Rainbow
Author: Kal Kally
Rating: PG
Pairing: Severus Snape/Remus Lupin/Sirius Black
Summary: Set time at the beginning of book 3. Sirius had escaped from Azkaban and return to reclaim his lover while Remus was finding protection in Snape's embrace.
Disclaimer: I own nothing! J.K.Rowling created the characters; I just borrow them to make a really crazy fic.
Feedback: This is my first story about this pairing. Please let me know what you think of it. Flames are welcome.
Warning: This story is Slash.
While typing this story, I always mistyped Padfoot into Padfood. God knows why. It sounds like fastfood. Ew, food on the pad? I know this fic would soon turn into a mess.
-*-
Rain was travelling across a familiar town of the wizard world. The dreary sky was covered with heavy gray clouds, so heavy that one could almost touch them if he raised his hands towards the sky. On an empty street, walked Remus Lupin, vulnerable in the rustling rain and chilly wind without any shield of a raincoat or umbrella.
He didn't want to come home now, almost afraid of returning to the man that was his lover. Wearing the mask of an imperturbable and cheerful man while his heart was screaming inside was never an easy task for him. Especially when his mind was on someone else.
I miss you so much, Sirius. No matter what people say about you, I still can never forget the one who has first loved a werewolf designed for forever loneliness like me. Sometimes, I want to try to rescue you from Azkaban, regardless of all consequences I may have to bear.
Raindrop sharp as knives soaked through his shoddy Muggle clothes and froze his skin. Sadness like water seeped into his soul. In the rain, Remus missed his friends than ever before.
Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail... After all, we have never followed the rules, have we?It doesn't hurt if I break the law one last time to save a lost friendship, doesn't it?
Remus unfolded his right hand and spread out to catch a leaf lost its way in the rain-soaked wind. The leaf could become his life's symbol. Lonely. Crushed in an tumultuary storm.
But then, the time when we longed to play under the falling rain has gone long ago. James is dead. Peter is dead. You have lost your splendor of youth in the worst prison in the world that sears people's emotion and memories into emptiness. I have no fear that you might come for my life once your escape but...
Bowing his head, Remus wandered aimlessly, letting the emptiness guide him to everywhere it wanted. Water crystals dripped from his hair, hands and clothes to the stone ground only to be broken into millions of pieces.
...even if there's a chance I could save you from your paying for the crime you've committed, how much memory about me is left in your mind?
Was our friendship already burnt into ashes? Did our love remain only a smoke, when I grasped for them, they eased away?
Feeling gaze on him, Remus raised his head and saw a dark-hair man standing not very far in front of him with an umbrella above his head. The man was staring at him sadly. Remus's eyes widen. "Severus?"
The man that named Severus came towards him and said tenderly. "Remus, it's time to go home."
"Go home?" Fear like a breeze gently breathed on his voice. To go home was the last thing on Remus's mind.
Home. He didn't want to return to a home of not only warmth but also emptiness and loneliness. Nights after nights, stirring on Severus's bed could only bring to his tongue the bitter taste of lies. Lies hung between him and Severus. The hot desire that burnt his skin could never melt the piercing ice in his heart.
Thought of turning his back to Severus and running away flashed in Remus's mind for a second. But then, the sorrow in the other's eyes hit him more painfully than any weapon. Severus had done so many things for him. The man deserved much more than being rejected. Guilty flooded through his veins. Remus closed his eyes and forced his lips to form a single word. "Yes"
Sirius, are you happy now?
To Remus's surprise, Severus suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him into his embrace. Rough hands then rose to hold Remus's head as Severus kissed him passionately. The umbrella dropped to the ground, making water splash.
Finally, I've fallen into the arms of the one you hated the most. Fate is so capricious. But he had been there helping me go through the darkest days of my life while both you and James were not around me. He had been the protector when I needed to be protected.
It was not their normal tender kiss. It was wild and so right. Their lips fitted so perfectly and brought Remus the feeling of safety, of home. Who knew lies could be so sweet?
I'm so weak, aren't I?
Close eyes or not, it was always the same, instead of seeing Severus's caring eyes, all he could see was Sirius's resentful eyes.
