The month trickled by slowly despite all the activity in the house; anxious people arriving with their offerings of good cheer and keepsakes as the big day drew agonizingly close. Preparations were being made round the clock. Trunks' phone never seemed to stop ringing as 'Capsule Corporation's Hunkiest Bachelor' was about to become 'Capsule Corps. Sexiest New Couple.' (Quickly taking the spot light from Bulma's 20-year record). Everyone had a good word to say about the immaculate pair, and they were nothing less then perfect; silken beauty next to lavender God, only confirming that you have to be no less than a Goddess to stand next to someone like Trunks.
With each new person to arrive a new task came about; Jen had to take on the whole reception: decorating tables, arranging the center pieces, shopping around for the best catering service and frantically picking out appetizers. Ashleigh, as expected, kicked up a fuss about it, saying things like 'she has no taste,' and 'she's just trying to look good in front of my man.' But after interviewing hundreds of other people, mostly woman, Ashleigh decided Jen was less of a threat then the other beauties dying to get a glimpse of her husband-to-be.
All her friends were put to work as well. Kelly was in charge of choosing the place to hold the initial ceremony, which had to be a church because Ashleigh 'couldn't possibly be married anywhere else simply because it would make them look bad if they did anything out of tradition.' But Kelly picked a good place, a beautiful stone church right across from the hospital down on main street, (she said it would be convenient for when she murdered Ashleigh at the altar), that was sure to hold a large sum of people, which would definitely be required.
Sarah was put in charge of decorating the hall and front yard of the church for the ceremony. The front entrance was already adorned with beautiful trees and old statues; a long, burgundy strip of dusty bricks lead from the front gates into the holy building. She didn't have much to work with, but she went with a simple design for the front yard; red and white flower petals scattered along the ancient walk way. Long vines of Ivy would climb the arch above the fine oak doors while white ribbon rained down from the thin green vines.
For the main hall, she chose pure white lilies, tied together into a long, thick rope, wrapped tightly around the blossoms of rare blue roses. Scattered along the edges of each pew, they would twist and twine around the floor, slithering to the front of the altar. Gliding smoothly along two twin bars, the elegant strip rose high, coming together in the center of the alter, forming a wave of blue and white; two crescents kissing at the dip in the middle; a cool, oceanic heart to place the 'happy couple'.
She couldn't do much else; the sanctuary stood tall, crystal and gold chandeliers held fine pristine droplets over the hall, cascading magnificent rainbows in every direction. Stain glass prophets and chiseled holy faces caught each tiny, coloured pearl perfectly, blessing all who entered.
Johanna was put in charge of the bridesmaid dresses, a grueling task for someone with such obvious skills, but Ashleigh thought she would have the most fashion experience because she was the only one small enough to 'fit into beautiful people's clothing.' She had to pick only three different styles, all sea foam green, which she did with great hesitation.
Venessa kept the books; as in, how much money we were allowed to spend and how much we actually did. She did her job well, keeping everything within budget and working out alternatives incase we didn't have enough left after all the necessities were paid for. She kept things in order despite the constant harping from Ashleigh to 'lighten up' because her daddy was paying for most of it and Trunks had more money then most small countries.
I was put in charge of the gift checklist, which kept me busy enough. Trunks and Ashleigh both had quite an extensive social group, all of which held most of the money in the world, and didn't hesitate to show off how much they appreciated the union.
Trunks and I spent a lot of time talking over the first month, which only worked to brighten the bulb of compassion and love I held for him, despite Ashleigh's harping. He spent any free time he had chatting with me; we would reminisce about our childhood, our families, how different everything was here, and how similar some things were. And although I tried to avoid the subject, at times we would talk about Ashleigh. He would tell me how beautiful she was, and how she always kept him on his toes, 'kinda like Tousan does with Kaasan.'
I would smile, trying desperately not to let on how much my heart was breaking, thinking of only his happiness to keep the sharp stabs of rejection from bleeding through my eyes. I started to see, with great disappointment, his true feelings for her.
He asked me once how I felt about her. I told him, honestly that I didn't like her, that I thought she was conceded and mean, over possessive and not worthy of his attentions. He smiled softly at me, something akin to understanding in his eyes, but it vanished as he laughed good-naturedly, simply saying 'you've been spending too much time with Jen.'
He was right.
I resolved a while ago that I was not going to spend all my time here cooped up, even if I had to do things alone. Because Trunks still had his busy world to run I was left alone to my own devises, and I wasn't the type to sit around while there was a new city to explore…I just didn't like exploring alone. But Jen was always there, always willing to give me a few minutes of her time to do something, even if she was busy. We'd go out for coffee or walk around the city just to talk about what was on my mind. She was making things a little easier on me, and I appreciated it more then anything.
It was a few weeks ago that, during one of our long walks, I told her about my feelings for Trunks. I can still remember the blank look on her face as she listened to me babble on about my love for him; I told her everything, from the time we were young to the day I got the news about his engagement.
