Dante's Prayer
by: Karin
Disclaimer: The song "Dante's Prayer" belongs to
Loreena McKennett. Also, all Gundam characters,
situations, lines, etc have been taken from their
respectible owners and used without pemission for a
little bit of fun. Gomen! I'll give them back when I'm
finished in perfect condition. Honest!
Stars whizzed by the window of the spacecraft
passenger shuttle to the amazement of a handsome young
man. There was a soldier sitting next to him, speaking
to him in low tones, but he wasn't truly paying
attention. He was watching the Earth. The sun was
behind it now, creating such an incredible mixture of
light and dark it demanded the young man's total
attention. He would be going there soon for the first
time, and the excitement that thought held for him was
ineffable. The Earth. A place where the inhabitants
enjoyed real trees, the songs of native birds, and
genuine sunshine.
"When the dark wood fell before me."
"Heero!" The soldier next to him hissed his code
name with such violence it tore his eyes from the
window to consider him. "Have you heard a single word
I've told you?"
"No," he answered promptly and honestly. The
soldier scowled, and Heero thought he caught his hand
clench in frustration.
"Then listen more closely. We'll be reaching the
colony in a few hours where you'll be getting off.
You'll take my bag instead of the one you packed, it
has everything inside that you'll be needing. They
won't question you. Inside you'll find the print outs
of your target. You'll have seventeen hours to
complete your task, and I advise you to do it at
night. As soon as you've finished come to the
rendezvous point where you'll be picked up and taken
back home before they realize anything is wrong.
Understood?"
"Could you explain to me the purpose of the
mission?" If he had to destroy something he wanted a
reason for doing so.
"The Earth Sphere Alliance has been wanting to
take over the colonies ever since they had the
president assassinated, but we're not going to let
that happen. Right now the Alliance is having a bit of
a problem with keeping their control on Earth, so now
is the time to rid our colonies of their rule. Do you
understand that?" The soldier's manner was beginning
to grate on Heero's nerves. Of course he understood.
That is why they were sending him to the colony
instead of the arrogant older man.
"Mission accepted," he muttered before returning
to the window. After this mission he could go to
Earth. He just had to remember that as he was
infiltrating the Alliance base.
"And all the paths were overgrown."
"We are about to dock in port 371 of Colony L85.
Passengers are asked to retrieve their luggage from
the above containers and prepare to land. Thank you."
The soldier gave Heero one look before handing him his
bag. There was no difference between the soldier's bag
and the one Heero had taken, and there was a reason
for that. A few moments passed before the shuttle made
a smooth landing into the port of the colony. Once
they were safely stopped, three Alliance men came onto
the shuttle, guns visible at their hips. The soldier
beside Heero held onto Heero's bag tightly,
possesively, and looked at the men. Heero barely gave
them a glance, but he had to give credit to the
soldier's acting abilities. The Alliance men did not
board every vessel so Heero was certain they had been
informed by the port they had left from. It was not
every day that soldiers brought explosives onto
shuttles after all. These men had been waiting for
this particular spacecraft.
The men in their official uniforms went down the
aisles, and once they passed the people would hurry
out. One middle aged man stopped in front of the
soldier and Heero. He pointed at Heero, who tried to
look as innocent and unconcerned as possible, then
jerked his thumb in the direction of the exit. He
picked up the bag, the very one the men were looking
for, and hastened off the shuttle. The Alliance would
take the soldier for questioning, but when they
examined the bag all they would find would be clothes
and toothpaste, and by the time that happened Heero
would be out of trouble. This would make it a little
more difficult to infiltrate the base, but he knew he
could handle it. Behind him he heard the soldier
making protests as the men took hold of him, and
smiled softly at the stewardess as he walked past her.
There were other Alliance men in the port, but
most of them were not paying any attention to him. And
why should they? They had their man, and the danger of
terrorists was over. No one should take any notice of
one young boy wandering in the busy bustle of the
space port. He spared them barely a glance, and made
an easy path out.
