Tutto A Te Mi Guida
Chapter 2- Even If I'm Not With You
Disclaimers: Standard RK disclaimers apply. I'm merely borrowing these characters for the purpose of writing this fic. Please don't sue, I'm a good kid.
Jo-chan: Arigatou gozaimasu to those who reviewed my little story, I don't usually write angst so the feedback was extremely appreciated.
**********
And yet all my efforts were for nothing
For there is only sorrow in loving
--Jo-chan
The sun was setting across the horizon.
Aoshi let the wind sweep his hair away from his face, wishing that the breeze that touched him so intimately is Misao's hand. He placed his elbows against the ship's rail as he gazed out at the fading land.
The sky was vividly tinged with orange and blue, the sea gulls sweeping across the darkened sea. Aoshi closed his eyes, hoping that the serenity would bring him even a small amount of peace.
But the beauty of dusk did little to erase the memory of Misao's tears. "I hope she accepts my gift," he thought as he leaned against the ship's rail.
"Why so lonely caro?" asked a velvety female voice.
Aoshi turned around swiftly as he saw a beautiful young woman smiling at him. He bowed respectfully, noting the elegant western attire the woman was wearing. She had a strange accent, not Dutch or English and her accent somehow reminds him of a former client.
She spoke in softly accented Japanese although he wasn't able to understand her last word. "Konnichiwa," he said shortly before turning away to leave. A slim hand held onto his sleeve, making him stop before he can walk away.
"Please stay... I'm feeling rather lonely," she said, her voice different, sounding terrible vulnerable unlike her earlier flirtatious tone. Aoshi turned to look at her more closely. She smiled slightly when he hesitated and it was then when he noticed her warm, golden-brown eyes. Her eyes held a vibrance reminiscent of Misao but he can also read the sorrow. She bore such a strong resemblance to Misao's presence it was almost as if she was actually there with him.
"Watashi wa Shinomori Aoshi," he said extending his hand in a western gesture that he learned in his years of espionage. Her smile widened more as she took his hand and responded in kind. "Watashi wa Soledad Garcia," she said with a smile.
In the dim light, Aoshi realized she was still pretty young, not much older than Misao's 18 years. They kept silent for awhile, still uneasy with each other's company. She broke the silence after a while, her voice light and soft as she said, "The meaning of my name is 'solitude' Aoshi. Somehow, I have a feeling that you're very familiar with that emotion..."
Aoshi swallowed a lump of regret as he gazed at the sight of Japan's shore growing dim. He was putting an ocean between them now, there is no turning back in the path he has chosen.
"Gomen ne, Misao..."
**********
Misao huddled in her futon, not having moved an inch since morning. She hugged her knees tightly, gazing into the dark nothingness. The moon has risen high in the sky, its silvery beams illuminating the golden locket near her foot.
"Why?" she whispered, her voice so full of pain and anger. Her lifeless blue eyes were red-rimmed, a testimony to all the endless tears she shed. The note lay crumpled near the necklace, its sheet dark with tearstains.
A slight rasp of the door opening brought forth a brief vision of light before the paper door was slid shut. Soft padding of feet sounded yet Misao didn't attempt to look who it was. She felt too weary to even lift her head.
"Misao, this has got to stop," said Okina firmly as he planted himself directly in front of the young woman. Misao felt a brief flare of annoyance at his officious tone before the gloom reasserted itself.
Okina snorted in derision as he gazed at the pale and silent figure huddled within herself. "How dare you call yourself an okashira when a mere rejection from a man would break you so!" he exclaimed, the disdain so evident in his voice.
Misao dully lifted her head. "You're right, I'm a failure..." she whispered. Her shoulders were suddenly gripped with such force, bruises were sure to appear.
Okina began shaking her fiercely, his eyes suspiciously bright. "You're right, you are a failure if you let yourself give in to this sorrow! You can't let this pain rule your life Misao-chan! Can't you see that all you're doing is pitying yourself?" he yelled as he shook Misao fiercely.
Trembling, Misao's eyes raised up to meet Okina's fierce gaze. "It-- It just hurts so much Jiya..." she whispered as tears welled in her eyes. Okina's grip loosened as his hands slid from her shoulders to encircle her in a hug.
"Then just cry Misao-chan. I'm here, I'll never leave you..." he whispered as the girl's slim shoulders began to heave with wracking sobs. "Jiya-- he doesn't love-- Aoshi-sama doesn't love me! It hurts so much to know he can't even love me just a little..." sobbed Misao as she slid her own arms around Jiya.
"Of course he can't love you Misao... he loves you far too much to risk hurting you by letting you love a stained man like him..." whispered Okina as he rocked the girl comfortingly in his arms. His gaze fell upon the necklace and a distant memory stirred.
