Disclaimer: the usual...no own sailor moon (or
quartz, for that matter, and the 'X200 Deluxe'
if it actually exists. Otherwise, it's a
concoction from my mind). Naoko Takeuchi does.
Fate's Will
Chapter 9: Blissful Solitude
A thin-fingered hand rested upon a black,
lacquered knob, turning the mechanism. Mizuno
Ami was sitting on the roof of her condominium
complex, attempting to get an accurate reading
on an incoming shooting star for an astrology
project—due in seven months... Her teacher had
outlined every major project within the year
and Ami made the most of that knowledge by
finishing everything beforehand, with or
without the specific guidelines. However, she
couldn't seem to get accurate readings on this
blasted shooting star.
Frustrated, she pulled off her glasses
tiredly. It was late, she noticed, glancing at
her quartz wrist watch. Perhaps she should go
to bed while she still had the chance. Her
mind wouldn't let this dilemma at hand rest
easy. Soon, another knowledge quest would hit
her and she'd be up for the entire night. She
batted at her super magnifying 'X200 Deluxe'
telescope, throwing her presets off track.
However, just as a fetish of sorts, Ami was
compelled to look where her batting had sent
her telescope. Her forehead suddenly creased
in deep thought, as her hands fiddled with the
knobs to magnify the view as much as she could.
She peered in the glasses as her mouth
parted in a gasp.
"Oh my..." She murmured to no one in
particular, before returning the telescope to
it's protective case.
Not long after, Ami could be spotted
running down the streets in her casual sweats,
with only the observatory in sight.
***
So, there's a 0.0002 degree difference...
Ami slumped in one of the many different
plastic seats set aside for students like her.
A normal establishment wouldn't be open during
this insane hour, however, observatories were
for night owls, such as herself.
She'd already taken several readings
required for her calculations, however, they
always came 0.0002 degrees off. For many, that
amount would be more than adequate; the
calculated percent error would be a trace
amount. However, to Ami, that trace amount was
just as important to her findings. Besides,
that little voice that piped endlessly about
accuracy wouldn't let this trace amount. Even
the number itself, written in careful, neat,
scripting, seemed to stand out, waving a giant
red flag at her reading, "MISTAKE!"
"Why is this always coming out with an
increment of 0.0002 degrees?" She mused in the
half-empty room. With an un-Ami-like fashion,
she dropped her books on the desk, creating a
loud thump to resonate in the chamber.
She was so frustrated that she didn't
notice the soft padding approaching her from
behind.
She gasped softly as a gruff hand rested
on her shoulder.
"So, you notice it too?" A raspy voice
of old age remarked thoughtfully. Ami turned
to see an old man, about her height, smile
kindly down at her.
He glanced down at her findings. "I
can't, for the life of me, find out what's
wrong with this star...Don't worry, if you've
made a mistake, I'm in it with you," the
elderly professor commented wryly. Ami could
only nod mutely.
"Although, since it's got this strange
green light around it, it can add to the list
of oddities about this star," he smiled,
assuring Ami that all her logic had stayed
right where she left it.
"Green?" She asked quizzically. "Why is
it green? I don't see it as green?" She
looked doubtfully at the professor.
"Eh? You don't?" The professor crinkled
his nose in a strange fashion. His bushy
eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement. "Are you
sure? It's pretty plain to me..."
Ami shook her head in response.
"And oddity indeed..."
***
Mamoru trudged around the park aimlessly.
"It isn't right, it doesn't make any
sense!" He muttered fiercely to himself,
shaking his head discordantly. Why? Why was
he having these strange feelings? He was
deathly worried about Usagi...Why? He couldn't
tell...He tried to ignore that sinking feeling
in his gut, but every single blasted thing
reminded him of her! From the tall, graceful
trees that seemed to stretch themselves further
for the sun's life-giving rays, to the little
child that scampered off to its parents. Every
tiny detail, every plant, every living being,
reminded him of her joyful, life-giving
personality.
