Chapter 7
Kate looked up at Evelyn as they peeled vegetables for the night's dinner. She and Grace had suddenly appeared on their doorstep four days ago, but Rafe and Evelyn had shown them nothing but kindness despite their shock. In fact, they had welcomed her more warmly than her family. Not that that was hard to do. They had accepted her without question because Danny had sent her and Kate was surprised how at home she felt.
But despite how comfortable she felt with them, they still had yet to talk about what was uppermost in all their minds - Danny. Rafe had made a brief plea that first night for some time and Kate was more than willing to give him all that he needed after the clumsy way she had given her news. She hadn't seen much of him since then, only at meals, but she heard the crop duster's engine enough to know where he spent most of his time. When she did see him he looked drawn and haggard, his eyes belying how sleepless his nights had been.
Throwing a potato onto their growing pile, Kate took a steadying breath. "How's Rafe doing?" she finally asked softly, breaking the comfortable silence.
Evelyn looked up, startled. Until now they had only spoken of innocuous topics such as the children or gardening. They had skirted around any topic that dealt with the news that Danny was alive. "He's coping," she answered, her cheeks flushing slightly. "We both are."
Kate nodded. "I'm sorry for the way everything came out. I didn't mean to shock you both so badly. I..."
"It's okay," Evelyn interrupted. "We've been mourning Danny for two years. It wouldn't have mattered how you told us, we'd still be in shock." She glanced out the kitchen window, hearing Rafe's plane circling for landing. "Rafe's dealing with a lot right now and he can't seem to talk about it - at least not with me. He's not the man that I first knew - before the war," she told Kate, feeling the relief of finally being able to talk to someone. "Danny's death took something away from him. It's like some part of him is missing. I didn't see it so much before because we only saw him so briefly, but since he's been back...." she faded away, thinking how to verbalize what she thought. "He hasn't talked about it with me, but I think he feels guilty. Danny died saving his life and then Rafe had to leave him behind. Logically that was the only thing he could do, but in his heart....he's never forgiven himself. And now you tell us that Danny was alive when he left and that he survived...."
"It was Danny's choice," Kate interrupted, glad to finally be able to talk about all this. "He was dying, but he knew what he was doing." She looked up at Evelyn, making sure she had the woman's full attention. "He knew what he was leaving behind," she said softly.
Evelyn stopped peeling for a moment, her eyes skittering away from Kate's. "So, he knew. He knows," she whispered, her voice hoarse. Kate nodded. Evelyn cleared her throat. "Rafe never said....I didn't know if you had guessed or if..."
"Danny knew, " Kate repeated. "Rafe told him while he was dying - to give him something to live for, but he was injured pretty badly. He was so sure he was dying." Kate shivered, remembering those harrowing nights when she wasn't sure if he would live or die. "He almost did die three times. It's a miracle he survived, really," she told Evelyn with a slight smile. "But even then - his thoughts were of you. He wanted Rafe to get home to take care of you. It was very important to him - important enough to lie to his best friend, even though at the time he thought he was going to be dead soon." Kate paused, giving Evelyn time to absorb all this information. "He called for you while he was so sick," she told her softly.
Evelyn looked up at her sharply, her eyes filled with tears. "He did?" she asked shakily.
Kate smiled softly at her. "Yes he did," she replied. At one time Kate had been jealous of Evelyn's role in Danny's life, but not anymore. She could see how he could have fallen in love with her once, but she could also see how much Rafe and Evelyn loved each other. Evelyn wasn't a threat to her. Kate only wanted to put her at ease, to let her know that Danny loved her and Rafe and only wanted what was best for all of them. She knew that as happy as they were knowing that Danny was alive, they also had worries regarding how this would affect their lives and little Danny's. It was only natural and Kate wanted Evelyn to know that she didn't have to feel guilty about it.
Evelyn wiped the tears from her cheeks, realizing that for the first time she felt totally comfortable in Kate's presence. She could see the sympathy in her new friend's eyes and also how deeply she cared. "When did he..." she tried to ask, her voice thick with emotion. "When did he tell you about me and...little Danny?" she asked.
