Chapter 13 -- Confrontations
Love is a battlefield.
Benton Quest was upset as he dressed for his court
appearance that Friday morning. Things
in his household were going from bad to worse, and he couldn't figure out what to
do about it. It would help a lot, he thought to himself, if I knew WHAT was going on! Jonny had withdrawn completely. Benton had tried repeatedly to talk with
him, but the overwhelming pain that crossed his face when he broached the
subject always stopped him from pushing too hard. Jonny had basically stopped eating, and he looked as though he
hadn't been sleeping, either. There
were dark circles under his eyes and he looked gaunt. In fact, he looked very much the way he had when they spent those
long hours waiting in the Cairo hospital. There had only been one thing that had ever gotten Jonny into this kind
of state. Jessie Bannon. Benton knew that something had gone terribly, terribly wrong.
And somehow it had become tied up with Brandon. The boy had also withdrawn. Benton knew that part of this was due to the
impending custody hearing today. But it
was more than that. Brandon seemed
almost afraid to approach Jonny now. And the signs of grief and pain in the boy were as clear as those in his
son. Yes, whatever had gone wrong with
Jonny was effecting Brandon now. Pain
or no pain, he was going to have to talk with his son and get this out in the
open. As much as he hated doing it,
Benton knew he now had the leverage to force his son talk with him. Jonny might be prepared to suffer in silence
when it came to his own mental health, but his father knew that when he
realized he was harming Brandon, it would stop. Benton sighed heavily. He
remembered a time when life had been so
much easier!
He wished he had the time to talk with both of them now, but
a long distance call from a colleague had him running behind. He barely had time to get dressed and make
it to the courthouse for the hearing. Jonny had decided that it would be best to keep Brandon out of school
today, and Benton had concurred. It was
with a bit more reluctance that he agreed to let Jonny stay home as well. But he finally decided that his son was much
better able to deal with Brandon's volatile moods than Mrs. Evans.
He looked in on both of them as he left for the
hearing. Jonny sat at his desk, staring
down at his math textbook. But the
stare was sightless and the depression that surrounded him was tangible.
Brandon was little better, although he did manage the ghost of a smile and a
"good-bye" for him. Benton shook his
head as he started the car. Something
had to be done. He thought that perhaps
he should call Race in Colombia. Maybe
it was time to see what was going on at the other end of this fight.
***
"All rise. District
Court, Juvenile Division for Knox County in the State of Maine is now in
session. The Honorable Donald Henson
presiding."
Judge Henson was a man in his mid-50's, with iron gray hair
and a world-weary look about him. He
viewed the few people in the courtroom silently for a minute before saying, "I
must say, this is one of the more unusual cases I have been asked to review in
quite some time. Most of the people who
appear in my court don't want the children in question. And here I have two parties fighting over
the right to keep custody of a ten-year-old boy. And even more unusual, one party is not even a relative of this
child. Now we could go through all of the
formalities and lawyerese and spend hours at this. Or we can cut right to the chase. I am not here to pass judgment on the parties in this room. I'm here to decide if the original decision
handed down by one of my colleagues should be overturned, and custody of," he
consulted a piece of paper in front of him, "young Brandon Simmons should be
awarded back to his mother. So here's
what we're going to do. Mrs. Simmons
and Dr. Quest, you are each going to be given one opportunity to say your
peace. At the end of that time, I'm
going to take the case under advisement over the weekend. I'll review your lawyers' depositions, the
transcripts of the original trial, and your statements. On Monday, I will issue my decision. Is this understood?" Both lawyers looked unhappy but agreed. Dr. Quest and Alicia Simmons both
nodded. "Fine. Then let's get started. Mrs. Simmons, please begin."
Alicia Simmons rose fluidly to her feet. "Thank you, Your Honor. First, let me say that I do not hold any
animosity toward Dr. Quest or his son. I am sure they were only concerned about Brandon's welfare. But the truth is that they don't know him
well at all, and they were manipulated. Brandon can be a sweet boy when he wants something. And he has a real talent at playing on the
emotions of others to get it. We had
had a fight because he wanted to skip school and come with me to Florida. Unfortunately, he is a very poor student,
and I didn't feel it was in his best interest to be taken out of school for two
weeks. My next door neighbor, Mrs.
Parker, was supposed to be looking after him. He was originally to have stayed with her, but she tells me he refused
to do that, and insisted on staying at the house. Unfortunately, she was not able to control him. Believe me, Your Honor, I never would have
gone to Florida, if I had realized this was going to happen. But Brandon had insisted that he would do as
I instructed. I can only assume that he
had intended to go to the Quests from the beginning. After all, I'm sure living at their home is like living in a big
playground.
"I have tried my best to be a good mother. It hasn't been easy since his father left,
but I've managed to make a decent living, and keep a roof over our head and
food on the table. I know that Brandon
feels I'm somehow responsible for his father leaving. And with me working all the time, I know that he doesn't always
get the constant, undivided attention that he craves. But, Your Honor, I love my son and I want him back. I know that the Quests have a lot more money
than I do, and can give him things I never could. But I'm his mother and he should be with me. Please, I'm begging you, give me my son
back."
Benton watched her through narrowed eyes as, with bowed head
and downcast eyes, she returned to her seat. She was good, he would give her that. The performance was perfect. She
came off looking like a poor, struggling single mother, who is trying to cope
with a recalcitrant, ungrateful offspring. And she had seen to it that Brandon was not here to be a visible
contradiction to her story. Neither was
Jonny, who's visible anger over the situation seemed to be capable of getting
under her skin and making her lose her cool. Benton sighed. This was not
going to be easy.
"Very well, Mrs. Simmons. Now, Dr. Quest, I want to hear your thoughts on this situation."
Benton rose to his feet. "Thank you, Your Honor." He turned and gazed at Alicia Simmons for a
moment. He could see her glance at him,
and saw the anger and hatred under that thinly veiled look. He turned back to the judge. "I can't begin to understand the mind of
someone who neglects a child. And I
won't try to comment on Alicia Simmons or her history with Brandon's
father. The only thing I am in a
position to discuss is Brandon, himself. I have known him since this past August, when he was a member of a
summer camp that my son was involved with. During the two weeks or so that they spent in California, my son, Jonny,
and Brandon became very close. And they
have remained close since their return. Brandon has often called my son, and they have spent a great deal of
time together. When Brandon arrived at
our home several weeks ago, it was after hitchhiking and walking in the rain
from a town almost 20 miles away. He
said that his mother had left him alone to go to a convention. He was half frozen, soaking wet, and
frightened. At that time, I checked on
his story, and I discovered that it was true. The neighbor Mrs. Simmons claims he was to have been staying with had
never agreed to keep the boy. She said
that she was afraid of him, because when he became angry, he would get
violent. And the neighbor, Mrs. Parker,
assured me that she had made that very clear to his mother. Mrs. Simmons had finally told the woman to
just check on him periodically, and other than that he should be fine. With that, she packed up and left her son, a
10-year-old boy, alone for almost two weeks. By the time he came to us, he was terrified. At that point, at my son's request, I took steps to remove him
from this environment."
Benton took a deep breath and looked directly at Alicia
Simmons. "It took us nearly three days to locate Mrs. Simmons in
Florida. She had left no emergency
phone numbers or addresses with either the neighbor or her son. It took a subpoena and the Dade County
police to locate and notify her of the custody hearing." He looked back at the judge. "And her behavior at that custody hearing
was, in my opinion, reprehensible. But
I won't go into that, Your Honor, since you have said you intend to review
those transcripts. I will say only
this: since Brandon has come to live
with us, he has been happy. He shows no
tendency toward violence, he is doing well in school, and he no longer wakes
screaming in the middle of the night in terror. In this case, I would ask that you look beyond the 'biological'
rights of the mother to the emotional and physical needs of the child. His mother has a history of neglect, and the
boy has found a place where he feels safe and wanted. I am fully prepared to keep Brandon permanently and provide him a
stable home environment. While I will
grant that it is not always the most traditional of lifestyles, it has proved
to be a good environment for both of my sons, as well as my colleague's
daughter. I believe it would be the
same for Brandon." Benton sat down
quietly. Alicia Simmons leaped to her
feet, and with a venomous look at Benton, opened her mouth to speak.
Judge Henson cut her off. "No. I don't want to hear any
more. I said you would have one chance
and you've had it. I'm now going to
recess this hearing for the weekend, and I'll provide a ruling on Monday. I want both of you in this courtroom on
Monday morning at 10:00 a.m. I also
want young Brandon and Jonny Quest here, as well." He made a note on a pad on his desk. Then he looked at Benton. "I may also want to speak to both Brandon and your son, Dr. Quest,
sometime this weekend. I want them
available, if I need to meet with them."
Benton nodded. "They
will be at your disposal."
"Now, wait just a minute . . . " Alicia Simmons
interrupted. Her lawyer grasped her
arm, whispering frantically, but she shrugged him off. "Both of them are minors. That's the reason they were excluded from
this hearing. They shouldn't . . . "
"I am perfectly aware of the reasons they were excluded from
this hearing, Mrs. Simmons. It was my
decision to do so. It will also be my
decision if I choose to talk with them this weekend. That's it. Be here at
10:00 a.m. Monday morning, all of you." He rapped the gavel on his desk sharply. "Next case . . . "
Benton rose and moved determinedly from the courtroom. He was deeply angry at Alicia Simmons. One way or the other, he would see to it
that this . . . this . . . this shrew did not get custody of that boy
again. How could she possibly
treat her son this way? For the first
time he fully appreciated his son's feelings on the matter. Brandon was a good boy who didn't deserve
this kind of treatment. He wouldn't
stand by and . . .
"Dr. Quest!" He spun
angrily in the corridor, and confronted Alicia Simmons. Her face was flushed a dark red and she
looked furious. "You have no right to try to interfere . . . "
"I will not stand by and watch you . . . "
"He's MY son. I
can do anything I please . . . "
"He's NOT a piece of property! You can't . . . "
"I'll see that you never
. . ."
"You don't even . . . "
By this time both of them were screaming, all control
lost. Both lawyers were trying to quiet
them, with little success. Suddenly,
the door burst open and Judge Henson stood in the doorway.
"ENOUGH!" The abrupt
silence was deafening. "Get out of
here, both of you. One more word and
I'll throw both of you in jail for contempt." Alicia Simmons glared at Benton one last time, and then stalked off in
fury.
Benton took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then he looked at the judge and said, "My
apologies, Your Honor. It won't happen
again." He turned, walked out of the
courthouse and headed for home.
***
When Benton arrived home, Jonny and Brandon were nowhere to
be found. While searching for them, he
found a note on the refrigerator. It
said,
"Brandon and I have gone to the
store to get something for dinner. Will
be home soon. Jonny."
Since there was plenty of food in the house, Benton surmised
that both boys had reached their limit for waiting, and decided to do something
to keep themselves busy until he got home. Suddenly, he realized he was exhausted and that his head ached. He went upstairs, took a couple of aspirins,
and then went back downstairs and sat down in the family room. His mind a complete blank, he sat resting
his head against the chair, waiting for his headache to subside. Slowly, his mind began to work again. What was he going to do? Although Alicia Simmons probably blew it in
court again today, it was entirely possible that the court would still force
Brandon back home. How badly would the
boy take it? Benton was seriously
worried. Jonny knew Brandon much better
than he did. He really needed to talk
with his son.
The phone rang shrilly in the deep silence of the house,
cutting through him. He reached out and
answered it lethargically, "Hello?"
"Dr. Quest, is that you?"
"Hadji?"
"Yes, sir. How are
you?"
For some reason, Benton felt better suddenly. "Well, I have to admit, I've had better
days. It certainly is good to hear from
you."
"I understand from Jonny that there have been developments
at home while I have been gone."
Benton chuckled weakly. "I suppose you could say so."
"Forgive me for saying so, Dr. Quest, but perhaps Jonny is
asking too much this time. Taking in another
distressed young boy . . . well, that is asking a great deal. You have raised him, and you took me in . .
. "
Something in his voice made Benton reply, "Hadji, you are my
son, as much as Jonny is. I would never
change that, even if I could. You know
that . . . or at least, I thought you did." There was a long pause, and finally Benton thought he heard a small sigh
over the line.
"Yes, sir. I know
that. And I cannot begin to tell you
how much I appreciate it. You did not
have to do what you did for me. You gave me a home, an education, and loved me
like my own father. I am very lucky and
I want you to know that I know it. I
owe you a great deal"
"The only thing I ask is that you live a life that makes you
happy. If you can do that, I'm repaid. And as far as Brandon is concerned . . ." he
stopped briefly, thinking about the situation. "I can't leave him like this. Jonny cares for that boy, and so do I. Someone needs to care, because his mother certainly doesn't." Benton could hear the bitterness in his
voice, even as he said the words.
