THE NEXT ADVENTURE
The end is coming, I can feel it.
I am not scared. I have not been waiting for it, but I knew it would come some time. I'm just glad I will die with her by my side.
When I look back at my life there are no things I regret. Sure, there are things I shouldn't have done, people I shouldn't have killed, I shouldn't have been caught by Cell in the first place, but regretting what I have done and what has been done to me is regretting being the person I am today.
At first I hated Cell, for he was the one who had made me feel.
But it has made me enjoy life so much more!.. I've been through bad times, but the good times have certainly made up for that.
I've found out love is so much worth every price you pay.
Pan sometimes mutters I've been stupid to make that wish that day. "Look at you," she says then. "You're old. You're stupid. You must have been dementing already back then. Why else would you give up your eternal youth, eternal beauty for an old and ugly saiyajin woman like me?"
I just smile and show her just how old and ugly I find her.
Giving up eternal life has been the best decision I've ever made.
It wasn't a difficult decision, really. I did not want to live on when she would age and die. I did not want to be left behind and live the rest of my eternal life in misery just because she died on me.
I didn't know if she even wanted to be with me, back then. But I didn't mind. If she didn't love me I didn't want to live anyway. I had lived for a long time already, trapped in my teenage body, not changing, never changing.
I can still feel that miserably, sickening, aching feeling when I saw her kissing him. Trunks Briefs. Finding out the one you love doesn't love you back but loves another is the most horrible feeling in the world. It does not only affect you on a emotional level, but also on a physical level. It leaves you helpless, unable to go on with your life because your goal can not be acchieved.
Some people get over it, when it happens to them, some give up, and some have the greatest luck in the world – their beloved one falls in love with them.
It's what has happened to me, and it has changed me greatly.
I always tried to be lonesome, no strings attached. The only one I cared for, even after Cell made me feel, was my sister.
This changed when Pan was born. I happened to watch my sister's daughter, who was about ten at the time, when the Son family came by Kame House.
It was the first time I saw her, and I have cared for her ever since. I did not love her, then. But I cared for her.
She could make me laugh, that energetic little girl who was so certain she would be as strong as her daddy once. She had the spirit and the power, but she was so little back then, a petite and fragile form who did not seem to be able to withstand even the smallest ki-blast. I felt like I should protect this little girl, and I didn't have the slightest idea why.
But I have watched her ever since.
And she fell in love with Trunks. It must have bothered me even then, but I
didn't notice. I was just curious about this feeling that was so strong. I
didn't understand how someone could be so affected by such a feeling.
Ofcourse I did only three years later, when I'd finally found out I was capable of love. It was hard for me to accept I did feel. I prouded myself on not feeling anything – I survived by not feeling anything. From what I'd seen of the world I'd figured feeling only caused you pain.
In the end I couldn't do a damned thing about it. Whatever human side I still got, it came up eventually and I felt. I cared. I loved.
It's amazing how one night can change your whole life. But then again, it's always the small things that make the greatest differences, and this is no exception.
It has changed her as well. She used to love only Trunks, she didn't even care about other boys. But after she spent the night with me, she started doubting. And in the end she loved me. I'm still proud of that fact, which is another thing she keeps on throwing at me.
She can't deny she didn't enjoy herself then, so I don't care about what she says.
Besides, it has made her stay with me for all those years. I think that's something to be proud of.
Trunks didn't like it too well, though, when he found out we had something going on. Especially not when he heard Pan had loved him for so long. He's blamed himself for a while for not noticing his feelings sooner.
I couldn't help but being very childish and I made fun of him behind his back, sticking my tongue out, or kissing Pan just when he walked by. It was just too funny to feel his ki rise only when he noticed me. It must have been clear on my face: She's mine, she's mine, you're too late!! Stu-pid!! Pan hit me, then, and growled something about not teasing her friends, but I just couldn't help myself.