He looked down, careful not to step on a
wildflower. The tiny blossom was white...pure,
in nature...so much like Usagi, he mused, then
mentally walked himself into a pole. He
glowered at the flower, "Hope you're happy," he
muttered under his breath toward the flower.
"You remind me of her..." The flower tilted
it's soft petals in the wind, as if replying.
Mamoru groaned. He was too busy wallowing in
his pessimism to see the form approach from
behind.
"Mamoru?" Two, rich, mahogany eyes
peered at his bent form quizzically. Ryoko
placed a hand on her prince's shoulder,
attempting to retrieve him from his intense
staring competition with what seemed like the
ground. "Something wrong?" Her sweet voice
inquired, dragging Mamoru from his reverie.
Mamoru blinked, as if just realizing how absurd
his train of thoughts were. He hastily pasted
on a fake smile.
"No, no, nothing's wrong," he muttered,
shaking his head at the same time.
Ryoko quirked up and eyebrow,
disbelieving. "Are you sure?" She prompted
once again.
Mamoru shook his head once again to
reassure her, "No, nothing's wrong." He smiled
genuinely; the same handsome smile that could
melt away any girl's doubts. He couldn't tell
her, he concluded. He'd found his angel...Why
in the world would he disentangle from her
saving grasp for the touch of another? No,
Mamoru mused, he was the loyal type. The
thought of having two people in his heart,
quite frankly, disgusted him.
He turned to Ryoko, taking in her
graceful form and flawless features once more.
Gently, he raised his fingers to brush against
the side of her face ever so softly.
So beautiful...He mentally murmured to
himself. Images of her staring into a
sparkling lake, taking a lost child in her
arms, and giving him her undivided attention
when he needed it most, flitted past his
willing mind.
Suddenly, another picture faded into
view. The figure was a blond as well. Her
immaculate face stared at him innocently. Her
sparkling eyes examined him critically, and
pointed an accusatory finger at his chest, or
to be specific, his jacket. Mamoru barely
noticed the change in scenery, but all the
same, his mind didn't seem to mind in the
least. *That* was the fact that boggled his
logical mind most.
"...Usagi..." He whispered, unaware that
he had mouthed the forbidden name. He shut his
mouth abruptly in apprehension. Ryoko didn't
hear that, did she? He thought worriedly, then
proceeded to reprimand himself for the silly
thought. Why would she care? She knows I love
her?
Love...something he wasn't so sure of
these days.
Ryoko touched his chin, turning his gaze
in her direction. She blinked quizzically into
his eyes, betraying all the feelings within;
her love for him, her concern, her suspicion,
and most importantly, her slight pain in
hearing a woman's name, other than hers, upon
her lover's lips.
"Mamoru," she said firmly, snapping him
from his dreams. "Who's Usagi?" She looked
squarely at him, picking up any false words
that his eyes would deny. He didn't answer,
but only blinked at her in surprise, mouth
slightly open. He remembered to mentally kick
himself for thinking of another woman while he
was involved.
He gave her a boyish grin. "Usagi? Oh,
*her*!" He announced awkwardly, as if talking
about any other old girl he'd seen on the
street. The problem was, even though his lips
conveyed his thoughts in that manner, his soul
clamored within its gilded cage, screaming,
"NO!"
"Actually, Usagi's been in an accident,"
he nodded gravely, letting a hint of worry
penetrate into his voice. His attitude had
changed rapidly from surprise to genuine
concern.
"In trouble? Is she all right?" Ryoko
queried, concerned. "What happened to her?"
She prompted quickly. She grabbed hold of
Mamoru's left sleeve, tugging at him to reply.
He blanched. "Err...nothing much."
Nothing much? The suspicious, sinking
feeling settled itself on Ryoko. It was silly!
Why would she ever question her prince? What
reason did she have to doubt him?
The answer hit her full-force in the
face: Usagi. Who was she?
"But why would you be so worried about
her if it wasn't much?" She cocked her head to
the side, a questioning look settling on her
face. Damn...Ryoko could never take a "no" for
an answer...
"Umm..." Mamoru sputtered, looking
around frantically for an excuse. It wasn't
like him to be this ruffled—then again, it
wasn't like him to be thinking of two women at
the same time when he only had room for one.
Only had room for one...Usagi-chan...
He perished the thought from his mind,
although it was stubborn—just like him, he
noted sourly.
"She got into a car accident!" He
managed to say, pasting another smile on his
face. Frankly, he was getting rather tired of
this charade, and his facial muscles were
starting to ache a little. "Yes, she's at the
hospital."
"Hospital?" Inquired Ryoko. She smiled
childishly. "We could go visit her!" She
pronounced jubilantly, grasping Mamoru's arm
and dragging him toward the bus terminal.
"Perhaps I should have a good long talk with
this 'Usagi'," she added slyly, getting out of
her way to sound like she didn't intend any
harm.
Mamoru, looking too helpless for his own
good, interjected, "NO!" He stood dead in his
tracks, frozen on the very spot. He didn't
realize the playful lilt Ryoko had in her
voice. She shot him a disappointed look.
"I thought so..." She nodded gravely.
"She isn't in the hospital, is she?" She
asked, as if stating a fact. However, she
still sought out his answer, whatever it may
have been.
Mamoru could only shake his head in
response. She didn't deserve to be lied to.
No one deserved to be lied to...
She glanced at him disappointedly, "She
didn't get in an accident, did she?"
He shook his head again, slowly. He
couldn't deny the fact, and he couldn't lie to
her anymore. The day of the accident had left
a vacant spot in his heart. It was as if
something had torn a sizable chunk out of his
soul, and from its original home. He absently
clutched at his chest, nursing the gaping hole
that was left behind.
Then, came the silence. It was the
deadly silence that could cut the world in two;
the same silence he'd heard this morning, when
he didn't collide into Usagi on his daily
morning trek. Honestly, it hurt a great deal.
Moments seem to flit by in reality's
world. However, Mamoru felt the heavy burden
guilt settle upon him, stretching those mere
minutes to feel like hour upon hour had passed.
Ryoko didn't speak, and neither did he.
Through the uncomfortable silence, Mamoru
spotted a droplet of moisture slip down the
silk of her cheek. It glided down the cheek,
finally landing on the cement ground beneath
them.
She was suspicious, and for a good reason
too. They had never been in a fight, since one
would always yield to the other and vice versa,
just to avoid unnecessary tension. Although,
there was one thing that Mamoru realized; he
and Ryoko never really communicated. They
never really shared each other's thoughts.
Perhaps if they had resorted to debating issues
out instead of resulting to an outburst such as
their current predicament. Perhaps, there
would still be a miniscule of a chance left.
"Do you care for her?" She whispered
quietly, as another tear plunged to the ground.
Her unswerving gaze fixed upon his once more,
like it always had. However, the atmosphere
that surrounded them was far different from
before.
He couldn't lie to her. Dropping his
head, he nodded gloomily. He heard her stifle
a sob.
"No wonder why you keep staring into
space these days," she murmured, as if
understanding the events that had just passed.
"Even your kisses seemed colder."
Dear Lord, had he been *that* wrapped up
with Usagi's abduction?
Every single time he'd kiss her, he'd put
forth all his tenderness to that kiss. But
when he closed his eyes, all was lost. He was
consumed with visions of a girl with pink
ribbons swirling about her, then, there would
be nothing. He'd feel the emotional pain from
that part of his soul that was snatched cruelly
from him. It was like the emptiness he had
encountered during the last dream before it
took it's vow of silence...
His eyes widened substantially as
realization hit him at full force in the face.
Dear Lord...he was in love with the girl...
He ran to Ryoko, hands clasped around
hers, eyes pleading. "Forgive me, will you?"
He fumbled around with the words, not quite
sure what to say in this predicament. He
didn't want another gaping hole in his heart.
He wouldn't let it happen again...
She turned her head to their conjoined
hands, not bothering to reassure him by
grasping back. After all, if she did, it would
make this all the more painful to her.
"You don't love me anymore," she said
softly, "You never really were mine, were you?"
