The dinner event came at the worst time. With Leia and Luke at odds, both shaken by their argument, Lando wished they could have canceled somehow. Naboo was, however, still a Republic mission; that meant not avoiding the business at hand.
He took stock of their party. Leia was dressed expensively; she looked - Lando made sure Han didn't see him ogling her - stunning. Her hair was pulled back in an elegant coiffure of curls, spilling over her shoulders. The dress was a rich maroon, cut with a V-neck and back. The chalcedony waves, her symbol of office on Alderaan, framed her neckline. She radiated royalty, strength, and power. However, to those who knew her well, her eyes lacked their usual spark, and her back was straight from rigid control, not confidence.
Lando was surprised Luke was here at all. Leia certainly hadn't talked him into it. But there was nothing in the silent expression to hint at his thoughts. At least he wasn't in the black fatigues he wore frequently; neither was he in Republic uniform or Jedi brown. His tunic and cape were of silver blue, offsetting his lighter hair and sky eyes. He and Leia were deliberately putting Han and Chewbacca between them. Lando doubted they could even see the other around the Wookiee's bulk.
As this was a social event, despite its official standing, neither he nor Han, like Luke, were in Republic uniform. His cream shirt, cut at the waist to meet the black trousers and cummerbund, matched the cape with its gold chord fastening around his neck. Han, unbelievably not in spacer's garb, had a deep red, almost black, waistcoat and cape, contrasting well with the light gray trousers. Perhaps Han was accepting the public persona of royal consort. Or, more likely, he wanted one less worry for Leia.
Not in evidence was the Corellian's familiar blaster rig. Lando bet Solo had a holster smuggled in the small of his back, concealed by the cape, as Lando himself did. Luke's lightsaber was very evident; defiantly, while he didn't want trouble, he was through hiding who he was. Leia had no weapons, which wasn't surprising, being she was Alderaani. Obviously she didn't expect any fighting tonight, or she'd have her blaster or lightsaber. Well, maybe not the saber; it was a gift from Luke, and a reminder of Vader. As defiant as her brother, she was distancing herself from their father.
The Naboo constantly outdid themselves. The banquet hall was of stately beauty with the marble columns draped with colorful, silken banners of blues, reds, and golds. Everyone's elegant dress complimented the stateliness of the room. King Jaron was resplendent in white, completed by the gold helmet/crown, and the scarlet red scar of remembrance. His liegemen were in more severe white uniforms and cloaks, and the Royal Guard were clothed in rich brown. Rabé and Faren were both dressed in a deep blue that must have gold thread running through it, for Faren's amber eyes shone warmly. The Royal Advisory Council, and their spouses, dressed in their old culture grandness. Marnin might actually look good if not for his sour expression; he had no spouse. No big surprise, Lando thought. Some innocent victim was spared that fate.
The official greeter announced their party. Han placed his hand in the small of Leia's back, escorting her in. Her jaw was tight as she passed Luke who still kept the Wookiee between them. Lando caught Han's eye and shook his head. Look how badly things have turned in one day.
The usual introductions followed their entrance, and people gathered to pelt them with questions and opinions. Lando watched the Princess, seeing how she handled the social pressure with the personal pain pushing from inside, but she was smoothly going through the motions. And when he checked on Luke, the younger man was no different, his quiet manner and short answers lending a lot to the mystique surrounding the Jedi.
Thankfully, they moved into dinner. Even if it was the longest part of the evening, they had at least reached this far. The huge table was decorated with lace cloths; silver, old-fashioned candelabrums, complete with lit candles, spilled soft light and shadow. The brilliant china and silverware were emblazoned with Naboo's royal coat of arms. At one time, it was Amidala's crest; Lando could see the exact moment that thought crossed her children's minds.
Someone had put Luke on Leia's right side. Usually, it would make sense for Leia obviously respected her brother's opinion and would want him close. With even a more bizarre twist of fate, Faren was seated on Luke's right. No one else looked at all askance at the seating arrangements, but Lando wondered if the whole evening was cursed.
Jaron toasted them. "Your Highness, Generals, Commander Skywalker, and Chewbacca: you honor all of Naboo by your presence. I hope the next few days will see our cementing the relationship that will make this world a solid partner in the Republic's mission to rebuild our galaxy."
Amidst the applause, Leia raised her glass in return. "It is we who are honored, Your Majesty, by the welcome we've received here. I know we have the beginnings of strong, long-lasting partnership."
