The mountain village drew closer, but Leia didn't even see it. Yesterday's tensions still ached in her, dragging down her spirits. This morning hadn't helped any. Their meeting with King Jaron and his Council went smoothly enough on the surface. Below that, however, were Jaron's suspicions and Marnin's hostility. Even Pormet's open friendliness couldn't balance it out. The rest of the Council fluctuated between each viewpoint.
Again she wondered if she should be the Republic's representative here. Certainly, she needed to come. She hadn't shaken that resolve. She needed to be here, not only for personal reasons, but to show the galaxy that she and her brother would not disregard their mother's memory.
Case in point: here she was, about to see the place where her mother was born, and grew up. How wonderful it was that she and Luke would see it. How wonderful it would be if they could do so privately, but the media was already on its way.
Perhaps she should have brought a third party, neutral to the situation. Yes, Naboo was a small system to have such a large Republic delegation visit it, but she could have justified it since it was Palpatine's homeworld.
She put the whole train of thought away. Second guessing herself took her nowhere. She was here; she had made the initial strong impression she wanted to. Marnin and his kind had to be dealt with; better here where Amidala's memory aided her. And hope her mother would understand the discomfort in treating that memory politically.
Thinking of Marnin only made her think of the situation she was in. All because of Vader. How did Luke ever come to terms with it? How did he ever expect her to? He was a good man, Leia. Our father was buried all these years within Vader. At the end, I got to see him. He wanted me to tell you, I was right!
Her own take on what Vader wanted in those last moments was much different. But she hadn't been there, and Luke had. And I trust Luke, don't I? But how could he ever make peace with this? Does he want a father that badly?
She was the luckier twin, she felt, sometimes guiltily. Not only because of money and position, but also because of her home. Luke had a home and guardians who loved him, but she had parents; it made so much of a difference, especially as her parents made a home she fit in with so easily. She knew Luke's battles with his uncle stemmed from being like his father. Her own parents must have seen her growing to be much like Amidala, but did they see Vader in her too?
And isn't that what she was really afraid of?
Their speeder drew to a stop. Only one speeder today; Chewbacca was driving them himself. Lando had stayed behind to be available to the Council in her place, probably sensing she needed a break. And it doesn't hurt that Rabé and Faren remained at the palace. She grinned.
Of course, why would Rabé come along? Her memories, what she was searching for, were in Theed. And, after all, she wasn't Leia's handmaiden.
Han suddenly took her hand, and she managed a smile for him. The strain must be obvious to him. And to Luke sitting up front next to Chewbacca, just as the tension in every line of his body was blatantly clear to her, even without the increased awareness to everything around her that she experienced yesterday, as abruptly gone as it came.
The speeder doors opened. Directly in front of her, Luke tilted his head, waiting, rigid. Would he have to wait inside again?
She looked out, saw whom must be the village leaders smiling eagerly, the crowd waiting behind them. And no media in site, for now. Enough of this! She smiled softly at her brother. "What are we waiting for?" He was out of the speeder seconds before her.
Meeting the village residents was like meeting Pormet all over again. No suspicious looks, no hostile airs, only people eager to meet them; she wondered how many of them might have traveled to Theed yesterday, or watched the broadcasts from here, their suspicions waylaid by what they saw. Even Luke was greeted warmly, older inhabitants finding physical traits he inherited from Amidala. He beamed, brighter than the sunshine, and Leia's mood lightened a bit.
Sayla, the leader of the village, led them through the welcoming crowd, pointing out details. The small, round woman with graying hair and pale green eyes spoke in husky tones, her words almost a memorized speech like a true tour guide. And perhaps, Leia wondered, she will be. Naboo must be trying to redeem themselves, battling recollections of Palpatine with the late Queen. So I'm not the only one using Mother's memory, Leia thought sharply. She needed to make peace with it.
They came to a small, old fashioned home, solidly built of wood from the surrounding forest. The windows were open to the breezes coming from the meadows. A fresh flower arrangement added bright color to the largest window and the white curtains. It was a friendly house.
Two women stood at the door, a definite resemblance between them, but the second much older than the first. "They live here," Sayla explained. "The older woman is Tanen, and the younger is her daughter, Caesa. They agreed to open their home to you."
"Why?" Luke asked.
Sayla looked surprised. "I thought the King told you. This was Amidala's home when she was a child. She lived here until she moved to Theed for her final training. Tanen bought it when Amidala's parents, your grandparents, were... well, were lost." She smiled sadly in apology, but then brightened as she looked again at the two waiting women. "Tanen has been very eager to meet you."
Luke just as eagerly walked down the path to Tanen. Leia could now make out something clenched in the older woman's hands. Han tightened next to her, trying to see what it was, as Tanen passed the bundle to Caesa. But Skywalker didn't hesitate at all as Tanen reached out her frail hands, aged by work and time. She had blue eyes, darker than his, and snow white hair piled on top of her head. Even with this topknot, she only reached his chin. She beamed at him, and he beamed in return. Then she let one of his hands go, and reached for one of Leia's. She spoke in a soft voice, but the words were Nubian, and they had left the droids behind, hoping the palace mechanics could recover something from the memory wipes.
Caesa spoke. "My mother says she's very happy to meet you both. She hoped she'd get to see you when they announced Queen Amidala had children." Tanen spoke again, and her daughter paused to listen. "She remembers your mother as a child, and used to visit this home often when it belonged to your grandparents. She said she wants you to know that it was a very happy home."
The old woman squeezed their hands. She said something more; Caesa looked a little embarrassed, but when her mother looked back over her shoulder, she dutifully spoke. "She said that's very important. You should remember there are happy memories." She coughed slightly. "I'm sorry if she's being too personal."
"No, I'm glad she is," Luke replied. "Could you thank her for us?" Caesa did so and Tanen reached up to pat his cheek. Leia saw some of the years fall away from her brother, and saw someone she hadn't seen in a long time: the farmboy from Tatooine.
Tanen reached for the bundle now; Caesa began unwrapping it, oblivious to Han and Chewie watching every move carefully. She held out the now visible holoframes to her mother who gave one each to Leia and Luke. "My mama found this image when she moved into the house. She forgot she had it until a few days ago. She insisted you each have one. It's an old fashioned still image, but then this village is still old fashioned, even now."
Leia activated the image so she could see it, and heard Luke's intake of breath at the same time as her own. A very young Amidala, perhaps five or six, was being held aloft by her father; her mother had her arms wrapped around them both, the young girl happily sandwiched between the adults. All three had the same dark eyes as Leia, but Amidala's mother - I don't know my grandmother's name, Leia suddenly realized - had lighter hair, more like Luke's.
Tears splashed on the frame, and Leia didn't care who saw her cry. Han whispered in her ear, "Ah, sweetheart, I'm really sorry."
Yes, sorry. That's how she felt. The family she could have had and didn't. She caught a hold of herself, and dried the tear marks off the image. But I will know you. We will have that. And today, it's just personal.
Caesa, uncomfortable, felt her mother tug on her arm. "Do you want to see the house?"
But Tanen didn't wait for a reply. With that same maternal smile, she reached up and kissed first Leia's tear streaked cheek, then Luke's. She slipped in between them, tucked a hand into their arms, and pulled them to the house, a happy stream of words following her procession. Caesa rolled her eyes at Han, then started guiltily as her mother yelled something over her shoulder.
Han burst out laughing. "You don't have to translate that one! She said something like 'Why are you standing back there gapin' like idiots?' Right? Come on, Chewie! Grandma's startin' the tour without us!"
They made their way from room to room, Tanen, through Caesa, explaining what was original from Amidala's family. Not knowing the twins knew nothing of their family, she didn't know how much it all meant to them: the smalltalk, the village gossip, the names she threw out so casually - Winama, their great-grandmother, who preferred the city life in Theed; her son, their grandfather, Ayres, who came here and built a life with Mentí, a village woman like Tanen herself.
