Author: Kate Anderson
Rating: G - PG
Spoilers: This is very late post-ep for Natural Law, so there's spoilers for that
Disclaimer: The characters etc belong to Paramount/Viacom. No copyright infringement in intended.
Notes: While this is a J/C story in many ways, it also has hints of C/7, so be warned. I began writing this story immediately after watching Natural Law, but I didn't find it and finish it until today, oops.
I didn't take the blanket from her. I wanted to take it, it would have been the perfect addition to my quarters, but I made her keep it. I fed her some stupid line that she might get cold if the environmental systems ever go down. I wanted her to keep it, to remind her of the lesson she'd no doubt learned from the Ventu girl. I had seen the way that girl had idolized Seven, the way all the women had. They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. I guess I should be flattered as well.
Often I wish that I'd forgotten about Starfleet in the beginning and made a life for myself as an anthropologist. I could have been content to live a life of scraping from the bottom of the barrel, traveling through sectors on ships that had definitely seen better days, studying some primitive culture and comparing it Earth's own. I could have spent my days outside, having my skin turn an even deeper shade of brown and become lined and weather-beaten. I could have hands that tell the story of my life, hands that are used to entering data in a notebook rather than a PADD and digging through the dirt rather than hitting keys on a console. I could have gotten married.
Instead I chose Starfleet and then I chose the Maquis and then through some strange twist of fate, Starfleet came back to claim me. Or more appropriately, Kathryn Janeway claimed me. She claimed me, handed me a Starfleet uniform in the colours of command and threw me in the chair next to her. She might as well have written "Property of Captain Janeway" on my forehead. Kathryn is actually the reason why I often wish I had forgotten about Starfleet, well one of them anyway. The other reason has only recently come into play and as of a few hours ago, was trapped on a planet with me.
I hadn't really thought of Seven as anything but a valuable crewmember. Of course, I thought she was attractive, I would have to be dead not to notice that. I couldn't help but notice a slight change in her demeanor while we were together, she seemed almost shy at times. I realized while she was off on her mission to locate the deflector, that I was beginning to care for her, as something more than a friend. I was worried sick about her, and frustrated that I couldn't communicate with the Ventu. When I finally managed to locate her, I also realized that starting a relationship with Seven of Nine was out of the question. As much as my body was telling me to go for it, Seven could never reciprocate my feelings and the relationship would be, to put it simply, nothing more than a good fuck. Hell, I didn't even know if Seven was capable of doing anything....like that.
Kathryn came to see me in sick bay after the Doctor had finished treating me. When I saw her, I almost felt guilty for even considering persuing a relationship with Seven. She looked me over with concerned eyes and looked relieved at the Doctor's report of my good health. I care about Kathryn and I know she cares about me. I'm just so damn tired of waiting for her.
After my visit with Seven in the cargo bay, I headed to the messhall to see what Neelix had prepared for dinner. I hadn't eaten much since returning from the planet and my stomach was constantly reminding me of that fact. I arrived to find a line of crewmembers holding plates, must be something good today. Neelix, bless his little heart, saw me enter and abandoned the line and headed straight for me. I told him that I was here for the special of the day and he scurried away to fetch me a plate while I headed for my usual table. A few of the braver crewmembers waiting in line cast dirty looks my way, as if to accuse me of purposely taking Neelix away from serving them.
No sooner had Neelix put the plate of steaming...something in front me, the captain entered the messhall. I shot a small smile in her direction and she adjusted course towards me. Neelix grinned as he saw her approaching. Kathryn ordered the special as well, after eyeing mine warily. Neelix scurried off again and Kathryn sat down with a small thud.
"Is it as harmful as it looks?"
I looked at her with a questioning expression.
"That stuff on your plate, is it as harmful as it looks?"
I poked it a bit, it jiggled. "I don't know, I was just about to try it when you came in. Shall I wait for Neelix to return with yours and we can try it together?"
I'm a master of small talk. That's all Kathryn and I seem to do lately. We don't have heated discussions or passionate debates anymore, not like we used to. I noticed that Kathryn had made an affirmative nod to my last question so I put my fork down and watched the stuff move with the force of the impact. We sat in silence until Neelix returned and placed a tray in front of Kathryn.
"Can I get you anything else, coffee, tea, lemonade?" Neelix had recently discovered lemonade and wanted to serve his version of it to anyone willing to drink it. I think the entire crew now lived in fear of Neelix's lemonade.
Kathryn closed her eyes for a moment, "I'd say coffee, but I think five cups is enough for one day."
Neelix nodded and returned to the line of crewmembers which had grown longer and more agitated. No one even looked my way now, not with Captain Janeway in my company.
Kathryn picked up the fork next to the plate and held it poised over the stuff. "Did Neelix ever say what exactly this is?"
I shook my head, "If he did, he must have whispered it." I picked up my fork again and glanced at her. She nodded and we both plunged our forks in.
It wasn't half bad. For all it's jiggling and other unappealing movements food should never make, it wasn't half bad. We finished the meal, all the while making polite conversation. As we sat, watching others poke their food, Tom and B'Elanna entered. Tom waved towards the captain and I and then pushed a very reluctant looking B'Elanna into the food line.
Kathryn was watching them as well, with a small smile on her face. I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. I knew that it was hard for her to watch B'Elanna's pregnancy advance and to see the two of them be happy together. I wondered if she ever thought about Jaffen and the life she left behind on that planet. I feel guilty sometimes, as if I've taken away her last chance for happiness. I "rescued" her from that planet where she was obviously happy and thrust her back into being The Captain. I couldn't have just left her there though, could I?
Kathyn put her fork down and wiped her mouth with her napkin. I knew that her shift on the bridge started in ten minutes. I wasn't due on the bridge until tomorrow. That left with me with a whole lot of time on my hands and way too much to think about.
Kathryn pushed back her chair, "I have to be on the bridge in ten minutes, I'll see you later."
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but closed it again and nodded. She walked out of the messhall and out of my life. I stood up and smiled over at Tom and B'Elanna who were no doubt speculating on the origins of today's lunch and left the messhall.
I didn't quite know what I was doing when I found myself asking the computer for Seven's location nor did I know what I was doing when I found myself in astrometrics asking her if she'd like to join me for dinner that evening. Don't get me wrong, I love Kathryn but she's The Captain.