"When the priets of pride say there is no other way."
So that's the base, he thought to himself as he
walked around the permeter of the fence. A fence that
he would be leaping over shortly. It was a huge, stark
structure with all the appearances of looking
official. As he walked around he picked the points
where he would have to set explosives. One at the main
entrance, another toward the south entrance, a few
more at various places that he would determine when he
was inside. That would be the most difficult part. .
.getting inside and then out again without being seen.
Wait a moment, there was something else inside
the fence. Heero stopped to consider it carefully. It
seemed a part of the base at first, but when he looked
more closely he saw a woman hanging a rug out of an
open window. Housing quarters for the soldiers and
their families. No good, Heero shook his head. They
were so close to the base. If he wasn't careful he
could very well level the entire living building along
with the other. With a pensive hand to his chin, he
studied the proximity of the two structures, and
nodded. It was possible, but he would have to be very
strategic in the placement of his explosives.
Now, he thought, to get to work. He didn't
really want to, but if Dr. J told him it was necessary
then it must be. "There is only one way, Heero," he
had told him. "If we are to be independent then we
must not tolerate this organization to dictate our
colonies. We have to show them that we will not be
controlled." With renewed purpose he shouldered the
bag, and began to walk backwards so he could gain
enough speed to make it over that fence.
"I tilled the sorrows of stone."
Gaining entrance to the base was easier than he
had first thought. He only had to take out one guard
with a quick chop to the neck with his hand. The man
crumpled without a sound, and Heero made it inside. He
wouldn't have much time before the man regained
consciousness, or someone found him, but he knew what
he was doing. In such a spacious building it was quite
simple to manuever inside without being seen,
especially with the use of the ventillation system.
That is where he placed most of the explosives, hoping
to dilute the impact by putting most of them deep
inside the walls. That way it might be contained and
not get close to the housing quarters.
He passed the same man on his way out, planting
one last bomb where it would not be noticed. He was
still unconscious and Heero would bet that he wouldn't
even remember what happened when he woke up. Meaning
that everything was secure and ready for him whenever
he wanted to take action. That wouldn't be for a
while, there was still a few hours of daylight left.
Well, it wasn't exactly sunlight, but it was a decent
imitation. He gave one last look at the building,
feeling an odd sense of accomplishment for his well
done job, before jumping back over the fence and
running until the base was no longer visible before
pulling to a halt. He found himself in a park, filled
with flowers and trees probably brought all the way
from Earth. It was different than his colony, and he
found it very beautiful. He knelt down to touch the
living grass, then stretched out on his back, reveling
in the softness of it and the warmth of the sunshine.
"I did not believe because I could not see."
It was easy to forget what he was there for
surrounded by those flowers and the trees. Why there
was even a gentle breeze blowing across the land. How
they had organized that, he couldn't tell, but it was
very nice. The base was far behind him, and even
though he'd have to return there soon, he could still
take these moments and make them his own. He wasn't a
terrorist, he was a teenager. In a little while he
would go home to help his mother set the table and
then do his homework to the sounds of her humming and
of the water running as she washed the dishes. He'd
never met his mother, but he sometimes thought of her.
Daydreaming of a normal life without explosives or
missions or the Alliance. Things would be simple, and
he would be happy. He felt a smile curve his lips as
he thought of it, and he fell into a half doze.
"Though you came to me in the night."
"Are you lost?" Came the question in a childish
soprano voice. Heero unclosed his eyes and sat up to
consider who had addressed him. It was a young girl,
no more than eight, standing in the fading artificial
sunshine of the colony with an innocent smile on her
small heart shaped face. She wore a cute spring dress
and hat and in her hand was a red leash snapped to the
collar of an excited, brown puppy. Lost? Not really,
he knew where he was, and he should be getting back to
the base since it was almost night.
"I've been lost from the time I was born," he
replied with only a slight tone of bitterness. He
hadn't expected his voice to sound so cold, but in
comparison to the girl's soft words he might as well
be made of stone. The puppy squirmed onto his lap,
giving a sharp yap of a bark.
