AN: This takes place at the end of Existence. It has references to Triangle, All Things, and Requiem. The first part is Scully's point of view. The next part will be Mulder's.
"From the moment I became pregnant, I feared the truth. About how, and why. And I know you feared it too."
"I think what we feared were the possibilities… the truth we both know."
Her voice trembled ever so slightly. "Which is what?"
His face took on that expression that she never could discern. He leaned closer and then she realized what was happening. He closed the space between them and for a moment she didn't react as he pressed his lips against hers. He was pushing them against hers and she couldn't fight it anymore. She gave in and responded, kissing him back and wrapping her hands around his arms. After a minute of a dizzying kiss William squirmed and cried out. Scully parted, face flushed and unsure of what was happening. Mulder smiled at her shyly as he tried to calm the crying William. Scully moved and took him from his arms, gently rocking him and humming as she did so. She looked up to find Mulder smiling at her with an emotion written across her face that could be none other than love.
"Well," She said softly. "William needs a feeding and a nap. I think I could use one too," She smiled softly. "I never realized how much being a mother can wear you out."
Mulder grinned at her words. "Yeah, but you'll be a great mom Scully," He replied as he watched her sit back down on the bed. "I'm going to go. I know you and William need to get settled in."
She glanced up at him as she nodded her approval. He looked as if he wanted to say something more, but held it back. "Will you be over next week at the get together?"
She asked him.
"Of course. I'll call later to check on you," He ran a finger down one of her cheeks, making a jolt of electricity run through her at the contact. "I…. I-" He choked on what he was trying to say. "I'm happy for you," He said at last quietly. He turned and left, leaving her to watch as he walked out of the apartment, leaving her alone.
After she had fed William and laid him down for his nap she sat down in the living room for a moment to herself. Unconsciously, her fingers lifted to brush against her lips. The kiss felt like a dream. Almost like their first kiss on New Years. His message had been cryptic. The world had not ended. But had he spoke of the forces they always fought, or of the actions that had just transpired between them. She sighed, wondering how all of their romantic events seemed to not exist when it came to daylight.
Daylight… She thought back painfully to the night she usually did not allow herself to think of. The first night they had been together.
She had not meant for it to happen. Had never even planned it. It was about two months after she had tried to become pregnant by invetro fertilization. She remembered how heart broken they had both been. She had hoped so much for it. The events of the day that had led to that night had opened her eyes up to some things she had never thought of before. Maybe it had been seeing Daniel so fragile in that hospital bed. Maybe it had been realizing that he did not own any part of her heart anymore. Either way, when he had spoke to her asking for there to be a future between them, all she could think about was Mulder. Think about how she had chosen her future to be with him. She wasn't sure then what path they would walk together, but she knew in her heart it would be walked with him.
She ended up at his apartment that night. Talking about life, and choices and the paths one could follow. Mulder had been saying something, and she drifted off. The next thing she knew, she woke up to find herself laid out on his bed, with him making his way to the door, most likely to go lay on the couch.
"Mulder," She called out in her memory.
He had turned around, looking at her in the faint light that filtered through the window's blinds in his room.
She wasn't sure what had possessed her that night. She wasn't sure even now. "I don't want to be alone tonight. I can't be," Her voice trembled as she continued. "Today showed me that I need you, Mulder. That I want you."
Mulder came back quietly into the room and laid down next to her on the bed, turning so he could see her face. He propped up on one elbow as he continued to look at her. "Do you realize what you are saying?" He asked quietly.
Scully simply nodded in response.
He leaned over and took his time, giving her a chance to back out if she decided to. When she showed no resistance, he moved forward and claimed her lips in a tender kiss. For a handful of heartbeats, it was just lips on lips. But then he put more pressure into it, showing his own felt need for her. He deepened it of his own accord, pushing past her velvet lips with his tongue as he lay down on top of her. She gave no protests, simply letting him do as he pleased. He drank of her sweet lips for an eternity before he managed to pull away, only to trail kisses down her neck.
She swallowed down every moan, allowing no noise to escape from her. He took off her sweater, tossing it onto the floor. The shirt followed and his eyes came to rest on where her skirt rested on her body as he worked to slip it off. He swept off her stockings with her skirt, leaving her clad in just her bra and underwear. She laid unmoving as he raked his gaze across her body. Timidly, he reached forward and unclasped her bra, letting it fall to the ground after he removed it. "Beautiful," She remembered him murmuring as he traced the curve of her breasts with a fingertip.
His hands traveled down the sides of her tiny frame to rest on her hips above her underwear's waistband. She watched as he glanced up at her, seeking her approval, needing to have her permission. She could not find the strength to speak, hopefully he could see what he needed to in her eyes. He had evidently for he then hooked his thumbs underneath the waistband and gently tugged them down. As he disposed of them, he turned his attention to her now completely exposed form. "Just perfect," He whispered in awe, in adoration. He continued his claiming of her soul by working his way back up to devour her lips once more. It took all of her strength not to cry out, not to say anything at all. She was afraid that if she did even one little thing, that he would disappear and she would wake up to find herself asleep on his couch. That all of this, all this passion and love she felt, would be a dream. She watched as he disrobed after releasing her from his hold, feeling suddenly scared when he approached her, now nude. She had always anticipated seeing Mulder naked. Not the glimpses she had seen before, when he had been wounded or ill. Always so pale, fragile to the touch. But that wasn't the man that loomed over her now. Strong, muscles that flexed under the skin as he moved. A light tan coated his skin, giving it a warm glow in the faint light. He reached out and ran a finger down her cheek, and she felt the softness of it. He was smooth feeling, she knew her hands would glide across his soft skin….
