I still haven't gotten around to owning GW or Mulan.
~Scene of a busy market road~
Lucrezia: **standing near a door looking worried**
Trowa (woman#1): **opens the curtain and looks at Lucrezia** Fa Li, hasn't your
daughter arrived here yet? The matchmaker is not a patient woman. **goes
back inside**
Lucrezia: Of all days to be late... **sigh** I should've prayed to the ancestors
for luck.
Howard: **snickers** Even praying couldn't help hi-- her
Lucrezia: **grins and nudges him** shh... say your lines.
Jay: **smirks** keep going... never mind it **giggles a little**
Howard: ...Besides I've got all the luck we'll need. **holds up a small wooden
cage holding Hilde** Now's your chance to prove yourself.
Hilde: **holds herself up proudly**
Howard: **covers his eyes and steps out into the busy road holding the cage**
Lucrezia: Grandma! NO!
~people crash into each other trying to avoid Howard and a big smoke cloud
covers the scene~
Howard: **comes out of the cloud and uncovers his eyes then smiles and turns
around towards Lucrezia on the opposite side of the road. He holds up the
cage** Yep! This cricket's a lucky one!
Hilde: **knees wobble then she falls backwards fainting**
Lucrezia: **sighs**....**she hears a horse coming and looks up**
WuFei: **rides up next to her and jumps off the horse** I'm here!
Lucrezia: **glares**
WuFei: What Onna?!
Lucrezia: **grumbles at that then takes his arm and drags him into the
building**
Trowa: **singing** This is what you give me to work with? **starts ripping WuFei's
clothes off** Well honey, I've seen worse! We're going to turn this sow's ear
**tosses WuFei into the bath tub** into a silk purse!
WuFei: **holds his ears** YOU HENTAI!
Trowa: **singing still** We'll have you washed and dried. **washing WuFei's hair** Primped
and polished till you glow with pride. **dumps some stuff into his hair**
Just my recipe for instant bride. You'll bring honor to us all!
Lucrezia: **shakes her head then looks at WuFei's arm** Wulan, what's this?
**points at the writing**
WuFei: **jerks his arm away** None of your damn business woman!
Lucrezia: **sighs at WuFei and his lines**
Jay: **shrugs** oh well... he's fine... I didn't even expect him to wear the
dresses... **sigh**
Howard: Hold this **hands Hilde's cage to Lucrezia** We'll need more luck than I
thought.
~scene fades out and a new one appears with a close up of Wulan~
WuFei: **having his hair being pulled in all different directions** -_-``
Quatre: (woman#2): **singing** wait and see, when we're through...
Duo (woman #3): **singing** boys will gladly go to war for you. **tries
to hold back laughter**
WuFei: **glares**
Quatre: **singing through his giggles** with good fortune...
Duo: **braids WuFei's hair and sings** and a GREAT hairdo.
Both: **sing** you'll bring honor to us all!
WuFei: **grumbles**
Lucrezia: **leads WuFei out of the building and down the street singing**
Girls can bring their family great honor in one way...
Duo (chubby man playing checkers): **looking a bit frustrated at the
board**
Trowa (skinny balding man playing checkers): **moves his piece and leans
back proudly**
WuFei: **looks at the board then moves one of Duo's pieces for a win then
looks at them both** offense is the best de--
Lucrezia: **pulls him away still singing** By striking a good match and
this could be the day!
Jay: Does anyone remember that episode?
WuFei: **standing on a little stool in the middle of the room
glaring at who is dressing him**
Zechs (woman #4): **singing** Men want girls with good taste!
Heero (woman #5): **singing in horrible monotone** calm **tightens
measuring tape around WuFei's neck**
WuFei: **gags and rips it off his neck** they're trying to kill me
now!
Lucrezia: **places her hand on his shoulder singing** obedient
Heero: **monotone singing** who work fast paced... **slides around WuFei
on a cart thing**
Lucrezia: **singing** with good breeding
Heero: **monotone singing still** and a tiny waist
Both: **tighten the belt around WuFei**
WuFei: **eyes bug out for a second then he looks down at them glaring** I
hate you...
Both: **singing** You'll bring honor to us all!
Townspeople: **singing in the background** We all must serve our emperor
who guards us from the huns **continue to sing the rest as a small scene
unfolds**
Boy: **steals a doll from the little girl**
Girl: **tries to grab it back**
Boy: **starts running off but is greeted by WuFei's fist in his face**
WuFei: **takes the doll from the confused boy and tosses it to the girl**
Girl: **grins and hugs the doll**
WuFei: **rolls his eyes** women...
~scene changed to a close-up of Wulan's lips being painted red with a small
brush~
Dorothy (woman #6): **singing** when we're through you'll not fail.
**puts some kind of mascara on WuFei's eye lashes** Like a lotus blossom soft
and pale. **picks up a mirror and shows WuFei his reflection** like a lotus
blossom soft and pale. You'll bring honor to us all.
WuFei: **eyes go wide at his reflection then go back to his normal
"I'm going to kill you all when this is over!" look**
Lucrezia: **opens a small cloth containing that pretty hair piece**
Jay: I don't know what kind of flower it is... a lotus?
Lucrezia: **shrugs at Jay then puts the hair piece in WuFei's hair**
there you're ready...