Everyone echoed "To our partnership" and drank.
"I know it's been said before," Pormet said warmly, "but I am so happy you came here yourselves. Seeing you has raised so many spirits. I know it's raised mine."
Leia smiled at the older man. "You give us more credit than we deserve. Who, in this situation, wouldn't come?"
Pormet smiled. "True, many would, although it's not unusual for adopted children to not seek their blood family."
Marnin's lips smoothed into a sardonic line. Leia deftly took away his opportunity. "As some obviously do."
Pormet nodded. "It's been fortunate for you. You found your brother. It's obvious how much that relationship means to you both."
A stab right in the wound, Lando grimaced. Leia was covering her reaction by sipping from her glass while Luke pointedly stared down at his plate, but Calrissian saw the glances they flicked at each other surreptitiously. What it must be like for them to sense each other, and still have that anger and hurt within themselves. Did sensing each other help or make it worse?
"And I can see how much spending time here on your mother's homeworld has done," Pormet finished.
"Especially learning personal details from people such as yourself, Rabé, and Tanen in the village today." Leia knew any talk about today's visit was a trap to discuss Vader. "However, I would be derelict in my duty not to turn our talk to business at some point."
King Jaron spoke as the next course was brought in. "Yes, of course. I think with today's meeting we've been able to almost solidify our membership application to the Republic."
Han spoke for the first time. "That'll make the war officially over for Naboo. It's gotta be a relief, even if you guys didn't see any fightin'."
Calrissian switched his gaze between Solo and the Princess. Han might be smiling, but his words were begging for an argument. Leia, however, was calmly eating. On the Naboo side, Rabé and Pormet, like many at the table, looked stunned, Faren frowned, and Marnin's scowl boded ill. The King, however, merely leaned back from his empty plate, and used a napkin to dab at his lips.
"I don't think I like your tone," Marnin hissed.
"Sorry," Han smirked. "No offense meant. Just pointin' out what a relief it's gotta be. No more Palpatine, no more - whatever he did around here."
"Wounds aren't always visible on the surface, General Solo."
"You got that right, Councilor! But they hurt like hell all the same, don't they?" Han was stopping from barely laughing at the guy. Rabé's frown suddenly turned into smiling as comprehension dawned. Faren whispered something in her ear, then she suddenly noticed her mother's lightened humor. Regarding them, Lando abruptly remembered tactics he'd used as Bespin's administrator. Even Luke came out of his shell a bit as if sensing something from the women.
Well, let's all play a game of chess! Lando looked over the bite he was taking in Leia's direction. Send Han in to hammer at their line, then see what stirs up.
"Stop insinuating things, Solo. Either insult me openly-"
Pormet interrupted hastily. "I'm sure the General meant no offense."
"Exactly!" Han agreed. "No offense! Just making dinner conversation. "
"Good." Marnin's oily smile didn't go well with his own people let alone the Republic delegation. "Then it's understood that the Naboo had their own suffering despite the fact we didn't have our homes burned down," Luke's head snapped up, "or had our homeworld completely destroyed-"
Chewbacca's roar cut off the rest of the words. Han slammed his glass down on the table. The delicate stem snapped in two. "Real sensitive, pal."
"General Solo is correct, Marnin." Despite the words, Jarnon's voice lost none of its urbanity. He signaled for a servant to replace Han's glass. "My apologies, Princess. I believe the tempers simply lost control."
Leia's own words, smooth in tone, were shot with steel. "And perhaps having served an Empire for so long, some have lost their professionalism."
Marnin opened his mouth to argue when Luke, very quietly, very deliberately, set his glass down. His eyes flicked up and down the table. He said nothing, and yet the King and his Councilors moved uneasily in their seats.
Leia let the moment play out. At its peak, she spoke. "I suggest we move on."
Pormet cleared his throat. His voice was rattled. "I assure you, despite appearances, we've each faced trouble in this war. Not to the extent you have -"
Lando caught Leia's covert glance and played his part smoothly. "We never meant to imply it was a competition."
"Why the King was almost caught in the First Purge here in Theed. If he had not escape through the northern tunnels-"
Rabé's eating utensils clattered down. "The northern tunnels?"
Jaron shook his head. "Councilor Pormet is mistaken. I went through the eastern exit."