Her silence was almost deafening as I poured my heart out and I could feel another pang of rejection poke through my defenses; the slated look in her eyes sending needles through my skin…but it was short lived. She hugged me tightly saying 'what a cute couple you'd make' and I had to remind her a million times that Trunks was getting married in a month, which she has now dubbed the 'Minor Inconvenience.' She gives me hope when I'm depressed, always telling me that Trunks and I were meant to be, which I used to cling to, but now I'm not so sure.
It's getting harder as the day grows closer, now only 30 days away, and I find myself wishing I hadn't come as early as I did. He's with her often enough, during this time I'm helping Jen out with the reception work or doing my own minor tasks, which I enjoy; it's when Trunks is out all night that makes me want to scream. I know he's with her, touching her softly, kissing her skin with that beautiful mouth, worshipping every last inch of her smoldering flesh…dammit how I wish it were me!
He tries his best to make up for it by taking me out all day when he gets time off, convinced he needs to redeem himself for our lost hours together. He feels guilty sometimes, knowing that I came 2 months before the wedding to spend time with him and not his answering machine at work, or Ashleigh's for that matter. But after a long string of apologies and small gifts here and there I always agree to let him take me out.
Sometimes we spar, which helps get out a lot of rage I've learned to bottle up. It becomes a great deal harder to keep all my emotions inside when the cause is nearly beating it out of me. It got at its worst point about two weeks ago, Trunks had stayed over night with Ashleigh and didn't come back for two days, not a word to anyone until the day he came back, which, to say the least, pissed me off. Jen tried her best to ease my worry and confusion. She told me he did this often and that he'd be back eventually, but I think the most uplifting thing she said to me was 'he's not spending his time with her, he probably had to fix some crisis somewhere else.'
He felt horrible when he finally came home; the guilt was evident on his rough, handsome face as he mumbled something about having to go on an important business trip and didn't have time to call or whatever. I told him he didn't owe me an explanation; after all, he's an adult and can do what he wants. He took me out as always, leading me towards the ocean, over the clear blue water and towards a small island where we did most of our sparring.
He landed as smoothly as a cat, slowly removing his work blazer and tossing it lazily off to the side. I followed suit, discarding my windbreaker and crouching down in a defensive stance, waiting for him to begin. He launched a series of punches and kicks towards my midsection and I blocked them with ease, small waves of anger crashing the shores of my carefully placed serenity. I watched him closely, his guilty eyes now replaced with good-humor, twisting and bleeding with his natural battle lust. His punches became sloppy, toying and playing with my already jangled nerves…the anger searing into something more Saiyan like in nature.
His eyes were burning, teasing and taunting me to let go, to just stop bottling it up and let the world know what I was feeling. He smirked and threw me against a tree trunk, my wrists pinched together between his rough hands, his other arm resting comfortably on the top of my chest.
"Chibi, you're not fighting back."
I hissed under my breath and glared into those piercing, crystal-blue eyes. Aqua shards dug into me: prying and pinching at my restraints, begging me to lash out at that beautiful, pale face.
"Well you're not fighting me seriously, so what's the point?"
He laughed and let go of me, putting his hands on his hips, standing like a confident statue with his head cocked regally to the side.
"Sorry, I'm not used to fighting with someone I can use my full strength on…hell I have to bite my lips just to keep from hurting Ashleigh when…"
With a loud growl my hair flashed gold and my eyes burned green as I launched towards him, fists clenching tightly to his shoulders as I threw him into the air. I sneered in agony as I leapt after him: my clenched fists digging deep holes into his stomach, knees connecting with a loud crunch to his chin, small droplets of blood oozing slowly out of his mouth. He smirked playfully as I beat him, a smug look of victory never leaving his face and I screamed with frustration before throwing him to the dirt below.
I had tried to hide how much it bothered me, how much his absence hurt every inch of me, but I can't seem to keep my emotions under control when he's around. He forces it out of me, through his expressions, his words, his fists…and I can't hide from him…I never could.
After I'd calmed down some he sat up, dirty, bruised and covered in a sweet mixture of sweat and blood. He smiled affectionately and patted my back in a reassuring manner, wincing slightly saying "Feel better?"
I blinked and could do nothing but nod my head, his arm flinging itself over my shoulder, motioning towards a small lake in the center of the island.
He knows I don't like him with her, and I'm sure he knows how much it bothers me or else he wouldn't entice me into a fight whenever he's comes home. I wish I could be honest with him…I hate lying to him like this.
************************************************************************
I was surrounded by beautifully wrapped boxes: some smelling of sweet incense, some shimmering with silver and gold, some big, some small…boxes of ever variety scattered across the living room. I was sitting in the center of the mass of coloured paper that I was expertly checking off when my mind started to drift towards that letter I never sent…or rather, the letter he never got.
At first, I was worried that the letter would simply get sent back to me, but after calling Gohan for the first two weeks and annoying him to no end, came to the conclusion that it simply wasn't coming back. After being in college for a few years I've learned that things don't just disappear into thin air, so the only explanation is that it's still floating around out there, or was some how destroyed.
