This is dedicated to all my reviewers and my beta reader. You guys really gave me the motivation to get off my arse and write more of this. And, believe me I'm glad I did – I had so much fun writing it! WARNING: The end of this is very fluffy. If you do not like fluff or mushy fan fics I suggest you get out now. Right this minute. :P So, if you do read this and don't like it, don't flame me – it's just my interpretation and I love fluff. Besides what is fan fiction but harmless (and occasionally well-written) fluff? * * * * * * *
Any reassurance I had about being back on the Neb was quickly washed away by the sight of Trinity's face as she unplugged me. She looked much calmer than she had done before but her face was puckered with worry.
I think it was the silence that hit me the worst: usually you could hear people talking, laughing, just living. And now the ship was as silent as a grave. The sounds of nine people living had become the sound of three people grieving.
We piled their bodies up in one corner of the main deck, shuddering as we touched them. We almost didn't move Cypher - let the bastard rot in his steaming grave - but Trinity pointed out that we had to repair the pipe that his body had smashed, and we couldn't do that with a body in the way. Even in a crisis, she was still as practical as ever.
Grudgingly we moved him, unwilling to touch the charred remains. We kept him slightly apart from the others though. It didn't seem right to put him so close to the others he had killed so easily.
I fell into a daze. Everything had happened so quickly that I couldn't take it all in. And every time I tried to, I could hear the Oracle's voice.
Morpheus' life… or your own.
It couldn't be happening, I said to myself. Just because an old lady tells you what's going to happen, doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything… Why would she tell me this? She knew that I wasn't the One, there was nothing I could do. Was this a punishment for not staying to help? I couldn't work it out, try as I might.
When Tank told me that we had to kill Morpheus to keep Zion safe, I just froze. I wanted to protest but I couldn't. I understood that we had to keep Zion safe; we had no choice.
You're going to have to make a choice.
No, that's bullshit. What can I do? I can't do anything, just stop thinking about it, there's nothing I can do, nothing whatsoever -
"Stop. I don't believe this is happening…" I never have listened to my inner voice.
"Neo, this has to be done."
"Does it? I don't know, this can be just coincidence, it can't be -" I could feel their eyes on me but I was still trying to convince myself that there was nothing I could do, whilst another bigger voice told me that I could.
"What are you talking about?"
"The Oracle. She told me this would happen. She told me… that I would have to make a choice." I couldn't keep my eyes off Morpheus' face. He looked almost peaceful, yet I knew that he was in pain.
After everything he has done for you, you're just going to let him die? You can stop this now… Make your choice Neo.
"What choice?"
I glanced up at Trinity and saw the confusion on her face. And made my choice.
A conviction seized me at that point. I've never felt so sure of anything in my entire life. I knew that I could get him out. Don't ask me how I knew it, I just did. I felt almost arrogant with it. I guess that was why I said no to Trinity.
As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew that I would regret saying them. One thing I had learnt since I had been unplugged was that you don't cross Trinity. She gives better than she gets, with no exceptions.
I didn't want her to come but I was glad that she did. I had only been back in The Matrix once before, and look what happened that time. I was grateful for her presence beside me.
It wasn't just arrogance that made me say it though. Even then, I cared for her, more than I liked to admit. Part of me had a feeling that I wouldn't come back alive, but that was okay. In fact, it would have suited me fine. It was the first time I had accepted the idea of my death. It still surprises me now that I was willing to give my life for another man. It was something I had read about but had never thought that I would do.
That sentence pretty much sums up what the rescue mission was to me. It was going to work. It had to work, even if I died in the attempt. Morpheus and Trinity were going to get out alive, even if I had to throw myself at an agent to give them more time. I was prepared to do that for them.
It shocked me how easy it was. I always had this belief that government buildings were incredibly hard to break into. I soon realised that if you were packing lots of guns and knowledge of kung fu, you could do pretty much anything. It made me wonder how many other beliefs I had that were untrue.
It was the first time I fully accepted that what I was seeing was not real. There was no way that it could be; I was not the type of guy to break into a building and open fire. It was hard to believe that about six months ago I had been sitting at my desk waiting to be fired. I felt that I had been reborn, and that if I was reborn, then there was no way I could be the same person I had been. It occurred to me that another man was performing this mission, and that I was just watching. If it had been possible, I think I would have felt almost relaxed.
I came crashing back down to earth when I saw the agent. I had seen the look on Trinity's face, and I knew there was only one thing that could inspire that level of terror. I had emptied my entire clip at him but he just dodged it. A weight slammed into my stomach. I couldn't believe that I had thought that I could defeat an agent.
I called to Trinity for help but I knew there was nothing that she could do. I was going to die, it was as simple as that -
And then he opened fire. Call it instinct, reflexes, whatever. It seemed to happen in slow motion. I saw the bullet move towards me, so I dodged it. Then I saw the other bullets, and I was aware that my back was bending and twisting in ways that it shouldn't. I had little time to consider what to do when I felt a hot pain in my arm and leg. I fell.
I was shocked by what I had done and knew that it was too late for me. The agent stood over me, and I prayed that Trinity was somewhere far away, saving Morpheus. I really should have known better. She saved me countless times that day.
