TITLE: Leaving's Not Leaving
AUTHOR: Shawn Carter AKA the Godfather
WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/godfatherfic.html (Not yet active)
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask.
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Buffy/Angel
SUMMARY: Buffy calls Angel to tell him about her mom and Angel comes to the
rescue.
NOTES: This story takes place in an early but altered fifth season. Angel
went away to Los Angeles to deal with Angel things. Whatever those may be. He
and Buff are still dating, albeit long distance. Fifth season as far as the Dawn
and Joyce thing has actually thus far occured. There is no Riley in this
universe and Darla has thankfully remained dusted.
FEEDBACK: Please to: godfathershawn@earthlink.net
****
It'd been a late night and he was exhausted. Covered in dirt, grime, blood
and a substance he'd rather not have identified, he made his way towards the
shower. As soon as the water hit his cool skin, he let out a noise that was a
strange mixture between an audible sigh of relief and a strained grunt of pain.
He could see the blood dripping down him and pooling at his feet just long
enough to swirl and then disappear down the drain. He could only imagine how bad
he looked. Ah, so there were advantages to not being able to look at ones'
reflection in the mirror. Oh happy day.
He finally, and with much resistance, exited the shower. Angel chuckled
lightly as he crossed the room, stepping over hastily discarded articles of
ruined clothing. It wasn't like him to make such a horrific mess but it was
understandable under the circumstances. Afterall, a night spent in the Los
Angeles sewers hunting four foot tall demons who prefered to live in waste
material because it gave them strength was not the best way to relax. And God,
he could only imagine how Cordelia was reacting to all of this; the poor girl
had been nearly covered from head to foot in..well..stuff. Hopefully Gunn and
Wes wouldn't have too much fun at her expense.
Angel quickly swept up an armful of clothing and stuffed them into a large
black plastic bag. He would toss them into the dumpster outside the Hyperion the
next time he ventured out. He glanced over at the clock and saw that it was just
after two in the morning. As he was gazing at the large digital clock on his
nightstand, he noticed that the answering machine was blinking. He groaned for a
moment, remembering the fight he'd had with Cordelia over keeping one of these
beasts in his room. She had insisted that he was a public servant constantly
on-call, he had protested that he wanted his quiet space, she had interjected
that what he actually wanted was his dark brooding space. In the end, it had
been, of course, Buffy who had settled the matter. She had insisted that since
their schedules were so diverse and out of whack that her best chance of getting
ahold of him was through his answering machine and did he really want other
people to hear their private messages. A begrudging no from him had followed and
that had been that.
He strode over to the table and with a quick deliberate jab, he hit the
button that would replay the messages.
"You have three messages," the machine told him in that insanely chipper
voice. The damn thing was practically laughing at him. It would have to be dealt
with. Oh yes.
"Angel, this is Darren. I just wanted to follow up on that profile you sent
me to have checked out. I think I might be able to help you ID your
uh..ugly-boy. Give me a call."
Angel grabbed a pad of paper and scribbled the message down. Typically Cord
would have relayed the message since the call would have gone to the front desk
before being transferred to his room but since she had been out with all of them
hunting in the sewers, well, he would have to do his own secretarial work.
"Hi. This is Bob Lewis of Tic-Tok Radio. Have we got a DEAL for you. Call
back here within the next twenty-four hours and collect your super-duper prize
package of an all-expense paid trip to the sunnnnnny Bahamas. The number is
555-1577. We can't wait to hear from you."
Angel groaned. Great,a trip to the beach.Just what every vampire wanted. He
made a mental note to yell at Cordy for entering him in another one of her crazy
contests.
"Hi honey. It's me. Buffy. But I guess you knew that already. Unless there's
another honey. Which there had better not be. Because I'm the only honey. Right
honey?"
Angel laugh. Buffy. Always her. She always made him smile.
"Um. Just got in from patrol. Wills is cleaning my wounds. I'm okay. Just
this crazy whacko chick. She's not a problem though. I got it. Anyway, call
me..when you get in. I..want to talk to you. I could really...I need to talk to
you.. Soon. Um. Bye." There was a long pause and then she said softly, "Angel, I
love you."
He stared at the machine for a long moment, his mind whirling. Something was
wrong. That much he knew for certain. That much was fairly obvious. He wondered
if she had found out more about Dawn, the strange creature that was some kind of
powerful..something or other..that had been hidden in Buffy's care as her sister
for safe-keeping. Buffy had taken a very strong protective edge to this girl and
was likely to go postal if something bad happened...
