Lilah Johnson set down her grocery bags and rummaged through her pocketbook. She pulled out a ball of feathers that was attached to a set of keys. The ball of feathers was a gift from Hermione, and it supposed to be a good luck keychain.
If I made it properly, Hermione had told her, good things will happen to you shortly after you unlock something. Of course, the effectiveness will wear off over time.
Lilah smiled ruefully at the memory. She'd had this keychain for two days now, and she still had no job; and her car still needed a muffler; and she had seen her ex-boyfriend Ralph at the grocery store that afternoon.
She unlocked the door to her apartment and placed her purse on the table. Quickly, Lilah put her groceries away. She was watching her money, and most of her purchases had consisted of products produced by Cheap 'N' Tasty.
Of course, Ralph had noticed that, and he hadn't been above making a snide comment, Looks like someone's a bit down on her luck.
Lilah had noted the boxes of doughnuts in his cart. Looks like someone's not watching his weight. Ralph had always been skinny, but his waistline had looked a bit wider than last time she had seen him.
Ralph had turned as red as his hair. Company breakfast tomorrow, he'd muttered as he turned his cart the other way and headed into the baby food aisle.
It's his loss, Lilah reminded herself. She pulled the day's mail out of her purse and leafed through it.
Yes, no bills today! she cheered. There was a postcard from her local mechanic shop advertising a 50% off special on all muffler replacements.
Lilah stared at it. Usually Mervin wasn't so generous.
Next was a card from her Great Aunt Hetty. Lilah loved Aunt Hetty dearly, but the woman was getting up there in years, and she had become rather forgetful. Aunt Hetty had sent Lilah a birthday card, even though Lilah's birthday had been four months ago. Enclosed were two twenty-pound notes.
Lilah eyed her keychain. Maybe it was lucky.
There was one piece of mail left. Lilah picked up the envelope and wondered why she hadn't noticed it before. It was a good five centimeters longer than a normal business envelope, and it was made a of a rich, cream-coloured paper. Her address was written on it in peacock blue ink.
Good things come in threes, she thought as she turned it over. An orange seal of two intertwining m's held the envelope shut.
Lilah's heart began to race. Could it be...?
She ripped the envelope open and pulled out a sheet of paper that matched the envelope. Emblazoned at the top of it was a magnificent letterhead ten centimeters long. Like the seal, it featured two intertwining m's, but the letters were done in a more flamboyant style.
Lilah read,
Dear Miss Johnson,
We were pleased to receive your application for the position of the Muggle-Magical
Relations Ambassador and would like to meet with you in person to discuss your
application further. Please meet our representative at 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon at
the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade.
Very sincerely yours,
Chair, Department of Muggle Relations
Lilah was laughing and shaking at the same time. She had an interview. Tomorrow! Her head was filled with questions. What am I going to say? Should I admit to being a Muggle if they hire me? Could I bluff my way through the interview? Would that be right? Wait a second. Where on earth is Hogsmeade?
Lilah glanced at her watch. She could take the Underground to the Leaky Cauldron tonight--she would have enough money to stay there, thanks to Aunt Hetty. Damin would probably be at the Leaky Cauldron, and he could help her get to Hogsmeade.
said Damin. Sure, I can take you there. The Ministry's got their place under all kinds of spells, and only certain people can Apparate in there, which is why they're sending someone to meet you.
I see, Lilah said. She paused. Damin, do you think I'm making a mistake by going to this interview? I never actually said that I was a Muggle...on my application, I said I completed my required education and worked in the Muggle world' for a while to better understand them. I will tell them, when the time is right, but I don't want to mislead them, do you think there's a law against what I'm doing?
I've never heard of one, Damin said, but privately he wondered if there was one, somewhere. The Ministry of Magic had rooms full of books containing rules and decrees for the magical community. Occasionally, ancient laws were dredged up to defend a point, and those participating in seemingly innocent activities were hurt by them.
Lilah interpreted his brevity correctly. But that doesn't mean there isn't one.
There's no way to say for sure, but as long as you are straightforward with them at the interview, I don't see why there would be a problem. Damin smiled. Could I buy you dinner?
Later, Lilah gazed out her window at the Leaky Cauldron. The stars were out, but the moon wasn't.
Why couldn't I be gifted with magic? Lilah thought. It was frustrating to her. Here she was in an incredible world, a fantasy place that she had believed only to exist in books. Her life as an unemployed secretary was dreary. Had she been born with the gift of magic, Lilah was certain she would be pursuing an interesting career, full of danger and excitement, using magic to do the impossible.
The impossible. That's what magic was all about, to Lilah. It defied all conventions and everything that was established. It set a person apart, enabling them to do something others couldn't. Magic gave a person self-confidence.
Lilah knew she lacked self-confidence. But even if I were successful in the Muggle world, the sort of confidence I had would fall flat compared to the kind of confidence magic gives.
Lilah said aloud, raising her hand to the glass. The pane she touched cracked slightly.
I must have hit that a little harder than I thought, Lilah realized. She'd have to tell Tom about it in the morning. She sighed. I wonder how much it will cost to repair. Well, there's no sense in continuing to wonder why I was born a Muggle. There isn't an answer. I'm tired, and I need to go to sleep.
No charge, Tom chortled. Don't you know a simple spell can fix that? I'll see right to it, Miss Johnson.
Lilah said, feeling slightly embarrassed. Magic. Of course.
Now you kids have a good time, Tom said, waving them on. Lilah and Damin were going early to Hogsmeade to have a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks.
Before long, Lilah and Damin were in Hogsmeade. Damin was giving Lilah some advice for her interview.
Now, when I had my interview, they asked me questions like What goals would you set for yourself if you were in this position?' and What is your philosophy on Muggles?' Not too hard. In fact, I went on so long they had to stop me. Damin laughed. I think that's part of the reason that they hired me. Of course, it didn't hurt that I knew Diagon Alley like the back of my hand.
You think I'll do all right? Lilah could feel tension stirring in her stomach.
You'll do great. Damin squeezed Lilah's hand and held the door to the Three Broomsticks open for her. Now you've got to have a butterbeer. They're the best thing...
One hour and two butterbeers later, Lilah felt slightly more relaxed. Damin looked at his watch. It's a quarter to three. I'd better get going. I suppose you'll be back in Diagon Alley tonight?
Actually, I need to go back home. Lilah didn't feel comfortable sharing that she didn't have the money to stay another night at the Leaky Cauldron.
said Damin. When do you think we could see each other again?
You could come visit me on Saturday. We could go to a movie--have you ever been to one before? No? It'll be fun.
Damin nodded, and for a moment, Lilah thought he was going to kiss her, but then he shook his head.
You're in a public place, Damin reminded himself. He'd kissed her once before, but they had been alone.
Until then, he said with a wave.
Lilah started to daydream about the future she might have with Damin. Maybe they would get married, and someday they would have children...Lilah pictured a towheaded toddler girl and a dark-headed boy--miniature versions of her and Damin walking with them in Diagon Alley. Naturally, both of their children would attend Hogwarts...
Miss Johnson! A hurried-looking man in navy robes stood in front of her table.
Lilah snapped out of her reverie and rose to her feet. Yes, that's me.
He offered his hand. Andrew Diddlesmeyer, Ministry of Magic, Department of Muggle-Magical Relations. Now if you'll come outside with me, we'll be off to the Ministry Hall.
The outside of the Ministry of Magic Hall was a large blur of purple and yellow to Lilah, so she assumed it was under a spell of sorts. Once inside, she saw much more clearly.
Right this way, please, said Andrew, guiding her past the main reception area and up three flights of stairs. At the landing on the third stairs, he paused for a moment, turned, and opened a door which led to another flight of stairs which led directly to an oak door bearing the name plate Department of Muggle-Magical Relations.
The door opened as they approached it. Inside, a witch with the largest bouffant Lilah had ever seen in her life was sorting through a two-foot stack of letters.
she said in a nasally tone, don't take her to Mr. Tuffle just yet. He's finishing up with someone else.
Andrew raised his eyebrows and turned to Lilah. I'm afraid I have to be off to see about some other things. Mr. Tuffle's office is the third door on the left. I'm sure he'll be done shortly.
And with that, he left. Lilah stood awkwardly in front of the letters.
Say, dearie, would you mind holding these? The witch handed her a small bundle of letters. The rest of these are just junk mail. She waved her wand and muttered something Lilah couldn't understand, and the rest of the letters caught fire.
Lilah was alarmed. Wouldn't the fire spread to the wooden floor? But the fire seemed to burn only the letters, so she said nothing.
I'll take those back now, the witch said. She shook her head. There simply isn't time to read all of those complaints. I read only the quality mail. Mr. Tuffle would have to hire half a dozen more people if he wanted everything read.
Lilah nodded, watching the fire as it burned low. And then, as quickly as it had started, it went out, leaving no ashes behind.
The door to Mr. Tuffle's office opened, and Lilah heard a man's voice.
And I agree with him on that, Rubert. One of your people would be best--I know we could get someone from another department...But it will be the safest place to keep it, no doubt about that...Let me know before the day's out. Thank you.
A man wearing a plum pinstriped suit emerged from the office. He nodded his head to the witch as he left the department.
Good day, Minister, said the witch, tearing open a letter.
Miss Johnson here yet, Thela? bellowed a voice.
Yes, Mr. Tuffle, the witch shouted back. To Lilah, she said, Go on in.
Rubert Tuffle was a burly man in his forties. His hair was brown with flecks of gray, and he wore a tight smile. A fuzzy spherical animal rolled around in a cage on his desk.
Miss Johnson, I have reviewed your file, and I was most impressed with it. Tell me, what school did you graduate from?
I went to, um, not--
Not Hogwarts? A foreign school? But you are an English citizen? Good. We do promote diversity in our workplace here, so we would be glad to have you here. What was your score on the N.E.W.T.S.?