"Her name is Mary," the girl told him, kneeling
down to pull the little mass of fur away from him. It
gave another bark before jumping up to lick its
mistress' cheek. She giggled and patted it gently on
the head. Heero watched her sweet purity in silence.
She was so innocent, her laugh was so clear. He'd
never experienced such emotion and he found himself
confused because of it.
"I hope you find your way," she said, handing
him a single yellow flower that she had been intending
to give to her mother when she got home. She changed
her mind because this boy seemed to need it more.
Heero blinked, looking at the bright flower carefully
before taking it from her. For a moment the girl
thought about kissing him on the cheek, but Mary,
catching sight of a rabbit, tugged at her restraint,
dragging the girl with her. "Wait Mary!" Heero caught
himself surpressing laughter as he watched her short
form trot down the hill with Mary pulling her onward.
Then he looked at the flower. No one had ever given
him anything before. It was just a flower, but for
some reason it made him feel special.
That's why he tucked it next to his gun and ran
after the girl. He took the leash from her and easily
stopped Mary from chasing the rabbit. She smiled at
him with child like admiration and he found himself
smiling back.
"It's getting dark," he said. "Let me walk you
home." Her smile grew broader and she reached for his
hand in the artificial twilight. He stiffened at
first, but allowed her to keep possession of his hand.
He even gave her small fingers a squeeze before they
started off together.
"Thank you. I live by the Alliance base." His
heart tightened. He'd tried to put that out of his
mind. The base. There would be no base there soon. "My
daddy works there," the little girl chattered on as
she skipped to keep up with his faster stride. "He's a
soldier, and my mommy says he's very important. Maybe
you could stay so you could meet him." Heero licked
his lips and refused to say anything.
"When the dawn seemed forever lost."
He walked on in silence, allowing the girl to
lead him where ever she would, keeping up a constant
string of nonsense gibberish as they went. She talked
about her puppy, and her mother, and her older
brother, and her school, and a hundred other things.
And all the while they walked, the light faded down
into the night of the colony. He was going to ruin her
life, he realized. The same sweet child who was
holding his hand tightly was going to be crying in a
little while when he completed his mission. He only
hoped her father would be safe at home before he
pushed the button to detonate. The sun would never
shine on this girl again.
"You showed me your love in the light of the stars."
"Here it is!" The girl cried, digging into her
pocket for her entrance card. Heero felt a stab of
guilt as he followed her inside the confines of the
gate. He'd only taken her home because it was an easy
way to breach the heavier security of the night. But
he found himself feeling something for her as she
beckoned him toward the building. "Come and meet my
mommy and daddy." He shook his head, handing her the
leash.
"Maybe some other time. I have to get home too."
Her little face fell in disappointment for a moment
before brightening again.
"Tomorrow?" He laughed at her eagerness, and, on
impulse, bent down to stroke the puppy.
"We'll see," he replied vaguely. "Get on to your
mother now before she gets worried." Since he was
still kneeling, she gave him a quick, gentle kiss on
the cheek. Then, in a fit of giggling, she allowed
Mary to pull her up the stairs to her apartment where
all the lights were on and Heero could see the
silhouette of a woman welcoming her inside. He smiled
as he watched the door close, then took out the
detonation device, pulling the flower from its
position. It fluttered to the ground and for a moment
he thought about leaving it there, but in the end he
bent to pick it up and tuck it back into its place.
"Good-night!!" He heard the voice above him and
looked up to wave at the girl one last time as she
smiled down at him from an open window.
"Hana," he heard her mother call, and then saw
her standing beside her daughter, looking down at him.
"Who are you shouting at?"
"The boy, mommy, the one who walked me home.
See? There he is." The woman studied him carefully
before smiling.
"Thank you, dear," she called down. "Did you
want to come in for a minute?"
"No ma'am," he said, shaking his head. "I'm
expected somewhere."