"My apologies, Your Majesty. My point was the Naboo did not want Palpatine, even if you can no longer see the struggle against him. We did what we could to save our world, and were lucky to be beneath the Emperor's interest."
Leia slipped her hand over Solo's. "And never knew when you might come again under his scrutiny. I can appreciate the position. And as we have all said here, the important thing is to put any misunderstandings behind us, and move forward with cementing our future."
The King nodded. "Agreed."
The rest of the dinner stayed safely formal, and it was a relief to return to their quarters.
The flames from the fireplace reflected in Han's eyes. He watched them in the sitting room shared by all their quarters. Chewbacca was sprawled in the one chair large enough for him, and Lando was stretched on the couch. Solo stood directly in front of the fireplace, a drink in one hand, staring at the flames.
"Leia changing?" Lando asked.
Han nodded, and sipped his drink. "She's having Threepio check some things too. She'll be out later."
"And Luke?"
"Don't know."
Lando's sigh was emphasized by Chewie's low, worried growl. "Yeah," Han agreed.
He looked at the tapestry hanging over his head. That smiling woman. . . the first time he saw her, he could only think how much she reminded him of Leia. Now, all he could think was how much she was like him.
"What do you think?"
Han blinked. "About what?"
Lando started to reply, blinked himself, and rubbed his head. "I can't keep track anymore."
Chewie rumbled deep in his chest. His fur dropped into his eyes, and he constantly flexed his paws as he always did when he was tired. Lando was nodding even as he burrowed his head deeper into the couch pillows. "Hell, yeah, it's been a long day."
Han held up his drink. "You guys want one?" Both declined, already half asleep. The Corellian himself felt tired, a hard, dragging exhaustion that was pulling at him. The fire helped, and the drink, and the friendly quiet. He looked up again into the dark, smiling eyes in the tapestry. How much did you love him? Did you see him changing, or did it just hit you hard one day?
Lando's voice came again from behind him. "You wondering about her?"
Chewie mumbled something, and Han snorted briefly in cynical laughter. "Yeah, who wouldn't?"
Calrissian quietly watched the tapestry. "I wish I'd met her." He glanced at Solo as the other man sipped his drink, never taking his eyes off the embroidery above his head. "You can see a lot of her in Leia. And Luke. At least, what I imagine are things they got from her. Their bearing, their sense of duty, their leadership ability. . . It's a shame people can't just leave it like that."
Han barely heard Chewie making a joke about Luke and Leia inheriting Amidala's height. The Wookiee reached out with his long legs and kicked his partner. "I heard ya, furball. It just wasn't funny."
No, it wasn't, not as other thoughts came running through his tired head. Vader had leadership skills. Did he ever have a heart? The question was directed again to Amidala, always smiling at him, forever caught in a happy moment. Did he love you? I guess he did. You wouldn't have kids with a guy who didn't. I bet you could have had any guy you wanted, and you picked him. Why? What made him the one? Did you look at him the way Leia looks at me? Better to think of that light being in Amidala's eyes, not Vader's, because if Vader was capable of that kind of love, if Luke was right, then the light in Leia's eyes may not be like Amidala's. And if it was like Vader
Could you have seen it and stopped it? He swallowed more of his drink. I bet those questions haunted you to the end.
I wish I had met you, lady. You coulda told me. Is Leia like -
He deliberately stopped the thought, but stared into those smiling, dark eyes. You understand, right? You know.
A worried wuffle sounded right next to him. Chewie dropped a massive paw on his shoulders. "I'm okay, pal. Go to bed." The Wook shook him, long ago learning how to pull his strength so he only gave Han a friendly grip. "Really, go. I'm hangin' around for Leia." Han jerked his chin at the sleeping Lando. "He definitely needs to get to bed."
Chewbacca laughed softly and dragged Calrissian to his feet. The man weakly protested that he could get to bed on his own, so Chewie let him go, and Lando fell back on the couch. Laughing even more, the Wookiee grabbed him again, snorting as Lando argued, "You gave me no warning!"
Han pulled the sofa cushions behind his back as he settled on the floor. He put his feet toward the fire, an arm behind his head, and he went back to looking at the tapestry.
Just me and you, lady. And what about you, Solo? You're sittin' here, asking all the questions about Leia. Where are you going?
He wasn't the man he used to be, before the carbon freeze. It wasn't the first time he had to change or be at odds over it. When he had entered the Academy, he knew exactly the man he wanted to be, and had almost become it. Then the whole debacle that destroyed his life happened, leaving him only with a Wookiee claiming Life Debt, and nowhere to go.
