Jaina
watched as Tenal Ka's parents attempted to calm all the guests present, with
somewhat mild success. Some had gotten
up and left but most had remained where they were, demanding to know where the
princess had gone and who was that young man that had interrupted the
ceremony. Jaina didn't see Tenal Ka's
grandmother anywhere. She hoped Ta'a
Chume hadn't gone looking for her granddaughter because she was probably the
last person Tenal Ka wanted to see right now. Actually, Jaina thought there might be a certain young Jedi Knight her
friend would like to avoid right now…
She could see her mother was now joining Isolder and Teneniel
Djo in the their efforts. Since Leia
was a trained diplomat with years of negotiations under her belt, she was
better adept at addressing areas of chaos – controlled or otherwise.
"So what do we do?" Came Zekk's voice from behind her.
"I dunno," she said turning around to face him, Anakin
and Tahiri.
"Someone should go after Tenal Ka, and see if she's all
right," Tahiri suggested.
Jaina had thought the same thing when she had seen her
friend down the aisle, but then she had seen Jacen run after her and realized
that the two of them probably needed some time alone to talk…about stuff. But judging by the way Tenal Ka had run out
of there, she did not seem to be in too much of a hurry to talk to Jacen.
"I think that's what my brother's doing," Jaina finally
responded.
"Well, maybe somebody should go check on the both of
them. I don't know about you guys but Tenal
Ka looked pretty upset to me, and Jacen didn't look much better," Zekk stated.
Jaina hesitated. The last thing her brother and Tenal Ka would want was an audience.
Zekk sensed her hesitation. "Jaina," he said, placing both his hands on her shoulders. "Their
both our friends, and Jacen's yours and Anakin's brother. We're just going to check on them. Make sure they're all right."
"Besides," spoke up Anakin, "Zeille ran after the both of
them and he's probably pretty angry with Jacen for screwing up his wedding."
"You're both right. Let's go."
At that moment she realized someone was missing from
their group. "Where's Danni?"
"She, ah, kinda ran off after Jacen's little
announcement," Anakin explained.
"Maybe we should go after her too," said Tahiri.
"One crisis at a time," Jaina muttered, as they pushed
their way through the swarms of people now standing in the aisle. They were almost to the doors when Jaina
spotted her parents heading in their direction.
Anakin nudged his sister. "Uh oh, mom and dad,"
Jaina just kept walking. They were only a few feet from the door now. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to try to explain
this whole mess to them, so when her mother and father cornered them near the
doors, Jaina quickly said, "can't talk right now," and pushed past them.
"Jaina-" her mother called after her.
"Mom, we have to find Jacen and Tenal Ka," then she
grabbed Zekk's hand and pulled him along with her since he seemed to be slowing
down. What is he doing? This was his idea in the first place,
Jaina thought to herself.
When they were away from Han and Leia, Zekk said, "maybe
we should have told them-"
"Zekk, what would we tell them? My twin brother's a nerf herder who waited until it was
practically too late to tell the girl that he's always been crazy about that he
loves her? They probably already knew
that part anyways."
"Point taken," Zekk replied.
"Jacen's given the phrase 'last minute' a whole new
meaning," Anakin remarked.
Jaina just shook her head and stepped outside. It was still raining but only lightly
now. She was glad that her brother had
finally come to his senses, but she had this bad feeling that things wouldn't
work out the way he had hoped. She had
no idea, though, just how bad things would turn out for him.
It had not taken him long to find her, even though she
was dimming her presence in the force. But Jacen could find her without the force. He knew her that well. He
knew the gardens behind the palace had always been one of her favourite places
to go when she was looking for solitude. Zeille would never think to come look for her here, and Jacen was
thankful for that. That meant the two
of them could talk without any interruptions.
He hesitated at the edge of the garden, not sure of what
he should say or do. But knowing that
after his latest revelation there was no turning back. He could never take back what he had said in
front of a roomful of at least a thousand people.
She was sitting on a stone bench with her back to him,
and Jacen could see she was soaking wet. Her dress ruined, and her once beautifully decorated hair was coming out
in several places.
Jacen started walking towards her. She should have heard him approaching by
now, if not by his footsteps then through the force. Either way, she didn't turn around. When he was no more than a foot from her, Tenal Ka broke the
silence.
"Please Jacen, just go away," she said, keeping her back
turned to him.
Go away? What was
she talking about? She knew as well as
he did that they both had some major issues to resolve.
He crossed his arms over his chest but made no move to
leave.
"Just go," she said more forcefully this time and Jacen
could detect a hint of anger in her voice.
"I can't. We need
to talk," he said moving to sit beside her.
"There is nothing to talk about," Tenal Ka stated
firmly. She still wouldn't look at him.