Well… not all of him was soft. She became very aware of that as it pressed into her thigh as he laid next to her, seeming content to concentrate on her lips for a while. His hands, meanwhile, worked their way down her body. It took her last ounce of willpower not to scream out his name as his fingers made their way into her wet core. She could not, however, fight how her hips lifted up off the bed, making them slip into her farther. Mulder gasped into her mouth with what she suspected was surprise. "Oh Jesus, Scully," He moaned as he started to move his fingers inside her. His mouth moved down to concentrate on her breasts and she shut her eyes, making herself remain silent. Everything was washing through her in an excruciatingly sweet wave of pleasure, but right when she thought she might die from it, he stopped. She had opened her eyes, slightly bewildered, when she felt him lay down on her. Against her conscious thought, she found her body moving to welcome him. He filled her to her very core before she even knew what was happening. The only noise to escape her during the whole event happened then. She gasped as her body tried to adjust to his size.
He started out slowly, causing a friction of hot energy to spread through. But soon as he approached his breaking point he sped up, making the emotions she felt inside feel like a brush fire out of control. She held onto him for dear life and then it happened. He thrust into her one last time, pushing himself to the hilt. She felt him release in her, the essence of his being she had tried to harvest only months before for a child. It made her want to cry to think of it swimming in her empty womb. He collapsed next to afterwards, his energy drained. She did not move at all, unsure of what to do. Her eyes closed shut and part of her wondered just what had happened. A few moments passed in silence, Mulder lying beside her breathing deeply, herself with her eyes forced closed.
He rolled over as he caught his breath and she could feel his gaze on her. "Scully, you have to know something," He began softly. "When I said I loved you before, I meant it. It wasn't medication or hallucinations; it was me speaking my heart. I need you to know that I care. I love you Scully."
He went silent after he spoke, as if waiting for a response. If this really were a dream, this would be the part where she responded she loved him too. But then the dream always ended after that. It always ended. She decided to remain silent. Better to say nothing in this incident. The minutes stretched out like hours between them, until she finally heard a small sigh come from him. He rolled over in the bed and wrapped himself up in the comforter. Eventually she heard light snoring coming from his side of the bed and knew he was asleep. She glanced over at the alarm clock to find it to be four a.m. The sun hadn't came up, twilight and street lamps were still her only companions. She slipped gingerly off the bed and picked up her scattered clothing. Silently, she made her way to the bathroom and dressed, trying to straighten her hair some and wishing she had her makeup so she could hide the flushed color her skin wore from her previous activity. She made her way through the bedroom and gave one last glance at her sleeping partner before making her way out of the apartment. As she walked to her car, part of her started to wonder. Was this a dream? Was it real? She glanced up to the building to what she knew to be his bedroom window, and froze. He stood there in front of it in only boxers looking down at her. Hurt was written across his face. He only looked at her for a moment, then disappeared from view. Scully turned to her car with a sob, knowing it was not a dream.
The memory of the whole evening made her feel weak and hollow. She wished it had never happened. It made her feel terrible for wishing it, especially since it was that night that had given her William. They both knew that was the night the miracle had taken place. When she had laid at home crying, life had began to grow inside her. Mulder never pressed her about that night, letting it fade into their memories just like it had only happened in her mind The first uniting of their bodies had been enough to grant them a child, but not enough to make her reveal to Mulder her feelings. Even when Mulder poured out his heart once more on the hotel bed of the town where they had spent their first case, with his body spooned against hers perfectly, could she not tell him the truth. He never urged her to say what he longed to know. He had left her after that, saying he wouldn't risk losing her again. She had done the only thing she could think of then; giving him her cross. It was supposed to say everything she couldn't, but she was sure even though it told him she cared, it fell short of telling him the words he really needed to hear.
She yawned as fatigue took over her body, thinking back to when she found out she was pregnant. She had said to Skinner she needed him more than ever. That was probably the most truthfully she had ever spoken about their relationship. It had been heartbreaking to have to go through almost the whole pregnancy with wondering whether or not the father of her child was even alive. In the end though, she had found him. He had came back, making his absence seem all like a horrible dream somehow. He had watched her in the last months of her pregnancy awed and terrified all at once. He had not been sure who the father was, but she had known all along. Her heart had told her that Mulder was. That this miracle was impossible no other way.
He truly is a miracle, she thought. A symbol of the love I can never show to him.
It struck her then how close he had tried to be lately, only to distance himself at times. Even after the kiss, the revealing of the 'truth', had he backpedaled and withdrawn from her. Part of her suddenly realized she might be losing him. I can't lose him now. William needs him too much, I need him too much. I need to love him, she thought blindly. Unnoticed by her, tears began to fall down her cheeks as she laid her head down on the couch and drifted off to sleep.