So he reformed his idea of what kind of man he was, and he became that instead: the pirate, a killer for hire, and a smuggler running spice and any other drug to make money. No loyalties to anyone but himself and his partner. And it was fine, even during the Rebellion when Luke and Leia pushed him to be more, to be the man they saw in him. He resisted all of it until he woke up from hibernation. Never, not in his wildest dreams, did he think Leia loved him enough to walk into the devil's den to pull him out. Never thought he was such a good friend that Luke would jump in as well to save him, or that Lando would reform, put aside Han's past betrayal, and risk his neck. Chewie, yes, but no one else.
He had to change after that, and hadn't regretted it for an instant. It felt good being the leader of that team on Endor, to be a part of those people, of the whole Rebellion, and fighting for something. It took the best of everything he had been - that kid with dreams of glory and honor in the Academy and the experienced pilot for hire - and solidified it into a better man. He was proud of that, damned proud. He knew very few people from the Academy, or the mercs he once thought knew it all, who could change - grow up, he grinned - like he had done.
But now, he didn't know what he was anymore. Not that Academy kid, no way, but not the smuggler, and maybe not the general. This whole mission, until dinner tonight anyway, was just being on display, the Princess' escort. He loved Leia, loved watching over her, making sure she was safe, but not even for her could he play glorified bodyguard. If he was going to part of the Republic, it had to be something like Endor, part of something real, something challenging. And being a general didn't look it was going to be that anymore.
He sipped at his drink; it had gone warm, the ice melting and weakening the liquor. He grimaced at it, but even more at his introspection.
Leia's door clicked open, and he sat up on the pillows so she'd see him. She collapsed next to him, computer flimsies filling her hand. He almost shook his head at the sight of them. So, Leia wasn't going to talk about Luke but bury herself in work instead. Typical: when she didn't know what to do about personal problems, she submerged herself in business. Not that Han thought he was anyone to point fingers; he did the exact same thing with his personal problems. Get mad at Leia; go work on the Falcon. Get mad at the kid or the Wook; go work on the Falcon. Don't know what the hell to do with his life; go work on the Falcon.
He thought of pushing the issue now; if he didn't, she never would, and he had no idea if Luke would either. But the tight line in her jaw, the carefully veiled expression that was watching him to see if he would push the issue, all told him that now was not the moment. Later, when she ran out of other things to talk over, but not now. So, he simply pointed at the computer flimsies.
"Get your work done?"
She sighed; he thought part of it was relief. "I don't know. Threepio pulled up every part of Jaron's history. It still reads clear. He was voted to the Royal Council just before the Republic collapsed. One interesting thing: he ran against my mother in her last election."
"Well, there you go."
"Not necessarily. Governor Bibbo also ran against my mother, in her first election, and he became one of her most trusted advisors. So the only thing I have is the feeling from dinner that he's hiding something."
"That thing about the northern tunnels."
"Right. Rabé was obviously shaken over it." She rubbed her eyes. "I asked her about it. I told her I knew that Jaron was her King, and if she felt like she was betraying him in any way by answering my questions, I'd understand. She wants the night to think it over."
"Something's bothering you, sweetheart. What?"
She sifted through the flimsies. "Nothing in the records actually points to it, but I can't shake the feeling that Jaron, despite his show of loyalty, is a merc-" She stopped.
Han grinned. "You can say it. A mercenary."
"Well, at least let's say self-seeking. He didn't take the first offer to be on the Council. He tried for the Senate, and when that failed, he finally took the Council seat."
"When it was the only thing left."
"Exactly. And during his campaign for the throne, he was a big one to play whatever side he thought would get him further. He dropped all his initial supporters when bigger players told him to." She gave him a look of utter frustration. "But so what? How many people do we know that act exactly the same way?"
Han scratched the beard stubble already growing. "Yeah, but none of them in charge of the Rebellion. Yeah, I know, this ain't the Rebellion. But it became the Rebellion. I mean, everyone here had to choose sides when the Empire took over. And Jaron ended up on the Emperor's side, which is funny because he supposedly escaped with everyone else loyal to your mom."