***
Buffy Summers paced her bedroom anxiously. She knew that she should be
sleeping. She was exhausted. All these nights that she had spent up worrying
about her mom and Dawn were beginning to wear on her. But it wasn't like she
could actually let down. She simply didn't have that luxury.
"Buff?" Xander said as he entered the room. He was carrying two bowls in his
hands and a video under his arm. "Wills is on her way up. She couldn't decide if
she wanted chocolate or strawberry. It's apparently a very difficult decision.
She left it in the trust hands of inky binky bonky."
Buffy chuckled and took the bowl of chocolate ice cream from him. She kissed
him on the cheek and gave him a quick hug. "My Xan. What would I do without
you?"
Xander pretended to think, even going so far as to place his thumb under his
chin as if to suggest deep thought. Finally, as if exasperated, he shook his
head. "I just don't know, Buffster. I can't think of anything."
She punched him playfully on the shoulder, "You rat." Then she smiled almost
sadly,"I'm serious though. I don't know how I'd be making it through this
without you guys."
"You'd be making it," Xand reassured her. "You always do. You're Buffy and
you're still the strongest person I've ever met. You've survived more things
than anyone could ever imagine. You always will."
She smiled faintly at him. It was a nice thought even if it was not
neccesarily true. She knew what she was. She was a Slayer and that by nature
meant that one day, her clock would give out and there wouldn't be anymore
always. There would just be darkness.
Like that which her mom was facing.
No. No. No.
The phone rang. Buffy startled out of her morbid thoughts and stared at the
ringing object like it was the most foreign thing she had ever seen in her life.
Her gaze alone made Xander laugh. He plucked the phone up from the reciever and
chirped, "Buffy's room."
"Uh. Hi. Is Buffy there?"
"Oh Angel. How are ya man. Did ya like the football game that was on earlier.
You know it's been such awhile since you and I really sat down and talked. Have
you changed your hair style?"
"Xander," Willow admonished as she entered the room. She took the phone from
him and handed it to Buffy and then she gave his sleeve a quick tug. "Out." To
Buffy she said,"We'll be downstairs. He's going to make me a milkshake. And then
he's going to make Dawn one. And then he's going to do his milkshake dance."
Buff shook her head,"Don't...tell me. Please. It can only traumatize me."
Willow grinned at her and then disappeared, shutting the door quietly behind
her. Buffy sighed and then placed the phone to her ear. "Hi."
"Hi baby," Angel breathed. "Are you okay?"
"I've been better," she replied, tears coming to her eyes. She brushed them
away. She knew that she was going to cry. But not yet. Not this soon. A little
more strength. God, please. Just a little more. That wasn't too much to ask
for.
"What's going on? Is Dawn okay?"
"Yeah. Scared..but she's okay. Angel.."
"Baby, tell me what's going on," he urged, his voice still very low and
calm.
"My mom.."
"Your mom? Is she okay? What happened?" Angel asked, a hint of shock entering
his voice. Oh God, if some idiot vampire had hurt Joyce, there would be hell to
pay...
"She's sick. Angel..she has..she has..." he heard her gasp as if she was
swallowing back a sob.
"Go on, baby."
"Angel...she has..ca..ca..canc.."
"Cancer?" Angel finished for her, his voice dull.
This time she didn't even bother hiding the loud sob that exited her mouth.
And then she began to cry. At first loudly and painfully and then finally softly
and as if her strength was leaving her by the moment. He just listened,
occasionaly whispering that it would be okay and then finally telling her softly
to hang up the phone, close her eyes and that he would be there when she woke
up. He kept repeating it until he finally heard a click and then he moved to his
feet.
*****
Cordelia Chase looked up at the stairs as she saw her boss move very quickly
down them. He sure looked like he was in a frantic hurry. He grabbed for his
overcoat and began to pull it on. She immediately reached for him.
"Woah there..did one of the doodie demons suddenly decide to shower and then
go for round two of the craporama playoffs?" Cordy asked, running her fingers
through just washed wet hair. "Cuz..I'm out of this round..my hair may never
work again.."
"Buffy." Angel said directly. "She needs me."
"Is she hurt?" Wesley said, stepping around the counter. He was wearing a
pair of over-sized faded sweats. God only knew where he had dug those up.
"Yes. No. Kinda. Her mom is sick."
"Sick?" Cordelia asked, concern slipping into her voice. Whatever rilvary she
had ever had with Buffy, she had also deeply respected the Slayer.
"Cancer. Joyce has been diagnosed with cancer," Angel replied, growing
progressively frustrated the more he struggled to get his coat on. Cordelia
stepped behing him, placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him from moving,
straightened the jacket and then helped him into it.