"Yes, sir. It just
seems a very large responsibility to ask you to take on again." Benton heard him sigh again. "Is Jonny there?" In the distance, Benton heard the sound of a car door.
"I think he just got home. Hang on, and I'll see if I can find him." Benton rose and went to the front door. Just as he got there, it opened, and Jonny and Brandon came in
loaded with bags. Benton reached out
and took a handful of them saying, "Jonny, Hadji's on the phone for you."
Jonny smiled. "Thanks, Dad. Brandon, can you
help with this while I talk to Hadji?"
Brandon nodded. "Sure. Can I talk with him,
too? I don't even know what he sounds
like."
Jonny reached out and tousled his hair affectionately. "Sure, as soon as I get done. I'll call you."
***
Jonny grabbed the mobile phone from the table and dropped
down into Benton's reading chair. "Hey,
Hadj, what's up? I expected to talk
with you later on IRC."
"I will not be available for IRC, so I wanted to call and
update you."
"What did you find?"
Hadji sighed. "Nothing, my friend. I had no
luck at all. We need more
information. His name is too
common. Were you ever able to get a
social security number or a date of birth?"
"No. There's been no
time. Things have been pretty crazy
here. And none of the courthouse
records are on-line. I have to go to
the Hall of Records and search manually." Jonny paused for a long minute. "There's been some other stuff going on here too."
"What kind of 'stuff'?"
Jonny sighed. "Francesca's back."
"Francesca?!"
"Yeah. She showed up
at school yesterday."
"Jonny, this is not good. What does she want?"
"I don't know. She's
trying to feed me some line about being 'happy' here, and just wanting to live
out the rest of her life normally. I
don't buy it, but I also don't know what she wants. I'm just trying to stay out of her way."
"Does Jessie know?" The stark silence over the phone line told Hadji all he needed to
know. "Jonny, what did you tell her?"
"Nothing. I haven't
talked with her other than via IRC or e-mail since she left."
"Jonny . . . "
"Brandon told her."
"Well, surely you will . . ."
"She's not gonna talk with me, Hadji. It's too late."
"She cares for you. She will listen."
"Not any more. She
hates me. There's nothing more I can
do. Maybe it's for the best,
anyway. She's found a new guy down in
Colombia . . . someone that sounds like he's good enough for her. And Race and Estella like him. I think maybe this is a sign. If I let this go, she'll walk away from me
and get on with her life. I want what's
best for her, and this is probably it."
"You are playing the martyr, my friend. The role does not suit you."
"No, Hadji, not a martyr. This is one of the rare times in my life when I'm trying to be a
realist. She's way too good for me, and
I won't hold her back. I care for her
too much." Jonny sighed heavily and
there was a long silence. "Look, I
should go. This is costing you a
fortune, and Brandon still wants to talk to you. I'll see you Monday, okay?"
"All right. I should
be there by late Monday afternoon. This
discussion isn't finished, my friend. Not by a long way."
***
Benton watched his son head for the family room, wondering
what was up. Considering they had been
corresponding every night over IRC, it struck him as a little strange that
Hadji would make a transcontinental call to talk with him . . . unless Hadji
was worried about something. Jonny's
mood had been really bad . . . maybe Hadji had noticed it, too. It wasn't unusual for Jonny to be able to
talk with Hadji about subjects he couldn't seem to discuss with his father.
Benton sighed to himself and shook his head. When had they reached the point where they couldn't be honest with each
other?
"Is something wrong, Dr. Quest?"
Benton looked at Brandon and smiled sadly. "Just wondering how Jonny grew up so quickly
and that I didn't realize it." Brandon
smiled at him tentatively, his confusion evident. Benton smiled. "Nothing's
wrong, Brandon. I'm just being
silly. Come on, let's put the groceries
away, and you can show me what you got for dinner." The two of them worked in silence for a while.
Finally, Brandon asked, "What happened in court today, Dr.
Quest? Do I have to go back and live
with my mother?" Benton looked at the
boy. He was tense and looked pale.
