Chapter Sixteen
Chloe and Brady sat across from each other at a table in a local cafe. She nibbled on the lettuce from her salad as she skimmed through the third diary. Chloe paused her reading and looked up at Brady.
"I guess this is what a nervous breakdown looks like on paper."
Brady raised his eyebrows. "You think so?"
Chloe nodded. "Absolutely... She was raped by her boyfriend's stepfather, Craig broke up with her, she got pregnant and then she had to put the baby up for adoption. She felt totally alone... And believe me, I know how that feels. At least the part about feeling 'totally alone'."
"So, I guess reading that diary is like looking into a bottomless pit."
"Pretty much... I wonder how she got through it all. I mean, granted, she's not exactly a walking advertisement for normality these days, but she's not nuts or manic depressive or anything. This diary... it's kinda terrifying... She really snapped over this whole thing... Can't say I blame her either."
Brady smiled sympathetically at her. "But Craig came back to her... I'm sure that helped."
"Absolutely... In fact, it's probably the only thing that pulled her out of this hole that she was in."
"Well, it makes sense... No matter how strong a person is, they can't always get through things without help."
Chloe smiled weakly. "Yeah, but sometimes it's hard to ask for help. Especially when you're stubborn or independent."
Brady looked at her skeptically. "Well... now... I think we're talking about YOU and not your mother."
"Maybe... It's tough, Brady. I've had to depend on myself and only myself for so long that I don't know how to handle it when people want to help me. Most of the time... I think I don't need their help, but I probably do."
"Yeah, I think I can identify with that."
Chloe smirked. "Yeah, I know you can... You've always had a tendency to kinda shut people out who care about you... Except for maybe Belle, right?"
Brady shrugged. "Something like that. I mean... Belle has always been the only one I could truly talk to. But, all that changed recently..."
Chloe raised her eyebrows. "It did?"
"Oh yeah... There's you now. Whether I wanted to or not, you always forced me into talking to you about Marlena or whatever else was pissing me off from day to day."
"Cause... it was such a hassle to have to talk to crazy ol' Ghoul Girl without me forcing you to?"
"Noooo... because I didn't like to talk to anybody. But, you're different. You never take any crap from me, Chloe... and you've always understood what I'm talking about, even if you think I'm wrong."
Chloe gave him a self-satisfied smile. "Well, that's true. I don't really take crap from anyone, and I wasn't going to make an exception for you. Besides, I know how much you love to pick on me, and I just wanted to give it right back to you as good as I got it."
"Awwwww... that's so sweet..." Brady smiled and winked at her. "Is it any wonder that I made you my girlfriend?"
Chloe's eyes widened. "Made me? I don't think so, Brady. More like, I *let* you be *my* boyfriend."
"Well... it's an honor AND a privilege then. And, you know I only pick on you because I want you to be happy."
Chloe laughed out loud. "Well, that's kind of backwards logic, isn't it? You don't think picking on me made me UNhappy?"
"I don't know. I may have been a bit harsh at times, but at least it made you think, right?"
"Okay okay... Sure... Why are you such a challenge to be around?"
Brady shrugged and grinned at her. "Because that's what you need. And you know I'm right."
Chloe gave in and smiled at him as she leaned over the table to give him a kiss. "Well... you COULD be right... That still remains to be seen. Anyway, Mr. Challenging... finish your sandwich so we can get out of here."
Brady leaned back in the booth with a grin and waved his hands in front of me. "Hey... I take orders from no one. I'll finish when I'm good and ready."
There was an awkward silence as Chloe gave him what he liked to call 'the look'. Both eyebrows raised high, eyes opened wider than usual, and her lips pursed up. She knew the effect it had, and that it always gave Brady the signal that it was her turn to do be the boss. He tried to stare her down and shake her from her stance, but she knew he couldn't do it. He finally relented and picked up the last part of his sandwich and devoured it quickly.
Chloe rewarded him with a dazzling smile. "I win this time..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I just let you win... you know that."
Chloe nodded sarcastically. "Sure, sure... whatever. You know that you're just putty in my hands."
Brady looked at her in disgust. "You wish..."
