Chapter 11
Levering herself off the couch, Kate walked into the kitchen, her hands supporting her lower back. The baby seemed to have doubled in size in the past few weeks and his large size was hard for her small frame to bear.
"How are you doing, Ev," she asked her friend as she leaned against the counter next to her.
"I'm fine," she said, staring out the window, not looking at Kate.
"Really?" Kate asked disbelieveingly.
Evelyn turned to face her, trying to smile through her tears. "No, not really," she admitted. She moved to sit at the table. Kate gratefully followed, sinking into the chair with a sigh of relief. "You look like you're going to explode," Evelyn told her.
Kate rubbed her belly. "It's feels like it sometimes," she laughed. She watched Evelyn closely. "Talk to me Ev. How are you doing? Why didn't you want to talk to Danny?"
With a sigh, Evelyn slumped back in her chair. "I don't know what to say to him," she finally said. "I'm so glad that he's home. I've prayed for this day for...years. But it's....."
"Complicated?" Kate suggested.
"Yes, complicated," Evelyn agreed. "Is he doing the right thing? Are we doing the right thing - by not telling Danny who his real father is now? Is that fair to anyone? To Danny? To Rafe? I don't know." She looked over at Kate, hoping to see answers to her questions.
"I don't know Ev, I just don't know."
They sat in silence for awhile, each lost in her own thoughts.
"I think you and Danny need to talk," Kate finally said. "I think there are things you need to tell each other." Evelyn nodded.
"Let me just get dinner started and give Rafe and Danny some time. Then I'll go find him."
"Sounds good," Kate replied, relieved that things would be settled soon.
Danny stepped off the porch, looking around for Rafe. The kids were playing in a little shed off to the side of the house, their happy chatter bringing a smile to his face as he looked around the yard. It took a moment before he saw Rafe down by the barn. He walked silently towards his friend, his hands stuffed into his pockets to keep warm.
"You know, I used to come down here and talk to you," Rafe told him as he approached, not even bothering to look at his friend.
Danny looked around Rafe's shoulder, seeing his tombstone. A strange feeling coursed down his spine. "It's nice. Real nice," he offered lamely, not knowing what else to say.
"Yeah, well, I had someone else write it," Rafe told him, a lopsided smile flittering across his face. "I'd come down here and talk about Danny - Little Danny," he continued. "How he was almost 7 pounds when he was born. How it took 30 hours for him to finally be born. How he kept us up night for the first two weeks of his life." He paused, drawing in a shuddering breath. "His first word was Daddy and I was so proud," Rafe told him, his voice low. "He's a great kid. Smart. Quiet. Thoughtful. But he has this mischevious side too." He turned to finally look briefly at Danny. "He's a lot like you."
Danny nodded uncomfortably. He could see the pain on Rafe's face.
Rafe turned around again, looking at the tombstone. "Sometimes I can see a bit of Evelyn in him, but mostly it's you."
They were silent as they listened to Ramsey's barking and Danny and Grace's laughter. "Mostly I came down here just to say thank you," Rafe finally said. "Thank you for saving my life. And thank you for giving me.......a son like Danny." Rafe quickly wiped away the tear that ran down his face. "Because I don't deserve him. I know that. Not after the way I treated you when I came back, not after....."
"Stop Rafe," Danny said, not able to hear anymore. "Just stop." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know what to tell you Rafe," Danny told him. "I've had a chance to think about this for a long time - over three years - and I still don't know what to say. I'm sorry, okay? It doesn't seem like enough, but I am sorry."
Rafe turned to face his friend. "What do you have to be sorry for?" he asked. "I'm the one..."
"Do you think you are the only who can feel guilt?" Danny interrupt, a wry smile on his face.
"Well, no," Rafe replied, "But I still don't see what you..."
"Evelyn," Danny interrupted again. "I'm sorry for what happened with Evelyn. For how I let that come between us. I never meant for that to happen."
Rafe shook his head. "That's not an issue. I can understand that now. You thought I was dead. It was unrealistic for me to think she wouldn't get on with her life."