She shot up at him, her glimmering eyes
betraying the hurt within.
Mamoru shook his head reluctantly,
grasping her limp hands firmly. "No, don't
leave me...please...I don't want to be alone."
He stated plainly, face placid, void of any
emotion. Alone...he was terrified of being
alone. After all, after everything he had
done, even the woman of his dreams rejected
him. He would forever be alone, alone in the
vast, bleak world.
She shook her head, smiling wryly. "I
was never in your heart to begin with. You
never let me through in the first place," she
murmured gently, facial features as delicate as
a porcelain doll trapped in it's glass casing.
However, they were probably the most truthful
words that exchanged between them during this
meeting. "You were always alone, Mamoru," she
replied, addressing him by his given name. She
rarely did so, and the fact that she did scared
him into silence.
"You love her," she disentangled her
hands from his. "Go to her..." Her eyes fell
to the blurry ground beneath her. "I won't
stand in the way of true love."
Wiping her eyes in an attempt to regain
her calm composure, she swiveled and stalked
off, lifting one foot in front of the other
with great difficulty. But Ryoko was a strong
spirit, she knew she did the right thing. Her
heart spoke through her lips, conveying the
truth to Mamoru. Hopefully, he'd know and
accept the truth as she saw it.
Mamoru sank to the ground, next to a
tree. He rested his chin on his bent knees,
his arms holding his legs as close as possible
to his still-hurting chest. Rocking slightly,
he blinked back unshed tears. Slowly, the
truth seeped into him. She left him. Three
simple words that meant the world to him at
that particular reference in time. The birds
continued to chirp around him, the wind
continued to tickle the flowers, and the
distant sound of children laughing echoed
throughout the vast park. However, he heard
none of it. He was alone again, trapped in his
prison of solitude.
***
The scent of her perspiration mingled
with that of the burning cinders. However, the
natural pungent fragrance of the smoke was
familiar to her, hence, it didn't affect her in
the least. Her eyes didn't water in the
intense heat, for they were closed in deep
meditation.
The heat was near unbearable, washing
over her wave over scorching wave. She was
used to it by now. Every other thought was
locked from her mind, secured with her mind's
discipline. She only felt the searing heat;
and searched about it for guidance.
The Hikawa shrine robes felt oddly heavy,
however, Rei was quite used to it by now, being
an accomplished priestess. She felt warm as
she chanted the incantations. She focused her
mind on the fire, flickering dangerously close
to her, but refraining from singeing her robes.
Hopefully, meditation would bring her the peace
of mind that she craved.
She hated how she couldn't do anything
about Usagi's condition. Betrayal washed
through her, as she fought desperately to keep
irrational thoughts back.
She was not a selfish figure, even if she
occasionally seemed like one. Her stormy
friendship with Usagi was an oath that she held
close to her heart. In not being able to help
a close friend, she realized that she'd
betrayed not only Usagi, but herself also.
She continued her steady prayers,
clearing her mind of the disturbing thoughts
and worries that darted in her alert mind.
Her mind leaned toward the fire, feeling
more of the pure heat waves that washed over
her. She was here to find peace of mind, not
useless anxieties. What good would a clouded
mind be to Usagi? She scolded herself,
disciplining herself.
Peace of mind...
The ceremonial fire, however, did not
grant her wish of peace of mind. It offered
the young priestess a far better option than
that.
Her eyes shot open, watering slightly in
the stray swirls of smoke that did not escape
through the vents. Even though her body was
ablaze with the heat of the fire, her hands
became cold, frozen in the stance that they
were in.
Quietly, parched lips whispered, barely
heard amidst the crackle of the fire.
"I know where she is..." Rei darted out
into the cooling atmosphere of the night.
***
Boring chapter, I know. Plot mover, I guess.
::shrugs::
Comments, Questions, Flames? Direct them to:
tokiya_ensui@yahoo.com
URL: http://www.geocities.com/mizuno_kagami
err...some broken links...I'll get around to
them, *sometime*. ^^;;
mizu-chan
Feb. 11/01
quartz, for that matter, and the 'X200 Deluxe'
if it actually exists. Otherwise, it's a
concoction from my mind). Naoko Takeuchi does.