Leia smiled to herself. No one had ever called Amidala her 'mom' before. "So it's a bad set of coincidences. Add to it that the Republic is back, and he's trying to be cozy with us. However, since he thinks the Empire could come back, he plays at being the good host, but doesn't show any real friendship, just in case." She took a deep breath. "It fits, but it doesn't mean anything. Not anything serious. A number of planets are going to act the same way."
"Any luck with the droids?"
"No. They have patches of memory from working here in the palace, but the parts that are wiped - and that's a lot of it - are gone."
"So what's next?"
She thought for a moment. "I want you, Chewbacca, and Lando to do me another favor."
"Sounds like more fun. What do we do?"
"Use your general's rank, and Chewie's imposing size, and either charm or push your way into everything you can. Find out if Jaron is hiding something, maybe something for the Emperor. Caches of weapons, or unknown shipyards, something he's hidden from the Imperial stockpile here, anything. As a member of the Republic forces, you have latitude to investigate quite a bit to facilitate Naboo's membership application. But be careful; I might be wrong, and he's not hiding a thing." She smiled. "Don't get us thrown off the planet."
"Who, me?"
She tossed the flimsies on the end table, and took his hand. "Thank you for your help tonight. It worked perfectly."
"Ah, hell, I love being a pain in the ass to a pain in the ass like Marnin. The best part was Pormet being the one that let something slip."
"Which makes me wonder what Marnin might have revealed if we could have pressed further, which we couldn't without hurting ourselves."
"Jaron was playing the same game you were, sweetheart. I don't think he got anything, though."
She shook her head. "No, Marnin overplayed his part. He got angry and went too far."
"Way too far. I could have laid him flat for that." Han sat quietly, watching the flames for a bit. Then he kissed the hand clasped in his own. "We make a good team, Princess."
She drew closer to him. "I think so to."
"I didn't know you had fun on your job. I usually only hear the boring speeches, but tonight was a good tactical exercise, and a hell of a game of chess. You did good, Your Highness."
She smiled softly. "Impressed you, did I?"
"Yeah. And I liked being a part of it."
"Meaning?"
"Nothing, just I liked it."
She looked at him oddly. "Something's bothering you too."
He stared again at the tapestry. No, he couldn't tell her that now, maybe never. Maybe he'd have to wait for someone to go head over heels with Luke, and then that person would understand what it was like, to worry if you were in love with the next Vader.
He scowled fiercely. He wasn't going to think that anymore, wasn't going to remember Rabé looking so scared about Leia's temper, which she must have gotten from - no, he wasn't going to think it.
Leia saw the dark frown and lovingly stroked it away. "That's a terrible look. What's it for?"
He closed his eyes, enjoying the soft fingertips brushing back and forth on his temple. "I got myself all screwed up over where the hell I am."
"I don't understand. You're here, with me."
"Yeah, you're the best part. But the rest of it. Am I a general, all medals and paperwork and formalities, or am I just your escort with a flashy title so I have a legit reason to be here?"
Now she frowned. "The whole idea of royal consort bothers you, doesn't it?"
"Maybe, sort of." He didn't like people just assuming he'd marry Leia someday, and he didn't like being the lover on parade. He kept that to himself too, especially as the real problem was something else. "If that's all that I am, yeah."
"It's not all you are. How can you think that?"
"Because I'm just trying to figure out which way I'm going. After Jabba, I did a lot of thinking. For the first time, I didn't want to be a mercenary anymore, not after everything all of you did. You and Luke, Chewie, even Lando, hell, even the Rebellion for letting you guys come after me, you deserved that same - I don't know - whatever." Damn, he hated this. He sounded like an idiot. Luckily, Leia wasn't laughing at his floundering; she was listening.
"Commitment," she said softly.
"Yeah. Commitment. And here's the funny thing. I wanted that commitment, even though making the change was "
"Scary," she offered.
"Well, maybe. I was thinking tough. It was tough to make. But now it's not the Alliance, it's the Republic, and I don't know if that choice to be a general is still the good one. But I also know that I'm not a hired gun anymore. Not even for you." He watched her, wondered if she'd take that wrong. He forced a laugh. "Even though I love the company."
"The company loves you too." She went back to stroking his brow, running her fingers through the bangs, and then down the side of his jaw. Her nails rasped against the stubble. "You need a shave."
"Yeah, yeah. In the morning."
She lightly scratched the facial hair, turning it into a stroke of his cheek. "Am I allowed to comment?"
"Yeah, of course."