"Yeah, but I was your best friend," Danny told him.
"You still are my best friend," Rafe told him. "At first I was hurt and I lashed out at you, but..."
"She loved you," Danny said, interrupting him again.
"Yeah, well, she loved you too," Rafe told him.
"But not the way she loved you," Danny told him. "And I knew that, maybe I wouldn't let myself admit it, but I knew it. The only reason she had to stay with me was because of ...Danny. She told you, but she didn't tell me."
"She didn't want you to be distracted," Rafe told him.
Danny smiled. "Maybe."
"Are you telling me you didn't love Evelyn," Rafe asked.
"No," Danny shook his head. "I loved Evelyn. I still love her, but not like that. I'm just saying that we shouldn't have gotten together like we did. We were both missing you and then when you came back and were so mad and self righteous, well, I guess I just got mad too. You'd left me too, when you went to the Eagle Squadron. You didn't even give me a chance to go with you. That hurt. And then you come back and got so mad at me and.....Things shouldn't have gone as far as they did. I should have bowed out, let you and Evelyn get on with your lives, but...I didn't and things got.....complicated."
"Complicated," Rafe laughed softly. "That's a word for it."
"But Evelyn and Danny, they don't have anything to do with China," Danny told him. "You're my best friend Rafe. The only family I had. There was no way I was going to leave you for the Japs. And getting shot, well, I didn't even think. I just reacted." He looked at Rafe seriously. "Can you honestly tell me, that if our situations had been reversed - if they were about to shoot me and you had a chance to stop it - that you wouldn't have acted the same way? That you wouldn't have done whatever it took to get me out of China and back to safety?"
Nodding slowly, Rafe agreed. "Yeah, I would have done the same thing."
"You were always protecting me," Danny said. "This time it was my turn. And I wouldn't change a thing, because if I hadn't've gotten shot I never would have met Kate and that's not a possiblity I want to live with."
"She's a good gal," Rafe told his friend.
"Yeah," Danny agreed. "She is."
They watched the kids stomp up the porch steps and into the kitchen, Ramsey hot on their heels.
"About Danny," Danny began, glancing over at Rafe.
"Evelyn and I had always planned to tell him who is real father was, when he was old enough to understand," Rafe told him, not waiting to hear what Danny had to say. "It's one of the reason we named him what we did - Daniel Walker McCawley. We thought he deserved to know about his father and well, it seemed like the right thing to do. To name him after his father." He shrugged.
"I appreciate that," Danny told him. "I do. I'm sure when he gets older he'll probably have questions, but you're his father, Rafe. I love him. I'd give up my life to keep him safe, but you are his father. You were there when he was born, you were there when he cried as baby. You are the one he calls daddy. I can't replace that."
"I wasn't around much," Rafe told him. "I only had six weeks of leave for two years. I only came home permanently in May."
"That doesn't matter, Rafe," Danny said. "To that little boy you are daddy. We don't need to confuse him. I can be Uncle Danny and if and when he starts asking questions, then we can deal with it."
"Are you sure?" Rafe asked, a weight seeming to life from his shoulders. He had planned to do the noble thing and let Danny claim his son, but it hurt to think of little Danny calling someone else 'daddy.'
"Yes, I'm sure. I wouldn't want any other man raising my son," Danny told him, his throat tight. He glanced over at Rafe, seeing his concen. "Don't worry about me," Danny smiled. "I've had plenty of time to think about this. It all comes down to Grace."
"Grace?" Rafe looked at him confusedly.
"Yes, Grace," Danny told him. "Grace's father was a real bastard. He left them in China. He didn't care and that was fine by me. I'm the only father Grace has ever known and I tried to think how I would feel if Micheal strolled back into her life and, well, took over for me. If Grace started calling him daddy instead of me." Danny paused, collecting his thoughts. "I don't want to do that to you, Rafe. It wouldn't be fair to you or Danny or Evelyn. You are a family. I'll be a part of that family, me and Kate and Grace, but he is your son in all the ways that matter, just as Grace is mine."