Then, very quietly she said,"Need company?"
****
"You think she's going to be okay?" Xander asked suddenly, softly.
Willow looked up at him. They were sitting on the couch in the family-room of
the Summers' house watching some creepy Indian movie that was even worse that
what they were used to. And it wasn't very funny either. Or maybe neither of
them were really in the mood to laugh. "Who are we talking about?"
"Buffy." Xander replied. "And Ms. Summers. And Dawn." He took a deep breath.
"Buffy's not invicible and that demon chick she's been fighting has been taking
quite a bite out of her lately. Now normally I'd be all yeah babe fight
but.."
"But Buff seems off. She is off. Her mom is sick." Willow said. Then she
smiled quickly. "But she's going to be okay. Tara and I are researching.." she
stopped when she saw Xanders' look. "I feel like we have to do something.."
"But if it's natural.."
"Then we can't do anything," Willow admittedly sadly. Then, with just as much
emotion, she stubbornly added, "But Ms. Summer will be fine. She's Summers."
"That's right," Xander said with a grin. "And them are strong stock."
"Yup." Willow replied.
"Yup," Xander repeated. Then he stood. "I'm uh..gonna go check on Dawn."
"Yeah," Willow said, flipping the television off. "I'm gonna call Giles and
see if he's found anything."
*****
Buffy woke up at just after six in the morning, a persistant banging in her
head insisting that she needed to wake up. Now. She moved slightly and bumped
into something. Reaching her hand back, she ran her hand across what felt like a
body. She turned quickly, already tensed and ready for a fight and stared
directly into the chocolate brown eyes of her lover. "Angel," she breathed. "Oh
Angel." And then with tears forming in her eyes, she threw herself into his
arms.
*****
Cordelia gazed down at the sleeping fourteen year old girl on the couch. So
this was the mysterious Dawn Summers. Angel had told her that only Buffy and
Giles, among the Sunnydale crew, knew the truth about this girl. The rest all
truly believed that she was Buffy's baby sister. Including Joyce Summers. But
this strange but seemingly harmless brain-washing hadn't extended to the Los
Angeles team so to Cordy, she was still a curious thing.
Sitting down on the couch, she touched Dawn's face. The girl blinked and
looked up at her. And then her face brightened and she smiled. "Cordy!" Dawn
chirped. She immediately propelled herself into the taller girls' arms.
Instinctively, Cordelia stroked Dawn's hair. She glanced up at the doorway and
saw Xander and Willow standing in it. She waved to them and then separated from
Dawn. "Hi. Uh. How are you?"
Dawn just smiled weakly. How could she be? How could any child be? It was
simply too much to understand. Parents were supposed to be invincible. Nothing
could bring them down. At least in theory. Cord had learned how untrue that was
the hard way.
"Mom will be fine. Buffy said so. Buffy's the Slayer."
Cord chuckled lightly. Dawn had the same blind trust and faith in Buffy that
they all did. No matter how many times Buffy fell, no matter how many times it
looked like she was done, the Slayer always managed to find a way to win. And
God willing, she always would.
Unfortunately though, God didn't always have the last word in things.
Doyle.
Wasn't that the truth.
Jenny Calendar.
Sometimes the good guys don't win.
She took a deep breath. They still had Buffy and Angel. And as long as they
had those two, there remained hope and reason to believe that everything would
be okay. Eventually. No matter how long it took. Eventually. It would all be
okay.
"Yeah," Cordy said softly, again stroking her head. Dawn gave her a faint
smile and then groaned.
"They're still making me go to school." She got up from the couch and began
to walk towards the stairs. Then she turned,"Mom has to be okay because this
world is okay and they wouldn't do that to Buffy and I. Especially not Buffy.
She's not one of the good guys..she is THE good guy. They wouldn't do that to
her." And with that she finished climbing the stairs.
"Hey Cord," Xand said as he entered the room. "Glad to see you but uh.."
"I came with Angel. We got here about an hour ago. He already went upstairs."
She looked from Xander to Willow,"What's going on?"
"Sit down," Willow instructed. "I'll tell you what we know."
*****
"And you have no idea who she is?" Angel asked softly. They were both lying
on her bed, he rested against her pillows with her lying heavily on his chest.
He was wearing a green and black faded flannel that he had pulled on in his
hurried exit from his room. Now that he considered it, he couldn't recall where
the hell the flannel had come from in the first place. It sure wasn't his. Far
too bright and cheery.
"No. All I know is that she knows who..and what Dawn is..she likes to raise
big stupid ugly snakes and she's kicked my ass twice now. Ouchies." Buffy
replied, rubbing her shoulder.