Well, I didn't take them.
Rubert looked perplexed. And where--
He was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Thela.
You'd better come take a look at this message, Rubert. She waved a piece of parchment.
Excuse me, he said to Lilah. When Rubert returned a moment later, he looked pale and troubled.
Miss Johnson, your record is excellent. We'd like to hire you today. I just need you to take the Magical Proficiency Test, and you will become an official employee of the Ministry of Magic.
Rubert Tuffle took her into another room and handed her a piece of paper, a quill, and a bottle of ink. There are two parts to the M.P.T., a written part and a practical part. There are sixty multiple-choice questions and one essay question on the written part, and you will have half an hour to complete it. I will return at a quarter to four. He shut the door firmly behind him.
Lilah felt sick. She hadn't been able to explain that she was a Muggle during the interview--she hadn't had an interview, really, and now they thought they were going to hire a witch. A witch who hadn't the slightest idea about any of the questions on the M.P.T.
And she had never been good at taking tests. Even when Lilah thought she knew the material, the wording tended to trip her up.
And this...well...she hadn't even studied for this.
She read question one. Name the current minister of magic. Lilah supposed this would be an easy question were she a witch, but she would have to guess. The choices were:
a) Albus Dumbledore; b) Dedalius Diggle; c) Cornelius Fudge; d) Akle Lord Whilby. Choice b seemed slightly ridiculous, as did c; a sounded like a respectable person; and d sounded like someone long dead.
A? Should I choose a? But it seems funny to pick the first answer on the first question. Lilah fretted over the answer for a minute before she realized she needed to go faster if she wanted to get done in time.
I'll get at least a 25%. If I guess well and quickly, maybe I could get a 50. I wonder how well I have to do to pass?
Lilah zipped through the test, circling the answers that sounded best to her. A curse to avoid at all costs? Avada Kedavra. Estimated number of Muggles aware of the wizarding community? 14,978. What should you never do in public? Perform any spell that will call attention to yourself.
And finally she was at the essay question. Discuss, in detail, she read, the event that caused the downfall of our greatest enemy, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Somehow that sounded familiar to Lilah. Hadn't she heard Hermione reading out of a book a few days ago about that? What was the name of that baby wizard?
His name started with a p. What could it be? Think, Lilah, think. The essay question might be worth a lot of points, and you have a chance on this once. What was his name?
she tried aloud. No. Percy. Phillip. Phil? Patrick? Pat? Pat--no, wait. It was his last name that started with a p. It was Patter, I'm sure of it. Okay. Patter. And his first name was...was...started with an l. Was it Lance? No, it was Larry. Larry Patter.
Somehow that still didn't seem quite right to Lilah, so she decided to use just the last name when referring to the boy. Now, let's see. This was back in the early eighties. He was a baby at the time and didn't know what happened. But he's going to go to Hogwarts this year with Hermione.
In a spectacular encounter, wrote Lilah, the like of which has never been seen before, a baby wizard by the name of Patter defeated the wizarding communities' greatest and most feared enemy, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in the early '80s. It was a difficult victory (I hope this sounds right, thought Lilah), but in the end, Patter triumphed, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was never seen again. The wizarding community rejoiced exceedingly, for their greatest enemy had been eliminated. Mr. Patter, of course, has no recollections of this, since he was a baby at the time. He will soon begin his training in the magical arts as he is scheduled to attend the esteemed school of magic, Hogwarts.
It sounded drawn-out and repetitive even to her, but Lilah guessed that Rubert might skim the essay part. Besides, her answer filled up the entire space left for the essay question. And she wrote small.
Lilah reviewed the test and changed two answers before the door opened again.
Quick half-hour, wasn't it? Rubert said, taking the test and writing materials. I'll be right back.
He returned with a glass sphere filled with a blue liquid and a bowl. Rubert placed the sphere in the bowl and set it on the table. The next part of this test is a practical application of your magical abilities. This liquid has been sealed inside the sphere. There are no openings that will allow it to leak out. You may use any spell or charm you like to move the liquid from the sphere to the bowl. Breaking the sphere will result in a zero for this portion of the exam. Again, you have half an hour to complete this, do you have any questions?
Suddenly, the entire interview was beginning to feel like a very large mistake to Lilah. What had led her to believe she could fill a position only a witch or a wizard could? I'm stupid. I need tell him the truth now before this gets any farther out of hand.
Mr. Tuffle, this is going to sound extremely foolish, and this is something I should have never done, but-- Lilah choked. How could she say it best?
Rubert Tuffle smiled. I understand completely, it's happened before. Use my wand.
And he was gone. Lilah felt ridiculous. How long was she going to be stuck in this charade? She was a Muggle! A Muggle! A magicless person trying to impersonate a witch. She looked askance at Rubert's wand.
Oak, nine and a quarter, Lilah mimicked the tone of the man who had sold Hermione her wand.
This fancy stick would do her no good. She threw it on the floor, laid her head on the table, and began to cry.