"Perhaps some other time then. Good-night!" The
two forms disappeared and the window was closed. Heero
stood alone, gazing upward. He looked past the window,
and out to the stars that were visible in some parts
of the colony's construction. They shone with the same
pure light that poured warmly from the window of the
family he was going to leave. No time to think about
that though. He had a mission to accomplish.
"Then the mountain rose before me."
The building was covered in light too, but it
was harsher. Heero need not even get very close, only
just enough so the signal would be received by the
explosive planted near the main entrance. No problem.
He still held the flower in the same hand as the
detonation device, but he was barely noticing either
of them. He looked at the huge building, looming over
everything within its shadow. It deserved to be
destroyed, but did he have any right to ruin the lives
of the soldier's families? Stop, Heero, he told
himself, raising his hand. Now is not the time for
second thoughts. You only have a half an hour before
you are to meet the shuttle at the rendezvous point,
and if you don't do this you will never get to Earth.
With renewed resolve he pressed the button. . .and the
first explosion went off. What followed was a noisy
combination of explosions, sirens, and screaming.
"Mission accomplished," Heero whispered in the
clamor. He was just about to turn away and hop the
fence before anyone came looking for him, when he saw
one of the walls fall in the wrong direction. .
.toward the housing quarters. Tossing the detonation
device aside violently, but still clinging to the
flower, he ran forward a few steps as if to prevent it
from happening, though there was no way to stop it
now. The building collapsed to the sound of more
screams, and the lights in Hana's home flared brightly
as they caught fire. He felt his eyes burn and
wondered if some stray ashes had fallen into them.
Without thinking he continued running forward, even as
the building toppled, quenching the flames with the
dust of the broken bricks. He ran into the rubble,
heedless of falling shrapnel, until he found what he
had hoped wouldn't be there. Under a pile of rock he
could make out a bit of dirty, torn fabric. Upon it
was the print of the dress Hana had been wearing just
a short time ago, and beside it was Mary, her teeth
clenched on the material as if trying to drag Hana out
from under the ruin that would be her only grave. As
Heero came close, he heard the small animal whine in
pain.
"By the deep well of desire."
His hand tightened on the stem of the wilting
flower. His throat hurt, his hand hurt, everything
hurt. What's wrong with me? He thought as he stood
there, powerless to move. I only have fifteen minutes.
I have to leave. Ash began falling all around him,
giving the illusion of snow. The explosions had
ceased, as well as the sirens. Fear tightened his
throat even further, but relaxed again when he saw
that there was no reason for it. There was no one
alive here except him. He had lived. Kneeling next to
Mary, he began to stroke her dirty fur. He could see
the blood where it had matted the soft brown, and also
where it covered the white of Hana's dress. The
burning sensation returned to his eyes, and he felt
something hot and wet slide down his cheek.
He brushed it away angrily, and, in a fit of
rage at himself, shoved the half collapsed wall off of
the girl trapped beneath. She was covered in dirt and
blood, her hat gone and her dress torn. Yet amazingly,
she moved a tiny bit once she was free. His throat
constricted on its own as he dropped to his knees to
support her head and lift her into a semi sitting
position to ease her breathing. He could feel several
of her bones were broken, and there was a crack in her
skull, but she was alive. Mary made a small sound, and
moved slightly closer to him.
"You came back," Hana murmured, her eyes
fluttering open and closed as she struggled to stay
conscious. He brushed a strand of hair away from her
face, trying to think of something appropriate to say.
"I never left," he whispered bending over her to
protect her from the falling ashes. Her body tightened
in pain, and she bit her lip to keep from crying out.
"I'll never leave." Fifteen minutes, maybe less. He
could take her with him, save her. Of course, she
could survive. There was a woman on his colony, a
doctor he'd met once. She could save her.
"Look," he strained to hear her harsh whisper.
"The ocean." She stretched out her small hand as if to
touch his face near his eye, and he gently took it in
his own, pulling it back to the comfort of his
embrace. Ocean? It was an unfamiliar word to him. He
would have asked her what she meant, but she was so
badly hurt it was probably just a delerious ranting.