"We didn't talk about our pasts," Kate started slowly, "or rather, I didn't talk about anything in my past and Danny didn't talk about his time on Pearl. It was painful for both of us. We just focused on surviving day to day in the camp. He talked a lot about his childhood with Rafe and about their training days. He's a wonderful story teller. That's why I felt like I knew Rafe so well. Danny talked about him a lot, but he never mentioned you." She looked up at Evelyn, seeing the hurt in her eyes. "I knew of you, of course. He called for you while he was so sick, but he never spoke about you and I never asked. It was just too painful for him, I guess and I, well, I guess I didn't really want to know," she paused, and smiled shyly "until about 6 or 7 weeks ago. We had a fight - an arguement, I guess, and it all came out," she shrugged. "And two days later I was on my way home - without him - and he told me to come here." Kate's eyes filled with tears as they did everytime she thought of leaving Danny behind.
Unexpectantly, Evelyn reached out to squeeze her hand. "He wanted you safe."
Kate tried to smile. "I know," she said, wiping away her tears. "But that doesn't make it any easier."
"I don't imagine that it does," Evelyn replied. They lapsed into silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
"I loved him," Evelyn said softly, not looking at Kate. She didn't know why she had to tell Kate this, but she couldn't stop herself. For too many years she had kept her thoughts and feelings about Danny bottled up inside of her. She had only needed a sympathetic listener - someone who wasn't so intimately involved, and that person was Kate. Who better to understand how she had been drawn to Danny than the woman who loved him now? "He was there for me when I needed him after Rafe was shot down. We shared the same pain, but he was the one to comfort me. I didn't know him very well before....before everything happened between us, but now that I see how Rafe is without Danny I can see that Danny wasn't as....." she struggled for the right word, "...whole as he might have been before we were....together."
Kate nodded encourageingly, sensing that Evelyn needed to talke to someone about what had happened.
"I saw so much of Rafe in Danny and yet there were - are - so different. When we were together I didn't miss Rafe so much, but I also began to appreciate Danny for himself. He made me smile. He made me want to live again. He was so gentle and caring. He never pushed, but he was always there when I needed someone." She paused. "I never felt like I truly deserved him, not when I still loved Rafe so much. When I realized I was pregnant....I had to choose Danny. He had been there for me, he was the father of my child. I couldn't leave him. I couldn't hurt Danny like that. He was so loving..." she faded away, unable to put into words what she had felt.
"He still is," Kate reminded her.
Evelyn smiled tearily. "Yes, he still is," she repeated. "I can tell that Grace loves him immensely."
"He's the only father she's ever known," Kate replied. "From the very beginning he was so good with her. So natural. He never minded that she wasn't really his."
"Your husband?" Evelyn asked hesitantly.
"Is dead," Kate replied, her face losing all the softness that was there when she spoke of Danny.
"Oh, okay," Evelyn commented, surprised at the change in Kate. She waited to see if any more informatin was forthcoming.
Kate tried to smile. "Micheal, my husband, was..." she faltered, unsure of how much she wanted to say. "He wasn't a good husband or father. He basically abandoned us there in China, " she shrugged. "Micheal was one of the issues that Danny and I had to work through. What Micheal meant to me and what you meant to him."
"And did you?" Evelyn questioned.
"Work through the issues?" Evelyn nodded. Kate smiled. "Yes, it took us a long time to get to the point that we could talk about it, but we did."
"I'm glad," Evelyn told her. "Danny deserves to have someone love him as much as you obviously do." Evelyn paused, once again looking uncomfortable. "I loved him. I still love him," she repeated. "How can I not? He gave me Danny. I see him every time I look at my son."
"He's a wonderful little boy," Kate interjected.
"Yes, he is," Evelyn smiled.
They paused, looking at each other, each trying to think of what to say next.
"He loves Rafe a lot," Kate finally said.
"Yes," Evelyn agreed with her.
Kate looked around, feeling that Evelyn was waiting for her to say something more.
"You and Rafe and Danny will have to talk when he gets here," Kate started hesitantly. "We didn't discuss...we didn't have time to discuss what he.....what..." she faltered. Taking a deep breath, Kate tried again. "Danny loves you all and I know that he would never want to disrrupt your lives. I think at one point he even considered never coming back."
"But this is his home!" Evelyn exclaimed.
"I know, but..." Kate shrugged. "Your happiness...your's and Rafe's and little Danny's, mean a lot to him. He wouldn't want to see anyone hurt - especially by him."
Evelyn nodded. "I think I understand." All this time Evelyn had worried at how things would affect her and Rafe and little Danny, of course. She had never stopped to consider what Danny might be feeling. It was a revelation to her.
Kate looked at her. "Danny understands more than most what it means to be a father, even if there are no blood ties."
Rafe's boots on the steps outside the kitchen startled them both. They quickly tried to wipe away all the traces of tears that their conversation had caused before Rafe walked in, but they weren't quick enough.
"What's going on?" he asked as he entered the kitchen, wiping his boots on the floor mat. He looked from one woman to the other, noticing the reddened eyes and tear streaked cheeks.
Evelyn's watery smile greeted him. "Nothing," she told him, getting up from the table and rinsing the potatos that had been peeled.
He came up behind her, putting his arms around her waist. "What's wrong, Ev?" he asked. "'Nothing' doesn't make your eyes water or turn your nose bright red." He was teasing her, but his stomach was knotted with apprehension.
She turned to look him in the eyes. "We were talking about Danny," she told him.
Rafe stiffened for a moment. "What's he gotten into this time?" he asked, deliberately misunderstanding her. "I told them to stay away from the chicken coop. Luckily, Grace seems to follow orders well. I saw her pull him away when he tried to sneak in."
"She would," Kate interjected. "All her life she's been told to stay away from fences. She's afraid of them."
Evelyn turned to look at Kate, deciding not to put Rafe on the spot for avoiding the topic of his friend. "The camp?" she questioned.
Kate nodded looking at Rafe. If he wouldn't talk about Danny, fine, but that wasn't going to stop her. "She spent her whole life living inside fences that she wasn't allowed outside of. It was dangerous to get to close to them. For the most part the guards let us alone, but they still carried guns and there were a few people shot for trying to get out. Danny was one of few who were allowed outside daily. He worked as a mechanic at a nearby airfield - which was lucky for us because he was able to get extra food."
Rafe had stared at the wall during her little speech, trying not to acknowledge that he was listening, but Kate could tell that he was. So could Evelyn and with a glance they agreed on a plan. They would talk about Danny and Rafe would have to listen.
"It must have been hard living in a camp like that," Evelyn said, her eyes on her husband as he went to rummage through a drawer.
"It wasn't too hard," Kate responded, also watching Rafe. "I was lucky Danny was with me. If it wasn't for him Grace and I would have been living in a dormatory with all the other unattached women. No privacy, bad food. As it was, Danny was able to get us a small cabin and we lived our lives as normally as we could."
"Together?" Evelyn asked.
"As far as eveyone was concerned, Danny and I were married," Kate blushed. "It was easier that way. The guards probably didn't care, but the others in the camp, well, I don't think they would have liked the idea of a married woman living with a single man."
They were silent for awhile, the only sounds in the room coming from Rafe as he continued to rummage through drawers looking for something.
"Does he know?" Evelyn asked.
Unsure, Kate looked over at her. "Does he know what?" she asked, confused.
Evelyn's hand moved to her own stomach. "Does he know that you're pregnant?" she asked.
Kate blushed and Rafe stopped moving. "No, he doesn't," she told them. "I didn't even know until I was halfway back to the States. I thought I was just really seasick." She and Evelyn laughed lightly. "How'd you guess?"
"Well," Evelyn began, glancing over at Rafe who hadn't moved yet, "The green tinge to your skin every morning seemed to be more than motion sickness. And I've seen you rubbing your stomach when you thought no one was around. It just seemed the logical conclusion. When are you due?"
"In March, I think. Danny better be here by then," she declared, "or I'm going to have something to say to him!"
Evelyn laughed. "He'll be here."
Rafe slammed a drawer, causing them to jump. "I'm going to the barn. Call me for dinner."
Kate and Evelyn watched as the porch door slammed shut. "That went well, don't you think?" Evelyn asked.
"Yes," Kate agreed. "It's a start."