"I think you're underestimating what Republic generals are. Do you really think they're just figureheads and administrators? Especially now as we try to straighten out all this chaos? You can make the job what you want, Han. We'll talk with Mon Mothma and General Madine, maybe Ackbar. They need good people in a number of areas."
"I like the idea except " He stroked her cheek. "I gotta do this myself. I'll talk to them."
She leaned into his hand. "Han, if you can't find anything you like, I'll understand."
He pulled her against his chest, his mouth finding hers for a long moment. He knew what she was offering: to let him go, let him leave the Republic, and live on his own terms, no matter what that might mean to her. No wonder he loved her, loved her so much, nothing was ever going to take him far away. He felt the slight tremble in her lips, and stilled them with his kiss. It was a promise. She didn't have to be afraid anymore. He'd never make those old threats to leave again.
"And who knows?" he whispered. "Maybe some of those jobs include sticking around in present company."
"Could be." She nibbled his lips. "If you're lucky."
His answering chuckle had husky undertones. He played idly with the long, unbound hair that spilled down her back. He put thoughts of his future and the tapestry away, just enjoying having her so near. He no longer cared that he was going to push her to face the argument with the kid; they could talk tomorrow.
"Where's everyone else?" she murmured.
"Gone to bed. Sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?"
"Luke went to bed too?"
Han bit back a groan. She hadn't heard him; her mind hadn't let go of today's problems yet. "I dunno. But he's a big boy. Wherever he is, he's okay."
She frowned even as she drew patterns on his chest. Damn, damn, damn, he'd have to push this whole thing with her now. They'd have no peace until this was out in the open. He sighed. "You want to go after him?"
She withdrew her hand. "No, I'm sure he's fine."
"He didn't seem too fine at dinner."
She pulled away completely, folding her knees to her chest, and wrapping her arms around them. "Han, it's been a long day. Do we have to do this now?"
Some of the vilest curses Han knew popped into his head. Women! He didn't want to do this now! She was keeping this walled around her, and she was going to blame him? She said she hated it when he did this to her. "You tell me."
She laid her chin on her knees, watching the flicker of firelight. Finally, she spoke. "Why is he doing this, Han?"
"I guess for the same reason you are, Leia."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Cause he's hurtin'. Over the same thing you are. Your father."
The firelight shone brightly in her eyes; its reflection kept him from seeing what emotion might be in them. "If he's hurting so much, why did he put us at risk by charging to Vader's rescue in front of everyone today?"
"I shouldn't have said it was the same thing. It's just the same person. Luke keeps saying he doesn't care about Vader. He's upset over your father - um, Analin."
"Anakin," she corrected, her voice hushed.
"Yeah, sorry. Anakin." He knew the name; he just wanted to make her say it. She must be really bad off to not see that trick. "So getting worked up over Anakin, and seeing that nobody else is, especially you, pushed him too far and he went off."
She mulled that over before she bit out, "He's not being fair. He was so devastated after Bespin. He had this pain that haunted him day and night. It's obvious now that it was finding out Vader was his father."
"I wouldn't know, sweetheart. I wasn't around."
Her head swung sharply around. Half in shadow, he could still see her look of hurt surprise. "Of course you weren't. Han, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
He went to her, pulling her against him once more so her back spooned against his chest, one of his knees on either side of her own, his own arms now wrapped on top of hers. He wanted his body to be the only wall around her. "Course you didn't, and I didn't mean to sound mad. But you know you and Luke got different things to work out with your father. He's always felt robbed of having one and you didn't. So Vader shows up, and Luke's gotta find out about him, even though it's Vader. You had Bail Organa, and you didn't feel like you needed anyone else. So Vader shows up, and it's just a huge hassle for you."
"True." She tucked her head under his chin. "When did you become so wise?"
"Hang around with you, don't I?" She chuckled, he was glad to hear. "You told me that thing about Luke a long time ago, remember? A little while after you told us you were adopted. You said it was a real shame Luke didn't feel he had real parents, because you felt good feeling like you did. And you were right. If Luke just realized the stuff he went through with his uncle and his aunt is pretty much the same stuff most kids go through with their parents, maybe he wouldn't need Anakin so much."
"And perhaps..." He swallowed. He was going to regret this. "Your father needs defending."
He easily felt every muscle stiffen within her. "Do you think so?" she snapped.