She looked deep into his eyes, and they were clear
this time, completely calm and so beautifully clear.
"The ocean." He didn't know what to say so he kept
silent, keeping her gaze until her eyes closed for the
last time. Her small body convulsed sharply against
him, and then there was nothing. It was then that he
realized he would have to leave her here, alone, with
the rest of these poor people who had died because of
him. Mary whimpered and brushed her head against his
hand as he lay Hana down, crossing her arms over her
chest.
"I'm sorry," he stuttered, petting the dog with
one hand and clenching the flower with the other. "I
had to. I'm so sorry." He never understood why, but he
picked up Mary and cradled her gently against him,
standing stiffly. She made a whimpering sound, but was
too weak and hurt to do anything to prevent him. He
decided to take her with him to his colony. He would
take care of her since it was his fault her mistress
was dead. He squeezed his eyes shut as he thought of
that. He had killed someone. He had killed an innocent
little girl. He wished it hadn't happened. He wished
he hadn't been here at all. He wished he'd never met
her. He wished the war could be avoided. And he wished
he was dead himself. But no matter how tightly he
closed his eyes or how much he desired occurrences to
reverse themselves, he was still standing in the
middle of a burned ruin with a whimpering puppy held
in his arms.
"From the fountain of forgiveness."
He looked upward to see the ash still falling,
but beyond it he could see the stars still flashing
their cold brilliance outside of the colony. As he
stood and watched they seemed to blur together, and
once again he felt the hot, wet something slide down
his face. What was that? Why did he feel like this? He
wasn't supposed to feel anything. He was Heero Yuy;
the perfect soldier wasn't he? The puppy made a pained
noise, bringing his attention from the fuzzy stars. It
was then that he realized that his hands were shaking.
Why? And he couldn't seem to stop. The trembling
sensation traveled through his arms and then
throughout his entire body, until he was forced to
kneel again, curling himself around Mary. His throat
tightened and he choked, squeezing his eyes shut
because they were on fire. His stomach hurt. What is
wrong with me? Mary whined. Why is this happening? He
felt her struggle against him as his grip tightened
too hard. I can't feel anything. A sharp sound escaped
from his throat, and his shoulders convulsed with the
force of it. I'm not supposed to feel anything! Up
above the stars stared down at him accusingly, and he
gave up any hope of being forgiven for what he had
done.
"Beyond the ice and the fire."
He never really knew how he reached the
rendezvous point. He supposed he had walked away from
the scene in a pained daze, stumbling through the dark
and making it just in time. A different soldier was
there than the one he came to the colony with. He
gestured hurriedly for him to get on the spacecraft.
The only thing he seemed to be able to say was
"mission accomplished" when they spoke to him, but he
never really knew what they said. He spent the flight
staring out the window at the far off Earth, and it
seemed colder to him than when he had seen it
seventeen hours ago. He would have to do this again
and again and again. He was no better than the
terrorist that the Alliance labeled him. At first he
was angry at himself. Why had he proceeded with the
mission when he knew that the housing quaters were too
close? He should have known better than that! By the
time they were far away from the colony, however, the
flames in his soul had died down into a shocked
numbness. And somehow that hurt more than being angry.
To be able to feel something is always better than
indifference. He closed his eyes, seeing again and
again Hana reaching down to hand him a flower, and
finally fell asleep to the stroking motions his
fingers made over Mary's fur.
"Though we share this humble path, alone."
"Fool!" Was the first word he heard as he
stepped off the shuttle. He was home again, still
carrying Mary even though she had died on the plane.
He paid whoever had called him a fool no attention,
only walked slowly down the bleak, dark corridor that
led to his simple bedroom. "If you can't handle death
then you will never make the soldier that we need. The
perfect soldier can have no emotions."
"Leave him be," came another voice, a feminine
one that Heero had only heard once before. He stared
straight ahead, ignoring everything except the little
brown corpse in his arms. The voices droned on, but he
could no longer hear them.