Chloe laughed and rolled her eyes at him as he laid money down for the bill. She took a final sip of her iced tea and stood up from the table.
"Alright, come on... We've got something important to do." She turned on her heel and marched towards the exit.
Brady sighed and slid out of the booth as she walked away. He knew he would never be as bad as that lovesick puppy Phillip was, but he had to let Chloe get her way once in a while. So, he dutifully followed her out the door and towards the van.
***
Chloe looked at the cold stone monument in front of her. It was square and marble and decorated with angels. The name Lennox was inscribed in large, bold letters on the front. She looked down at the first two grave markers.
"Beatrice Margaret Wesley Lennox - Beloved Mother and Wife"
and
"Samuel Malcolm Lennox - Beloved Father and Husband"
Chloe suppressed an urge to laugh but muttered under her breath. "Beloved Father... hmph..."
She sighed and clutched the third diary to her chest. She had brought it out here to try and release the pain that was locked inside. Chloe wished she could do it face to face with the man who caused it, but this would have to do. Brady slipped in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"You okay?"
"Mmm-hmmm... I just need to do what I came here for."
"You want me to leave you alone? I can go wait in the van."
Chloe shook her head as she turned to face him. "Absolutely not... I want you to be here. I... I *need* you to be here."
Brady smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "You got it."
Chloe took a deep breath as she sat down on the bench that faced the family plot. Brady sat beside her and put a comforting hand on her knee. She breathed in deeply again as she opened the diary to the page she was looking for.
She looked at Sam's grave for a moment before reading. "This one's for you, Sam..." She paused briefly and then read from the diary. "My life might as well be over. And for what? Because of one man who couldn't control himself. I have now lost everything. I hate Sam Lennox, and I hate my father for allowing this to happen. Craig and I are no longer together, and I don't know if we ever will be again. And... my daughter. My Chloe. I had this beautiful baby girl in my arms just 4 days ago, and now she is gone. She was perfect in every way, and I have lost her forever. It feels like God has punished me, but I don't know why. I haven't done anything wrong... I've tried to be a good person my whole life, but what's the point? It doesn't matter how good I've been, because bad things have happened to me. I will never understand why for as long as I live. I only hope that my baby Chloe can be shielded from the things that I have been through this year. I wish I could protect her, but I can't do that anymore. She is in God's hands now, and I hope he takes care of her. Please don't let her hate me. I only wanted to do what was best for her, and being a member of this family is not it. Sam Lennox is a hateful, terrible man and I pray that he will be punished for his sins worse than I have been punished. It isn't fair that he gets to live his life and be happy despite what he's done, and I have to suffer."
Chloe snapped the book shut and looked up at the headstone. "And to think... that's one of her happier days, Sam."
Chloe stood up and passed the book to Brady. She walked towards the headstone and stared at the name with pain in her eyes. "I hope you're getting everything you deserve down there in hell, Sam Lennox. I know that you never cared that you may have hurt someone, but I want to tell you something. You may have destroyed Nancy then, but not anymore, she is stronger than that. She didn't let hate rule her life. That would have only turned her into a monster like you."
Chloe stopped as she felt the sobs well up inside of her. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I am not going to cry in front of you. You are not going to make me cry. You are not worth it. All these years of pain and hatred and sadness, and I came here and found out that you're not worth even a second of my time or my thoughts. You didn't destroy Nancy, and you're not going to destroy me either. I will not let my pain rule me anymore. Your blood may be running through my veins, but you are not my father. When I was a little girl, I used to dream that my father would be a loving, kind, brave, generous, smart and wonderful person... and you are none of those things."
Chloe paused as a new realization spread into her mind. She smiled weakly at the thought. "But Craig is all of that... and even more."
Chloe stepped closer to Beatrice's grave marker and kneeled down beside it. She lightly dusted it off and traced the name with her fingertips.
"You did what you had to do, Beatrice. And no matter what, you raised a son who I love and respect. Thank you."
She smiled softly at Beatrice's headstone and moved away. She turned to look at Sam's grave one more time.