Rafe thought for a minute. "It's good to have you home, Danny. I missed you," he told his friend, willing to accept his decisions and move on.
"I missed you too, Rafe." Danny smiled over at Rafe, knowing that they would never need to discuss this topic again. "You know this tombstone is really nice," Danny joked, "but it gives me the creeps. Do you think we could move it?"
Rafe laughed, the tension that had been in the air suddenly disapated. "Do you know how heavy that sucker is? That's pure granite!"
"Think any one wants to buy a slightly used tombstone?" Danny asked, with a grin.
"We could probably sell it to Bill Fraser - he's always looking for a good deal. We'd probably have to take it over to him, though."
"Are you suggesting I dig up my own tombstone?" Danny smiled.
Rafe grinned back at him. "Well, it's only fair - I put the damn thing in," he declared.
Both men laughed, the weight of years of guilt and apprehension lifted off their shoulders. They were nothing more than two friends finally returned to the childhood home, joking around like always.
"I see you two are doing well," Evelyn said behind them. "Not hitting each other anymore." They turned and smiled at her. She couldn't help smiling back despite her worries. This was a side of them she had never seen before, their friendship and love shining in their eyes. They were once again whole.
"Rafe was just suggesting that I should help dig up my own tombstone," Danny told her, grinning. "I just don't think it's fair."
"I put it in," Rafe defended. "Besides, you didn't mind moving old man McLeod's tombstones around!"
"Well, sure, but he paid me!" Danny winked at Evelyn. She laughed.
"Rafe," Evelyn asked as their laughter died down, "Could you go help Kate watch the kids. I'd like to talk to Danny."
"Sure," Rafe replied, kissing her cheek and moving towards the house. "See you in a few minutes?"
"A few minutes," she agreed.
They watched Rafe walk into the house, a smile still on Danny's face. Evelyn watched him, glancing away when he caught her staring.
"So," she began awkwardly.
"So."
"You two seem to have worked some things out," she said, not knowing how to start.
"Yeah," Danny agreed.
"I haven't seen Rafe laugh like that in a long time. It's good to see you two smiling."
Danny ducked his head shyly. "Well, we cleared the air a bit. Talked about some things that were way over due. Settled some stuff."
"That's good."
"Yeah, it is."
They paused again.
"Look, Danny..."
"Evelyn, I...."
They stopped, smiling at each other.
"Go ahead," Evelyn told him.
Danny took a deep breath and let it out. "I don't really know what to say," he told her. "What happened between us....well, I don't think it should have happened. We were both missing Rafe and were alone, and well, I guess it was a mistake. I knew you still loved Rafe and I shouldn't have pushed..." he trailed off, looking away awkwardly.
"You didn't push, Danny," Evelyn told him, her hand coming to rest on his arm. "I was a willing participant. I knew what I as doing and for that I'm sorry." She blushed. "I knew I was still in love with Rafe, but I let myself.. I ...used you to replace him, in away. That was wrong of me, and I know that and I'm sorry. But I can't say that it was a mistake," she told him, her grip tightening on his arm as her eyes filled with tears. "Because to say that would be saying that Danny, my...our..son was a mistake. And he's not; he's a miracle." She took a deep breath. "Thank you for giving him to me," she whispered.
Danny reached out and pulled her into his arms, her tears once again wetting his chest. "He is a miracle," Danny agreed softly. "But you don't have to be sorry. I think we were both guilty of the same thing - missing Rafe."
Evelyn nodded. "I did love you, Danny. I do."
"I know you did," he reassured her. "And I loved you. I do love you. But not the way I love Kate or you love Rafe."
"Yes," Evelyn agreed.
"Are we okay?" Danny asked after awhile, leaning down to look in her eyes.
Evelyn smiled up at him. "I think so."
Danny smiled back at her, kissing her forehead. "Good. Let's go inside. I'm hungry."
Evelyn laughed lightly as they walked back to the house arm and arm.