"It's only his first time," Dante argued, her
hands planted firmly on her hips as she prevented Dr.
J from following the hurting Heero. "We don't know
what happened to him there."
"It doesn't matter. He can't give in to these
feelings if he is going to do us any good. I am not
willing to admit that all the training I have put him
through has been for nothing."
"Let me go to him, then." Dr. J shook his head
in a vigorous no. Dante's prussian blue eyes took on
the shine of pleading as she rushed to prevent him
from walking away from her. "Let me talk to him. I
can't make him deny that he is a human being with
feelings, but I might be able to help him deal with
them in a way that will be beneficial to both of you."
"You know why I can't allow you to do this."
"He won't know. I won't tell him. Please Dr. J,
if he is going to be worth anything to you then you
have to let me talk to him." The elderly doctor
adjusted his glasses as he sighed wearily. Dante felt
his will crumbling as she stood waiting patiently for
his answer.
"Be quick, and not a word --"
"I know. I promise." She almost ran away from
him just in case he changed his mind at the last
second. It had been so long since she had been allowed
to actually speak to Heero, and even though the
circumstances that had led to this meeting were
unfortunate, she couldn't deny that she was happy
about the outcome.
It was only when she reached his closed door
that she hesitated. How would she help him? He had
been trained so harshly. What if her gentle words
could not be understood by him now? But he couldn't be
beyond all feeling or this mission would not have
affected him so much. What if he didn't remember her?
He'd only met her once, and that had been by accident.
She wasn't supposed to have any contact with him at
all. That had been Dr. J's idea to keep them separate.
It wasn't wise for Heero to grow emotionally attached
to anyone. He was meant for a suicide mission after
all. She shook her head, not wanting to think about
that, and with renewed resolve opened the door. She
had to be strong for him now because only she knew
exactly how he felt. And only she knew the depth of
his loneliness.
"How fragile is the heart."
He was sitting on the edge of his bed when she
entered. Just sitting there with his dirty clothes
still on and the light still off. In his slightly
trembling arms he held the body of the dead puppy, and
one withered yellow flower. Dante had no way of
knowing what had happened to him on the colony, and it
would take a great deal of persuasion to get him to
talk about it. He did not even seem to be aware that
she stood directly in front of him, even though he
stared right at her feet, rocking slightly back in
forth in shock. His expression was torn. Torn between
wanting to be the perfect soldier he had been trained
to be and giving in to what his body told him he
should be feeling. It hurt to see him that way. He
didn't even seem to be able to weep. How was it that
those men had taken from him the ability to cry? Any
normal teenager would be running to her arms for
comfort, but even though he was brokenhearted he would
not allow himself that weakness.
"Oh, give these clay feet wings to fly."
"Heero," she used the only name he had ever
known, though it was not the name she had given him.
He flinched at the word, but would not look at her
until she had knelt down to catch his eyes. "Tell me
what happened." His lower lip quivered and for a
moment she thought he would break down.
"Mission accomplished," he whispered taking a
deep breath and breaking their gaze. For a moment she
considered embracing him, but thrust that thought from
her mind as Dr. J's warning came back to her. There
will be no contact.
"Well done," she whispered back, realizing that
he was not ready to talk just yet. She would have to
take a different stance to the situation. "Now get
cleaned up and into bed. Dr. J will be giving you your
new orders in the morning." This got his attention. He
stopped rocking and raised his head. "You'll be going
to Earth." He stood up so slowly it would have locked
anyone else's knees, staring at her and clinging to
the little dog. "Let me take that." He hesitated,
looking down and stroking its matted fur.
"Mary," he said, still petting it.
"Mary," she repeated, reaching out to take it.
He sighed, but relinquished it to her and turned in
the direction of his shower. "I'll be here in the
morning, Heero." He stopped at the sound of his name,
half turning.
"Ocean," he whispered. "What is an ocean?" He
asked in the soft voice that implied it was not a
rhetorical question. Dante raised an eyebrow. Ocean?