Luke soaked it all in. This was a home he could understand! The simple house, the farmer's life - as much as he could feel his mother in the palace, he understood this life. It made Amidala very much his mother. He looked guiltily at Leia, hoping she hadn't picked up that thought.
She had, but didn't resent it. She understood and was glad for him. But he was also wrong; she understood this life: parents loving their daughter, seeing her potential, making sure she had the training and support she needed to become the leader they foresaw, despite whatever trepidation they may feel. She even had a holoimage of her adopted parents, holding her the way her grandparents were holding her mother in the likeness Tanen had just given her. Luke should remember it; he was there the day someone had sent it to her, having quickly snapped the holo while visiting Alderaan.
The beautiful mood was shattered by the intrusion of loud, demanding voices from outside, carried clearly through the open windows. Someone knocked quickly on the door, then opened it without waiting for permission: Sayla. "I'm sorry. The reporters are here. They said you agreed to a conference? They're asking you to come out now."
Leia felt sympathy for the other woman. This small village leader had no experience with such large political doings. She was out of her realm. The princess managed a smile for her. "Let them demand whatever they want." She hated the intrusion, but she had to keep things in reign here.
Sayla nodded, but her hands still moved restlessly. Leia reassured her. "Just a few moments. They're used to it." She turned back to Caesa and Tanen. The daughter was whispering in her mother's ear, probably telling her what was happening. The old woman looked very trouble. "I can't thank you enough," Leia said. Tanen clasped her hands, her worried eyes telling her exactly what the next Nubian words were.
Caesa cleared her throat. "She says don't let those people tear at you." At Han's startled expression, she could only shrug.
"I won't. I know how to handle this."
Tanen gestured Luke closer, speaking vehemently. "Mama!" Caesa hissed.
"What is it?" Luke insisted.
"My mother is an old fashioned woman, Commander Skywalker. She doesn't understand-"
"What is it?"
Caesa sighed. "She says they shouldn't have come. They should leave you alone in your mother's house."
Princess Leia, the diplomat, smiled and squeezed the old woman's hands. "Your house which you opened to us. We'll never forget it."
She walked away, unable to take anymore. It hurt. It was open, and warm, and it hurt! They should have had this, she and Luke! This affectionate grandmother, the snug home, it was supposed to be theirs! She didn't understand her father any better! Coming to Naboo only showed her exactly what she already knew: Vader destroyed everything.
As soon as she crossed the doorway, the journalists were at her. There were representatives from all the major systems; apparently not even the current state of the Republic was as big news as what Vader's twins were doing. She plastered the smile back on her face, and nodded for the questions to begin.
It started off easy. Were they worried about a continued Imperial presence here? Was King Jaron all right to deal with?
Then a little harder: how did they find Naboo? How did the Naboo treat them? Weren't they finding it difficult with everything that happened? But all that was readily answered with yesterday's success.
"Princess Leia! Princess Leia! You must admit-"
Then harder still: wasn't it difficult, getting caught between memories of their mother's deeds and their father's? Stay strong, stay in control. They, she and her brother, were focused on their mother. They thanked everyone who already had come forward, like the people here in the village, to tell them so much about their mother, and they were eager to meet the rest, such as the Gungans, who had even more to tell them.
"Princess Leia! PRINCESS LEIA! Aren't you avoiding-"
Then the blunt, inevitable questions: it's all well and good to say they were discovering so much about the late Queen, but they couldn't hide from what Vader-
Vader destroyed everything!
Luke pushed forward. "Things'd be easier if you and everyone else would stop hammering us over our father. I've told you, more than once, that he redeemed himself! Why don't you start seeing him for what he really was?"
Damage control! Leia's instincts screamed, louder than the media.