"Yes, there is," he said gently, "starting with what
happened back at the Palace. I'm sorry
if I-"
"You're sorry?" She finally turned to look at him. Jacen could see her face was streaked with
tears and she was shivering. He wanted
to offer her his jacket but it was soaked through, and even if it weren't she
probably wouldn't have accepted it anyways by the way she was glaring at him.
She laughed bitterly. "Do you know how long I have waited to hear you say those words to
me? And then you wait until I'm in the
middle of getting married to tell me?"
He could hear the rising anger in her voice. He had never seen her upset like this
before. Not even that night on the
balcony. But he was confused. She had wanted him to say those words to
her, so then what was the problem?
She picked up on his confusion through the force. "You don't get it, do you Jacen? I can't be
with you."
He had not expected this. "Why not? You don't love
me back, is that it?"
She softened, and he could see the faintest hint of a
smile tugging on her lips. "Of course I
do. I always have."
That threw him off for a second. He hadn't expected her to admit that so
easily, but he was even more confused than before. "Then what's the problem?"
"I'm getting married, that's the problem,"
"Then don't marry him," he said simply.
"Jacen-"
He grabbed her hand. "Do you love me?"
She looked him straight in the eyes. "Yes, I do love you…but I can't anymore,"
she turned away from him. "I have to
marry Zeille."
"No you don't. He
doesn't deserve you. We belong
together."
Tenal Ka squeezed his hand. "Please Jacen, do not make this anymore difficult for me than it
already is."
He pulled his hand away from hers, angry now. "And you think this isn't hard for me? I finally tell you I love you and you say
you love me but we can't be together. How's that for fair?"
Fresh tears streamed down her face and her voice shook
silently when she spoke. "You are a fine one to talk about fair, Jacen
Solo. I watched you spend the past two
months growing closer and closer to Danni, while at the same time you thought
everything between us was fine. Well,
you know what? It wasn't. I didn't even want to admit to myself that I
was, "she swallowed," jealous of all the time you were spending with her,
because you still spent time with me. And why would I be jealous? You
and I were still best friends, nothing had changed, and I realized that was the
problem. It wasn't until I saw you two
by the lake together that night, when I realized I had been fooling myself all
along. I was jealous. Jealous that you had obviously moved on…and
jealous that you were kissing her and not me."
Jacen felt like smacking himself in the forehead with the
handle of his lightsaber. "And that's
why you left," he finished for her.
She nodded. "I
tried to convince myself that I didn't care but it got harder the more I saw
you two together. So I decided leaving
would be the best thing. I let my
grandmother talk me into getting married even though marriage was the last
thing I wanted. But I was hurt and
angry with you. And at myself. I let my emotions take over, something I
have never done before in my life, and I regret doing it, but there is nothing
I can do about it now."
"It's my fault. I
should've given you a reason to stay, but even then I couldn't do it."
"It is my fault as well, Jacen. I could have – should have – said something but I didn't."
They both sat in silence. It had taken practically losing each other for them to finally
confess how they both really felt but it no longer mattered. It was too late. They both knew it, but Jacen refused to admit it out loud.
Jacen finally spoke, "Tenal Ka, I can't just forget about
what happened here, and I don't know how you can either. I know that I screwed up. I'm so sorry I hurt you. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do,
believe me. But now that we each know
how we really feel, we can change all that. We've already wasted years pretending those feelings weren't there. I don't want to waste anymore time. I want us to finally be together."
He was pleading now. She could hear it in his voice. He was desperate, afraid he was going to lose her for good. She wanted the same things he wanted. And it took every inch of her self-control
not to throw herself in his arms and tell him to never let go. She hated herself for hurting him like this,
but it was the only way. One day he
would hopefully understand why she had to do this.
"I have to go," she said getting up to leave.
He got up too. "How can you just walk away, like nothing's changed?" He challenged her.
"I have to. I do
not have a choice."
"You always have a choice. You two aren't even married. You wouldn't be doing anything wrong."
"The ceremony may not have happened, but once I go back I
will have to sign the legal contract binding me to the marriage. You know what will happen if I do not sign."
He did. She had explained it to him that night on
the balcony, but that didn't make it any easier for him. He just couldn't let her go like this.
They stood there facing each other. He had so many things he wanted to say to
her. Things he'd thought he'd have a
lifetime to say. He opened his mouth to
speak but Tenal Ka placed a gentle finger on his lips.
She kissed his cheek. "I am sorry, Jacen, but it has to be like this," she whispered. She pulled away from him and walked out of
the garden.
He tried to call out for her, to tell her not to go, but he couldn't move his lips. He just stood there, frozen in place, soaking wet and alone. He tried not to think, not to feel, because if he did he would realize the best thing that had ever happened to him had walked away, and he would never get her back.