Levering herself off the couch, Kate walked into the kitchen, her hands supporting her lower back. The baby seemed to have doubled in size in the past few weeks and his large size was hard for her small frame to bear.
"How are you doing, Ev," she asked her friend as she leaned against the counter next to her.
"I'm fine," she said, staring out the window, not looking at Kate.
"Really?" Kate asked disbelieveingly.
Evelyn turned to face her, trying to smile through her tears. "No, not really," she admitted. She moved to sit at the table. Kate gratefully followed, sinking into the chair with a sigh of relief. "You look like you're going to explode," Evelyn told her.
Kate rubbed her belly. "It's feels like it sometimes," she laughed. She watched Evelyn closely. "Talk to me Ev. How are you doing? Why didn't you want to talk to Danny?"
With a sigh, Evelyn slumped back in her chair. "I don't know what to say to him," she finally said. "I'm so glad that he's home. I've prayed for this day for...years. But it's....."
"Complicated?" Kate suggested.
"Yes, complicated," Evelyn agreed. "Is he doing the right thing? Are we doing the right thing - by not telling Danny who his real father is now? Is that fair to anyone? To Danny? To Rafe? I don't know." She looked over at Kate, hoping to see answers to her questions.
"I don't know Ev, I just don't know."
They sat in silence for awhile, each lost in her own thoughts.
"I think you and Danny need to talk," Kate finally said. "I think there are things you need to tell each other." Evelyn nodded.
"Let me just get dinner started and give Rafe and Danny some time. Then I'll go find him."
"Sounds good," Kate replied, relieved that things would be settled soon.
Danny stepped off the porch, looking around for Rafe. The kids were playing in a little shed off to the side of the house, their happy chatter bringing a smile to his face as he looked around the yard. It took a moment before he saw Rafe down by the barn. He walked silently towards his friend, his hands stuffed into his pockets to keep warm.
"You know, I used to come down here and talk to you," Rafe told him as he approached, not even bothering to look at his friend.
Danny looked around Rafe's shoulder, seeing his tombstone. A strange feeling coursed down his spine. "It's nice. Real nice," he offered lamely, not knowing what else to say.
"Yeah, well, I had someone else write it," Rafe told him, a lopsided smile flittering across his face. "I'd come down here and talk about Danny - Little Danny," he continued. "How he was almost 7 pounds when he was born. How it took 30 hours for him to finally be born. How he kept us up night for the first two weeks of his life." He paused, drawing in a shuddering breath. "His first word was Daddy and I was so proud," Rafe told him, his voice low. "He's a great kid. Smart. Quiet. Thoughtful. But he has this mischevious side too." He turned to finally look briefly at Danny. "He's a lot like you."
Danny nodded uncomfortably. He could see the pain on Rafe's face.
Rafe turned around again, looking at the tombstone. "Sometimes I can see a bit of Evelyn in him, but mostly it's you."
They were silent as they listened to Ramsey's barking and Danny and Grace's laughter. "Mostly I came down here just to say thank you," Rafe finally said. "Thank you for saving my life. And thank you for giving me.......a son like Danny." Rafe quickly wiped away the tear that ran down his face. "Because I don't deserve him. I know that. Not after the way I treated you when I came back, not after....."
"Stop Rafe," Danny said, not able to hear anymore. "Just stop." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know what to tell you Rafe," Danny told him. "I've had a chance to think about this for a long time - over three years - and I still don't know what to say. I'm sorry, okay? It doesn't seem like enough, but I am sorry."
Rafe turned to face his friend. "What do you have to be sorry for?" he asked. "I'm the one..."
"Do you think you are the only who can feel guilt?" Danny interrupt, a wry smile on his face.
"Well, no," Rafe replied, "But I still don't see what you..."
"Evelyn," Danny interrupted again. "I'm sorry for what happened with Evelyn. For how I let that come between us. I never meant for that to happen."
Rafe shook his head. "That's not an issue. I can understand that now. You thought I was dead. It was unrealistic for me to think she wouldn't get on with her life."