Sirius, as I couldn't kill our love, I couldn't forget all about you.
Remus nearly resisted, he nearly fought against the arms wrapping possessively around him. But he had been cold and miserable for so long and Severus's embrace was so warm and beckoning. At last, he gave in, his lips parted to welcome the curious tongue that slipped in and entangled with his own.
I'm sure I don't love him. Maybe it's just gratefulness but at least, he provides me a tiny piece of peace, even if it's false happiness. Loving you and needing him, my heart is lacerated.
Crying again. When his once peaceful life was scattered and his precious friendship went to ruin, Remus had cried so much that he thought he had spent to the last tear. He vowed to himself that he would never cry again. For anyone. Regardless of any cause. However, Remus could never keep that oath. On the first night in Severus's arms he wept silently when the other man had sleep. And Night didn't come just once. Maybe that was the reason why Remus loved the rain so much. Rain was like his shield as she hid his tears under her silver coat so that no one would accuse him of being a coward
No matter what happiness he could bring to me, no matter if he loved me with all his soul and heart...
They reluctantly broke the kiss. Unable to control his own feeling any more, Remus choked out a suppressed sob. The other man caressed his cheek. "Remus, are you OK?"
No matter if he could protect me from all the cruelty of this so harsh world...
Why did he feeling so cold now? Maybe it was because of the rain and the icy wind. "Don't say anything, just hold me", Remus whispered. He snuggled into Severus's protective arms, trying to absorb some warmth. "May be I could be warm again." Remus rested his head on the other's shoulder and murmured.
I could never forget that he could never be you.
-*-
Even if Severus Snape were holding a large umbrella above his head, his robe was still drenched with water as the rain was so heavy and the strong wind blown the teardrops of the sky into falling obliquely.
What was he doing here in this unfamiliar town? Last month, Severus had been waiting in vain for a stupid man who turned into a wolf whenever the moon was full. Last week, he spent all the time contact his wizard friends, trying to follow that idiot's tracks. Yesterday, he was searching in vain all over this dammed town to catch a glimpse of the werewolf. And now, he was standing like a fool, watching the wandering man that had hunted his dreams for so many nights.
Thinking of Black again, aren't you, Remus? I will never understand why your love for him could last for so long despite all his unforgivable sins.
That werewolf always attracted him. For Severus, the man was always attractive and enticing, a beauty that was almost angelic. And now that angelic beauty was walking with his arms embracing himself in the rustling rain with no raincoat or umbrella. He looked so sad and vulnerable that Severus wanted to pull the man close and protected him from every thing that may be dangerous. Remus, however, didn't see him. Remus had never seen him.
When we kissed, when we made love, sometimes you miscalled the name. I've done so much for you. Why can't you see me?
The man finally looked up. Surprise could be seen all over his face. "Severus?" He asked. His voice was slightly fearful.
Severus tried to bury the urge to slap and shout at the werewolf for making his life a hell those past few months. His pace quickened as he filled the gap between them to stand right in front of the other man. "Remus, it's time to go home", his voice painted with disguised resentment.
I've given you my hand while no one wanted to get near to the lover of a Dark Lord's spy, while I even had to deal with people's hatred towards me all on my own. I've given you a home, not very luxurious but still cozy. I've shielded you from people's insults and jeers.
Remus eyes flashed with fear. Seeing the horror's expression on that beautiful face made Severus's heart twist. He clenched his hands, waiting for the werewolf back away and run. Rain was pouring on the quiet street. And Severus's heart wept with the rain.
And still, I can never heal your wounded heart. Have you ever think for me? Have I ever held any place in your heart?
"Yes". His heart skipped a beat as Remus replied. A little surprise ran through his mind along with elation but almost immediately, sorrow replaced. It was easy to see that Remus was so scared, so desperate, and so reluctant. And Severus's heart ached as he knew Remus had not been willing. Anger started to rise and some slipped through his facade.
You haven't known about Black's escaping from Azkaban, right, Remus? If you had, you wouldn't be here with me now but fly to him instead. You're so much like an unbound bird I could never keep in my hands. I'm sure tomorrow, when you hear the news, you will leave me to search for him and never come back.