"And that's it for you, Sam. I know I could scream and yell and cry for hours, but you're not worth it. It would only show you that what you did means something, but I don't think it does. Someone told me once that it didn't matter how I got into this world, it just matters that I'm here. As far as I'm concerned, your name means nothing to me anymore."
Chloe moved further away from the grave until she was standing close to Brady. He clasped her hand and smiled weakly in her direction. She smiled back and laid her head on his shoulder.
"I'm ready to go now..."
Brady kissed her gently on the top of her head and silently walked with her until they reached the van. She placed her back against the side of the van and sighed deeply. Chloe closed her eyes tightly and a few hot tears squeezed out of them and rolled down her face. She wiped the tears off with the back of her hand and opened her eyes to see Brady standing in front of her.
"Oh God... Brady... I..."
Brady reached for her and pulled her into an embrace. "Shhh... you don't have to say anything, Chloe."
Chloe wanted to stay right there forever. She felt safe with his strong arms wrapped around her. Chloe leaned slightly away from him so she could look up at him. "I'm... just spent... I feel like I need to take a nap or something. Does that sound ridiculous?"
Brady shook his head vehemently. "Absolutely not... you've been through a lot today... and you were so brave. I am so proud of you Chloe."
Chloe looked at him with a surprised glance. "Proud of me? For what? It was pretty much a one-sided conversation conversation I was having out there."
"So? It was still brave, Chloe. You confronted your feelings head on. And... I'm proud because you've decided not to hold on to all this pain you have. Hating that man just gives his actions more credibility, and you know that."
Chloe nodded sadly. "Yeah... but that doesn't make it all go away. I feel better now, but it's not like all the pain just disappeared with a snap of my fingers."
"I know, and sometimes it never goes away... but it gets better."
Chloe sighed and rested her head on his chest. "I know..."
Brady smiled and stroked her hair with one hand. "Good... now, let's say we get you back to the hotel so you can take that nap that you mentioned."
Chloe looked up at him and smiled. "That's the best idea I've heard all day."
He kissed her on the forehead and released her from the embrace. They both got in the van, and Chloe took one last glance at the cemetary before they headed off. She quietly thought to say goodbye to the Lennox family, as she planned to never come back here again.
***
Chloe and Brady sat across from each other at a table in a local cafe. She nibbled on the lettuce from her salad as she skimmed through the third diary. Chloe paused her reading and looked up at Brady.
"I guess this is what a nervous breakdown looks like on paper."
Brady raised his eyebrows. "You think so?"
Chloe nodded. "Absolutely... She was raped by her boyfriend's stepfather, Craig broke up with her, she got pregnant and then she had to put the baby up for adoption. She felt totally alone... And believe me, I know how that feels. At least the part about feeling 'totally alone'."
"So, I guess reading that diary is like looking into a bottomless pit."
"Pretty much... I wonder how she got through it all. I mean, granted, she's not exactly a walking advertisement for normality these days, but she's not nuts or manic depressive or anything. This diary... it's kinda terrifying... She really snapped over this whole thing... Can't say I blame her either."
Brady smiled sympathetically at her. "But Craig came back to her... I'm sure that helped."
"Absolutely... In fact, it's probably the only thing that pulled her out of this hole that she was in."
"Well, it makes sense... No matter how strong a person is, they can't always get through things without help."
Chloe smiled weakly. "Yeah, but sometimes it's hard to ask for help. Especially when you're stubborn or independent."
Brady looked at her skeptically. "Well... now... I think we're talking about YOU and not your mother."
"Maybe... It's tough, Brady. I've had to depend on myself and only myself for so long that I don't know how to handle it when people want to help me. Most of the time... I think I don't need their help, but I probably do."
"Yeah, I think I can identify with that."
Chloe smirked. "Yeah, I know you can... You've always had a tendency to kinda shut people out who care about you... Except for maybe Belle, right?"
Brady shrugged. "Something like that. I mean... Belle has always been the only one I could truly talk to. But, all that changed recently..."
Chloe raised her eyebrows. "It did?"
"Oh yeah... There's you now. Whether I wanted to or not, you always forced me into talking to you about Marlena or whatever else was pissing me off from day to day."
"Cause... it was such a hassle to have to talk to crazy ol' Ghoul Girl without me forcing you to?"