"Not about Vader. If he wasn't dead, I'd love to kill the bastard if I could. But Anakin? I dunno. I didn't know him." Before she could get her answer out, he nuzzled by her ear and breathed into it, "Neither did you. And we weren't there when he died. Luke was. Maybe he's right when he tells us what it was like. I've been looking at your mom hanging on the wall up there. Do you think she loved Vader? Or Anakin?"
She looked up, and in minute, he felt a few tears drop on his arm. "Maybe... maybe she loved someone who didn't exist. And whoever she loved was killed off by Vader."
"That means she still loved Anakin, and that means the kid's right."
"So you think Luke was right today?" And I was wrong was left unsaid.
He slipped his fingers into her tightly clasped ones. "Hell, no."
Her tension eased, and she held his hands, but she was still breathing hard, still wrestling with the pain. He could hear it in her wracked voice. "Why, Han? Why can't he see how he's hurting us? Shouldn't defending us come before defending-" She bit her lip. "Anakin," she conceded.
Shouldn't I come first? Why is he hurting me? was left unsaid as well. But Han could hear it. He took a deep breath. He knew he had good instincts; living an outlaw's life had honed them. He could read people, especially this woman he was holding so tightly. Even if he couldn't, he had heard Leia put it in black and white terms one night. Luke was the one stable point she had after losing Alderaan, and before he, Han, had finally stopped threatening to leave at any given moment. Only Luke swore to always be there, even when she had first pushed him away, afraid of losing anyone else after her homeworld's destruction. When Leia had stopped pushing him away, Skywalker's friendship remained unwavering, giving her a source of strength when she needed it, as she did for him. And now that one person she thought would never fail her had pulled that stability out from underneath her. And wherever the kid was, he thought Leia was guilty of the same thing. It made Han hurt for both of them.
"He doesn't mean to hurt you, sweetheart. You know he doesn't. You're just listening to what the other's saying, but not feelin' it. You know? He's forgetting how he was after Bespin, that thing you said where he was haunted all the time. He's forgetting that you're going through that same thing now, and how that feels. He needs to give you the same time he gave himself."
"And me?"
"You're forgetting how much he really needs that father."
"Vader's not the father he wanted!"
"But he is his father. I mean, you had Bail Organa. Don't get all riled up! I wasn't comparing the two. I'm just saying Luke didn't have a guy he called father. You know how he was all the time after Yavin: shining like a sun whenever he heard good things about his father, and how he wanted to be like him. Remember those pilots saying 'I flew with your father. You got the same gift he had.' I guess Luke finally remembered that too and had to find out if that guy, the one everyone raved about, existed in Vader. He thinks so. You may not, but you got to remember that's how Luke feels. And he's got to consider that you did have your dad, Bail Organa, and you don't necessarily need anyone else. So you both got a lot to work through, and you got to keep in mind how the other one's feeling."
She burrowed her face against his arm. "Do you think If I never accept Vader, do you think I'll lose Luke?"
"Ah, sweetheart, I don't think you could do anything to completely chase Luke away. Damn, I sometimes think you're attached at the hip. That'd make our nights really complicated." He felt her slight kiss on his arm. "If you get this thing settled on why you each feel the way you do, if you get that, I think you'll stay close, like you are now."
She took a deep breath. "All right. Since you were nice enough to think of all this, I'll try."
He lifted her face up so she could see him smile. "Impressed you, didn't I?"
She managed a smile for him. "Yes, but don't be smug about it."
He felt like he had piloted through the Kessel Run: absolutely drained and exhausted. It had been a long day, and he could see Leia was the same way. He lay down against the cushions once more, and held his arm out so she could lie next to him. "Just go talk to him."
"I will." She tried to lighten the moment, even weakly. "I don't like fighting with him. It's not fun like it is with you."
"That goes without saying. No one's as fun as me."
They held each other, she curved against his side with her head pillowed on his chest. The firelight danced across both of them, mesmerizing the tired woman. In a few moments, he didn't know how many, her breathing fell into sleep rhythms.
He looked up at the tapestry. Amidala was smiling beautifully. The image must have been made before she had ever loved Anakin Skywalker, before any pain touched her. Or had it? Was part of that smile for him, caused by him and the love she felt? Han had found himself making similar smiles lately.
His arms tightened firmly around Leia. Everyone said she was so much like her mother: the dedication to the people, to the service, and her discipline to not swerve from that dedication. She wasn't her father, she wasn't.
He let her breath on his chest soothe him, let her weight against his side comfort him. And he slept.