Kate looked up at Evelyn as they peeled vegetables for the night's dinner. She and Grace had suddenly appeared on their doorstep four days ago, but Rafe and Evelyn had shown them nothing but kindness despite their shock. In fact, they had welcomed her more warmly than her family. Not that that was hard to do. They had accepted her without question because Danny had sent her and Kate was surprised how at home she felt.
But despite how comfortable she felt with them, they still had yet to talk about what was uppermost in all their minds - Danny. Rafe had made a brief plea that first night for some time and Kate was more than willing to give him all that he needed after the clumsy way she had given her news. She hadn't seen much of him since then, only at meals, but she heard the crop duster's engine enough to know where he spent most of his time. When she did see him he looked drawn and haggard, his eyes belying how sleepless his nights had been.
Throwing a potato onto their growing pile, Kate took a steadying breath. "How's Rafe doing?" she finally asked softly, breaking the comfortable silence.
Evelyn looked up, startled. Until now they had only spoken of innocuous topics such as the children or gardening. They had skirted around any topic that dealt with the news that Danny was alive. "He's coping," she answered, her cheeks flushing slightly. "We both are."
Kate nodded. "I'm sorry for the way everything came out. I didn't mean to shock you both so badly. I..."
"It's okay," Evelyn interrupted. "We've been mourning Danny for two years. It wouldn't have mattered how you told us, we'd still be in shock." She glanced out the kitchen window, hearing Rafe's plane circling for landing. "Rafe's dealing with a lot right now and he can't seem to talk about it - at least not with me. He's not the man that I first knew - before the war," she told Kate, feeling the relief of finally being able to talk to someone. "Danny's death took something away from him. It's like some part of him is missing. I didn't see it so much before because we only saw him so briefly, but since he's been back...." she faded away, thinking how to verbalize what she thought. "He hasn't talked about it with me, but I think he feels guilty. Danny died saving his life and then Rafe had to leave him behind. Logically that was the only thing he could do, but in his heart....he's never forgiven himself. And now you tell us that Danny was alive when he left and that he survived...."
"It was Danny's choice," Kate interrupted, glad to finally be able to talk about all this. "He was dying, but he knew what he was doing." She looked up at Evelyn, making sure she had the woman's full attention. "He knew what he was leaving behind," she said softly.
Evelyn stopped peeling for a moment, her eyes skittering away from Kate's. "So, he knew. He knows," she whispered, her voice hoarse. Kate nodded. Evelyn cleared her throat. "Rafe never said....I didn't know if you had guessed or if..."
"Danny knew, " Kate repeated. "Rafe told him while he was dying - to give him something to live for, but he was injured pretty badly. He was so sure he was dying." Kate shivered, remembering those harrowing nights when she wasn't sure if he would live or die. "He almost did die three times. It's a miracle he survived, really," she told Evelyn with a slight smile. "But even then - his thoughts were of you. He wanted Rafe to get home to take care of you. It was very important to him - important enough to lie to his best friend, even though at the time he thought he was going to be dead soon." Kate paused, giving Evelyn time to absorb all this information. "He called for you while he was so sick," she told her softly.
Evelyn looked up at her sharply, her eyes filled with tears. "He did?" she asked shakily.
Kate smiled softly at her. "Yes he did," she replied. At one time Kate had been jealous of Evelyn's role in Danny's life, but not anymore. She could see how he could have fallen in love with her once, but she could also see how much Rafe and Evelyn loved each other. Evelyn wasn't a threat to her. Kate only wanted to put her at ease, to let her know that Danny loved her and Rafe and only wanted what was best for all of them. She knew that as happy as they were knowing that Danny was alive, they also had worries regarding how this would affect their lives and little Danny's. It was only natural and Kate wanted Evelyn to know that she didn't have to feel guilty about it.
Evelyn wiped the tears from her cheeks, realizing that for the first time she felt totally comfortable in Kate's presence. She could see the sympathy in her new friend's eyes and also how deeply she cared. "When did he..." she tried to ask, her voice thick with emotion. "When did he tell you about me and...little Danny?" she asked.