"COMMANDER SKYWALKER! COMMANDER SKYWALKER! Are you saying that you feel the galaxy should excuse Vader-"
"No, we don't!" Leia's voice cut through their yelled questions, past Luke's vainly defending himself. "Who can excuse Vader? I ask you to remember he's at least partly responsible for obliterating our homes, killing our families and loved ones, including those not remotely connected to the war. He tortured me, and forced me to watch my homeworld's destruction; he tortured General Solo, and imprisoned him in carbonite hibernation. And by my brother's own admission, Vader used him as a pawn, beating him mentally and physically to the point of maiming him by cutting off his hand. All of this, not out of any perverted sense of a father's love, but in order to convert his son into a tool to destroy Palpatine and put himself on the throne. I will never excuse or forgive Vader for anything he has done to us, or to anyone in this galaxy. The worst torture I've ever endured is finding out I have any connection to him, other than being his enemy. And if he hadn't died on the Death Star, I'd be spearheading the Republic for his trial and execution for his war crimes."
She turned her back to the rest of the questions, and came up against Luke. To her shocked surprise, he was glaring at her. She knew he wouldn't have said the same words, but this look... In that first instant, she was slammed by his feelings of pain, then hot anger, and mixed with it all was the betrayal that she, of all people, had done this. In all the years she had known him, she had seen Luke this angry a handful of times. In that handful, the number of times that anger was aimed at her was zero. But now she felt it pouring through their link and then, abruptly, he cut her off.
Han Solo knew a lot about discretion, despite his almost blurting intimate details of his relationship with Leia back at the palace. And he knew Luke and Leia were going to explode, and here was a bad place for it. Get them away from the media, from the villagers, from everyone. The best place to go was the Falcon, but they couldn't go there. Too many people would ask questions, or take it wrong. So it had to be their palace quarters. As they were escorted to their speeder, both Leia and Luke wound way too tight but no one seeming to notice, Han comsignaled Lando, whispering fast, telling him to get a path to their quarters with no to little audience. Lando knew the tone; he replied only, "It's done." and signed off.
The ride took forever. For each agonizingly tense moment, no one said a word. When Chewie finally stopped the vehicle, Leia slammed out of the speeder at the same instant Luke did on the opposite side. They both moved for the door and stopped as they started to cross each other's path. Luke opened his mouth to say something, and then clamped his mouth shut, his jaw clenched tight. Leia's face went neutral, betraying nothing; her "Princess mask" Han always called it. Not a good sign.
Leia swung around, taking in he and Chewie cemented to the spot. The composed facade cracked. "Are we just going to stand here?" she snapped, and smashed through the door. The automatic function didn't have time to close before Luke slammed out. No, not good at all. I'm bad at this, Han thought. Never said I was a peacemaker.
Rabé was one of the few to see them, stopping the stunned Faren from saying anything. For an almost imperceptible moment, both Leia and Luke stopped, their expressions turning quizzical as they again felt that heightened sensitivity to the Force. But as it brought an increased awareness of each other, they shook their heads, and stalked off once more.
They hit the main door to their quarters almost together, and Leia didn't stop. Lando, Chewie, even Han was surprised to see she wasn't going to confront Luke, but was already leaving the sitting room for her private apartment. Even more surprising was Luke storming after her. Han was sure Leia was planning to let this go until they calmed down enough to talk about it - which was usually Luke's move. And Luke was pushing the issue, insisting on having it out now - which was usually Leia's move. Solo knew one thing: it was the wrong move. He had seen Leia that mad at him and fighting it out now meant a lot of hurtful things were going to be said. And when Luke was this angry...
Lando started to say something, even took a step after them hoping to smooth things out, when Han grabbed his arm. This argument was a wrong move, but getting in the middle was worse. The best strategy was to weather the storm, and then pick up the pieces - even if he hated being on the sidelines, watching them hurt each other.
Luke didn't wait for the door to close behind him or for Leia to turn around. "I can't believe you did that!"
Leia shouted back. "What I did? Let's start with what you did!"
"I told the truth!"
"So did I! And the truth is Vader was a murdering bastard. And nothing, nothing, is going to change that truth."