~ "I can't wait to give this to Misao-chan Jiya!" said seventeen year old Aoshi as he faced his comrade. Okina only chuckled as the normally placid okashira displayed an emotion that can only be described as enthusiasm. Okina carefully examined the necklace, noting the excellent craftsmanship. "It's far too fine for a child okashira. Maybe you should give it to someone older," he suggested as Aoshi only shook his head in negation. "Iie Jiya. The sapphire rose in the center of the locket reminds me of her eyes, maybe I'll just give it to her when she's older," mused Aoshi as he pocketed the necklace. Okina chuckled as he elbowed Aoshi playfully, "You know the necklace is more fit for a bride's gift okashira," he joked. Aoshi only smiled wistfully as he shook his head.
"Someday..." ~
Misao hiccuped as she wiped away her tears on Okina's gi. Okina sighed as he cradled the young woman. "Feel better now Misao?" he asked gently as Misao pulled back and sheepishly scratched her head.
"Ano... gomen ne Jiya for the silly way I've acted these past few days," she whispered, her eyes downcast. Okina sighed in relief as he slowly stood up and carefully picked up the locket. He silently handed her the locket, ignoring the anger that leapt in her transparent blue eyes.
"Do this for me Misao, I'm an old man. Keep this necklace, Aoshi waited a long time just to give you this," he said wearily as he turned to leave. The girl remained silent and he turned to open the door.
"You're such a liar Jiya... Aoshi doesn't care even a bit. But I'll keep this if it'll make you happy," said Misao in resignation feeling as if the golden necklace burned her hand as she held onto it.
Okina turned, grabbed the necklace and slipped it onto her head. Misao's eyes widened and before she knew it, she was now wearing the necklace. "This will make me happy," said Okina in satisfaction before turning away to leave. "I expect you back to work tomorrow morning okashira," added Okina as he closed the door of Misao's room.
***********
~ The acrid smell of gunpowder and blood rose in his nostrils. Aoshi choked back the urge to gag, knowing that it was only in his strength could he save his comrades. "Hannya, Hyotoko, Beshimi, Shikijo!" he cried out in a voice so full of despair.
"No, I can't fail now..." he thought wildly as Hannya collapsed. The image then faded and an image of a laughing chibi-Misao replaced it. "Ne Aoshi-sama? You'll never leave Misao-chan ne?" she asked her ocean-blue eyes so full of innocence.
"Iie!!!! Why are your hands so full of blood?" screamed chibi-Misao as Aoshi tried to hold her. The image of chibi-Misao changed into an image of an 18-year old young woman. She was laughing, reaching for him but when she fell into his arms, her eyes were full of tears.
"No Misao. NO!!!!!" he shouted. ~
Aoshi woke up panting, sweat staining his sheets. His heart pounded wildly as he loosened the sheet covering him. His chest was slick with sweat, his old scars itching in a remembrance of pain.
He dropped his head in his hands. "When will this end?" he asked in the darkness of his cabin.
"When?"
******************
Back in Japan, Misao stood up slowly, clenching her fists as she walked over to open her door.
The time for grieving is over. Aoshi has made his decision to go, there was nothing more she can do. All Misao wants now is to be able to move on.
"I will make it through this," whispered Misao fiercely in the incoming dawn. Her eyes narrowed in determination as she carefully opened a chest in the corner of her room. With reverent hands, she opened a carefully wrapped object she obtained from her chest.
Two kodachis gleamed in the early morning light. "Otou-chan, I will make a great okashira for you, I swear it on my life," she said as she wrapped her hand around one of the kodachi. She took a deep breath then, and unsheathing and shifting the kodachi in one quick motion, her braid fell down unto her lap.
Dark, raven tresses tumbled over her shoulders and Misao felt a sense of sorrow and at the same time, freedom. 'Everyone has a price to pay for growing up, maybe for her, it had to mean giving up a life-long dream.' Misao took a determined breath as she pulled her shortened hair back up on top of her head. (think Misanagi, the female okashira in the episode where they try to find the miracle medicine) She placed two special hair ornaments, a weapon in the guise of a hair-pin.
She stood up, her grip tightening around the twin kodachis she held in both hands. "I will get through this," she vowed.
To be continued...
***********
Author's Note:
Wai! Misao cut off her hair-- but technically, her hair's still pretty long, remember, she was able to put it on top of her head in a style a la Misanagi. I hope you remember her, I can't remember the name of her group though, gomen. Soledad will sort of be a Misao for Aoshi-- please don't hate her character. Italian speaking readers, please keep the meaning of tutto a te mi guida, ONEGAI! Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews.