Pulling my hair out of the barely-recognizable braid it was in, I turned left as I exited the building and walked down the street yanking the brush through my hair. /Ow ow ow! Dammit!/ I stopped in front of a store, still dragging the brush through the tangles, but not as hard as before. /Hmm... I could go for an ice cream right now.. maybe./ I decided to go into the store and see what I could find for breakfast.
I walked straight to the giant freezer in the back of the store.. a familiar place since I -love- the chocolate and vanilla ice cream in a cup that they sold there. I stopped brushing long enough to pick out a tiny plastic cup and pay for it. Before I left the store, I pulled my hair into a ponytail using my hairtie so that it wouldn't blow around and get more tangled while I ate my ice cream.
Sitting under a large tree in the park near the apartments, I quietly enjoyed my breakfast. The sun wasn't quite beating down yet and there was a really nice breeze. I finished the ice cream and went back to fixing my hair, thinking about how lovely the day was going to be.
~heero~
The phone rang about six or seven times before it finally stopped. I stared at my computer's monitor for awhile, but I couldn't concentrate on what I was.. well I wouldn't call it reading since I didn't really see any of the words on the screen. I disgustedly closed my laptop and headed to my bed.
Staring at the ceiling I could only think of him. /Duo.../ His face floated into my line of vision. I watched the cherubic face as it laughed at me. /I know... I know I'm an idiot./ I began to hate that face. /Still.. I can't believe you'd do this to me.../ I turned and buried my face into my pillow as the tears began to flow again. In the silence of the room all I could do was think. /You said you loved me! Why? To get me to do what you wanted?/
Tears ran freely down my face, dampening my pillow. /No.. It was my fault. I can't blame you, Duo. I shouldn't have tried... I shouldn't have reached out. I should have known./ I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out everything around me. /Why did I even try? What made me think... -anyone- could... love... me? I should have.../ I beat my pillow with my bruised fists. /I should have known... I'm so stupid./ I knew.. I'd blinded myself. I let myself hope... And I shouldn't have given in...
The phone rang again, but I hardly noticed as I cried myself to sleep.
~duo~
I stood and looked around. /Ahh it really is a beautiful day.. I should see if I can get Heero-- / I winced as I thought about him again. I hadn't meant to. I was just going to enjoy the day, not even thinking about venturing back to the apartment until long after he'd have been asleep. /Dammit.. And now you're ruining my day as well? Not that it could get any worse.../ Bitter thoughts followed his name in my mind. Trying to ignore them I walked down the street along the avenue that paralleled the park, braiding my now brushed and tangle-free hair as well as I could.
Still thinking of him, I peeked into the shops. For some reason, every little thing I saw, I imagined Heero owning it. I sighed dejectedly and just let myself think of him. I decided that if I couldn't stop myself from doing so, I'd at least let my mind wander into fantasy.
/Ah I think Heero would look great in that shirt! I should buy it for him.. as a birthday gift, of course. It'd be weird if I just bought him something out of nowhere!! Hmm, I don't even know when that is. Eh, I can pretend!/ And I laughed to myself, pretending that I'd not told Heero that I loved him. That we'd not slept together. That he'd not broken my heart.
/Oh just wait, Heero Yuy. One day I'm gonna sweep you off your feet. I'm going to tell you that I love you. Right to your face. And loud too!!/ I nearly danced along the street. /And you're going to look at me, surprised at first.. But then you're going to say 'Duo, I love you too.' Oh!/ I flopped down onto a bench, lost in my delusional daydream. /It'll be perfect!/ I closed my eyes and let my mind wander over that pretty, bright coloured plain of denial.
~heero~
When I woke up the phone was ringing again. Or still ringing? I didn't know, nor did I care; I just barely heard it anyway. As if controlled by something else, I rolled over and picked up the handset, pressed a button down and set the handset on the table next to the phone. My blurry eyes stared at nothing.
Sighing, I raised myself off of the bed and made my way back to the shower. /I can't do this anymore./ On the way, I grabbed a small metal object and held it in the palm of my hand, still in a daze. /Duo..../
I reached the shower and turned it on, adjusting the temperature so that it would be comfortable. Still in a fog, I stepped under the stream of water and sat down, still fully clothed.