Fate's Will
Chapter 9: Blissful Solitude
A thin-fingered hand rested upon a black,
lacquered knob, turning the mechanism. Mizuno
Ami was sitting on the roof of her condominium
complex, attempting to get an accurate reading
on an incoming shooting star for an astrology
project—due in seven months... Her teacher had
outlined every major project within the year
and Ami made the most of that knowledge by
finishing everything beforehand, with or
without the specific guidelines. However, she
couldn't seem to get accurate readings on this
blasted shooting star.
Frustrated, she pulled off her glasses
tiredly. It was late, she noticed, glancing at
her quartz wrist watch. Perhaps she should go
to bed while she still had the chance. Her
mind wouldn't let this dilemma at hand rest
easy. Soon, another knowledge quest would hit
her and she'd be up for the entire night. She
batted at her super magnifying 'X200 Deluxe'
telescope, throwing her presets off track.
However, just as a fetish of sorts, Ami was
compelled to look where her batting had sent
her telescope. Her forehead suddenly creased
in deep thought, as her hands fiddled with the
knobs to magnify the view as much as she could.
She peered in the glasses as her mouth
parted in a gasp.
"Oh my..." She murmured to no one in
particular, before returning the telescope to
it's protective case.
Not long after, Ami could be spotted
running down the streets in her casual sweats,
with only the observatory in sight.
***
So, there's a 0.0002 degree difference...
Ami slumped in one of the many different
plastic seats set aside for students like her.
A normal establishment wouldn't be open during
this insane hour, however, observatories were
for night owls, such as herself.
She'd already taken several readings
required for her calculations, however, they
always came 0.0002 degrees off. For many, that
amount would be more than adequate; the
calculated percent error would be a trace
amount. However, to Ami, that trace amount was
just as important to her findings. Besides,
that little voice that piped endlessly about
accuracy wouldn't let this trace amount. Even
the number itself, written in careful, neat,
scripting, seemed to stand out, waving a giant
red flag at her reading, "MISTAKE!"
"Why is this always coming out with an
increment of 0.0002 degrees?" She mused in the
half-empty room. With an un-Ami-like fashion,
she dropped her books on the desk, creating a
loud thump to resonate in the chamber.
She was so frustrated that she didn't
notice the soft padding approaching her from
behind.
She gasped softly as a gruff hand rested
on her shoulder.
"So, you notice it too?" A raspy voice
of old age remarked thoughtfully. Ami turned
to see an old man, about her height, smile
kindly down at her.
He glanced down at her findings. "I
can't, for the life of me, find out what's
wrong with this star...Don't worry, if you've
made a mistake, I'm in it with you," the
elderly professor commented wryly. Ami could
only nod mutely.
"Although, since it's got this strange
green light around it, it can add to the list
of oddities about this star," he smiled,
assuring Ami that all her logic had stayed
right where she left it.
"Green?" She asked quizzically. "Why is
it green? I don't see it as green?" She
looked doubtfully at the professor.
"Eh? You don't?" The professor crinkled
his nose in a strange fashion. His bushy
eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement. "Are you
sure? It's pretty plain to me..."
Ami shook her head in response.
"And oddity indeed..."
***
Mamoru trudged around the park aimlessly.
"It isn't right, it doesn't make any
sense!" He muttered fiercely to himself,
shaking his head discordantly. Why? Why was
he having these strange feelings? He was
deathly worried about Usagi...Why? He couldn't
tell...He tried to ignore that sinking feeling
in his gut, but every single blasted thing
reminded him of her! From the tall, graceful
trees that seemed to stretch themselves further
for the sun's life-giving rays, to the little
child that scampered off to its parents. Every
tiny detail, every plant, every living being,
reminded him of her joyful, life-giving
personality.