"I don't know yet, Brandon. The judge heard testimony from both your mother and I today. He's going to think about it over the
weekend, and he will tell us what we have to do on Monday. You and Jonny may have to go talk with him
tomorrow or Sunday. He'll call us if he
wants to see you."
"Dr. Quest, I don't want to go back there. I get so scared when I'm with her. And she hates me anyway. I don't see why she's making such a fuss
about it. She'd be just as happy if I
wasn't around."
"Are you sure about that, Brandon?"
"Yes. She's told me
so. She says I'm just a nuisance and
more trouble than I'm worth. She also
said the only reason she fought to keep me when she and my dad split up was
because she wasn't going to let him have anything he wanted after the divorce."
Benton crossed the room and put his arms around the boy,
holding him close and laying his face against the top of his head. "I'm sorry, Brandon. I don't understand her and I never
will." Benton could feel the boy
crying. "But I want you to know
something." He stepped back gently and,
catching the boy's chin, he forced his head up so he had to look at him. "I don't ever want you to believe that you
are worthless, or a nuisance, or anything else that she may have told you. You're a fine young man . . . intelligent,
sensitive, and sweet. And if there is
any possible way for me to do it, I will keep you here with us
permanently." Brandon shook loose from
his grasp and ducked back into the older man's arms, clinging to him
desperately.
"But you wouldn't want me," he whispered. "Not if you knew what I did."
Benton hugged him. "I knew there was something wrong. Come here." Benton went over and
sat down in a chair at the kitchen table. Putting his arm around the boy's waist, he pulled Brandon against him
and looked at him steadily. "All
right. Now, I want you to tell me
what's happened. Both of you have been
upset for the past several days. Tell
me about it."
Brandon stared at the floor. "I messed up everything between Jessie and Jonny."
Benton sighed. "Brandon, you had nothing to do with the problems between Jessie and
Jonny. They were having trouble even
before you arrived."
"But I tried to help and only made it worse. I knew I should have stayed out of it, but
she was making him so unhappy and I thought . . . " The boy trailed off miserably.
"How was she making him miserable?"
"It's that Ruben guy. He's all she can talk about. He's her new boyfriend and it hurts Jonny so much. But he won't tell her. He just sits there and listens while she
raves about how great he is."
"Has he told you this?"
Brandon shook his head. "Not exactly. I just watch
him. He did tell me he thought he
wasn't good enough for her, once." Benton sighed and shook his head. He really wished Jonny's self confidence would come back. And this certainly wasn't helping
matters. "I thought about telling
Hadji, but I figured it probably wasn't any of my business."
"So what did you do to make things worse?"
"I told Jessie about Jonny's old girlfriend coming back to
school. She really wants to start
seeing him again. I thought that if
Jessie knew that, she would think twice about talking about that Ruben guy so
much."
Benton looked at him, confused. "What old girlfriend? Jonny's only had one girlfriend, and that's Jessie."
"But he said she used to be his girlfriend. At least he said he used to date her."
"Well, what's her name?"
"Francesca."
Benton stared at the boy, shaken. "FRANCESCA?! Brandon, are you sure?" Brandon nodded, his
eyes huge. "Oh, God! What the HELL is she doing
here?" He released Brandon and rubbed
his head with his hand, thinking hard.
Brandon looked worried and then frightened at Benton's response. "I talked with her at school. She seemed really nice. Why? What's wrong? What have I
done?" The older man stared off into
space, a worried frown on his face. Brandon waited a minute and then reached out and tugged at his
shirt. "Dr. Quest, what is it?"
But before Benton could answer, Jonny returned. "Hey, Brandon, your turn. Hadji's waiting for you." Brandon didn't move, looking instead from
one to the other. Jonny put a hand on
his shoulder and gave him a gentle shove in the direction of the family
room. "Go on. That's long distance and its costing Hadji a mint. Don't keep him waiting."
Brandon stumbled from the room, and Jonny stared after him
in concern. Turning to his father he
asked, "What wrong with him?"
"Why didn't you tell me about Francesca?"
Jonny turned away abruptly, his face shuttered. "There's nothing to tell."
Benton rose from his chair and crossed the room to his
son. Laying a hand on his shoulder, he
forced him to turn and face him. "Jonny, that's not good enough. Considering your history with her, I think I need an answer. Now what's going on?"