"We didn't talk about our pasts," Kate started slowly, "or rather, I didn't talk about anything in my past and Danny didn't talk about his time on Pearl. It was painful for both of us. We just focused on surviving day to day in the camp. He talked a lot about his childhood with Rafe and about their training days. He's a wonderful story teller. That's why I felt like I knew Rafe so well. Danny talked about him a lot, but he never mentioned you." She looked up at Evelyn, seeing the hurt in her eyes. "I knew of you, of course. He called for you while he was so sick, but he never spoke about you and I never asked. It was just too painful for him, I guess and I, well, I guess I didn't really want to know," she paused, and smiled shyly "until about 6 or 7 weeks ago. We had a fight - an arguement, I guess, and it all came out," she shrugged. "And two days later I was on my way home - without him - and he told me to come here." Kate's eyes filled with tears as they did everytime she thought of leaving Danny behind.
Unexpectantly, Evelyn reached out to squeeze her hand. "He wanted you safe."
Kate tried to smile. "I know," she said, wiping away her tears. "But that doesn't make it any easier."
"I don't imagine that it does," Evelyn replied. They lapsed into silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
"I loved him," Evelyn said softly, not looking at Kate. She didn't know why she had to tell Kate this, but she couldn't stop herself. For too many years she had kept her thoughts and feelings about Danny bottled up inside of her. She had only needed a sympathetic listener - someone who wasn't so intimately involved, and that person was Kate. Who better to understand how she had been drawn to Danny than the woman who loved him now? "He was there for me when I needed him after Rafe was shot down. We shared the same pain, but he was the one to comfort me. I didn't know him very well before....before everything happened between us, but now that I see how Rafe is without Danny I can see that Danny wasn't as....." she struggled for the right word, "...whole as he might have been before we were....together."
Kate nodded encourageingly, sensing that Evelyn needed to talke to someone about what had happened.
"I saw so much of Rafe in Danny and yet there were - are - so different. When we were together I didn't miss Rafe so much, but I also began to appreciate Danny for himself. He made me smile. He made me want to live again. He was so gentle and caring. He never pushed, but he was always there when I needed someone." She paused. "I never felt like I truly deserved him, not when I still loved Rafe so much. When I realized I was pregnant....I had to choose Danny. He had been there for me, he was the father of my child. I couldn't leave him. I couldn't hurt Danny like that. He was so loving..." she faded away, unable to put into words what she had felt.
"He still is," Kate reminded her.
Evelyn smiled tearily. "Yes, he still is," she repeated. "I can tell that Grace loves him immensely."
"He's the only father she's ever known," Kate replied. "From the very beginning he was so good with her. So natural. He never minded that she wasn't really his."
"Your husband?" Evelyn asked hesitantly.
"Is dead," Kate replied, her face losing all the softness that was there when she spoke of Danny.
"Oh, okay," Evelyn commented, surprised at the change in Kate. She waited to see if any more informatin was forthcoming.
Kate tried to smile. "Micheal, my husband, was..." she faltered, unsure of how much she wanted to say. "He wasn't a good husband or father. He basically abandoned us there in China, " she shrugged. "Micheal was one of the issues that Danny and I had to work through. What Micheal meant to me and what you meant to him."
"And did you?" Evelyn questioned.
"Work through the issues?" Evelyn nodded. Kate smiled. "Yes, it took us a long time to get to the point that we could talk about it, but we did."
"I'm glad," Evelyn told her. "Danny deserves to have someone love him as much as you obviously do." Evelyn paused, once again looking uncomfortable. "I loved him. I still love him," she repeated. "How can I not? He gave me Danny. I see him every time I look at my son."
"He's a wonderful little boy," Kate interjected.
"Yes, he is," Evelyn smiled.
They paused, looking at each other, each trying to think of what to say next.
"He loves Rafe a lot," Kate finally said.
"Yes," Evelyn agreed with her.
Kate looked around, feeling that Evelyn was waiting for her to say something more.
"You and Rafe and Danny will have to talk when he gets here," Kate started hesitantly. "We didn't discuss...we didn't have time to discuss what he.....what..." she faltered. Taking a deep breath, Kate tried again. "Danny loves you all and I know that he would never want to disrrupt your lives. I think at one point he even considered never coming back."