He looked down, careful not to step on a
wildflower. The tiny blossom was white...pure,
in nature...so much like Usagi, he mused, then
mentally walked himself into a pole. He
glowered at the flower, "Hope you're happy," he
muttered under his breath toward the flower.
"You remind me of her..." The flower tilted
it's soft petals in the wind, as if replying.
Mamoru groaned. He was too busy wallowing in
his pessimism to see the form approach from
behind.
"Mamoru?" Two, rich, mahogany eyes
peered at his bent form quizzically. Ryoko
placed a hand on her prince's shoulder,
attempting to retrieve him from his intense
staring competition with what seemed like the
ground. "Something wrong?" Her sweet voice
inquired, dragging Mamoru from his reverie.
Mamoru blinked, as if just realizing how absurd
his train of thoughts were. He hastily pasted
on a fake smile.
"No, no, nothing's wrong," he muttered,
shaking his head at the same time.
Ryoko quirked up and eyebrow,
disbelieving. "Are you sure?" She prompted
once again.
Mamoru shook his head once again to
reassure her, "No, nothing's wrong." He smiled
genuinely; the same handsome smile that could
melt away any girl's doubts. He couldn't tell
her, he concluded. He'd found his angel...Why
in the world would he disentangle from her
saving grasp for the touch of another? No,
Mamoru mused, he was the loyal type. The
thought of having two people in his heart,
quite frankly, disgusted him.
He turned to Ryoko, taking in her
graceful form and flawless features once more.
Gently, he raised his fingers to brush against
the side of her face ever so softly.
So beautiful...He mentally murmured to
himself. Images of her staring into a
sparkling lake, taking a lost child in her
arms, and giving him her undivided attention
when he needed it most, flitted past his
willing mind.
Suddenly, another picture faded into
view. The figure was a blond as well. Her
immaculate face stared at him innocently. Her
sparkling eyes examined him critically, and
pointed an accusatory finger at his chest, or
to be specific, his jacket. Mamoru barely
noticed the change in scenery, but all the
same, his mind didn't seem to mind in the
least. *That* was the fact that boggled his
logical mind most.
"...Usagi..." He whispered, unaware that
he had mouthed the forbidden name. He shut his
mouth abruptly in apprehension. Ryoko didn't
hear that, did she? He thought worriedly, then
proceeded to reprimand himself for the silly
thought. Why would she care? She knows I love
her?
Love...something he wasn't so sure of
these days.
Ryoko touched his chin, turning his gaze
in her direction. She blinked quizzically into
his eyes, betraying all the feelings within;
her love for him, her concern, her suspicion,
and most importantly, her slight pain in
hearing a woman's name, other than hers, upon
her lover's lips.
"Mamoru," she said firmly, snapping him
from his dreams. "Who's Usagi?" She looked
squarely at him, picking up any false words
that his eyes would deny. He didn't answer,
but only blinked at her in surprise, mouth
slightly open. He remembered to mentally kick
himself for thinking of another woman while he
was involved.
He gave her a boyish grin. "Usagi? Oh,
*her*!" He announced awkwardly, as if talking
about any other old girl he'd seen on the
street. The problem was, even though his lips
conveyed his thoughts in that manner, his soul
clamored within its gilded cage, screaming,
"NO!"
"Actually, Usagi's been in an accident,"
he nodded gravely, letting a hint of worry
penetrate into his voice. His attitude had
changed rapidly from surprise to genuine
concern.
"In trouble? Is she all right?" Ryoko
queried, concerned. "What happened to her?"
She prompted quickly. She grabbed hold of
Mamoru's left sleeve, tugging at him to reply.
He blanched. "Err...nothing much."
Nothing much? The suspicious, sinking
feeling settled itself on Ryoko. It was silly!
Why would she ever question her prince? What
reason did she have to doubt him?
The answer hit her full-force in the
face: Usagi. Who was she?
"But why would you be so worried about
her if it wasn't much?" She cocked her head to
the side, a questioning look settling on her
face. Damn...Ryoko could never take a "no" for
an answer...