Severus narrowed his eyes, strangely wanted to punish the stubborn werewolf. He raised his hand, at first intended to slap that coquettish face.
There're times I'm so deadly jealous that I want to hurt you, to claim you mine, to rip from your heart his image even forcefully if needed.
But then, Severus's face softened and his hand halted. He couldn't bring himself hurting the rain-soaked figure in front of him. So strange, his mind could vaguely feel the other's sadness. And... Remus looked so like an angel. An angel had dared to enrage the Gods and therefore was banished to Hell. An angel with broken wings.
Only to find that I could never hurt your angelic face. How can I hurt your soul?
Severus's hand finally finished its way to seize Remus's wrist and pull the werewolf close to him. His heart still ached like hell but he'd rather kill himself than hurt this man. Severus placed his lips upon the other's in a tender kiss. As both of his hands clasped Remus's face, the umbrella met the ground, making a sad lonely sound.
Rage turned into passion.
And passion turned into lust.
There're times I want to ask you for a promise of forever or at least for once try to chain you by love and faith. I could have gotten to my knees begging you if I hadn't been so afraid you could reject and leave me forever.
In an instant, the kiss turned into brutal, which was not normal among those rare kisses of them. Severus hugged the trembling werewolf tightly, deepening the kiss. His heart turned into chaos in his chest as Remus hesitated as if he was torn between resisting and giving in. In the end, Remus parted his lips and Severus let his tongue enter the other's mouth.
The world faded.
Oh please, stay with me. I doubt I could be generous enough to see you in another's arms and smile saying good luck.
As the sweet moment ended, Severus heard a sob from the werewolf. "Remus, are you OK?" he asked anxiously. Then the man did what he expected least, he snuggled into his arms. "Don't say anything, just hold me". Remus let his head fall on Severus's shoulder, whispering. "May be I could be warm again." They stayed like that for a long time, none of them aware of the rain pouring on uncovered heads.
Severus never doubted that Remus would leave him eventually. Strangely, despite that fact, now with the man in his arm, for the first time after a long period, Severus felt peace.
If you leave me, my love may blur into hatred.
-*-
It was raining dogs and cats. Rain danced upon wizard-styled town, creating sounds of someone throwing stones on the roofs. Rain was the healing source of nature as it brought energy to the living things. But rain sometimes also gave birth to sad thought as well.
Had Remus Lupin been not so deeply sunken in his painful thoughts, he would have noted a giant black dog following him without making any sound. Or was it the howling wind that had put him in a fog so thick that he couldn't detect the presence of some one he had craved to meet for so long?
Padfoot had escaped from Azkaban that day. He had returned from death with steely determination of getting revenge for him and his friends. That aim couldn't be shaken but at this moment, he only lived for the aching love that had grown day by day within his heart.
Moony. I miss you so much.
Twelve years of living in Hell had frozen his heart. Sirius would have gone insane swirling in the hurricane of betrayal and hatred like an autumn leaf in the storm. He would have gone empty like a used bottle under the torment of Dementors. But there had always been two lights that had warmed and protected the most secretive and deepest parts of his heart from being sucked out. One was Harry, James's son. And the other was Remus, his friend and lover.
Padfoot couldn't make out what miracle had guided him to Remus. Escaping from Azkaban, he had been on the run all day, nearly blindly. Memories of Remus, of his alluring eyes, of his seductive lips, of his so soft voice had closed the door to his mind and refused to let any thought in. Hatred slept peacefully in his heart.
So Sirius let Fate decide his way as he listened to the sense of the black dog. Amazingly, that sense had unbelievably led him to Remus. Sirius should have been happy but happiness couldn't trespass into his ice-covered heart. Blazes of desire was blocked by suspicion.
And Remus looked so misery alone in the pouring rain...
Why are you so sad? I wonder if it's me the source of your pain. If only I could warm up your body as well as your soul.
The dog's body was full of scratches and wounds. His limbs seemed to betray him because of exhaustion. A whole day of running was never a pleasure. He gazed at the man's every step sadly and wishfully.