But, I wonder sometimes, if things would've been different...if he'd gotten the letter would he have cared? Well of course he would care, but would he say anything about it? He wouldn't want to embarrass me, well at least not where this is concerned, but he wouldn't just not say anything. Maybe, he would've realized his own feelings for me...maybe we would be together now, and these would be our wedding presents and not…
I have to stop doing this to myself!
I nearly leaped out of my skin as a gentle knock sounded on the front door. The strong pulse of familiar ki boomed with blatant defiance as I tried, half-heartedly, to weed my way through the hundreds of boxes to answer it. I was more then grateful that it wasn't Ashleigh at the door; I'm not in the mood to feign happiness. I grunted in irritation as the knocking started again.
That man has no patience what-so-ever!
"I'll get it Goten, you finish with those." Jen's gentle voice called over the mountain of gifts.
I nodded, even though she couldn't see me and picked up my clipboard, once again starting the grueling task of checking off names.
"Jen!!! How are you? I haven't seen you in years!"
I cringed as memories of my childhood rushed back to me, remembering that voice bellowing through the house after Trunks and I had played one of our pranks. And, of course, that familiar ki standing next to her that would chase us through the Capsule Corp lawns whenever he found one of our "surprises" waiting for him in the gravity room.
I pushed the boxes aside and there stood a beaming Bulma and an ever-unimpressed Vegeta. I smiled fondly at my second parents while I walked through the living room.
"Bulma, I'm fine thank you! It's so good to see you!"
Jen threw her arms around her long time friend, a stain of pure happiness painted her baby face as she caught a glance at the Saiyan prince, obviously for the first time. She smiled up at Bulma and motioned towards Vegeta, scanning him carefully with her soft blue eyes.
"So," She started, nudging Bulma in the side, "this is Vegeta…wow, I'm impressed...way to pick em Bulma."
I almost choked at the pure sarcasm in her voice as Vegeta's head whipped towards Jen, glaring at her with a look that could fry sugar. She smirked and nudged Bulma again.
"Woah, he has no sense of humor."
"He's just being himself."
"I'll bet."
I chuckled as I came up quietly, standing beside Jen while her and the blue haired beauty bantered back and forth over bad airplane food and long flights with Vegeta. I smiled warmly to myself, remembering fondly those moments in my childhood where I stood next to my mother while her and Bulma had done much of the same thing, Vegeta always off to the side, scowling at the wall that most likely resembled my father.
I grinned at the thought, drawing slight attention to myself as Bulma's bright eyes grinned at me; quick, skinny arms wrapped themselves tightly around my waist, squeezing the life out of me in one of her motherly hugs.
"Goten, it's so good to see you!"
"It's good to see you too Bulma-san."
She pulled away, holding me at arms length, looking me over as if I've been gone for 10 years. A bright smile lit her red lips as she dusted off the shoulders of my t-shit.
"I hope Jen's has been like a home away from home."
I smiled softly and turned to Jen, her own blue eyes shimmering their approval and I gave her an all-knowing wink.
"Yeah Bulma-san, she's been great."
I smirked lightly over at Vegeta who merely nodded, acknowledging my presence as we walked into the living room and I moved to clear all remains of my hard days work so everyone could sit down.
"Bulma, would you like anything?"
"No thanks Jen, I just stopped by to see how Trunks is doing and how all the wedding plans are going."
Jen's face fell and her eyes swept the hallway, landing on the door at the far end. She stood up slowly, stepping carefully over the mess on wobbly legs, nearly falling over herself. "He's in his room, I'll get him."
I leapt up, floating quickly across the floor, expertly avoiding all the expensive boxes and other wedding accessories as I made my way to Trunks' bedroom door.
"I'll get him, you chat with Bulma."
"No Goten.... wait!"
The world seemed to stop as I opened the door to his room. I felt like I was covered in a thick blanket of shock and the smile on my face faded as my eyes fell on Trunks sleeping in his bed, Ashleigh wrapped tightly around him. They were both quite naked, their bodies still gleaming with the remnants of sweat from their apparent
love-making. I felt wet and cold as the sight in front of me bled me like a tourniquet and my knees threaten to give out on me. My heart pierced through the shock at how they curled comfortably in each others loving embrace and my shoulders tensed with the weight of their perfection.
I moved to turn away, my feet heavy as I stepped back, fingers gripping tightly to the doorknob. I was moving to close the door when his blue eyes fluttered open, looking at me hazily as I swallowed back the sandy grief in my throat and flashed him the best fake smile I could muster.
I knew I'd have to fake something today.
"Trunks, your parents are here."
Trunks' eyes widened and he nudged Ashleigh to wake, a quiet yawn escaping his swollen lips.
"Thanks Goten."
I could barely hear him with the cloudy thumping of my heart drowning out all other noise. My eyes began to fog over as I continued to feign cheeriness and I stepped back out of the doorway, as Ashleigh grinned over at me smugly.