Even now, I can still see her standing there over me like my own personal avenging angel. So what if she had a smoking gun instead of a flaming sword? She was still there…
"How did you do that?"
"Do what?"
It seems inconceivable now, but I guess that it really didn't occur to me that what I had done was really that incredible. It seemed no more amazing to me than the fact that we could jump from rooftop to rooftop. I had never performed a mission like this before - hell, I'd never even been on a mission before - so I really didn't know what to expect. I was willing to accept everything I did and saw. I think if Trinity had jumped off the edge of the roof and flown around like a bird, I would have simply asked if I could do it.
My confidence quickly returned when we climbed into the helicopter. I felt my dreamy sense of reality start to return, and I embraced it. It made the task at hand easier to do - I couldn't be hurt by something that wasn't real. That thought certainly made it easier to jump out of the helicopter.
Looking back, it's ridiculous that I didn't see it. It was so blindingly obvious what I was the One from the start of the mission. It turned out, of course, that everyone had realised it then, while I skipped on ahead totally unaware. The first moment I began to realise the truth was when I watched the helicopter spiral out of control. Without thinking about it, I looped the harness rope around myself and hoped that Trinity was holding the other end. I don't even want to think about the possibility if she hadn't.
With strength I wasn't aware I had, I pulled her up and then she fell into my arms. We just looked at each other for a moment, and she became the whole world. It wasn't just that the rest of the world faded or anything corny like that, it was just that she was there. It was the same feeling I had when I first saw her, that she was the only real thing in my life. At that moment I wanted more than anything, just to understand her, to know her, to be with her.
I wanted to say it but I couldn't. I couldn't even form the words in my mind, they were too foreign to me.
"Do you believe it now, Trinity?" She looked thoughtful when Morpheus said that. It was more of a statement than a question.
I couldn't believe that he still thought that I was the One. He was so stubborn to his beliefs that nothing I said or did could ever change them; I saw that straight away.
As Morpheus called Tank, I stared about me beginning to realise that we had achieved the impossible. We had rescued someone from the agents. As far as I knew, that had never been done before - if someone got caught you did what you had to do, mourned briefly for them and got over it. That way of existing had always suited me, right from the moment Caitlin died. It was already a way of life for me.
I was pulled back to reality by Morpheus putting the phone back in his pocket and turning to us.
"Let's go." Already he had regained his composure, if he had ever lost it.
I'll admit it: I did feel a sense of superiority to the people below us as we leapt from building to building. I couldn't help it; it was too easy to regard them as below you, even though Morpheus always reminded us that that was foolish. Anyone of those people could be freed next. Mocking them was like mocking a ten-year-old because they didn't know Algebra. You don't know if they can do it or not: they haven't been taught yet.
When we reached the subway station, the phone was already ringing. I was so desperate to get the hell out I didn't think to see if there was anyone else around. I just gave the phone to Morpheus and watched him disappear. "Neo, I want to tell you something. But I'm afraid of what it could mean if I do."
I looked at her curiously. She had the same look on her face as she had when Cypher was talking to her. It took a while before it dawned on me that she looked frightened.
"Everything the Oracle told me has come true. Everything but this."
"But what?"
Now I was really confused. I couldn't work out why she was afraid, or what it had to do with the Oracle. A train roared past, and I tried desperately to understand her, to know her. But I couldn't. I realised with a kind of desperation that I probably never would. She would always be a mystery to me, a person I couldn't touch. She reached to take the phone, and I watched, confused, as she suddenly put her hand on the glass. She disappeared, and the receiver exploded.
I jumped slightly at the suddenness of it, but I knew what had caused it. I turned to see the agent who had interrogated me standing there. I turned to run but something stopped me. I think people assume that it was a sort of 'hero' instinct inside of me but it wasn't. I was just tired of running. I had spent the entire day, shit, my entire life, running from one thing to another. I ran from my family, I ran from my life in the Matrix - I'd be damned if I was going to run now because a man in a suit had called me "Mr Anderson".
The more I fought with him, the angrier I got. Why was this lump of shit running my life? We called ourselves the rebellion, but what kind of rebellion runs every time they see their enemy? We were just a bunch of cowards, fooling ourselves into thinking we could make a difference. Harsh I know, but in one sense they were true. What good could we do if we spent all our time running from agents? It was a miracle that we had gotten this far.
Later, when it was all over, Tank played me back my fight with Agent Smith. I didn't remember much about it, so I was impressed when I saw the leap into the air I had made with an agent on my back. The only thing I remembered was an explosion of anger at his tone of voice and the way he said my old name.
I didn't think that I'd killed him. I just hoped that the train had knocked the wind out of him. I have the worst luck. I considered staying for another round, not making the same mistake everyone else did and staying to finish the job.
Fuck that.
So I ran. I was no match for an agent. Maybe for a while I had believed that I was, but how can you defeat something that's impossible to kill or even hurt in the slightest possible way?
Again, I don't remember much of that run either. Fragmented thoughts stick out in my mind but mostly I was just running.