Ofcourse he got over it – he's one of those people that crawl back up every time you think you've knocked 'em down for good. He just can't be destroyed. Besides, I don't think he loved her like I did. Sure, he had a major crush on her, but it wasn't real love – real love takes something more, something I can't describe but only feel.
He ended up perfectly fine, found a nice girl and settled down with her. Ironically that girl was my sister's daughter, Marron. Ironical because the girl he wanted at first was taken by the uncle of the girl he married later. And still he's older than me – physically, that is.
Pan and I aren't a dream couple, have never been so. We both like fighting too
much to stop just because we love one another. We're not as bad as Bulma and
Vegeta, as I've noticed – those two always fight.
It really was a shame when Bulma died. She might have been a bitch, but she really was a caring and loving person and a good friend, even to me.
Vegeta has never been the same since then. With her a part of him had died and he didn't even consider taking a new wife (or mate, as he calls it). It only made me happier to have made that wish. I would not be left behind.
Even though I was mortal now, that didn't mean I didn't have a long life. I had wished to age and die with Pan, and because she's a quarter saiyajin, she doesn't live and die like a normal human being.
Marron died on Trunks, ofcourse. Being a demi saiyajin Trunks outlived most of us – yes, us; Being with Pan included me in the group, even though I didn't want that at first. I've learned to live with it, as I've learned to live with lots of things –.
More surprising was Goten ending up with Bra. Ofcourse one might say this was an obvious coupling, since they're both demi-saiyajin, but they just... don't seem to belong together.
They're both the biggest flirts I've ever come across. And just that is what makes them seem so wrong together – how can someone like that ever be stuck with one person?
Pan has a lovely theory about it though. She says that a person like Goten or Bra has so many different interests, traits of character, is just such a many-sided person, that he or she needs to be with more than one person. They can't find just one person who can relate with all their traits and things so they end up flirting with everyone because almost everyone has something they can relate to.
And she says they ended up with eachother just because they both have such a many-sided character – they can relate in almost everything.
I figure it's just that they find eachother so damned attractive that they give up everyone else just to not lose the other.
Kids? I don't like kids. Kids are disturbing and annoying, change your life the wrong way, and never ever listen.
Ofcourse we had kids. Dawn is the best girl ever. She's got the same straight black hair we both have, but her eyes are blue. Not my pale blue, but a bright blue color that reminds me of summer skies. I didn't have a clue where she got it from, the first time she opened her eyes, but Pan told me her mom had the same color eyes. Dawn's just seem even brighter.
And Ekoji has the same dark in his eyes as Pan, but his hair is, unlike ours, thick and spiky – real saiyan hair, if the coloring wouldn't be all wrong. It's a strange silver color that makes me wonder where he's got it from. Pan assures me he's mine, but if he wouldn't have eyes the same shape as mine, I would seriously doubt it. Except for his eyes he doesn't look one bit like me.
Well, Pan says he's just as handsome as me, but I think she's sucking up.
No, I'm glad I lived my life the way I did. And with that thought I can go content.
Pan will be with me on our next adventure and that's all I'm asking for.
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AN: Ok, for those (yup, you uhm... how many were there? Ten?? Not much more, I think) who begged me for a sequel to 'Find a way' – here it is.
*watches all the dissapointed faces* What? You wanted something about how her family reacted to him? How Trunks got over it? How he ended up with Marron? How Bra ended up with Goten? Maybe even something about the two sweet children I gave 'em? That all combined in one longer story in my own Pan-Juunanagou universe, created because I liked Juu-kun just as much as Trunks?
*watches everyone nod* Hmmm... Well, lets think about it... ~_^
Naaaah, ok. This is a teaser (and a sappy one too, but you can expect that from me by now ^_^), giving you hints about what happens in their future, but not really telling anything...
So, you've got me into making a sequel again, with more planned for the future!! You cruel fans, how could you do that to me? Now I have no time anymore at all!! *sighs* well, it's my own fault... I give in way to easily anyway, with only 8 people begging me I already do it...