"Umm..." Mamoru sputtered, looking
around frantically for an excuse. It wasn't
like him to be this ruffled—then again, it
wasn't like him to be thinking of two women at
the same time when he only had room for one.
Only had room for one...Usagi-chan...
He perished the thought from his mind,
although it was stubborn—just like him, he
noted sourly.
"She got into a car accident!" He
managed to say, pasting another smile on his
face. Frankly, he was getting rather tired of
this charade, and his facial muscles were
starting to ache a little. "Yes, she's at the
hospital."
"Hospital?" Inquired Ryoko. She smiled
childishly. "We could go visit her!" She
pronounced jubilantly, grasping Mamoru's arm
and dragging him toward the bus terminal.
"Perhaps I should have a good long talk with
this 'Usagi'," she added slyly, getting out of
her way to sound like she didn't intend any
harm.
Mamoru, looking too helpless for his own
good, interjected, "NO!" He stood dead in his
tracks, frozen on the very spot. He didn't
realize the playful lilt Ryoko had in her
voice. She shot him a disappointed look.
"I thought so..." She nodded gravely.
"She isn't in the hospital, is she?" She
asked, as if stating a fact. However, she
still sought out his answer, whatever it may
have been.
Mamoru could only shake his head in
response. She didn't deserve to be lied to.
No one deserved to be lied to...
She glanced at him disappointedly, "She
didn't get in an accident, did she?"
He shook his head again, slowly. He
couldn't deny the fact, and he couldn't lie to
her anymore. The day of the accident had left
a vacant spot in his heart. It was as if
something had torn a sizable chunk out of his
soul, and from its original home. He absently
clutched at his chest, nursing the gaping hole
that was left behind.
Then, came the silence. It was the
deadly silence that could cut the world in two;
the same silence he'd heard this morning, when
he didn't collide into Usagi on his daily
morning trek. Honestly, it hurt a great deal.
Moments seem to flit by in reality's
world. However, Mamoru felt the heavy burden
guilt settle upon him, stretching those mere
minutes to feel like hour upon hour had passed.
Ryoko didn't speak, and neither did he.
Through the uncomfortable silence, Mamoru
spotted a droplet of moisture slip down the
silk of her cheek. It glided down the cheek,
finally landing on the cement ground beneath
them.
She was suspicious, and for a good reason
too. They had never been in a fight, since one
would always yield to the other and vice versa,
just to avoid unnecessary tension. Although,
there was one thing that Mamoru realized; he
and Ryoko never really communicated. They
never really shared each other's thoughts.
Perhaps if they had resorted to debating issues
out instead of resulting to an outburst such as
their current predicament. Perhaps, there
would still be a miniscule of a chance left.
"Do you care for her?" She whispered
quietly, as another tear plunged to the ground.
Her unswerving gaze fixed upon his once more,
like it always had. However, the atmosphere
that surrounded them was far different from
before.
He couldn't lie to her. Dropping his
head, he nodded gloomily. He heard her stifle
a sob.
"No wonder why you keep staring into
space these days," she murmured, as if
understanding the events that had just passed.
"Even your kisses seemed colder."
Dear Lord, had he been *that* wrapped up
with Usagi's abduction?
Every single time he'd kiss her, he'd put
forth all his tenderness to that kiss. But
when he closed his eyes, all was lost. He was
consumed with visions of a girl with pink
ribbons swirling about her, then, there would
be nothing. He'd feel the emotional pain from
that part of his soul that was snatched cruelly
from him. It was like the emptiness he had
encountered during the last dream before it
took it's vow of silence...
His eyes widened substantially as
realization hit him at full force in the face.
Dear Lord...he was in love with the girl...
He ran to Ryoko, hands clasped around
hers, eyes pleading. "Forgive me, will you?"
He fumbled around with the words, not quite
sure what to say in this predicament. He
didn't want another gaping hole in his heart.
He wouldn't let it happen again...
She turned her head to their conjoined
hands, not bothering to reassure him by
grasping back. After all, if she did, it would
make this all the more painful to her.
"You don't love me anymore," she said
softly, "You never really were mine, were you?"