"Hey just be glad it was me that got you and not Vegeta-san."
His faint smile the last sight that held my dusty eyes as I closed the door to his room, allowing them some privacy. I stood still for a moment, trying to clear my head of the image that now burned my chest as I stared at his door, my hand resting gently against the cool frame when realization cracked my delusions with the truth.
It's over. I've lost.
I turned back to the small group in the living room. Jen looked at me apologetically, while Bulma chewed her ear off about world issues, and I looked at her, beaten and broken.
The room seemed to close in on me as I stared at the remorse on her face, probably mirroring my own as my chest tightened again and a small whimper threatened my silence. I took in a shaky breath, the thick, stuffy atmosphere pinching my throat. It felt like my air supply had been cut off.
I needed to get out of there quick!
"I'm going out for a bit, it was good to see you again Bulma-san, Ouji-sama, I'll talk to ya later."
Vegeta glared at me through heavy lids and I slammed up my protective wall, praying that he wouldn't say anything to embarrass me further. He just stood there, thankfully, studying me sharply, and I ignored it as I threw on my shoes.
I looked up at Bulma, her face twisted in confusion as she looked towards Trunks' room, then back to me.
Please don't ask! Dear Kami don't ask any questions…I don't think I can talk.
"Umm ok…Goten, have fun." Her voice sugarcoated the questions that I knew were filling her head and I could only nod weakly.
"Yeah I will."
I could almost hear the gasp in her voice as Trunks greeted his parents, Ashleigh's singsong shrieks behind me as the door closed at my back.
I flew for hours, pouring all my energy into getting as far away from him as possible. The beautiful scenery was lost to my over powering rage and humiliation and I wanted to scream until my throat bled and the world shattered around me. I landed in a valley far away from anyone and my body shook with the angry tremors that rattled my nerves and pierced my skin.
Damn him! Why did I have to love him? Why couldn't I just accept this and moved on?! Why does this hurt so much?!
Agonizing screams ripped past my lungs and painful tears streaked my flushed cheeks, as my anger grew. Sparks of hatred swirled around me, wind cracked and popped over my still shaking frame as the dam holding my power broke. An unnatural shriek of pure sorrow tore out of my throat as a bright light burst painfully through every pour of my skin and my now blond hair grew inches longer.
Damn him! Why couldn't it have been me?!
With a desperate sob I fell to the ground, body still shaking but limp with defeat, my skin wet with sweat and tears. My breathing was sickeningly slow as my back rose with each life-giving breath and I wanted so badly to never get up again.
The wind had chilled considerably, lapping over my skin forcing me to coherence as I shivered, and opened my heavy eyes. Green, luscious grass tickled my cheek and the smell of the night filled my nostrils with a kind of black peace. I could hear owls singing their beautifully soft melody to the Goddess of the Night as the bright moon shone proudly in the sky. My eyes fell upon the last bit of light, clinging to the horizon as the navy-black water threatened to drown it into nonexistence. I felt sick, tired and so alone.
I shifted and my muscles crunched and creaked in stiff agony as I sat up. My mind was a haze of power and sorrow as crystalline tears bubbled up and threatened to spill, once again from my red, bleeding eyes. I vaguely thought that I should just run away: leave him with 'the love of his life' and never have to face them again.
I brought up a dirty sleeve and wiped away the burning tears before they had a chance to cascade their acidic tracks down my face and stood up slowly on wobbly knees. As much as I didn't want to, I had to go back and face them.
I powered up and shot into the air, shivering as the wind split and pushed pass my speeding form.
I couldn't do this anymore; spending my life pining after something that isn't mine, it was killing me inside. I love Trunks, Kami knows I do, and I wish more then anything on this planet that he loved me back. But he doesn't, he loves Ashleigh, and I'm going to have to accept that, and move on. Trunks will always be my best friend, we've been so since before I could remember, and I will stand beside him on his wedding day and look on proudly...because that's what best friends do. I'll love him forever, that will never change, but I have to come to terms with the fact that I will never have him.
Who knows, maybe I'll find someone new someday, although the thought makes me sick, but what else can I do? My soul is dying with this sorrow. I thought I could handle it, I thought I could be content with admiring him from afar, I thought as long as I loved him then I would be strong enough to handle this. But, every time I see him with her, standing beaten and submissive at her materialistic side my heart clenches and I want to scream that he's making a mistake and that I can treat him better then anyone on Earth.
I suddenly had a flash of what Bra said to me before I left, 'Don't let him make a mistake he can't fix.' She knows he doesn't belong with her, I don't know why, but I do know that there is no way I can stop him from making his mother happy...and maybe himself in the long run.
I'm not strong enough to tell him, I've never been as strong as he is, and I never will be...I'm too emotional, sometimes I think Vegeta is right: emotions do make you weak.
The apartment building came into view and I let out a sigh before landing on the balcony, and slid open the door. Jen stood up from her seat at the table and she looked at me in sympathy. I smiled faintly and walked towards the couch, flopping on its softness like the beaten soul I was. Jen's soft feet padded across the carpet and she sat next to me.
