AN: Well, here is part two which is Mulder's point of view. Part three will hopefully be the last part, and will be the conclusion of this whole story.
"Which is what?"
He could find no other way to express the truth than to show her. Anticipation, desire, and fear all crossed his face at once as he leaned down to kiss her. At first she didn't respond, and he started to doubt his actions, but after a moment she pressed back, wrapping her hands around his arms and allowing him to deepen the kiss. After a moment of what felt like heaven, William cried out in his arms. Scully backed away, looking dazed, flushed, and gorgeous. He smiled at her, suddenly feeling shy even though a second ago he had just felt her tongue in his mouth. He looked down at William and tried to calm him, until Scully took him. She put William in her arms and started to rock and hum at the same time, quieting the crying child almost instantly. After a moment she looked up at him and he knew the stupid grin on his face gave away all the love he felt for her and their new son.
"Well," She said softly. "William needs a feeding and a nap. I think I could use one too," She smiled at him gently. "I never realized how much being a mother can wear you out."
Mulder couldn't help but smile at her. It filled him with such joy to see the woman he loved with their child. "Yeah, but you'll be a great mom Scully," He replied as he watched her sit back down on the bed. "I'm going to go. I know you and William need to get settled in."
She glanced up at him as she nodded her approval. He wanted to say something more, but held it back. "Will you be over next week at the get together?" She asked him, seeming to not notice his difficulty speaking.
"Of course," He said, knowing he wouldn't miss it for the world, even if her older brother Bill was going to be there. "I'll call later to check on you," Maybe the kiss had effected him more than he thought, for he found himself running a finger softly down one of her cheeks. She jumped slightly from the contact, but he could not discern whether or not it was a good reaction. "I…" He began before he even realized he was going to say it, but cut himself off. "I- I'm happy for you Scully," He said in the end, biting down on his tongue to prevent him from saying the words that were trying to slip out. He stole one last glance of William and walked out of the apartment, hoping his will power held out.
Once he was down in the car, he sat for a moment, catching his breath. Every fiber in his being wanted to go back up into that apartment and devour her, confess his love verbally as he made tender and passionate love to her for hours. Refusing his wants, he started up the car and made his way onto the road, knowing no matter how much he wanted to be with her, he knew it was impossible due to she had gave birth only a few days ago. As he drove on autopilot, his mind started to drift. The kiss had only served to remind him of the last time he had tasted her, that night at his apartment.
It had been their first night together, and now that he thought back on it, he knew it had to be the night William was conceived. He always tried to look back on that night with some warmth, but often the thought of it brought too much pain. That had been the night he had held her in his arms and she had not accepted him, but had not denied him either. He had poured out his whole heart to her, and she had not even responded. The memories started to play in his mind. The taste of her mouth, the way her skin felt, the single gasp she gave as he entered her. His mind thought back most vividly to when he had looked over to her afterwards, watching her lay there with her eyes closed.
"Scully, you have to know something," He remembered saying. "When I said I loved you before, I meant it. It wasn't medication or hallucinations; it was me speaking my heart. I need you to know that I care. I love you Scully."
He had paused afterwards, hoping to hear the same confession slip from her lips. She didn't respond, and he felt his heart sink as the minutes passed by without an answer from her. He soon admitted defeat, rolling over with a sigh, thinking to himself that he shouldn't have expected an answer. She had thought he was joking or speaking out of being medicated the first time. Why should she have said anything then? He could only think to himself as he slipped off to sleep that it had been stupid to say anything at all to her. He rolled back over in his sleep, trying to reach out for her. He had snapped awake instantly as he had registered that she was not there. The alarm clock read 4:15 am in blurry red numerals and he stumbled out of the bed. He fished his boxers up from off the floor and glanced around to find her nowhere in the apartment. On an instinct, he walked back to the bedroom and opened up the curtains to his window. Looking down, he found her looking up at the window towards him, standing near her car, fully dressed. She was leaving. She had felt the need to steal away in the middle of the night. She had never acknowledged his feelings. An emotion almost as physical as pain washed over him and he grimaced, feeling something inside him crumble. He turned away from the window as tears started to streak down his face. The pain he felt that night had been enough to make him never bring up the incident afterwards.
His thoughts came back to the present, unable to bear the past anymore. It was in the early evening, and he found himself driving in the direction of the mall. He decided maybe he should go, and see about picking up a gift for William, considering he still hadn't. The only present he had bought Scully would have been for a little girl. As he made it to his destination and went inside, he headed to the infant store he knew was there. Mulder had already been in it a few times during Scully's pregnancy, pondering to himself about the child, wondering about its origin and its destiny. He finally felt like he belonged here now that he knew the child was safe and that it was his. His. He was still having a hard time processing he had a son.
He walked up and down the aisles, looking at the tiny outfits in various shades of colors, the little booties and bibs that lay folded neatly on display tables. He used to be overwhelmed in here, but now… Now he felt more secure. He knew it had turned out okay. Not to mention, He thought with a crooked smile. I also know what sex I am buying for now. He stopped as he wandered into the stuffed animal section and his gaze landed on a little stuffed animal buried amongst various other animals. He plucked it out curiously, stroking the soft fur as he examined it. A little fox. Its fur was the color Scully's hair was sometimes when the light hit it just right, a sandy auburn. He hated his first name, but even as he looked at the plush toy in his hand, he couldn't help but see the symbolism it held of both him and Scully. Two entirely different halves coming together to making an entirely new thing that held remnants of its origin. He smiled gently as he tucked the stuffed animal under his arm. Yes, this would be an appropriate first gift to give to his son. He paid for his purchase, then walked out of the store to look around for a few minutes. He felt an urge to buy something for Scully.
Part of him wondered why he had choked on saying he loved her earlier that evening. He had kissed her, shouldn't that take more nerves than uttering those words? Could it just be his fear of being rejected again? He used to believe with all his soul, that he meant as much to Scully as she did to him. But now, with the knowledge of their first night between them, he wasn't so sure. If she did love him, he needed to find some way to make her feel safe enough to reveal it. Yes, he believed if she did love him, it was fear that held her back. Maybe he could figure something out before the get together at her house next week. It would be nice to know how she felt about him before she announced to everyone that William was his son. Maybe they could even announce their intent to marry? He chuckled to himself at that flight of fancy. No, he knew not to expect that. He had bought an engagement ring for her a long time ago, which he kept in a deposit box in a storage unit she did not even know about. When he had saw it a few years back, he had known it would be perfect for her. He never really thought he would give it to her, but buying it had felt like the right thing. So he always kept the thought of maybe giving it to her someday in the back of his head along with all his other fantasies of Scully. He knew Scully thought him to be a pervert, but his thoughts of her usually involved marriage and children and white picket fences…
God, he hated when he got sentimental. He stopped in front of an antique shop a local owner ran and decided to glance around. He zigzagged through the shelves of old plates and china, porcelain figures and ancient looking pottery. He was about to go in a different direction, when his eye was caught by something. Surprised to see one of the objects, he walked up and examined it. His mother had owned one, and he knew they held great sentimental to women. After inspecting it, he found it to be in great shape, even though he almost stopped breathing when he looked at the price tag. Something told him though, this was the right gift. The amount of money had never been an issue when it came to her. He searched for the cashier and extended his credit card, informing the clerk of what he wanted to purchase. A smile crossed the cashier's face, as she rung up the purchase. "For your daughter?" the clerk asked as she sent someone to go help him out to the car with it.
He smiled back at her. "It's not for a daughter yet, but maybe some day."
The boy the clerk had fetched to help him managed to help him fit the present into his back seat somehow, considering the trunk wouldn't close with it inside. He drove home in silence, his thoughts happy. He couldn't wait to see her next week.
~ Well, how did I do? Let me know. I am more likely to write the next part when I get feedback. Thanks for reading! ~