She shot up at him, her glimmering eyes
betraying the hurt within.
Mamoru shook his head reluctantly,
grasping her limp hands firmly. "No, don't
leave me...please...I don't want to be alone."
He stated plainly, face placid, void of any
emotion. Alone...he was terrified of being
alone. After all, after everything he had
done, even the woman of his dreams rejected
him. He would forever be alone, alone in the
vast, bleak world.
She shook her head, smiling wryly. "I
was never in your heart to begin with. You
never let me through in the first place," she
murmured gently, facial features as delicate as
a porcelain doll trapped in it's glass casing.
However, they were probably the most truthful
words that exchanged between them during this
meeting. "You were always alone, Mamoru," she
replied, addressing him by his given name. She
rarely did so, and the fact that she did scared
him into silence.
"You love her," she disentangled her
hands from his. "Go to her..." Her eyes fell
to the blurry ground beneath her. "I won't
stand in the way of true love."
Wiping her eyes in an attempt to regain
her calm composure, she swiveled and stalked
off, lifting one foot in front of the other
with great difficulty. But Ryoko was a strong
spirit, she knew she did the right thing. Her
heart spoke through her lips, conveying the
truth to Mamoru. Hopefully, he'd know and
accept the truth as she saw it.
Mamoru sank to the ground, next to a
tree. He rested his chin on his bent knees,
his arms holding his legs as close as possible
to his still-hurting chest. Rocking slightly,
he blinked back unshed tears. Slowly, the
truth seeped into him. She left him. Three
simple words that meant the world to him at
that particular reference in time. The birds
continued to chirp around him, the wind
continued to tickle the flowers, and the
distant sound of children laughing echoed
throughout the vast park. However, he heard
none of it. He was alone again, trapped in his
prison of solitude.
***
The scent of her perspiration mingled
with that of the burning cinders. However, the
natural pungent fragrance of the smoke was
familiar to her, hence, it didn't affect her in
the least. Her eyes didn't water in the
intense heat, for they were closed in deep
meditation.
The heat was near unbearable, washing
over her wave over scorching wave. She was
used to it by now. Every other thought was
locked from her mind, secured with her mind's
discipline. She only felt the searing heat;
and searched about it for guidance.
The Hikawa shrine robes felt oddly heavy,
however, Rei was quite used to it by now, being
an accomplished priestess. She felt warm as
she chanted the incantations. She focused her
mind on the fire, flickering dangerously close
to her, but refraining from singeing her robes.
Hopefully, meditation would bring her the peace
of mind that she craved.
She hated how she couldn't do anything
about Usagi's condition. Betrayal washed
through her, as she fought desperately to keep
irrational thoughts back.
She was not a selfish figure, even if she
occasionally seemed like one. Her stormy
friendship with Usagi was an oath that she held
close to her heart. In not being able to help
a close friend, she realized that she'd
betrayed not only Usagi, but herself also.
She continued her steady prayers,
clearing her mind of the disturbing thoughts
and worries that darted in her alert mind.
Her mind leaned toward the fire, feeling
more of the pure heat waves that washed over
her. She was here to find peace of mind, not
useless anxieties. What good would a clouded
mind be to Usagi? She scolded herself,
disciplining herself.
Peace of mind...
The ceremonial fire, however, did not
grant her wish of peace of mind. It offered
the young priestess a far better option than
that.
Her eyes shot open, watering slightly in
the stray swirls of smoke that did not escape
through the vents. Even though her body was
ablaze with the heat of the fire, her hands
became cold, frozen in the stance that they
were in.
Quietly, parched lips whispered, barely
heard amidst the crackle of the fire.
"I know where she is..." Rei darted out
into the cooling atmosphere of the night.
***
Boring chapter, I know. Plot mover, I guess.
::shrugs::
Comments, Questions, Flames? Direct them to:
tokiya_ensui@yahoo.com
URL: http://www.geocities.com/mizuno_kagami
err...some broken links...I'll get around to
them, *sometime*. ^^;;
mizu-chan
Feb. 11/01