Jonny turned his head and stared out the kitchen window,
avoiding his father's eyes. He quickly
detailed his reunion with Francesca, and her explanation for her return to
Rockport. Finally, he said, "I don't
trust her. And I don't want Jessie
anywhere near her. That's all there is
to it."
"Is this what you and Jessie have been fighting about?"
Jonny sighed painfully. "No. We were fighting long
before Francesca showed up. She was
just the final nail in the coffin."
"Have you talked with Jessie yet? I mean really talked to her?"
Jonny shook his head. "I never got the chance. And now
she hates me. I doubt she'll ever talk
to me again. I doubt she'll ever come
home again, or that I'll even see her again . . . " Benton could feel his son starting to shake. Jonny turned away from his father sharply,
grasping the kitchen counter and leaning over it with his head bowed, trying to
gain control of himself.
Damn, thought
Benton. How did things get this far out of hand? Benton suddenly heard the phone ring. He turned to see Brandon standing in the doorway, staring at
Jonny, a stricken look on his face. Benton uttered a sound of frustration at the interruption, and crossed
to the phone that sat on a nearby counter. He snatched it up and barked "What!?" He listened for several minutes, and in a calmer voice he said, "All
right. Yes, I understand. I'll have them there. Yes, 9:00 a.m. Of course. Thank you for
calling." He replaced the receiver
gently in the cradle and looked at Jonny and Brandon. "You have to go see Judge Henson tomorrow morning. He wants to talk with both of you about the
issue of Brandon's custody."
Jonny crossed the room to Brandon, who looked up at him with
an expression that Benton couldn't read. But evidently his son could, because Jonny caught the boy in his arms
and held him tightly. For a second Brandon
stood there stiffly, but suddenly he crumbled, clutching at the older boy desperately. Benton could hear the low murmur of his
son's voice, sounding gentle and soothing. Jonny eased his grip and tucked him against his side, guiding him out of
the room. In the distance, Benton could
hear the two of them climbing the stairs. He sat down heavily at the kitchen table and rested his head in his
hands as he realized that his head was aching unbearably once again.
***
Jonny stood at the window in his room, staring out toward
the sea. The room was as dark as his
thoughts. What had he done to cause
everything to be such a mess? Life
didn't used to be this hard. He sighed
and turned away from the window, settling in the reading chair in the corner. Brandon was finally asleep, but getting him
that way hadn't been easy. The boy was
practically beside himself, absolutely certain that everything that had
happened between he and Jessie was his fault. Jonny had tried every way he knew how to reassure him that wasn't the
case, but he simply wasn't accepting it. In desperation, Jonny had finally logged onto IRC, in an attempt to
reach Jessie. But for the first time
since Brandon had come to live in the Quest home, Jessie had not been out on
the channel. He was almost prepared to
try calling her, when his father appeared. Jonny had watched in admiration as his father had calmed the boy,
finally quieting him sufficiently to allow sleep to take him. The two of them had slipped from the room,
closing the door softly behind them.
Jonny would have gone straight to his room, but his father
was not about to allow that. Benton
caught his arm, and led him downstairs to the family room. Jonny dreaded this conversation, even though
he knew it was inevitable. His father
had always believed in giving his sons the opportunity to try and resolve their
own problems. More than once, this tolerance had allowed them to get into
trouble, but they had always learned from it. And both of them had known that when they were ready to talk, he was
there and ready to listen. But Benton
Quest did have a limit. And when that
limit was exceeded, both boys knew that they had to talk and be honest about the problem. Jonny was fairly certain that his father would not be evaded or accept
the put-offs that had worked with Hadji. His father had tried to broach the subject more than once in the last
several days, and had always backed off. Jonny didn't really think he would let it go this time.
Benton sat down in his big reading chair near the windows,
after having placed Jonny on the sofa near him. He looked at the teenager steadily for a long minute before
saying quietly, "All right, son. Let's
have it."