"I'm sorry you had to see that, are you alright?"
I choked back a sob and nodded softly before laying my head against her shoulder. Her warm arms wrapped themselves tightly around my neck as I sighed heavily.
"Where is he?"
"He's in his room with his parents...Ashleigh left after Vegeta insulted her hair."
I chuckled softly and turned my head towards his door.
"Yeah Vegeta would do that. If Ashleigh can't take a joke then she won't make it in that family."
"You're right, but won't it be fun to watch her squirm?"
I laughed again and Jen's grip tightened. I felt warm and incredibly comfortable with her; she was like the sister I've always wanted.
"It sure will."
I sat up as I heard noises coming from the hall and smiled faintly at Trunks, Bulma and Vegeta who were discussing wedding plans...well Bulma and Trunks were; Vegeta was obviously ignoring them.
Trunks looked at me with a hint of urgency grazing his tense jaw and he turned back to his mother at her insistence.
"Trunks, we have so much to do! I want to know exactly what your plans are."
Trunks smiled and nodded.
"Jen has most of the layout, so you'll have to talk to her."
"I'm hungry woman! We will stop this nonsense and get something to eat now!"
Vegeta stepped in front of Bulma in a domineering way. Bulma just stood there, arms crossed and glaring evilly at her husband.
"If you want to leave, Leave! I'm working on one of the most important moments of my son's life. You know where the hotel is, so go!"
Vegeta's jaw clenched tightly as he walked towards the balcony, taking off towards their hotel without another word.
Bulma smiled triumphantly and grabbed Jen's hand and dragged her towards the table again to discuss the layout of the reception. Trunks stood beside me, biting his thumb nervously, trying desperately to find something to say to break the ice. I sighed heavily and turned towards him.
"Sorry I walked in on you today...I should've knocked," I laughed as nonchalantly as I could, "Haha at least it wasn't like that time we walked in on your parents."
He looked at me strangely and cocked his head to the side in concentration.
"Goten...I" He paused nervously, letting out an exasperated breath before slumping his shoulder in an attempt to relax.
"Can we go for a walk?"
"Yeah sure." I said, nodding my head, knowing he wanted to make amends for his own embarrassment as well as my own.
I walked passed him towards the front door when Trunks' hand gripped my shoulder, tightly.
"I need to talk to Jen for a second, can you grab my watch from my desk drawer?"
I spun around on my heels, a small smile plastered on my face as I looked at him.
"No problem."
"Thanks Goten, it's in the drawer with the lock on it. Don't worry it's open."
I scurried through the hall and nervously entered his messy room, flashes of earlier flipping through my head like a picture book. I stepped carefully over the small piled of clothing and stopped in front of his desk, reaching for the drawer. I slid it open and searched wantonly for the small piece of technology.
My eyes fell upon a piece of paper with harsh writing over its surface, my writing. Curious, I picked it up and unfolded it, smiling at the thought of Trunks keeping my letters under lock and key, as I read the first few scribbles.
My smile faded and my jaw clenched at the familiar melancholy content that had seeped my pen that painful night:
'Dearest Trunks,
I realize something as I read your letter, I should've told you everything when I had the chance. I'm going to tell you now because I can't let you go on with this wedding until you know how I feel. First off, I don't want you getting married. Unless, that is, it's to me. I love you Trunks, I have for a long time now and I was afraid to tell you..."
My fingers went numb in complete shock as my throat dried, for the second time that day, like the desert sand after a storm. My eyes lost focus and the world fell into a haze of confusion and complete gray. The muffled sound of his voice sliced through the paralysis and opened the wound I wanted so desperately to seal only moments before.
"So are we going to talk about this or not."
He stood in the doorway, arms folded over his chest, his face hard and serious. I swallowed, unable to speak from the painful clench fear had on my throat. I felt like I was drowning, held under by the grip of that terror.
His eyes never left mine, burrowing into my heart for an answer I couldn't voice and I wanted away from his penetrating stare.
"Goten, answer me."
I let my head fall, trying desperately to regain some composure so I could answer his question. I must've stood there, head hung, for 5 minutes before I found my voice enough to squeak out a barely audible "Why?"
"Because I saw the look on your face when you walked in on us this morning...and the look on your face every time I'm with her, or come home in the morning after being with her..."
"Ok I get it." I snapped, glaring at him with tear filled eyes. I felt sick, my stomach began to spin and my vision blurred as the truth finally surfaced.
"You knew...this whole time and you still..."
I was cut off by a gently knocking and I looked up to see Jen standing in the doorway just behind Trunks, a look of worry on her usually cheerful baby face. She was about to ask what was wrong when I abruptly shook my head, and she sighed slightly.
"Trunks, Ashleigh is here and demands your presence."
Trunks nodded and Jen gave me one last, concerned look before heading back to Bulma.
With Trunks' head turned, I gave way to my instincts and bolted for the window, needing desperately to get out of this vise of tension before I cracked.