"No, the truth is you betrayed your father! You said you wished you had a chance to execute him yourself! Think about that, Leia! Is that your expert opinion on how to handle the problem?"
"My expert opinion is that you almost destroyed us by charging out there demanding mercy for Darth Vader!"
"We're his children! Who's going to defend him if we don't?"
"Defend him? Are you insane? You can't keep screaming proudly to the galaxy and expect everyone to cheer for you! You'll destroy us, Luke, and you won't save him! You can't save him!"
"Destroy us?" He had never yelled in Leia's face like this, never had they stood toe to toe and tore at each other with words. But they had started so furiously, there was nowhere else to go. Every small irritating thing that ever bothered them about the other fueled the argument, poured more heat into it. "I'm tired of people ripping my father apart, that's what's destroying me! No one listens to how he saved me, saved this whole damned galaxy, even though it cost him his life! He died, and nobody cares!"
"How can anybody care about him? He was a monster!"
"He wasn't a monster! He was Anakin Skywalker, a great Jedi-"
"Then where the hell was he all these years, Luke? We could have used a great Jedi to save the galaxy, because what we did have was an Emperor and his Sith Lord killing and torturing us instead!"
"When are you going to listen to me? You're never going to be able to accept yourself if you can't accept him! And if you can't accept him, how is anyone else going to?"
"This again! How many times do we have to go through this? Did it ever occur to you that people might put Vader's crimes behind them if you didn't keep bringing them up all the time when you defend him!"
"I doubt that, Leia! You bring up his crimes to me whenever I try to put them behind us!"
"You don't put them behind us! You try to absolve them! You of all people don't need a list of Vader's crimes! Our mother is dead! Your foster parents, dead! My adopted parents, dead! Kenobi, dead! Biggs, dead! Me, tortured! You, maimed! Han, encased in carbonite! Alderaan, destroyed!"
"That was Tarkin!"
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED THAT DAY!"
"Don't tell me who our father was! He saved my life!"
"He took a lot of others! Don't try to tell me what good he's done, like it will wipe out the evil! It's a short list, Luke!"
"He was my father! He was your father!"
"Bail Organa was my father! He'll always be my father!"
"You're turning against me!"
"You're betraying us both for a twisted man's deathbed apology! He can't wipe away everything he did by saying I'm sorry when he's dying!"
The pain went too far. Even as they realized they were like angry children, filled with hurt and not knowing how to express it except by pushing and shoving at each other, they couldn't stop it. They didn't even hear each other. Every pain, from the orphaned children who knew only lies about their parents, to the adults who lost everyone they knew and loved and then finding the other there, spewed forth. Except now, hurt as they were, they wondered if they related better before they knew of their blood tie, when they were bound together out of choice and friendship.
"You said you were my best friend, Leia, and now you're stabbing me in the back!"
"You said you'd always be there for me, and now you're the reason I'm constantly having to defend us to everybody!"
"You're my sister! You're supposed to know me better than anyone does, but you're the one who's doing this to me! How could you say those things when you knew they'd cut right through me?"
"You're my twin! You're the one who's supposed to know what I'm feeling and how deeply I'm feeling it! And you're the one who's sacrificing everything we have for the sake of a man who's harmed us more than anyone! What do you think you're doing to me?"
"STOP HURTING ME, LEIA!"
"STOP HURTING ME, LUKE!"
He couldn't take it anymore. He ran from the room, angry tears blinding him to Han's anxious expression, Lando's stunned look, and Chewbacca calling him; he only saw the door, flung his body through it and the halls of the palace, and into a pounding run on the plains surrounding Theed.
Leia grabbed every item in reach and hurled it at the door, each smashing sound a small cry of pain. Then the chairs and tables toppled into the walls and floor, the louder sounds forming bigger wails, until she could collapse, beating her hands on the hard wood, draining the hurt, falling into exhausted tears.
Outside, Chewie pulled at Han, tugged at Lando, drawing them out of the sitting room and into his apartment, letting the fight empty out of them all.