Once upon
a time there was a serious Cheese Cult, by this we mean that the proceeding
story shall not in any way be considered humorous by the lactose intolerant, so
if you can't handle an extreme overdose of curdled cow-juice then cease reading
and find the nearest cow slaughter house. Why we have no idea, but it seemed
like a good idea at the time.
Formerly this would have been
written from two separate people, but something….odd…has happened and we are
now one, but we still refer to ourself(s?) as we.
We have become confused by that
above paragraph and kindly ask the readers to disregard it and any relevance to
the proceeding text. Which by the way,
we have no idea what it will be.
It was twenty years after Hitomi had
left when a strange, cheese colored light was seen soaring through the sky. The
inhabitants of Gaea wondered what it was, they were soon to find out.
Presenting:
The Serious Cheese Cult…
Note:
This is our rather pathetic attempt at something akin to seriousness. It has
failed…
President Gouda called to order the members of the
cheese cult. Lindbergher was making a
stink about something or other, as usual, but beyond that most of the other's
were behaving.
Niolo was cleaning his nails because he was keeping
in character, washed rind. He wasn't really paying attention to what was going
on, they had landed on some strange planet in their mother…cow (it's a ship, sorta),
who cared.
Herbillettes with her extremely dry sense of humor,
was trying to make cheese (of course) jokes.
Unfortunately, very few could actually appreciate them. But minutes later, Gouda finally managed to
get some quiet, so that he could explain their situation. Once complete (it consisted of, we're stuck
on some strange planet, and we don't know what to do) he asked for suggestions
on the best course of action. If you
haven't already guessed, the response, was, unanimously, "Eat Cheese!"
Vacherin De Chevre, who despite her name and pine
fresh scent, was something of a rebel. Instead of the standard "Eat Cheese!"
she shouted, "The power of cheese!" Everyone was at a loss as to why she said
that since it had no relevance to the question. People suspected her of being
high on pine scent from having bathed in too many aromatic baths. Isapier sat smoking three large joints at
once.
Everyone was busily eating cheese, when crashing
trees could be heard. As the last row
of trees was knocked down, a large mechanical robotic walking thingy
appeared. No one really cared, because
they were eating cheese, and it wasn't.
It was…shiny. They couldn't
really see it, since it was dark, but they knew it was there (the cheese gave
them…..special powers). But as before
mentioned, they didn't care about it, since it wasn't cheese, didn't have
cheese, and didn't appear to want cheese.
"Stop villains in the name of…" the last part was
lost in a rather phlegm filled series of coughs.
"It should really eat cheese," Niolo commented
boredly. The others agreed, but other than that paid the monstrous cheese-less
being no attention. The being, for lack of a better description, attempted to
say something again and then finally gave up, muttering something about
quitting smoking. The creature made a
quick movement, and impaled one the cheese cults largest rounds of cheese like
it was bite-sized. This of course,
caused a major uproar. Gaperon Fermier,
a spicy personality, immediately began throwing loafs of American cheese (the
fat-free kind, one of the most despised cheese products ever second only to
Eazy Cheez) at the creature's eyes. The
rest of the cult, all several hundred of them, began to do the same. Soon the creature was completely covered
with smeared cheese imitation product.
It ran for it's very life (and possibly it's pride and dignity).
* * * *
We have decided to place stars in order to tell you
that THIS chapter is over, to find out what diabolical plans the Serious Cheese
Cult shall devise you must stay tuned. And remember, may the curd be with you.
SPECIAL
NOTE: All names of characters excepting
Escaflowne characters are indeed real cheeses.
No really. We're totally
serious. There's a list at this site,
if you don't believe us: http://www.maximeinternational.com/LesProduits/List.htm