"And what about this?" Angel asked, pointing to the discoloured flesh on her
stomach. She had clearly been impaled with something and not too long ago
either.
"Oh. That. Got staked. A couple days ago. Xander..uh.."
"Xander staked you?" Angel asked increduously.
"No. A vampire staked me. My stake. Xander saved me."
"You didn't tell me."
"I didn't think about it. A lot has.."
"Been going on. I know." He kissed her on the top of the head. "I hate you
hurt. It scares the hell out me."
"Blinders, baby." Buffy replied softly, running her fingers over the light
stuble on his chin. She leaned up and kissed him, closing her eyes tightly and
letting the raw emotion explode through her body. It wa nice. It was sweet. It
was comfortable. It was a moment of a peace.
And it was he who reluctantly broke the kiss. He offered her a sad smile and
then reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I can't promise it'll be
okay.."
"Please.."
"But I can promise that I'll be here for you no matter what. If you want me
to stick around a couple of days, Wes and Gunn can handle the shop.."
No. You have things." She looked up at him. "Today though?"
"Yeah. Today. I know Cord wants to go see her mom."
"She should," Buffy said softly, sinking into his arms." Before she
can't..."
"Buffy," he admonished gently, lifting her chin. He was about to kiss her
when she jerked her head away.
"Dawn!"
"What?"
"I've got to take her to school." Buffy jumped to her feet. She began to
quickly pull on her jeans, nearly tripping over one of the legs. He watched her
with concerned amusement until she finally managed to finish dressing. She
leaned over the bed and kissed him fully and tenderly on the mouth. "I'll be
home in one hour."
"I'll be here," he promised.
"Good. I'm counting on it." She moved towards the door and then turned back,
"I love you."
*****
"Angel?"
He looked up from the book he was reading through. It was Buffy's freshman
psychology text and it was actually fairy interesting. To a degree at least. And
then it became about as vanilla as one of these things got before they reached
just downright dull. "Cord?"
"Do we win?"
"I don't understand.."
"My dad. I hate my dad." She paused. "I love my dad."
"I know," Angel replied softly, patting the bed. She looked hesitant for a
moment and the took the offered seat.
"I haven't thought about him for awhile. I don't dwell. I'm not
dwelling-girl.That's your job." She looked at him. "Aren't you going to ask then
why now?"
"I know why now."
"Why?" she asked him, her voice for a moment very small.
He squeezed her hand," Because love or hate, you want the opportunity to be
able to and you're scared that what's going on with Joyce could happen to your
dad and then you'd never get to resolve those feelings one way or another." He
replied. Then he smiled, "Or something." He lifted the psychology book and
showed it to her. She laughed.
"Thanks. Just what the world needs; the first crime-fighting good-guy vamp
who practices psychology during those long sunny afternoons when he's not
brooding." Cordelia grinned.
"I'm a talented fella," he dead-panned. "Seriously.."
"Seriously.." she repeated, a chuckle escaping. She tried to mirror his stoic
face but found it almost impossible. A face like that could only be achived
through years of strenous practice. Sure, he hadn't had a mirror but practice he
must have. The mere mental image of him sitting in a recliner grimacing at the
ceiling as he imagined himself scowling nearly sent her into a fit of
giggles.
He gave her a look that bordered on reproachful but was more humoring. "Are
you going to listen?"
"I'm listening," she replied, setting her jaw. "Tell me Dr. Angel.."
He rolled his eyes dramatically and laughed. And then he squeezed her hand
again. "You've got time."
"Until I don't," she replied, the humour slipping away.
"Until you don't," he agreed. "So why don't you..while you still do have
time..do what you need to do..whatever that is.."
"What do you mean.."
"Something is bothering you." He smiled at her. "Do something about it." He
paused. "Before you can't."
"Before I can't," she repeated. She leaned across and kissed him on the
cheek. "Thank you." Getting up, she left the room, shutting the door behind her.
He stared at it for a moment, "Thank you."
*****
It was a dark day. Well that was right anyways. She glanced around and
noticed that a large crowd of people, all dressed in dark clothing, were
gathered together around some object. As she moved through them, they all turned
to stare at her, their gazes full of hatred and reproach. She heard one spit and
another very audibly called her a bitch. She shook a bit but kept moving,
determined to understand what was occuring.
And then she saw.
Her heart collapsed inwards as she stared at the casket in front of her. It
was a dark brown, the wood undoubtedly oak. The lid was open and she could see
that the insides were creamy white. Probably satin.
"M..m..mom?" Buffy Summers whispered, taking a step closer.