"Noooo... because I didn't like to talk to anybody. But, you're different. You never take any crap from me, Chloe... and you've always understood what I'm talking about, even if you think I'm wrong."
Chloe gave him a self-satisfied smile. "Well, that's true. I don't really take crap from anyone, and I wasn't going to make an exception for you. Besides, I know how much you love to pick on me, and I just wanted to give it right back to you as good as I got it."
"Awwwww... that's so sweet..." Brady smiled and winked at her. "Is it any wonder that I made you my girlfriend?"
Chloe's eyes widened. "Made me? I don't think so, Brady. More like, I *let* you be *my* boyfriend."
"Well... it's an honor AND a privilege then. And, you know I only pick on you because I want you to be happy."
Chloe laughed out loud. "Well, that's kind of backwards logic, isn't it? You don't think picking on me made me UNhappy?"
"I don't know. I may have been a bit harsh at times, but at least it made you think, right?"
"Okay okay... Sure... Why are you such a challenge to be around?"
Brady shrugged and grinned at her. "Because that's what you need. And you know I'm right."
Chloe gave in and smiled at him as she leaned over the table to give him a kiss. "Well... you COULD be right... That still remains to be seen. Anyway, Mr. Challenging... finish your sandwich so we can get out of here."
Brady leaned back in the booth with a grin and waved his hands in front of me. "Hey... I take orders from no one. I'll finish when I'm good and ready."
There was an awkward silence as Chloe gave him what he liked to call 'the look'. Both eyebrows raised high, eyes opened wider than usual, and her lips pursed up. She knew the effect it had, and that it always gave Brady the signal that it was her turn to do be the boss. He tried to stare her down and shake her from her stance, but she knew he couldn't do it. He finally relented and picked up the last part of his sandwich and devoured it quickly.
Chloe rewarded him with a dazzling smile. "I win this time..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I just let you win... you know that."
Chloe nodded sarcastically. "Sure, sure... whatever. You know that you're just putty in my hands."
Brady looked at her in disgust. "You wish..."
Chloe laughed and rolled her eyes at him as he laid money down for the bill. She took a final sip of her iced tea and stood up from the table.
"Alright, come on... We've got something important to do." She turned on her heel and marched towards the exit.
Brady sighed and slid out of the booth as she walked away. He knew he would never be as bad as that lovesick puppy Phillip was, but he had to let Chloe get her way once in a while. So, he dutifully followed her out the door and towards the van.
***
Chloe looked at the cold stone monument in front of her. It was square and marble and decorated with angels. The name Lennox was inscribed in large, bold letters on the front. She looked down at the first two grave markers.
"Beatrice Margaret Wesley Lennox - Beloved Mother and Wife"
and
"Samuel Malcolm Lennox - Beloved Father and Husband"
Chloe suppressed an urge to laugh but muttered under her breath. "Beloved Father... hmph..."
She sighed and clutched the third diary to her chest. She had brought it out here to try and release the pain that was locked inside. Chloe wished she could do it face to face with the man who caused it, but this would have to do. Brady slipped in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"You okay?"
"Mmm-hmmm... I just need to do what I came here for."
"You want me to leave you alone? I can go wait in the van."
Chloe shook her head as she turned to face him. "Absolutely not... I want you to be here. I... I *need* you to be here."
Brady smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "You got it."
Chloe took a deep breath as she sat down on the bench that faced the family plot. Brady sat beside her and put a comforting hand on her knee. She breathed in deeply again as she opened the diary to the page she was looking for.
She looked at Sam's grave for a moment before reading. "This one's for you, Sam..." She paused briefly and then read from the diary. "My life might as well be over. And for what? Because of one man who couldn't control himself. I have now lost everything. I hate Sam Lennox, and I hate my father for allowing this to happen. Craig and I are no longer together, and I don't know if we ever will be again. And... my daughter. My Chloe. I had this beautiful baby girl in my arms just 4 days ago, and now she is gone. She was perfect in every way, and I have lost her forever. It feels like God has punished me, but I don't know why. I haven't done anything wrong... I've tried to be a good person my whole life, but what's the point? It doesn't matter how good I've been, because bad things have happened to me. I will never understand why for as long as I live. I only hope that my baby Chloe can be shielded from the things that I have been through this year. I wish I could protect her, but I can't do that anymore. She is in God's hands now, and I hope he takes care of her. Please don't let her hate me. I only wanted to do what was best for her, and being a member of this family is not it. Sam Lennox is a hateful, terrible man and I pray that he will be punished for his sins worse than I have been punished. It isn't fair that he gets to live his life and be happy despite what he's done, and I have to suffer."