WuFei: Thank God.
Howard: **enters the room** Not yet!
WuFei: **groans**
Howard: An apple for serenity. **shoves the apple in WuFei's mouth** A
pendant for balance **slips the pendant into the belt of WuFei's dress**
**starts singing a little** Beads of jade for beauty! **puts a jade necklace on
WuFei** You must proudly show it! Now add a cricket **slips the cricket into one
of the dress folds** just for luck... and even you can't blow it!
~new scene of Wulan walking out of the building~
Jay: SING WUFEI!
WuFei: NEVER ONNA!
Jay: **sighs** please WuFei?
WuFei: NO!
Jay: Ok Quatre, get your pink spray paint... Altron is over there...
WuFei: O.O``` NOOOO! NATAKU!
Jay: Then... what will you do for me?
WuFei: **sighs** sing...
Jay: **smiles** thank you...
WuFei: **in a high pitched girly singing voice (he IS playing woman)**
Ancestors here my plea. Help me not to make a fool of me. And to not
uproot my family tree. Keep my father standing tall!
Lucrezia: **jogs up and hands WuFei a purple, paper umbrella**
WuFei: **takes it and runs up behind the other girls singing** Scarier
than the undertaker! We are meeting our matchmaker!
Townspeople: **singing in background** Destiny! guard our girls and our
future as it fast unfurls. Please look kindly on these cultured pearls,
each a more perfect porcelain doll!
Heero (girl #1): **singing** Please bring honor to us!
Duo (girl #2): **singing** Please bring honor to us!
Trowa (girl #3): **singing** Please bring honor to us!
Quatre (girl #4): **singing** Please bring honor to us!
WuFei: **looks oddly at them**
Townspeople: **singing** Please! Bring honor to us all!
Heero, Duo, Trowa, & Quatre: **get in their places and kneel with
their umbrellas opened in front of them**
WuFei: **follows their lead and does the same**
Sally: **flings the doors open and looks at the girls** Fa Wulan
WuFei: I'm here woman.
Sally: Speaking without permission... **marks something down**
WuFei: **growls** like I need YOUR permission to do anything....
Sally: **mumbles**
WuFei: **walks inside the building**
Sally: **follows him inside and slams the doors closed**
WuFei: **stands waiting to be judged**
Sally: **goes over to him and looks him over** hmf... too skinny.
Not good for bearing sons.
Hilde: **escapes her cage and jumps onto Sally's shoulder**
WuFei: o.O`` **grabs Hilde but she jumps out of his grasp over and over
until he finally grabs her and shoves her in his mouth quickly as Sally looks at
him**
Sally: Recite the final Admonition.
WuFei: **nods and pulls out a fan and opens it in front of his
face. He turns his head and spits out Hilde** Fulfill your duties calmly
and re-- **looks at his arm** respectively. Reflect before you snack--
**looks at his arm quickly** ACT! This shall bring you honor and glory! **sighs
in relief**
Sally: **grabs his arm and looks at the fan then shrugs and pulls him to
the table** this way... **lets him go, getting ink all over her hand** now...
**pulls out a tea pot and sets it on the table** pour the tea. To please
you future in-laws you must demonstrate a sense of dignity and refinement.
**moves her fingers on her face to where she gives herself a nice ink goatee**
WuFei: **stares at her pouring the tea on the table then notices and
pours it in the cup**
Hilde: **in the tea cup acting like its a hot tub**
Sally: You must also be poised. **takes the cup with Hilde in it**
WuFei: Could I just--
Sally: AND silent!
WuFei: O.O`` -_- fine... drink the cricket, onna!
Sally: **smells the tea** mmm....
WuFei: **climbs up on the table and grabs the tea cup** Could I just take
this back...?
Sally: **fighting against him pulling the cup**
WuFei: **loses his grip, sending Sally flying backwards**
Sally: **on the ground with tea all over her**
Hilde: **hops around and down into her dress**
Sally: Why you clumsy-- **feels the cricket in her dress** huh? what
the?! **falls back onto hot coals burning a hole in her dress then starts
yelping and hoping**
WuFei: **tries to put it out by waving his fan at the embers in her
dress, flames shoot up** O.O```
Sally: AAAHHH!!! ::falls down but gets back up screaming::
~scene: outside the building~
Lucrezia: **hearing the noises, worried look on her face**
Howard: **smiling** I think it's going quite well. Don't you?
Sally: **runs outside with the butt area of her dress on fire screaming**
PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!! PUT IT--
WuFei: **tosses the pot full of tea on her and the flames die down but
Sally looks horrid. He hands her the pot and quickly walks over to
Lucrezia & Howard**
Hilde: **hops back up into her cage as WuFei walks off**
Sally: -_- **hurriedly follows WuFei and yells angrily** YOU ARE A
DISGRACE! You may look like a bride! But you will NEVER bring your family
honor! **turns and starts walking back into the building**
Howard & Lucrezia: **hold WuFei back from going after Sally**
WuFei: Lemme go!!
Howard & Lucrezia: **sigh** this is going to be a looooooong fic.....
Jay: heh.... ok ok.... that's enough.... we'll quit here for
now to save WuFei from having to sing again. Tune in for the next
installment, readers!