Trunks' hand gripped my wrist tightly and I was jerked back towards him, nearly falling on my butt. Trunks turned me around, still holding my wrist tightly, and stared into my face with the most irritated, angry expression I've ever seen on his delicate visage, whether it was directed at me I'll never know but I shrank back suddenly feeling like a bug just under a shoe.
"You're not bolting Goten, we're going to talk about this...just as soon as I'm done with Ashleigh."
"I'll wait here then." His eyes narrowed dangerously and I swallowed, feeling a little shaky at the look in his eye.
"No you don't, this won't take long and you're coming with me. I know you too well, I know you want to run away from this problem, but not this time...This time there's more at stake."
More at stake? What the hell did he mean by that?
As he pulled me into the living room my mind reeled at his words and I suddenly became really scared. I didn't think he would take it this badly, to the point where he would end our friendship...What have I done?
Jen was still sitting at the table with Bulma, going over table designs and other such wedding plans, when we walked in. Jen looked and saw the pure fear in my face and stood up quickly from her chair. Bulma's eyes looked at the tight hold Trunks held around my wrist and her demeanor changed to 'defensive mother' in .9 seconds. She was about to say something when Ashleigh stepped in front of Trunks, silencing everyone with her irritating voice.
"Trunks, I want you to take me to that hotel and demand that your father apologize. I can't believe that you let him talk to me like that, you're going to have to learn to stick up for me because I won't have it..."
"Ashleigh, I have something more important to deal with right now, we'll talk about this later."
My jaw dropped to the floor and Jen looked at me with pure shock on her face. Since I've been here I've watched Trunks, time and time again, submit to Ashleigh's every demand...whether he wanted to or not, never once saying no. She would make her screeching demands and he would comply, no matter how outrageous or ridiculous they were, without a single breath of protest. The leash she kept around his neck was short and taught and everyday it only got shorter and tighter, painfully tight. But the sting in his voice told me that he's had enough of this game.
Who's game though?
"Trunks, honey what's going on?" Bulma asked, urgency now seeping through her voice. She stepped towards us but her concerns were once again silenced as Ashleigh's face flushed with humiliation and anger.
"Something more important then your fiancée?!!"
Trunks' jaw tightened and his grip around my wrist became painful as he glared down at Ashleigh.
"I'll be back, we'll talk later."
He began pulling me towards the door and I clumsily tripped behind him.
"Trunks I swear if you leave..."
It was the same tone Jen had told me about that time she had heard their conversation. I was outraged! She's actually threatening him and in front of his mother at that! Trunks didn't turn around; he just stood there hanging onto the doorknob, his shoulders squared, looking incredibly regal.
Bulma looked on at the scene, her eyes scratching towards Ashleigh, her own anger bubbling to the surface as Jen came up behind her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Trunks turned his head, looking over his shoulder towards the kitchen, eyes serious and jaw clenched.
"Goodbye Ashleigh. Jen we'll be back later."
The last thing I heard was Ashleigh's growing protests and Bulma saying angrily "Don't you dare go after him!" before the door closed and I was once again dragged through the hall, into the elevator and out into the chilling air.
The sky burned with a smoky gray as we walked down the street in silence, an eerily cold wind picking up and icing my already jumbled nerves. I looked at him: his lavender eyebrows contorted in concentration and my palms began to sweat nervously. I decided to break the deafening silence, asking the first of many questions that was plaguing my still hazy brain.
"What was that all about?"
Trunks' head snapped from his thoughts and his ocean eyes washed nervously over me.
"What?"
"Back there in your apartment, what happened?"
We turned into a small park, people scurrying home to avoid the upcoming storm...wish I could.
Trunks stayed silent as we glided deeper into the park, brow still furrowed and jaw clenched tightly, making him look much older then his twenty-four years. Scarring worry lines dug deep into his hairline. His cheeks sagged more then they used to, once flush with mischievous youth, now pale with heavy responsibility. His hair even expressed his heartache, falling lifeless on his shoulders, once full of volume and spirit. I never noticed how tired he looked...life took him from me so quickly I didn't see it until now, until it was too late.
We stopped by a fountain, small cherubs spitting water from their pipes and tiny wings out stretched to the sky.
Trunks sat on the edge of it, eyes forced to his feet, a deep sigh escaping his lips.
"It's over...between us."
I gaped at him in complete shock. How did I miss that one?
"What! Why? ...When did that happen?"
Trunks' head snapped up to look at me. I was expecting pain in his eyes, sorrow, regret, anything that you would see in the eyes of someone who just lost his fiancée...but all I saw was confusion and....relief?
"You were there, you saw what happened. She threatened me...all but asked me to choose, and I did. As for why... you know why."
His eyes fell on the still crumpled letter in my hands and I stiffened with embarrassment.
"Trunks about the letter..."
"I know you weren't going to send it Chibi."
My eyes must've grown to the size of moons and I nearly lost my balance.
"How...do you know that?"