Chloe snapped the book shut and looked up at the headstone. "And to think... that's one of her happier days, Sam."
Chloe stood up and passed the book to Brady. She walked towards the headstone and stared at the name with pain in her eyes. "I hope you're getting everything you deserve down there in hell, Sam Lennox. I know that you never cared that you may have hurt someone, but I want to tell you something. You may have destroyed Nancy then, but not anymore, she is stronger than that. She didn't let hate rule her life. That would have only turned her into a monster like you."
Chloe stopped as she felt the sobs well up inside of her. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I am not going to cry in front of you. You are not going to make me cry. You are not worth it. All these years of pain and hatred and sadness, and I came here and found out that you're not worth even a second of my time or my thoughts. You didn't destroy Nancy, and you're not going to destroy me either. I will not let my pain rule me anymore. Your blood may be running through my veins, but you are not my father. When I was a little girl, I used to dream that my father would be a loving, kind, brave, generous, smart and wonderful person... and you are none of those things."
Chloe paused as a new realization spread into her mind. She smiled weakly at the thought. "But Craig is all of that... and even more."
Chloe stepped closer to Beatrice's grave marker and kneeled down beside it. She lightly dusted it off and traced the name with her fingertips.
"You did what you had to do, Beatrice. And no matter what, you raised a son who I love and respect. Thank you."
She smiled softly at Beatrice's headstone and moved away. She turned to look at Sam's grave one more time.
"And that's it for you, Sam. I know I could scream and yell and cry for hours, but you're not worth it. It would only show you that what you did means something, but I don't think it does. Someone told me once that it didn't matter how I got into this world, it just matters that I'm here. As far as I'm concerned, your name means nothing to me anymore."
Chloe moved further away from the grave until she was standing close to Brady. He clasped her hand and smiled weakly in her direction. She smiled back and laid her head on his shoulder.
"I'm ready to go now..."
Brady kissed her gently on the top of her head and silently walked with her until they reached the van. She placed her back against the side of the van and sighed deeply. Chloe closed her eyes tightly and a few hot tears squeezed out of them and rolled down her face. She wiped the tears off with the back of her hand and opened her eyes to see Brady standing in front of her.
"Oh God... Brady... I..."
Brady reached for her and pulled her into an embrace. "Shhh... you don't have to say anything, Chloe."
Chloe wanted to stay right there forever. She felt safe with his strong arms wrapped around her. Chloe leaned slightly away from him so she could look up at him. "I'm... just spent... I feel like I need to take a nap or something. Does that sound ridiculous?"
Brady shook his head vehemently. "Absolutely not... you've been through a lot today... and you were so brave. I am so proud of you Chloe."
Chloe looked at him with a surprised glance. "Proud of me? For what? It was pretty much a one-sided conversation conversation I was having out there."
"So? It was still brave, Chloe. You confronted your feelings head on. And... I'm proud because you've decided not to hold on to all this pain you have. Hating that man just gives his actions more credibility, and you know that."
Chloe nodded sadly. "Yeah... but that doesn't make it all go away. I feel better now, but it's not like all the pain just disappeared with a snap of my fingers."
"I know, and sometimes it never goes away... but it gets better."
Chloe sighed and rested her head on his chest. "I know..."
Brady smiled and stroked her hair with one hand. "Good... now, let's say we get you back to the hotel so you can take that nap that you mentioned."
Chloe looked up at him and smiled. "That's the best idea I've heard all day."
He kissed her on the forehead and released her from the embrace. They both got in the van, and Chloe took one last glance at the cemetary before they headed off. She quietly thought to say goodbye to the Lennox family, as she planned to never come back here again.
***