AN: Here's chapter two. I wrote this after watching Hamlet, so, uh… yeah. You'll notice. The title of this story, as well as a lot of quotes are from said play. And it was written by William Shakespeare, but if you didn't know that, someone went very wrong in your education. *g*
What A Piece of Work Is Man – chapter two
Mark quickly moved away from the door where he had been listening for the last fifteen minutes, and sat down at the table again. Roger and Maureen looked at him curiously, hangovers momentarily forgotten, as he took a sip of his coffee and grimaced when he realised it was cold.
"Well?" Maureen asked. "What are they talking about?"
"They're not exactly talking at the moment…"
"What?"
"They're kissing."
Roger choked on his coffee.
"What!?"
"They're kissing," Mark repeated.
"Ew!" Roger made a face. "Gross."
Maureen smacked him in the back of his head. "God, Roger! What are you? Five?"
"Well, you have to admit that it is kind of weird," Mark said to his girlfriend.
"I don't find it weird at all," she said, smiling smugly. "As a matter of fact I've been expecting this to happen from quite some time."
"What?"
"Well, they're both single, good-looking guys living under the same roof. It was bound to happen."
"Hey!" Roger protested. "I'm a single, good-looking guy living under the same roof as them, and I'm not kissing either of them."
"Gee, Roger, maybe the fact that you're straight has something to do with that." Maureen said rolling her eyes. "But I'm sure they would invite you if you asked nicely."
"Eh, no," Roger muttered and tried to get rid of the image that popped up in his mind. "I think I'll manage without that."
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Guys. Guys! Would you cut it out? I'm trying to eat here. Oh, Maureen, that's just disgusting! You're doing this on purpose, right? Just to freak me out? Benny, really, you won't find Collins' tonsils in there, trust me, he had them taken out when he was nine. Stop that! Great, I've really lost my appetite now. Mark what is this? You're thinking about a career change? You've given up on documentaries and started doing porno movies instead? You have a camera rigged up somewhere in here, don't you? Hello? Single guy in the room. Ew! Make that single, straight guy in the room! Oh, God, what did I do to deserve this?"
Roger groaned and closed his eyes. Was it too much to ask to be able to eat breakfast in peace, without having to endure the sight of his four best friends apparently trying to eat each other for breakfast? He could understand that Benny and Collins were all over each other, young love and all that shit. But Mark and Maureen had been together forever, and were usually not this openly affectionate. Roger suspected that Maureen just wouldn't see herself outdone by Benny and Collins. And Mark didn't seem to mind too much. But did they have to do this when he was trying to have his breakfast?!
"Get a room, will ya?" he muttered darkly.
Collins finally broke away from Benny and smiled at Roger. "Jealous?"
"Of you?" Roger looked at Benny critically. "Not a chance."
"Hey!" Benny protested, offended.
"Don't worry," Collins told him. "Not everyone can have the same excellent taste in men as me."
And they were at it again.
"I really need to get myself a girlfriend," Roger declared. Then he looked at the two irritating couples on the other side of the table and changed his mind. "Or not. I don't think I ever want to be that disgusting."
" And thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought," Collins said.
"You know, Collins, that's just not normal," Mark said.
"What isn't?"
"Quoting Macbeth in an every-day conversation. I don't know anyone else who does that."
Collins shrugged. "It's a good quote."
"And it's not Macbeth," Benny said smugly. "It's Hamlet."
"Oh, God, it's spreading!" Mark grimaced and turned to his girlfriend. "Promise me you won't start quoting Shakespeare too, Maureen."
"'Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love," she said and kissed him.
Roger groaned.
* * * * * * * * * * *
"Go, bid the soldiers shoot!" three voices chorused behind the closed door, and seconds later Collins and Benny emerged from Benny's bedroom, Collins looking slightly teary-eyed. Roger looked up from the sheet of paper he was scribbling on.
"That's the third time this week, guys. I know it's Shakespeare and all, but how many times can you watch a four hour long movie about a depressed Danish aristocrat?"
Benny laughed and sat down next to Roger. "It's a good movie."
"It is," Collins agreed. "And besides, Benny thinks that Kenneth Branagh is hot."
Maureen came in through the front door just in time to hear the last statement.
"Kenneth Branagh?" she asked as she put down the groceries on the table. "I always thought he looked kind of like an older version of Roger."
"Really? I never thought of that," Benny said and smiled innocently.
Collins and Maureen laughed and Roger bent his head, pretending to write something on his sheet of paper. Mark came out of his room and looked around the kitchen with a frown on his face.
"It looks like a pig-sty in here," he declared. "Benny, how come it always looks like this when it's your cleaning-week?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Benny said and smiled triumphantly as he found an apple in the grocery bag. "I'll do it later."
"How much later will that be?" Mark complained. "There's so much dust in here, I can hardly see my feet!" He sneezed to prove his point.
"Goddess bless you," Maureen said.
"Argh!" Roger crumpled up the paper sheet and threw it on the floor. "It won't work!"
"What won't work?" Collins asked.
"The lyrics to my new song. My mind is blocked!"
"Oh, come on," Benny said. "How hard can it be?"
"I'd like to see you try!" Roger snapped.
"Ok," Benny agreed. He took a bite of the apple and chewed thoughtfully. "I've got it!" he exclaimed and swallowed. "Roses are red, violets are blue. There's dishes in the sink that I'll never do."
Roger growled, stomped off into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him.
Benny shrugged. "Some people just don't appreciate fine art. It rhymed and everything."
"What I would appreciate is if you would clean up this mess," Mark said. "There's not one clean plate in here."
"Oh, come on, Mark," Collins said, "there are more important things than clean plates."
"Like what?"
"Sex," Collins said.
"Sex," Benny nodded.
"Sex," Maureen agreed.
Mark bit his bottom lip and frowned.
"Mark! You can't mean that you have to think about it!" Benny laughed.
"Well…" Mark said slowly.
Collins walked over to him and smiled. "You're so cute!" he said, giving Mark a sloppy kiss on the nose. Mark blushed.
"Thomas B. Collins!" Maureen exclaimed. "Go kiss your own boyfriend!"
Collins smiled slyly. "You know what, Maureen? I think I will."
Benny nodded towards his bedroom door. "Shall we?"
"We shall."
"After you."
"No, no, after you."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Collins. Collins? Collins. COLLINS!"
"Wha… what?"
"Are you sleeping?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
Silence.
"Collins. Collins!"
"What is it?"
"Just wanted to see if you were awake."
"Well, I am now. Can't imagine why."
"Hmm."
"Yeah."
"Collins?"
"Yes, Benny. What can I do for you at… oh God… 4.33 in the morning?"
"Do you think Hamlet and Horatio were lovers?"
"What?"
"Well, do you?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't."
"Why not? They seem to be very close."
"They're best friends! Just because they're close doesn't mean they'll become lovers. Best friends don't do that."
"We did."
"Oh, right."
"Yeah."
"Well, we're the exception to the rule. I mean, I don't think it would happen to Roger and Mark."
"Oh, you never know with those two."
Laughter.
"Was it anything else?"
"No, not really."
"Good. Go to sleep now, Benny."
"Ok."
Silence.
"Collins?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Goodnight sweet prince."
A small, tender kiss and Benny fell asleep with a smile on his face. All was well in the world.
To be continued.