"Hello Buffy," Joyce said, suddenly sitting up in the coffin. Her face was
pale and waxen, her eyes large and set deep into their sockets. They were deeply
blood-shot. She reached an impossibly long hand up to touch her hair and moved
it back into place. A wig. "They shaved my hair so they could do surgery. I died
anyways.."
"Mom.."
"I loved you, Buffy. I did my best to take care of you. Sure I wasn't
perfect. But how could I be? How could anyone be with you? But I tried.." Joyce
sighed, as if she was tired. "And this is how you repay me.."
"No.."
"You can fight everything else. You can save everyone else. You let me
die.."
"Momma.."
"Stop saying that. You let me die. You stood by and cried and you didn't do
anything. This is your fault. You could have fought harder for me. You didn't.
You didn't want to.."
"That's not true. I don't know what to do.."
"Liar. You know how to help everyone else..you let me die.."
"Mom..I love you.."
"Buffy.."
"You let me die..."
"Buffy..."
"Momma..."
"Buffy!" Giles shook her. He turned her head towards him and looked deeply
into her exhausted eyes. "Are you alright?"
"Mom.."
"Is fine. The doctor is in with her. They're still doing tests." Giles
brushed her hair away from her face. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see her..."
"The doctors told you she would be having tests done all day.."
"I know," Buffy admitted. "I just..I want to do something. Everyone keeps
saying there's nothing I can do but Giles I'm the Slayer..there has to be
something.."
He gave her a sad smile, "You are doing something, Buffy. You're keeping your
family together so that your mother has something to fight for herself. And that
is something more than you will ever understand. Your mom doesn't need monster
slaying right now, Buffy..she just needs you.."
"It doesn't feel like enough," Buffy sniffled.
He smiled sadly, "I know." Taking her hand, he helped her to he feet. "Would
you like me to drive you home?"
"No, the Cherokee is in the parking lot.."
"Can you drive?"
"I'm okay, Giles..I'm not disfunctional."
He wiped a tear away,"That's not what I meant."
"Yeah," she replied. "Angel's back at my house. I need a few moments to
compose myself."
"Why?" Giles asked.
"Because if he really saw how much it hurts..how much I feel like a black
hole..he'd never leave and I can't do that to him..."
Giles nodded, "Okay. Just..Buffy..we are here for you..it's okay to let us
be."
"I will. Soon. Soon."
*****
She clutched him tightly against her, halfway to begging him not to go back
to Los Angeles. But she'd been right when she'd told Giles the day before that
she couldn't do that to him. He had things he had to do and people counting on
him; this thing with her mother was bound to continue for an indefinate period
of time.
"You sure?" he asked again, for about the millionith time. And again, for
about the millionith time, she almost begged him to stay. Then she nodded.
"I'll be okay. You're two hours away by car and two seconds by phone." She
looked up at him with wide eyes, "But expect me to be burning up those phone
lines buddy."
"I do," he grinned, kissing her lightly. He glanced back at the stairs where
Cordelia and Xander were sitting. She had her head rested on his shoulder and he
was stroking her hair and talking softly to her. "Cord?"
"I'm ready..just figured the Titanic hour would continue for awhile.."
Angel gave her a look and sighed. Buffy just chuckled. She reached up and
kissed him again, whispering in his ear, "I love you."
"Love you too," Angel replied. He pulled his jacket on, kissed her again and
then moved through the front door. Cordelia stood up to follow up, brushing a
kiss across Xanders' cheek.
"Cord?" Buffy said suddenly.
Cordelia looked up, surprised. "Yeah?"
"Thanks," Buffy replied. She opened her mouth to say something else and
thensimply repeated herself, "Thank you."
Cordelia nodded, acknowledging the sentiment beneath the words. All of them.
She flipped her hand back to wave at both of them and then beat a hasty
exit.
Xander moved to stand next to Buffy, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
"It's gonna be okay..."
She turned to look at him, smiled once and then buried her head in his
shoulder.
*****
"It kills you, doesn't it?" she asked suddenly. They had drived almost an
hour and a half in silence, the night twinkling around them in crisp black
sheets.
He glanced over at her, "What do you mean?"
"Leaving her. Everytime we do one of these trips of she comes to see you..you
get this look.."
He smiled at her,"I'm okay."
She nodded slowly, acknowledging that that was probably all she was going to
get out of him. Angel had come a long way in how much he was willing to open up
but the fact remained that he was still a very quiet man who liked to turn
things over in his mind. That wasn't likely to chnage anytime soon. Reaching
across the seat, she took his hand and squeezed it. He looked at her and smiled
softly, the emotion received and gladly accepted.
-FIN
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