Jonny sat looking at his hands trying to think of what to
say. He suddenly remembered another
time when his father and Race had confronted him, asking for an explanation of
similar behavior. He and Jessie had
been fighting that time, too. Oh, God,
he hurt so badly. He wanted her. It didn't matter that he was sure she was better off with Ruben
Calderone, or that he knew she was safer in South America, well away from
Francesca. He wanted her here, with him, where he could hold her
and kiss her, and just be with her. And
the more certain he was that would never happen again, the more depressed and
miserable he became. He had been
telling himself that it would get better; that all he had to do was know that
she was better off where she was, and just be patient. But he knew it was a lie. He was his father's son. And in the same way his father had never
gotten over the loss of his mother, Jonny knew he would never really recover
from losing Jessie.
Finally, Jonny raised his head and looked at his
father. What could he say? How could he explain?
"I wish I was dead."
"JONATHAN!"
The shock on this father's face finally penetrated his
misery. He shook his head and lowered
it into his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I don't even know what I'm saying any more."
Benton rose and moved to sit beside his son. He put his arm around his shoulders and
hugged him tightly. "Jonny, what has happened? This isn't like you at all. Talk to me, son. Tell me what's got you so upset. I only know bits and pieces. We
need to confront the problem and deal with it. All of this is affecting
Brandon. You accepted a large
responsibility when you committed to care for him. That changes all of the rules. It means you can't allow your personal problems to interfere with his
well-being. And that's what's
happening. Tell me what's going on, and
let's see if we can't find a way to work through this."
Jonny sat silent for so long that Benton thought he wasn't
going to answer. But finally he said,
"I never knew that caring for someone could hurt so much." Benton said nothing, afraid that if he did,
his son would turn silent again. But
when Jonny finally spoke again, the apparent change in subject confused his
father. "I've always kind of coasted
along, you know. I liked to have
fun. I never worked as hard at school
as I could have. And I've never seemed
to be able to stay interested in any one thing for very long. I always seem to forget important
stuff. Jessie used to call me stupid,
and I think she was probably right."
"Jonny, that's not true."
"No, it is true. I'm
always disappointing people . . . Jessie, Hadji, Race, you . . . "
"Jonathan Quest, you have never disappointed me in your
entire life. I have always been proud
of you. You're bright and personable,
and have been the high point in my life. Whatever gave you the idea that you've disappointed any of us?"
"I'm always getting into trouble or doing something dumb
that gets other people into trouble. You know, Jessie never would have been hurt if I hadn't been so stupid
about Francesca. Everything that
happened to her was my fault."
Suddenly, Benton got the feeling they were finally starting
to get near the source of the problem. Gently, he said, "Jonny, why did
you tell Brandon you weren't good enough for Jessie?"
The silence stretched out painfully as Benton waited for the
response. Finally, in a whisper, Jonny
responded, "Because I'm not. She's just
so special. And I don't . . . She's the most beautiful girl I've ever
known. Even more than Mom . . . and I
remember how beautiful Mom was. And
it's more than just the way she looks. Jessie . . . well, she's . . . I don't know . . . I can't explain
it. She's so smart. And fun. And . . . and . . . "
Suddenly, Benton smiled at his son in genuine
amusement. Catching his chin in one
hand, Benton forced his head up so he had to look at him. "You really do have it badly, don't
you?" Benton shook his head wryly. "Jonny, do you suppose I felt any
differently about your mother? I was
the egghead scientist in the ivory tower. I was never any good with women. They terrified me. The first
time Rachel looked at me, I practically turned to stone. And for months, I couldn't even talk to
her. I became so tongue-tied, I did
nothing but make an utter fool of myself. And believe me, I was absolutely certain that I wasn't good enough for
her. But she finally taught me an
important lesson . . . that I had no right to decide what was good for her and
what wasn't. That choice belonged to
her. My only obligation was to be honest. I had to tell her how I felt, and I had to be willing to
communicate with her. And once I did
that, and we talked -- honestly talked -- things were much better. Even if Jessie were to tell you that you
were a jerk, and that you should get lost -- which I greatly doubt will happen
-- at least you have been open with her. That's what's important."
Benton looked at his son for a long time. Finally he said, "Let me ask you this. How do you feel about her . . .
honestly."
"I love her more than anything in the world," he said
simply.