I want to come to you and take you into my arms but...
Water soaked his thick fur, making it stick into his skin. Raindrops were icy and the wind was chilly. The dog shivered. His body was cold and so was his soul tormented by loneliness and unanswered questions.
Do you still love me?
Some next hours, you would know about my escape. What would you do then?
Padfoot half wanted to run to his lover, half wanted to run away from him. So he followed the man blindly, trying to sort out his emotion.
Oh Remus, I don't have enough courage to face you. Not because I feel ashamed, I know I'm clear-handed, but because thinking of your reaction scared me. When you see me, would you still see Padfoot, your best friend, your lover, or you could only see the face of the traitor who had betrayed your love? Would my return bring you back your happiness that you deserve to have or would it only put you under further despair?
The rain embraced him in her silver cold yet warm coat. Padfoot could almost feel her icy hands wrapped around his heart.
And even if you don't forget me, would there be a day all the memories of me in your heart lost among thousands and thousands of names and faces you had come across in your life? Like an abundant thing you unintentionally mislaid?
Remus suddenly stopped. His voice echoed in the empty street. "Severus?"
Padfoot also stopped dead in surprise.
Blinded in the tumult of violent love, he hadn't gotten Snape's existance.
Snape?
What was the man doing here? The sharp dog eyes immediately caught the image of his enemy. He instinctively growled softly in his throat.
Sirius's eyes widened as Snape came close to Remus and asked. "Remus, it's time to go home." And HIS Remus answered submissively. "Yes"
Moony?
The umbrella fell down. Water splashed.
Snape and Remus embraced and kissed. The dog's face hardened as he bared his teeth like a wild beast facing its prey. Hatred had wakened.
Oh, so you finally have found your happiness. I'm a fool. Remus, do you know how much misery I had to bear under the thought that I might brought away with me your peace? For twelve years, Remus. And now finding you with HIM.
The dog turned into a preparing posture, ready to jump towards the couple. He would never hurt Remus. But Snape was gonna pay. There was no way the bastard could go away alive. Padfoot would give Snape a lesson and reclaim what was his. He rushed towards the two people who were so lost in their passion that they didn't see him.
No, Remus, I don't come back for nothing. You are everything I have and I have no intention of giving you up to anyone. You're mine and only mine.
Suddenly Sirius halted, sensing his lover's tears. Snape however seemed to unnotice. Padfoot stared at the mocking scene in front of him, starkly confused. Moony was... crying? This new information was sharper than any knife. It stabbed deep right into his heart. Half-waken hatred was burnt into ashes before Remus's silent tears.
Am I doing the right thing?
Padfoot backed away from the two men.
Who am I to dare to compete with Snape? He's the kind of people who can bring you every thing that I can't. I know you've suffered enough carrying the tormenting curse of a werewolf.
The dog lay down under the eaves of an old house, his eyes never left his friend and his now new lover. Snape asked something. Remus's answer was like a breath. "Don't say anything, just hold me. May be I could be warm again." Padfoot closed his eyes and made up his mind.
Maybe it's time for you to be happy. Moony, I love you too much to let my love burden you.
Watching the couple, this time not with rage but with tolerance and sadness, the dog licked his wounds and whimpered. Maybe this was the most honorable thing Padfoot had done in his life. But still, it ached.
If I go away, will you be happy?
-*-
The heavy rain subsided to a light one. Gray clouds drifted away in the influence of the harsh wind, replaced by cotton-like clouds. The sky was getting brighter and brighter. Finally, rain had retreated, conquered by the brilliant sun. In the very blue sky, a rainbow appeared.
Sirius, Remus and Severus looked up at the colorful string decorating the sky at the same time.
Promising but tenuous and precarious. Like the bridge across the river of misery and sadness that had separated them from happiness. The bridge had always been there but after all, none of them had ever had enough courage to step on that bridge. So they stay there, each one silently struggled all alone in the battle against the storm within his own heart, watching the rainbow wishfully.
If only I could reach the end of the rainbow.
End.
Kal.