Trunks smirked sadly at me before turning and flicking his finger into the water.
"Well the look on your face for one, I don't think I've ever seen you look so panicked in my life...except, maybe, when Tousan knocked me out when I was 8."
I smiled faintly at the memory but still shook it off; there are more important things to deal with.
"That doesn't mean anything, you shouldn't assume…"
"Because Chibi, I called you after I got the bloody thing! Pan said you were working late at school, trying to finish exams so you could come down early. I said it was fine but then she asked me if I got the letter she sent. At first, I didn't know what she was talking about. She said that you got her to send the letter for you because you were running late, but she saw two letters on the desk: both addressed to me. She said she only remembered you saying 'send the letter' not 'letters' so she picked one...she was worried that she didn't do it right. Anyway, I figured that you wrote that one as soon as you got my letter about Ashleigh, but for whatever reason realized you shouldn't send it or something like that. I told Pan she didn't need to tell you that I'd called, and that I'd call you later."
I knew my blood pressure had probably increased by 20% and I tried to miserably hold my composure.
"So you're telling me, you knew how I felt the whole time and you still had the gall to sleep with that bitch in the room next to me!"
I was fuming with anger. How could he be so insensitive! He knew the whole time and he still brought her around, held her with me in the room, kissed her...Arg! I'll kill him.
Trunks stood then, his own anger burning through his eyes, boiling his usual cool oceanic orbs into fiery pits of rage.
"For your information, we aren't a couple so I have every right to do what I want..."
"Even if it means breaking my heart!"
My eyes were brimming with tears and I had to turn my back so he wouldn't see me cry. I could hear him sigh and I wanted to break at the desperation in his unspoken burst of emotion.
"Goten I...I never meant to hurt you. I'd never hurt you."
"Why did you let me come here? Why did you let me believe I could hide it from you?
You say you didn't want to hurt me but you knew it would kill me to see you with her..."
I paused, turning my blood shot eyes over my shoulder and gazing at his hung head, "It kills me every time."
"I was being selfish Goten, I wanted to see you...I missed you ok! And I thought that if I kept you and Ashleigh apart as much as possible then you wouldn't be as hurt. I asked Jen to take you out when you first met Ashleigh. I wanted to keep contact between the two of you at a minimum so it wouldn't hurt you. I didn't want her to spend the night, really, but she really pressured me into it..."
I whirled on him, anger, despair, and hopelessness--all the feelings I've felt since the day he left came barreling out of me.
"DAMMIT YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM!!!!!! You didn't have to let her do anything! You were the one who chose this! Dammit! Haven't you had enough of seeing me grieve or is this making you feel better about yourself! I thought you loved her! You told me over and over again how great she was and how perfect you were together…Jen was right, you were marrying her to make Bulma-san happy Maybe you should stop trying to please other people! Then you could see passed your own nose!"
"Goten, you know nothing about this! You told me not to assume things but look at what you're doing! Don't make assumptions based on a month of seeing me! And like you're one to talk! You're the one that can't see passed his own bloody emotions."
Oh he was mad. I could practically smell the rage bleeding from his skin...It matched my own to a 'T'.
"It isn't an assumption! I know, Trunks, because I know you! Your mother was all but shoving you into marriage! It didn't matter who it was. I was there! You forget that I was always there! I saw it Trunks!"
I was so angry I could barely hold my balance, my knees shook violently and I locked them into place as Trunks now turned his back on me. His shoulders slumped forward and I could see the ragged fall of his back as he tried desperately to hold his composure.
When he spoke next, the storm over our heads thundered. I had to strain to hear him.
"I...I'm sorry Goten."
Tears sprang from my eyes and fell down my hot cheeks as I stared at him. I could feel the guilt rising in my chest, slowly replacing my anger as I sank to the ground and stared off into nothingness.
"Why did you wait until now to bring this up." The pure sorrow in my voice was excruciating. Even Pandora has never heard such pain as the thick flood of desperation spat bitterly off my tongue.
He didn't turn around, his back still to me as he sighed heavily again and his shoulder curled in like he was turning into a ball of regret with every word he spoke.
"Because I saw the look in your eyes when you walked in on us this morning and I knew that was only a mirror of the pain you were feeling...The pain you have been feeling since the day I left." He turned then and the look on his face matched my own and I choked back a sob. "God Chibi, I've never seen you look so utterly hopeless and lost...it made my heart ache."
I suddenly felt so stupid, and completely blind. Of course he'd seen my pain! He knows me better then I know myself! I'm so dense!
I nearly jumped as I felt his hand on my shoulder, his body towering over me, tension surrounding him like fire to wood.
"Chibi." he started, his voice eerily calm as he pulled me to stand. We were inches apart as he held onto my shoulders firmly, eyes burrowing deep into mine. "Tell me how you feel."
A crack sliced the air and pounded the earth with the promise of rage. I stepped away from him, from his touch, from his heat and into the cold waiting air, looking at the moist grass.
