always telling me how they wish they could be famous. Or rich. Or popular. Or whatever. All I ever wanted was to be normal. To not have people scream when they look at me. Just plain NORMAL. Live in a little house in the suberbs of middle America, with a dog and two boring parents. But instead, I'm a blue-furred, pointy-eared, yellow-eyes, three-fingered, two-toed, spade-tip-tailed freak. I scare people.
Not anymore.
Auf wiedersehen für immer;
Goodbye forever.
Love always,
Kurt Wagner
**********
Rogue read the letter with shaking hands. She hadn't meant to find it, but she went into Kurt's room looking for him, and it was sitting on his bedside table. She stuffed the letter back in the envelope and ran off to continue searching for him. That was just the note from the other time, right? He wouldn't try to kill himself again, would he? Of course he wouldn't. He'd simply left the letter out on accident. It was all just an accident. Still, she wouldn't feel right until she found him, safe and sound.
"Oh, Kurt, yoah okay," she said in relief when she found him sitting in a tree outside. He looked like he was brooding. Or at least, thinking deeply.
"Ja, vhy vouldn't I be?" he asked, gazing off into the distance.
"I thought you'd... hurt yoahself again," she answered quietly, climbing the branches of the tree to sit next to him.
"Vhy vould you think that?" Rogue bit her lip. She'd always been taught that honesty was the best policy.
"Ah... found yoah lettah."
"Vhat letter?"
"The... the goodbye lettah." Rogue could see every muscle in Kurt's body tense, and he closed his eyes, trying to keep himself from throttling her.
"I told you not to read it," he said through clenched teeth.
"It... it was just lyin' on yoah bedside table!" she said defensively.
"I *told* you not to read it," he repeated, turning to face her. "Not until I was *dead*."
"How was Ah to know it was anythin' special?" she yelled.
"The first line of the letter, Rogue. The *first LINE*!" He stood on the branch and glared down at her, and for once she was really and truly afraid of him. She stared up at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to attack her, beat her up, kill her, whatever. She could only think of one thing to say.
"I thought you didn't want to scare people," she whispered. Kurt's eyes closed again, and when they opened a few seconds later, Rogue could see that he was on the brink of tears.
"Promise me," he said shakily, "that you von't tell anyvone about that until I'm dead and buried." Rogue nodded.
"Ah promise," she replied quietly. Kurt thanked her with a very sad smile and a nod of the head, and then he was gone.
PART THREE
Promise Me
"Kurt, may I speak with you a moment?"
"Sure, Professor." Kurt stepped into the large office. "Vhat's up?" Xavier steepled his fingers, as if searching for the right thing to say.
"Kurt, I think it's obvious that you've been having emotional problems. The doctor gave me these," he held up a small brown bottle for Kurt to see, "and said to take two at every meal." Kurt watched him emotionlessly, waiting for him to continue. The Professor cleared his throat. "He also suggested that you get help. He gave me the number for a highly recommended psychiatrist, and--"
"No offense, Professor, but I don't want to tell some stranger about all my problems." Xavier nodded.
"I could ask Scott to talk to you, or perhaps Jean or--"
"I have to deal with Scott and Jean every day. I don't vant them thinking of me differently because of the stuff I tell them." Xavier's brow furrowed, and he held his chin between his thumb and forefinger.
"You don't want to talk about it with a stranger, and you don't want to talk about it with someone you know. Well, I'm sorry, Kurt, but that doesn't leave very many options." Kurt continued to stare at him blanky. The Professor sighed slightly. "I can't force you to get help, Kurt, but--"
"I don't need help, Professor!" Kurt said exhassperatedly. "I did it, I got better, I sorted it all out, and I'm okay now."
"I understand you're going through a difficult time, Kurt--"
"No, Professor," he said, shaking his head, "you don't understand. And I don't know if that's a bad thing, or a good thing." Kurt teleported back to his room without another word.
**********
Dear Whoever Reads This,
If I'm not dead, don't read any further. This is supposed to be my suicide note, not my reveal-all-my-secrets-while-I'm-still-alive-to-embarass-me note. There are just a coupla things I wanna say before I go. I wanna apologize to everyone for being an obnoxious blue twerp, and for scaring you, and for not taking anything seriously, and for the numerous other problems I've caused that I can't think of right now. Whoever's reading this, tell Scott that I stole his keys once and took a spin in his car and accidentally scratched the door panel. Tell the Professor thank you for letting me stay here and feeding me and trying to help. Tell Jean thanks for encouraging me all the time. Tell Evan that he's the best friend I've ever had. Tell Logan thanks for giving me lessons in self-defense and manners. Tell Ororo that she's probably one of the coolest, most understanding adults I've ever met. Tell Rogue that she'll find out about her real past someday, even if I have to come back from the dead to help her. Tell my guardians in Germany that I love them. Tell my real parents, whoever they may be, that I'm sorry. Tell Kitty... God, I have so much to tell her. Tell her I care about her, a LOT, and not just as a friend or a brother or something. I doubt that it's as big as love, but I know it's beyond just thinking she's cute. Tell her that for me. But not if I'm still alive. If I'm still alive, fuck you because you shouldn't be reading this.
You know, people are always telling me how they wish they could be famous. Or rich. Or popular. Or whatever. All I ever wanted was to be normal. To not have people scream when they look at me. Just plain NORMAL. Live in a little house in the suberbs of middle America, with a dog and two boring parents. But instead, I'm a blue-furred, pointy-eared, yellow-eyes, three-fingered, two-toed, spade-tip-tailed freak. I scare people.
Not anymore.
Auf wiedersehen für immer;
Goodbye forever.
Love always,
Kurt Wagner
**********
Rogue read the letter with shaking hands. She hadn't meant to find it, but she went into Kurt's room looking for him, and it was sitting on his bedside table. She stuffed the letter back in the envelope and ran off to continue searching for him. That was just the note from the other time, right? He wouldn't try to kill himself again, would he? Of course he wouldn't. He'd simply left the letter out on accident. It was all just an accident. Still, she wouldn't feel right until she found him, safe and sound.
"Oh, Kurt, yoah okay," she said in relief when she found him sitting in a tree outside. He looked like he was brooding. Or at least, thinking deeply.
"Ja, vhy vouldn't I be?" he asked, gazing off into the distance.
"I thought you'd... hurt yoahself again," she answered quietly, climbing the branches of the tree to sit next to him.
"Vhy vould you think that?" Rogue bit her lip. She'd always been taught that honesty was the best policy.
"Ah... found yoah lettah."
"Vhat letter?"
"The... the goodbye lettah." Rogue could see every muscle in Kurt's body tense, and he closed his eyes, trying to keep himself from throttling her.
"I told you not to read it," he said through clenched teeth.
"It... it was just lyin' on yoah bedside table!" she said defensively.
"I *told* you not to read it," he repeated, turning to face her. "Not until I was *dead*."
"How was Ah to know it was anythin' special?" she yelled.
"The first line of the letter, Rogue. The *first LINE*!" He stood on the branch and glared down at her, and for once she was really and truly afraid of him. She stared up at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to attack her, beat her up, kill her, whatever. She could only think of one thing to say.
"I thought you didn't want to scare people," she whispered. Kurt's eyes closed again, and when they opened a few seconds later, Rogue could see that he was on the brink of tears.
"Promise me," he said shakily, "that you von't tell anyvone about that until I'm dead and buried." Rogue nodded.
"Ah promise," she replied quietly. Kurt thanked her with a very sad smile and a nod of the head, and then he was gone.