"Yeah, but I was your best friend," Danny told him.
"You still are my best friend," Rafe told him. "At first I was hurt and I lashed out at you, but..."
"She loved you," Danny said, interrupting him again.
"Yeah, well, she loved you too," Rafe told him.
"But not the way she loved you," Danny told him. "And I knew that, maybe I wouldn't let myself admit it, but I knew it. The only reason she had to stay with me was because of ...Danny. She told you, but she didn't tell me."
"She didn't want you to be distracted," Rafe told him.
Danny smiled. "Maybe."
"Are you telling me you didn't love Evelyn," Rafe asked.
"No," Danny shook his head. "I loved Evelyn. I still love her, but not like that. I'm just saying that we shouldn't have gotten together like we did. We were both missing you and then when you came back and were so mad and self righteous, well, I guess I just got mad too. You'd left me too, when you went to the Eagle Squadron. You didn't even give me a chance to go with you. That hurt. And then you come back and got so mad at me and.....Things shouldn't have gone as far as they did. I should have bowed out, let you and Evelyn get on with your lives, but...I didn't and things got.....complicated."
"Complicated," Rafe laughed softly. "That's a word for it."
"But Evelyn and Danny, they don't have anything to do with China," Danny told him. "You're my best friend Rafe. The only family I had. There was no way I was going to leave you for the Japs. And getting shot, well, I didn't even think. I just reacted." He looked at Rafe seriously. "Can you honestly tell me, that if our situations had been reversed - if they were about to shoot me and you had a chance to stop it - that you wouldn't have acted the same way? That you wouldn't have done whatever it took to get me out of China and back to safety?"
Nodding slowly, Rafe agreed. "Yeah, I would have done the same thing."
"You were always protecting me," Danny said. "This time it was my turn. And I wouldn't change a thing, because if I hadn't've gotten shot I never would have met Kate and that's not a possiblity I want to live with."
"She's a good gal," Rafe told his friend.
"Yeah," Danny agreed. "She is."
They watched the kids stomp up the porch steps and into the kitchen, Ramsey hot on their heels.
"About Danny," Danny began, glancing over at Rafe.
"Evelyn and I had always planned to tell him who is real father was, when he was old enough to understand," Rafe told him, not waiting to hear what Danny had to say. "It's one of the reason we named him what we did - Daniel Walker McCawley. We thought he deserved to know about his father and well, it seemed like the right thing to do. To name him after his father." He shrugged.
"I appreciate that," Danny told him. "I do. I'm sure when he gets older he'll probably have questions, but you're his father, Rafe. I love him. I'd give up my life to keep him safe, but you are his father. You were there when he was born, you were there when he cried as baby. You are the one he calls daddy. I can't replace that."
"I wasn't around much," Rafe told him. "I only had six weeks of leave for two years. I only came home permanently in May."
"That doesn't matter, Rafe," Danny said. "To that little boy you are daddy. We don't need to confuse him. I can be Uncle Danny and if and when he starts asking questions, then we can deal with it."
"Are you sure?" Rafe asked, a weight seeming to life from his shoulders. He had planned to do the noble thing and let Danny claim his son, but it hurt to think of little Danny calling someone else 'daddy.'
"Yes, I'm sure. I wouldn't want any other man raising my son," Danny told him, his throat tight. He glanced over at Rafe, seeing his concen. "Don't worry about me," Danny smiled. "I've had plenty of time to think about this. It all comes down to Grace."
"Grace?" Rafe looked at him confusedly.
"Yes, Grace," Danny told him. "Grace's father was a real bastard. He left them in China. He didn't care and that was fine by me. I'm the only father Grace has ever known and I tried to think how I would feel if Micheal strolled back into her life and, well, took over for me. If Grace started calling him daddy instead of me." Danny paused, collecting his thoughts. "I don't want to do that to you, Rafe. It wouldn't be fair to you or Danny or Evelyn. You are a family. I'll be a part of that family, me and Kate and Grace, but he is your son in all the ways that matter, just as Grace is mine."