Where had he heard that word? It meant nothing. Had no
relevance to anything that was going on. Heero had
never seen an ocean, no body of water larger than a
fountain. As she stood there puzzling on his strange
question, the sound of running water drifted out to
her. He was washing away the dirt and blood of his
mission while she was standing there holding the
corpse of the dog.
"To touch the face of the stars."
"It didn't do any good did it?" Dr. J greeted
her as she closed the door to Heero's room as softly
as possible, the puppy tucked in the crook of her
elbow. The unspoken "I told you so" made her furious.
"What did you do to him? Who carries around the
body of a dead dog?"
"It was a test, to see if he was strong enough
to send to Earth where none of us will be able to help
him. I must admit that I thought he could handle it
better than he is."
"And the dog?" The elder man shook his head,
giving it a glance.
"There's nothing to be done for that except to
burn it. Now that you have had your chance I suggest
that you take care of that."
"I need more time. He needs time. He's only just
come back."
"You sound as if you need this more than he
does." She stiffened, breaking eye contact with Dr.
J's flashing glasses. The thing was that he was right.
Without another word, she walked past him, intent on
burning Mary. She did need time with Heero, much more
than she would ever receive, but for now she must be
content with what she had. Her only hope was that he
did not ask what had happened to the dog as she thrust
it into the flames. No, Heero was not the only one who
needed comfort. Heero was not the only one who lived
among the stars, yet still found himself powerless to
actually catch one. And how many more stars would be
lost by the end of the war that she was helping to
start? And Heero. What had she done to him? He'd never
be the same. Never enjoy anything normal. And she had
lost control of him. There was nothing for her to do
except sigh, and wish that she hadn't made this
mistake. - You have to fix this, Dante - she thought
to herself. - Help him so he can get through this war.
Show him that the stars gleam brightly no matter how
dark humanity might be. - But how? He would be
monitored now, and she was not supposed to be with
him. She couldn't break that rule, or could she? Were
keeping the rules more important to her than Heero?
Shaking her head she hurried back to his room, hoping
she wouldn't run into anyone on the way. She couldn't
leave him alone, not tonight when he needed her most.
"Breathe life into this feeble heart."
When she entered Heero's room the second time,
he was fast asleep on the bed, completely dressed with
a laptop still glowing by his head. She bent down to
see what he had been researching. Pictures of the
ocean were flashing across the screen. He was still
wondering about oceans while she still had no idea
why. She considered waking him, but decided against
it. Let him have this peace, it would be the only
peace he would find for a very long time hereafter.
She closed the computer, shutting down the images and
lifting it from the bed. Heero stirred as the screen
went dark. Dante could see his eyes squeeze tightly
shut, and he made a whimpering sound as he flipped
over onto his back.
"I killed her," he whispered, though whether he
was awake or not was impossible to determine. "It was
my fault. . .the housing quarters were too close. .
.she gave me a flower. . .and I killed her. But that's
what I'm supposed to do. Why won't it go away?" So he
talked in his sleep. She didn't know that. There were
so many things about Heero that she didn't know that
she should. From his sleeping habits to his favorite
color. She hovered over the bed, her fingers
outstretched as if to smooth his hair from his
forehead, but for some reason she just couldn't do it.
She couldn't bring herself to touch him for fear he
might wake and find her there. Instead she knelt by
his bed, studying his perfect features in the
artificial light that crept inside from the window.
"You didn't kill her," she whispered
comfortingly to him even though he probably could not
hear. "The war killed her. Foolish, power hungry men
killed her."
"So innocent. . .her laugh. . .her eyes. . .she
was so relieved when I came back to hold her as she
died. . .she said she could see the ocean."
"She'll never know pain, Heero. She's safe now.
You need to worry about yourself. It was not your
fault the housing quarters were too close. Let her go
and focus on how you're going to make it through
this." He made another whimpering sound, rolling over
to his side and curling up in a protective ball. Even
in his sleep he was fighting himself, trying to remain
in control of his emotions.
