******
You Want S'more? -- Chapter 1
The cherry blossoms swirled through the air in Meifu, land of the dead. It was unearthly beautiful for such a place—sunny, warm, colors of blossoms and flowers covering the environment. Tsuzuki Asato walked along the cement path to the JuOhCho building, kicking up petals as he went. He had his head down, trying to avoid looking at anything in his way. He was late again, and he knew what would await him in the building. Another verbal thrashing. Great. He had barely set foot on the steps when he heard it.
"BAAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAA!!!!!"
Hisoka Kurosaki screamed, staring down at Tsuzuki from the top step. The younger boy glared at Tsuzuki with dark eyes, his mouth twitching. He ran down and shook Tsuzuki by the shoulders.
"Tsuzukiiiii! You're such a dolt! Late again! I—"
"Give it a break, Hisoka…" Tsuzuki started into the building.
"H-HEY! Are you listening!"
Of course he was. And he was tired of it. Hisoka was always screaming, always fuming, always "baka"ing his way along the halls, never cracking a smile even at Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki thought it was ridiculous. He knew Hisoka had had a terrible life, but he thought the kid should at least grin once in a while…
He trudged down to the library to avoid the screaming boy, and slammed the door behind him. The Gushoushin brothers, the chicken-like librarians, looked annoyed but allowed him to walk over without a verbal whiplash.
"What's the problem Tsuzuki-san?"
"We need to get me a new partner," he said bluntly.
"I like Hisoka," both chickens replied smugly at once.
"You're both such a big help."
Tsuzuki slumped down next to the older brother and asked to borrow the computer. If he couldn't get a new partner in Meifu, maybe it was time to check out the Internet. He waited impatiently as the computer dialed and loaded the homepage. As the site loaded, a large ad banner above the page caught his eye:
LONELY? SICK OF BICKERING WITH YOUR PRESENT PARTNER?
THEN GO TO WWW.MY-E-PARTNER.COM AND FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN COMPLY WITH!!!
'That sounds good,' thought Tsuzuki, 'Then again, anything sounds better than Hisoka.'
He clicked on the banner and a garish red and blue page came up, stating:
WELCOME TO MY E-PARTNER. LOOK AT THE PROFILES TO FIND YOUR NEW E-PARTNER!!!
Tsuzuki clicked profiles, then scrolled through them hastily.
"Let's see… looking for mysterious, pretty guys with interests in unusual things…" After a few minutes, he found a profile that looked interesting. It read:
TOUGA KIRYUU
Konnichiwa minna!
I am the Student Council President at Ohtori academy, and I am looking for a partner to come join me. I've got a loyal council backing me, rule over most of the school, and girls falling at my feet! Though if you're a guy, I can have guys fall at my feet too… Depends on my mood. ^_^ And if I like you, who knows, maybe we'll have some fun. *Wink* So if you're lonely… drop me a line, baby.
Anyway, I enjoy duels, making speeches, and, oh yeah, being a major playboy. If I sound like the one for you, write me at tougaparty@kakumei.com
Tsuzuki didn't even take a second glance. He hurriedly scribbled down the e-mail address on a piece of paper and closed the window just as one of the Gushoushin peeked over his shoulder. Tsuzuki hid the address and shoved the little chicken aside.
"Hey," he said, "can I have a little PRIVACY?!" The chicken shrugged. Tsuzuki opened his e-mail, typing in the address. Now was the hard part: how to market himself.
Hello Touga Kiryuu: I'm dead!
Nah. Tsuzuki deleted that and started again.
Dear Mr. Touga:
That sounded to stiff. He deleted his text yet again.
My dear soon to be partner:
That worked. Tsuzuki grinned as he typed.
My name is Tsuzuki Asato, and I am an employee of Meifu…
******
In a dark room, lit only by the soft glow of a computer screen, swift fingers typed away at the keyboard. The owner of the fingers was writing an e-mail. A response e-mail, actually. For something, or rather someone, had caught this person's attention.
Dear Mr. Right:
I recently looked at your profile on My E-Partner. May I say, you seem like a stunning person, in terms of personality and appearance.
The person smiled as he looked at the picture listed on the website. He continued his typing.
I feel we should meet, for I am in dire need. The current object of my affections just doesn't seem to return my sincere approaches.
The person let out a small chuckle as he typed, "sincere approaches".
And so, I need you to be that special someone for me. Your interests in manipulation seem particularly intriguing, since I'm into a bit of that myself. And don't worry about being in need of money for dates. I am a doctor!
I'll see you soon,
Signed, Muraki Kazutaka
Muraki gladly pressed the send button, and stretched as he watched his message get delivered to ex-dios@kakumei.com. He grinned, shutting down the computer for the night, leaving himself in pitch darkness.
"Soon, Akio Ohtori. Soon," Muraki whispered to no one in particular.
******
"Yo Bob!" called Rob, a programmer for Kakumei.com.
"Eh, what is it?" replied Bob, hurrying over to Rob's station.
"This e-mail service is acting up again," said Rob, gesturing to his computer.
"Again?"
"Yup."
"Shit."
"What should I do?"
"Well, how 'bout this?"
"No! Not the big red button!"
The static crackled through the air after Bob pushed the big red button. The two programmers were charred to a crisp.
"I guess it'll be a 'lil wonky for a while, eh?" said Bob, nervously.
Rob grumbled, "No sex tonight."
"Aw, Rob!"
******
That night, two e-mails were trying to make it through the wonky circuits of Kakumei.com. After getting plenty mixed up along the way, a message to tougaparty@kakumei.com landed in one mailbox, and a message to ex-dios@kakumei.com landed in another. Seems fine, right? WRONG.
******
Touga sat in front of the computer, impatiently waiting for it to dial. Behind him, his sister Nanami peered over his shoulder and pulled on his dress shirt.
"Toooouuuugaaaa!! You promised to take me to the zooooo!!!"
"Nanami, I would love to take you to the zoo, but it'll have to wait until I check my e-mail, all right?" Touga clicked on his e-mail icon. Nanami wandered off to the corner of the room to pout. Touga squealed when the "New Message" icon blinked. His sister rolled her eyes.
Touga opened the message, then narrowed his eyes, puzzled. Who the hell was kazutakam@nagasakigeneral.org? Nagasaki General was a hospital!! For a moment Touga wondered if the letter was from some crazed RN looking for companionship. Then he shrugged. How bad could it be? He started to read.
Dear Mr. Right:
I recently looked at your profile…
******
Akio Ohtori sat at his computer, clicking on the e-mail icon. He grinned as the "New Message" icon blinked and uttered a low beep. He opened the message and was pleased to see that the subject line read "MY E-PARTNER". He studied the e-mail address with interest: tsuzuki@meifu.net. A little strange, but he'd seen worse. He opened the message and began to read… and paused midway, his eyes wide.
"Just who the hell IS this person??"
******
Bob sat in his office at Kakumei.com, trying to fix the broken e-mail connections. He fumed out loud as he worked, his eyes narrowed in irritation.
"How could he? That jerk Rob! I can't believe he's denying me love 'cuz of this!! If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be getting any!"
He typed quickly, still angry, then paused for a moment. A sudden grin lit up his face.
"If I work faster and fix this, I wonder… will Rob take back the "no sex" thing?…"
******
Ten minutes later…
******
Bob grinned as a large alert on his computer screen flashed "REPAIRS COMPLETED".
"I am the greatest! Kakumei.com is up and running!" Bob cheered to himself. "Oh Rob, come take a look at what I diiiiid!"
******
As Bob finished his work, two response e-mails were
sent out along the newly fixed pathways of Kakumei.com…