Rafe thought for a minute. "It's good to have you home, Danny. I missed you," he told his friend, willing to accept his decisions and move on.
"I missed you too, Rafe." Danny smiled over at Rafe, knowing that they would never need to discuss this topic again. "You know this tombstone is really nice," Danny joked, "but it gives me the creeps. Do you think we could move it?"
Rafe laughed, the tension that had been in the air suddenly disapated. "Do you know how heavy that sucker is? That's pure granite!"
"Think any one wants to buy a slightly used tombstone?" Danny asked, with a grin.
"We could probably sell it to Bill Fraser - he's always looking for a good deal. We'd probably have to take it over to him, though."
"Are you suggesting I dig up my own tombstone?" Danny smiled.
Rafe grinned back at him. "Well, it's only fair - I put the damn thing in," he declared.
Both men laughed, the weight of years of guilt and apprehension lifted off their shoulders. They were nothing more than two friends finally returned to the childhood home, joking around like always.
"I see you two are doing well," Evelyn said behind them. "Not hitting each other anymore." They turned and smiled at her. She couldn't help smiling back despite her worries. This was a side of them she had never seen before, their friendship and love shining in their eyes. They were once again whole.
"Rafe was just suggesting that I should help dig up my own tombstone," Danny told her, grinning. "I just don't think it's fair."
"I put it in," Rafe defended. "Besides, you didn't mind moving old man McLeod's tombstones around!"
"Well, sure, but he paid me!" Danny winked at Evelyn. She laughed.
"Rafe," Evelyn asked as their laughter died down, "Could you go help Kate watch the kids. I'd like to talk to Danny."
"Sure," Rafe replied, kissing her cheek and moving towards the house. "See you in a few minutes?"
"A few minutes," she agreed.
They watched Rafe walk into the house, a smile still on Danny's face. Evelyn watched him, glancing away when he caught her staring.
"So," she began awkwardly.
"So."
"You two seem to have worked some things out," she said, not knowing how to start.
"Yeah," Danny agreed.
"I haven't seen Rafe laugh like that in a long time. It's good to see you two smiling."
Danny ducked his head shyly. "Well, we cleared the air a bit. Talked about some things that were way over due. Settled some stuff."
"That's good."
"Yeah, it is."
They paused again.
"Look, Danny..."
"Evelyn, I...."
They stopped, smiling at each other.
"Go ahead," Evelyn told him.
Danny took a deep breath and let it out. "I don't really know what to say," he told her. "What happened between us....well, I don't think it should have happened. We were both missing Rafe and were alone, and well, I guess it was a mistake. I knew you still loved Rafe and I shouldn't have pushed..." he trailed off, looking away awkwardly.
"You didn't push, Danny," Evelyn told him, her hand coming to rest on his arm. "I was a willing participant. I knew what I as doing and for that I'm sorry." She blushed. "I knew I was still in love with Rafe, but I let myself.. I ...used you to replace him, in away. That was wrong of me, and I know that and I'm sorry. But I can't say that it was a mistake," she told him, her grip tightening on his arm as her eyes filled with tears. "Because to say that would be saying that Danny, my...our..son was a mistake. And he's not; he's a miracle." She took a deep breath. "Thank you for giving him to me," she whispered.
Danny reached out and pulled her into his arms, her tears once again wetting his chest. "He is a miracle," Danny agreed softly. "But you don't have to be sorry. I think we were both guilty of the same thing - missing Rafe."
Evelyn nodded. "I did love you, Danny. I do."
"I know you did," he reassured her. "And I loved you. I do love you. But not the way I love Kate or you love Rafe."
"Yes," Evelyn agreed.
"Are we okay?" Danny asked after awhile, leaning down to look in her eyes.
Evelyn smiled up at him. "I think so."
Danny smiled back at her, kissing her forehead. "Good. Let's go inside. I'm hungry."
Evelyn laughed lightly as they walked back to the house arm and arm.