I Still Remember
I still remember how beautiful you looked that night in the red velvet dress you wore. My ears still fill with the laughter of that night, the smiles and the feel of your caress. It was our first date. Do you remember? Do you remember the white roses I bought you? Their edges were exposed, dotted with pink when he you placed them in that transparent porcelain vase that rested on the coffee table. You smiled when I placed them in your hands and looked up at me with those hopeful almond eyes, and I smiled back at you, knots forming in my stomach.
Do remember the garden we went to that night? I had spent forever trying to string the golden lights from the trees and the pastel flowers from the gazebo top. JB had almost burned down the entire woods placing the candles along the paths as he was trying to help me. Do remember the song that played through the square of the speakers, or how shy you were when we danced? We were close together just then and I propped your arms around my neck, while mine rested on your waist. We swayed to the music and I breathed in the ardent scent of your hair. The smell was like the violets that I had eyed resting in a basket on the floor in your room one afternoon. I still remember how we ate under the gazebo and laughed until a late hour when we were forced to diminish the light of the candles and darken the mood of the scene. I still remember holding your hand as we got into the car and my own laughter echoing through the car as we joked and listened to the song blaring on the speakers. I still remember looking over at you in the corner of my eye when we calmed and seeing you smiling to yourself. I spoke up, I don't remember what was said but your smile widened at it and at the light where my car and all the others stopped, you reached to place your hand on mine as it rested between us. I still remember holding yours and having to break away, focusing on the wheel as the green from the light shone on the windshield. I still remember seeing a bright flash of light that blinded me when a car from the other side of the road suddenly came towards mine, not stopping like the cars around it. I still remember the sharp scream that stung my ear as I desperately tried to swerve from the speeding vehicle. I still remember the sound of twisting metal and the feel of my body jerking forward into the glass by my side, the airbag feeling as if it had no use to me. I still remember the silence that struck me and how hard I tried to look out of the corner of my eye and see how you were. My lids dropped but I could still hear the silence growing louder and a click that I assumed was the door as it opened. Muffled voices sprung at me until I could sense nothing else.
I still remember my eyes opening to the piercing white that hi t me. The flash of that moment back in the car of when the light pierced me came in and I sucked in a deep breath. My eyes focused on the vision of my nana that stood over me, watching. The feeling of the searing pain, no different than that of what I'd felt in the car. I struggled to sit up and noted the monitors surrounding me in the hospital bed and all the various cords and things that came out of me. I still remember being bombarded by nurses and doctors and my nana walking back to clear room for them. I hadn't remembered blacking out, but waking up without the cords and monitors.
I still remember explanations of my condition and walking along the tiles to the waiting room. I still remember hearing the cries of Mrs. West, who was held tight in the arms of her husband and the sight of the tears that, rolled silently along the cheeks of Kayla's father. I still remember the painful pangs that hit me along with the welling of tears in my eyes. I still remember the look they all shot towards me. J.B. Nana, Dad, the Wests gave me these looks, their own faces wet with tears. They looked at me as if they felt sorry for me and I turned away from them. I still remember breathing hard just then and yelling your name before turning back, racing down the corridor, looking for your room where you would be sitting up and smiling at me. I still remember crouching in the corner of where your room and crying for you when the long beep sounded and your warm hard began to cool.
But I'm here now… here with you, tracing my finger along your damp tombstone as the rain falls on the petals of white roses and violets I've left for you.