"But this is his home!" Evelyn exclaimed.
"I know, but..." Kate shrugged. "Your happiness...your's and Rafe's and little Danny's, mean a lot to him. He wouldn't want to see anyone hurt - especially by him."
Evelyn nodded. "I think I understand." All this time Evelyn had worried at how things would affect her and Rafe and little Danny, of course. She had never stopped to consider what Danny might be feeling. It was a revelation to her.
Kate looked at her. "Danny understands more than most what it means to be a father, even if there are no blood ties."
Rafe's boots on the steps outside the kitchen startled them both. They quickly tried to wipe away all the traces of tears that their conversation had caused before Rafe walked in, but they weren't quick enough.
"What's going on?" he asked as he entered the kitchen, wiping his boots on the floor mat. He looked from one woman to the other, noticing the reddened eyes and tear streaked cheeks.
Evelyn's watery smile greeted him. "Nothing," she told him, getting up from the table and rinsing the potatos that had been peeled.
He came up behind her, putting his arms around her waist. "What's wrong, Ev?" he asked. "'Nothing' doesn't make your eyes water or turn your nose bright red." He was teasing her, but his stomach was knotted with apprehension.
She turned to look him in the eyes. "We were talking about Danny," she told him.
Rafe stiffened for a moment. "What's he gotten into this time?" he asked, deliberately misunderstanding her. "I told them to stay away from the chicken coop. Luckily, Grace seems to follow orders well. I saw her pull him away when he tried to sneak in."
"She would," Kate interjected. "All her life she's been told to stay away from fences. She's afraid of them."
Evelyn turned to look at Kate, deciding not to put Rafe on the spot for avoiding the topic of his friend. "The camp?" she questioned.
Kate nodded looking at Rafe. If he wouldn't talk about Danny, fine, but that wasn't going to stop her. "She spent her whole life living inside fences that she wasn't allowed outside of. It was dangerous to get to close to them. For the most part the guards let us alone, but they still carried guns and there were a few people shot for trying to get out. Danny was one of few who were allowed outside daily. He worked as a mechanic at a nearby airfield - which was lucky for us because he was able to get extra food."
Rafe had stared at the wall during her little speech, trying not to acknowledge that he was listening, but Kate could tell that he was. So could Evelyn and with a glance they agreed on a plan. They would talk about Danny and Rafe would have to listen.
"It must have been hard living in a camp like that," Evelyn said, her eyes on her husband as he went to rummage through a drawer.
"It wasn't too hard," Kate responded, also watching Rafe. "I was lucky Danny was with me. If it wasn't for him Grace and I would have been living in a dormatory with all the other unattached women. No privacy, bad food. As it was, Danny was able to get us a small cabin and we lived our lives as normally as we could."
"Together?" Evelyn asked.
"As far as eveyone was concerned, Danny and I were married," Kate blushed. "It was easier that way. The guards probably didn't care, but the others in the camp, well, I don't think they would have liked the idea of a married woman living with a single man."
They were silent for awhile, the only sounds in the room coming from Rafe as he continued to rummage through drawers looking for something.
"Does he know?" Evelyn asked.
Unsure, Kate looked over at her. "Does he know what?" she asked, confused.
Evelyn's hand moved to her own stomach. "Does he know that you're pregnant?" she asked.
Kate blushed and Rafe stopped moving. "No, he doesn't," she told them. "I didn't even know until I was halfway back to the States. I thought I was just really seasick." She and Evelyn laughed lightly. "How'd you guess?"
"Well," Evelyn began, glancing over at Rafe who hadn't moved yet, "The green tinge to your skin every morning seemed to be more than motion sickness. And I've seen you rubbing your stomach when you thought no one was around. It just seemed the logical conclusion. When are you due?"
"In March, I think. Danny better be here by then," she declared, "or I'm going to have something to say to him!"
Evelyn laughed. "He'll be here."
Rafe slammed a drawer, causing them to jump. "I'm going to the barn. Call me for dinner."
Kate and Evelyn watched as the porch door slammed shut. "That went well, don't you think?" Evelyn asked.
"Yes," Kate agreed. "It's a start."