A few more steps, just a few more -
I recognised the agent a moment before he fired. I was so shocked that he was there, I barely blinked. I looked down at the blood on my hands.
Shit…
He fired again and the force of his shots pushed me against the wall. I felt the bullets, but the pain seemed to be hovering outside of me.
This isn't real, fight it damn you! It's not real!
But I felt them…
He fired a few more times, and darkness swept over me. For a few brief seconds I wasn't aware of anything, and then I heard a whispering and strained my ears trying to hear it.
How can you hear it? You're dead, you felt the bullets -
I could hear the whisper a little clearer now. I couldn't work out what was being said but I knew it was a woman's voice.
Trinity…
Being the one is just like being in love…
There is a difference between knowing the path…
…no one can tell you you're in love…
Another whisper was building up, behind the woman's voice. It was still indistinct and flowed through me like the wind.
I FELT the bullets, it must be real…
There is no spoon.
…and walking the path.
…I'm DEAD.
Looks like you're waiting for something…
Both whispers were building and I could feel their pressure inside.
… you just know.
Suddenly the woman's voice became clear and cut through me like a knife.
Do you hear me?
…your next life maybe.
I love you.
…balls to bone.
I felt Trinity kiss me, but like the pain it was outside of me. I wasn't connected to it in any way. I wanted to be connected to it. The other whisper rose up through me like a tide.
you're not dead - you're not dead - you're not dead - you're not dead - you're not dead - you're not dead…
I opened my eyes. I could feel the ground beneath me, but it wasn't real. It felt numb to me because it wasn't there, and what does nothing feel like that? Somehow, I knew that in the real world I had taken a breath. I felt my dead lungs fill with air.
Now get up.
I did. When a voice like that commands you, why argue?
I saw the agents raise their guns and fire out the corner of my eye.
"No." I held up my hand and… I don't quite know what I do when I control the Matrix. People often ask me and I just say "how do you think?". No one knows exactly how you think, you just do it. Nobody bothers themselves much with that question because it doesn't matter; all that matters is that you can do it. And that's all that mattered to me.
The bullets stopped in front of me. I took one of them in my hand and looked at it in awe. It wasn't real. It seemed ridiculous that anyone could have ever thought it was real, when everything about it was just so… wrong.
I dropped it and saw the world as it really was: a flowing green code, beautiful but deadly. I realised that Tank was wrong: it wasn't like learning a new language - it was learning a new world. A world behind everything else, and I felt elated.
I know the truth.
Agent Smith started towards me, and I couldn't believe I had thought that he was unbeatable. His code told me everything I needed to know. It flowed in and out of him mingling with the rest of his surroundings. Nothing about him was real - there was no human mind in the real world connected to him.
I had been toying with him but suddenly I remembered Trinity back in the real world, and I snapped his arm. He flew backwards and something akin to fear crossed his features. I started towards him, and he raised his fist to hit me.
The code tells you more about itself than what it's describing. Inside of it I don't just see figures, I see its secrets. I saw in it how it could be destroyed, how it was made - I even saw the machine's confusion to my actions.
So I knew exactly what I was doing when I dived at the agent. It was as clear to me as these words are in front of you. I tore and bit at the code, deleting it with my bare hands. I pushed it and myself until there was too much pressure for the code to sustain itself, and it blew outwards.
I had to fight my excitement and amazement at what I had just done. I controlled myself by taking a deep breath, and when I opened my eyes the other agents ran.
I heard an explosion in the other world.
Neo!
I turned and ran back to the still ringing phone. It didn't feel like I was running. I was gliding through the code and used it to push me forwards. I picked up the receiver and disappeared back into the world I could touch.
My first sensation had been the noise onboard the Neb. I had had some idea that the squiddies were attacking, but I had no idea that they were so close. There was a bright flash, and I felt something fling itself on me.
The calm after an explosion is like nothing else. During the hell of it, you forget what calm and silence are. And then they are happening, so suddenly and clearly, you wonder if you are dead.
But I knew I wasn't dead. I knew what death felt like, and now I know what having the woman you love in your arms feels like. But then I hadn't a clue. All I knew was that she was close to me and that now I understood her. We were kindred spirits both searching for something, and now we'd found it in each other. Without her I would have been dead and without me she would have been lost. We needed each other.
She touched my cheek and I wanted to move but I couldn't. Partly because my body ached and partly because for a brief moment I'd forgotten how to. In fact, I'd pretty much forgotten everything.
Then we kissed, and I remembered everything precisely. My thoughts and feelings at that point were pretty hazy, mainly because I realised that I loved her, and I wanted to say it to her without breaking the kiss, so I was shouting it to her with my mind and heart. I can't be sure, but I have a feeling that she heard.
We broke apart, but she didn't move from her position and hugged me fiercely. I whispered in her ear:
"This is real."
I felt her smile into my shoulder and she whispered back.
"Forever and ever."
And I knew that we both meant it.
* * * * * * *
Okay, I know I seriously lapsed into fluff, mushiness and complete corniness there but I couldn't resist it ;)
Well that's the end of that little story *wipes tear from eye* I had a ball writing it, so I hope all you guys had fun reading it!