"I...Don't...Love you." I said, voice shaking like the rolling thunder that rattles the sky. I needed to say that, I really did. I can't possibly move on if I admit my feelings. He doesn't love me and I refuse to embarrass myself further!
I moved to walk away, trying to hold down a little pride when a flash of white lightening blinded my eyes. Little dots of colour flicked and lapped at my vision, blurring my still sightless eyes as the scenery dripped through. I blinked, bringing a still shaking fist up to my lids and rubbing them quickly. My vision cleared and I opened my eyes to see Trunks standing in front of me, looking very pissed off.
"No more lies Goten! Tell me the truth!"
I stood my ground, glaring him down as the rain poured heavily onto my flaring skin.
"How do you know I'm lying? You think you know me so well? Well here's some news for you, you don't! Things change, I've changed, and you've changed!"
"That's crap and you know it! You're contradicting yourself! You say you know me…well I know you too!" The venom in his voice was frightening and the fury in his eyes seemed to grow with every crash of white lightening, "If you don't love me then say it to my face!"
"I..." His face was tense, beautifully burning with scarring anger as water coursed down his skin, again drawing sensuous lines down those firm cheeks, licking his lips as they traveled down his chin to his neck, killed by the fabric of his shirt. Damn him! He was so beautiful!
I got flash after flash of images from my childhood, laughing, playing, fighting...not a moment spent without him, not a moment spent not loving and cherishing him.
Tears brimmed my eyes and I looked down again, completely ashamed of myself.
"I don't… Dammit! Why are you doing this? Please don't make me say it."
"Goten, please, I want to hear it from your own lips."
I started sobbing uncontrollably, my chest hurt so bad I couldn't breath, and my shoulders shook painfully. My tears mixed with the cold rainwater that tracked down my cheek from the constant stream that leaked from my dry, cracking eyes. My head pounded with my rapidly increasing heartbeat and I thought my brain would explode from the pressure. My gut twisted with each spasming sob, tying into painful knots as I slumped over. My whole being ached from it, the agony in my body ripped through the wet, black night as the storm inside and out roared wildly.
My throat tightened against the screech that pounded on my larynx, scratching and bleeding.
"Please Goten." His voice was strangely soothing and I fought down the urge to scream.
"Tr....Trunks...I…I love you, God I love you so much." My voice cracked with pain as I admitted the truth: finally the truth. The look in his eyes was unreadable and panic suddenly joined into the mix of emotional turmoil that has plagued me for years.
"Oh God Trunks! Please don't be disgusted with me! I didn't mean for this to happen! I don't even remember when it did, I'm so sorry..."
"Goten..."
"No, I know you don't feel the same way, how could you? I know you like girls and I'm sure you'll find someone some day. I'll do my very best to find someone else, even though I don't think I could, but don't feel obligated to me ok!..."
"Goten...."
"The only reason why I didn't tell you is because I though it would push us apart! That's not what I wanted, you're still my best friend, although I doubt you'd still want me be around me after this..."
"GOTEN!"
I looked up at him then, a large lump growing in my throat as I shivered.
"What?"
He stepped before me, arms draped nervously around my shoulders and I stiffened painfully. Dear Dende he's going to kill me!
He smirked at me and I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain that I knew was going to follow.
"Shut up."
I nearly jumped out of my skin as I felt something warm and soft lightly brush over my shivering lips. His tempered breath pushed rapidly again my trembling mouth, betraying him and revealing his nervousness. He felt like velvet and silk, sensuously pressing against my skin and the hairs on my arms bristled with the spark of electrical heat that coursed through my blood, and flashed in the night sky.
He's Kissing me!....He's really REALLY KISSING ME!!!
I couldn't move. The intensity of the moment hammered at my feet, locking me in place as his lips roamed shakily over my own. I took in a ragged breath when his fingers stroked at my cheek, gently urging my chin up. His touch was warm, soft and revealing, much like I always hoped it would be and I could feel my desire for the man growing inside me.
I panted as he broke away, gazing into my foggy, bloodshot eyes as his arms tightened around my neck.
"See, now that wasn't so hard was it."
I blinked in utter confusion, staring at him like he'd just grown another head. He caught the looked in my eye and leaned forward, resting his cheek against mine, forcing his breath against my ear.
"And how do you love me?"
I gasped and my shoulders tensed with the warm words that coursed across my cold, red lobe.
"Please don't tease me Trunks."
He hugged me to him, pressing his body tightly against mine and gently caressing my back and shoulders in an attempt to ease my tension.
"I'm not teasing you Goten. You were so preoccupied with your own emotions that, for the first time since I've known you, you failed to see mine."
I still couldn't move from the shock of it all. I felt frozen, and the rain that continued to drip down my face only contributed to the chill that ran through me. I shivered, and he nuzzled his lips against my ear, pulling me into a warmer embrace. His scent rose off him like steam, his unique smell was all I ever wanted, but there was something strange about it this time. I nearly choked as I recognized the potent tang of desire swirling around his fragrance.
"Chibi, I love you too."