"I don't want to die. . .afraid . . .the ocean
looks cold and dark. . .I'm afraid." Again she
resisted the urge to brush a hand across his cheek.
She knew now what the girl had meant when she had seen
the ocean. She had been looking into Heero's dark,
cold, prussian blue eyes and thought they looked like
the water.
"Oceans are beautiful, Heero. When you are on
Earth you will see just how awe inspiring they are
when the sun sets over them. Just wait. The war will
be over soon and you will live. You will live on
because you are strong."
"Lift this mortal veil of fear."
"It is all right to be afraid, Heero. You should
be afraid if you are to keep your senses, but don't
let it overcome you. Make Death your ally."
"It didn't help Hana to dance with Death."
"She wasn't dancing with Death, she was in an
accident. You have the power of Death, Heero. It's
yours to deal out as you please."
"I don't want it."
"I know, and I should have realized that before
I ever got you involved in this." The sound of the
door opening caused her to spin around to see who had
entered. Fear clutched her heart as she recognized the
silhouette of Dr. J standing in the light of the hall.
She stood quickly, placing a careful hand on Heero's
bed, almost touching his fingers.
"I'm not leaving," she blurted out before he
even had a chance to say anything.
"You know the rules, Dante."
"He can't be alone tonight. One night won't make
any difference in our relationship."
"One night can make all the difference in the
world."
"Please." She felt a tear slide down her cheek
and splatter on her hand. "I still love him." Dr. J
sighed, reaching for the doorknob with his good hand.
"One night," he said quietly, and disappeared.
Wiping her eyes, Dante returned her attention to the
boy on the bed, only to find him sitting up and
staring at her curiously.
"Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears."
"Dante," he whispered her name and she smiled
for him. "I don't understand."
"You don't need to, Heero. Only know that people
will die in this, and you must be ready to accept
that." He squeezed his eyes shut as if torn between
keeping stoic or telling her a secret.
"What is wrong with me?"
"There is nothing wrong with you."
"Then why do I hurt so much?" She bit her lip,
wondering how to respond.
"Because Death is painful, Heero. But everything
will come out right if you live by your emotions. They
will tell you what you should do. And should you ever
encounter Death, make him your ally, but however its
done try to live through this." He nodded slowly
before slipping under the blankets and curling up in a
sleepy, sorrowful ball. She remained sitting on the
bed. She would wait until he was completely asleep,
even if she waited all night.
"We'll rise above these earthly cares."
She may be just as unused to showing her
feelings as was the boy in the bed, but for the first
time in her life she stroked his cheek softly and
thought she saw him smile. He gave a comfortable sort
of sigh at her touch, curling tighter. The coming war
faded in the artificial moonlight. The destroyed base
was of no importance. Hana's memory was still there,
and it would take a long time before Heero would be
able to forgive himself, but it would not have a
crippling effect on his performance. He would be fine.
He would make it through this.
"Cast your eyes on the ocean," Dante
prayed/whispered over the boy. "Cast your soul to the
sea. When the dark night seems endless, please
remember me." Timidly and slowly, she bent to give him
a gentle kiss on the forehead, then started up when he
stirred slightly. She could leave him now. There was
nothing more she could do for him.
Heero stiffened when he felt the woman's lips
brush his forehead. It eased the pain that gripped his
heart and throat. Even more than that, he had seen the
ocean in her eyes as well, reflecting the stars and
making it seem less frightening. He would be able to
live by his emotions, at least he would try. And he
would free the colonies from the Alliance. He was
Heero Yuy, who would make a friend of Death himself.
"Good-night Heero," the woman named Dante
whispered and he felt her get up from the bed. There
was a brief light flooding into the room as she opened
and closed the door and he was alone again.
"Good-night, Mom," he whispered after her,
knowing she hadn't heard, but thinking it better that
way. He would go to Earth tomorrow and have to leave
her behind, but he could remember what she told him.
"Cast your eyes on the ocean.
Cast your soul to the sea.
When the dark night seems endless,
please remember me."