Benton released his son and sat back abruptly. He had known this was coming, but the response
still shocked him. Slowly, he said,
"Jonny, I'm not doubting your word. But
you are only 17 years old. You are
still very young and . . . "
"Dad, I know what you're going to say. And I understand. But the truth is that I may be 17 years old physically, but in a
lot of ways Jessie, Hadji, and I are a lot older than our years. We've spent all our lives with adults. We've been treated like adults in a lot of
ways. And you give us more
responsibility and trust us with more than any three of our friends put
together." He hesitated
fractionally. "And there are things I
think about . . . that I want . . . feel
. . . " He suddenly flushed a bright
pink and studied his hands closely.
Benton was confused for only an instant. Then he realized what his son was trying to
say, and he tensed fractionally. "Jonny, how far has your relationship with Jessie gone?"
Jonny reassured him quickly, "It's okay. We have more sense than that. We're not in any hurry. But I have to admit . . . " He trailed off again in embarrassment.
" . . . that you want to." Benton finished the sentence.
"Yes. I dream about
what it would be like. And then I wake
up and she's not there . . . and . . . "
Benton sighed. "You
have yourself so tied up in knots it's amazing you can even move."
"It's easier when she's here. My imagination doesn't have to . . . well . . . I don't . . .
" Jonny sighed in frustration. "You know."
"Yes, I know. But
you need to be very careful, son. Feelings that strong are capable of sweeping you away when you least
expect it. It can be very
dangerous." Benton looked at him
closely for a minute. "Have you ever
talked to anyone about this?"
"I've talked with Hadji a little, but it's so hard. He just doesn't seem to know what it's like
. . . he's so calm and placid all the time. I don't think he's ever really . . . " he seemed to fumble for the right
word " . . . wanted . . . any girl that
way . . . even Elise. I feel stupid
trying to explain how I feel to him. And I can't tell her how I
feel."
"Why not? She's the
one you should be telling."
"The right words just don't seem to come when we're alone
together. Every time we've ever been in
trouble or she's been lost or hurt, I've promised myself that if we got out of
it, I would tell her how I feel. But
when the time comes, I can't seem to do it because I'm afraid that she won't
feel the same way, or that she'll be afraid and run away. And if I say the wrong thing and she doesn't
feel the same way, I'm afraid I'll destroy our friendship, too. Then I will have lost her completely. Anything's better than nothing."
"No, Jonny, it's not. Accepting second best because you're afraid, only means you'll continue
to feel just like you do now. And
you're so distracted and upset now, I can't even begin to imagine what life
will be like around here if this keeps up. You have to have some faith in her. I really don't believe that she thinks so little of you that she won't
listen. I'm guessing she wants to hear
the things you have to say as badly as you want to say them. You HAVE
to do this. For your own happiness and
peace of mind." He looked at his son
seriously. "And son, I don't know where
you ever
got the idea that you weren't good enough for her. Because it's NOT
true. I suspect, of all the things
you've done or said, that's the one thing she would really flay you for, if she knew about it. She has never taken criticism of you
well. She can say what she likes, but she doesn't tolerate it from others
. . . even me. Talk to her." He grinned at his son suddenly. "I'll even pay for the phone call."
***
Jonny stared sightlessly into the dark, thinking. He wanted so desperately to believe all that
his father had said to him. And he knew
that he had been right about one thing, for sure. He really did need to talk to her. All else aside, he couldn't leave the thing with Francesca
hanging. He had to make sure she understood
that he wasn't, and never would have, anything to do with Francesca ever
again. How could he? She had tried to hurt Jessie. He could never forgive her for that. I
should have killed her when I had the chance, he brooded darkly. Some part of him was surprised at the
vindictiveness of that thought. He had
always hated guns and violence of that sort. It wasn't until he thought Jessie had died that he discovered that dark,
hidden part of his soul that was capable of killing another human being in cold
blood. It was a part of him that he
hadn't even known existed until that night in Cairo. But he also knew it was still there, and always would be.
Well, when was he going to call Jessie? It needed to be soon, before he talked
himself out of doing it again. He
sighed, glancing at the clock . . . 6:32. In the morning? He sat up and
looked out his window. On the eastern
horizon the first signs of daylight were starting to show. Jeez, he'd sat here all night long thinking
about this! And in less than three
hours he had to face a judge and try and convince him that Brandon had no
business being returned to his mother. Man, how stupid could a person
get?! Calling Jessie would have to wait
until after he got done with the judge. He stood up and wondered if there was
any Jolt cola in the house. He had the
feeling he was going to need the caffeine.