Forgiven
Chapter 2: Realization
Genre: Romance/Drama
Rating: PG
A/N: Thanx for all your reviews.
Author: T.A. Medley
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The sun emerged into my room chasing the darkness away in a matter if seconds. I rolled over on my side to look outside, at the cheerful sun beginning to rise in the pink and orange sky above me. If only the sun could brighten my heart and drive away my darkness the way it drives away the earth's darkness.
My body still ached from last night and the scrapes on my knees burned intensely. Not only did my body ache from physical pain and stress, but my heart ached as well. Not the kind of heartache you get from eating to much chili or too many refried beans, but the kind you get from the ever-present feeling of betrayal. Yes, I felt betrayed. By the people who illegedly cared for me the most. I felt alone. I felt unwanted. The way a stuffed animal owned sense infancy feels when discarded after the owner hits adolescence. I wanted cry. I wanted to let it all flow; and endless river of tears from eyes. However, I would not let myself for I feared that if I started-- I would never stop.
Finally, after minutes of laying there, enveloped in my depressing thoughts, I arose from my bed and slothfully walked to the bathroom. As I made my way there, my eyes fell onto a picture that was taken a year ago. It was of Mamoru and I at the carnival. I never thought at that moment that something like this would ever happen.
We were at the carnival together. Just him and I. It was usually Mamoru, Usagi, and Chibi Usa. Finally, it was just us. Things had been rough. Come to think of it, the past two years have been rough. Chibi Usa was still here as was more possesive of Mamoru than ever. We were fighting youma's daily sometimes even twice a day. My jealousy over Chibi Usa got to an extreme and I began canceling dates with Mamoru. I knew it hurt him. Or at least I think I did. But I was tired of sharing him with her. He was mine first, daughter or not, and sometimes I need just as much attention as her, maybe more. Anyway, we were at the carnival hand in hand, with a large, white bunny, tucked under my arm, that Mamo-chan (he was Mamo-chan then, at this very moment I could care less what to call him, he could be whatever he wanted) won for me. In the middle of the carnival was a man on his knees, proposing to a young woman. It was a picturesque scene, because the wind billowed and the moonlight bathed them as he held out a glimmering diamond ring. I smiled, wishing one day it would be me. Mamoru, knowing my thoughts, whispered one day, it would be.
It doesn't seem like it now, does it?
That day, that picture was stuck in my mind. It stuck to me like a case of bad static cling. As I sat in the tub I thought of everything Mamoru and I had been through together.
Then realization hit me.
He never once told me he loved me. Not once.
That's because he doesn't.
"What? Who said that?" I asked sitting there, my eyes wondering worriedly.
Silence.
He never said he loves you because he doesn't.
"Who said that?" I stuttered. The aroma from bath oil was obviously getting to my head because now I was hearing things.
He never said he loves you because he doesn't.
"That isn't true," I whispererd.
Why would he? You're not half as smart as Ami, as strong as Makoto, as graceful as Minako, or as beautiful as Rei. Your nobody.
"That isn't true!" I screamed.
At that moment my brain began to hurt. My right temple began to throb and my ears became hot and red. I had no idea who I was talking to. Was it my subconsious or something else? Regardless of what it was, it was upsetting me. Upsetting me in a way that had never made me feel this way.
They are right, you are a cry baby, a klutz, and just an idiot. You were waste of energy and time when you were created. For all you know, Mamoru could be running around with your best friend at this very moment, while you being the "odango-atma" that you are, is sitting here on your butt, pouting!
"No, no, no, no--" I repeated.
Please, you can't shut me up! This is you talking. This is the way you feel every time you put the pain and anger away. You don't deserve half of what you have and that is why you're losing it all!
"NO!" I sceamed. At that moment my body felt like it was on fire. My eyes rolled in the back of my head, as my body began to twitch uncontrollably. Something thick and warm trickled from my mouth and I was taking over by agony coming from my head as a liquid came from my ears as well. All I heard in the background was shattering.
The world became black and finally…
Faded away.
Finally, after being awaken by pounds on the door, I opened my eyes to realize that the mirror and windows had shattered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What do you think?
Weird and short, huh?
Well tell me! But, uh, please no flames.
Who was Usa talking to?
What happened with her and the mirror?
These questions and many more will be answered in the next chapter:
Chapter 3: Blackout